Unravel Me

  “I should probably pop into the bathroom and make sure the seams on this dress haven’t split.”

  Alastair’s deep, throaty laugh echoed as I walked toward the restrooms.

  The cute, blonde girl from the diplomat’s table was also in there reapplying some lip-gloss. She studied me out the corner of her eye as I primped in front of the mirror.

  “That’s a lovely color on you,” she said. “Really brings out the gold in your eyes.”

  I was surprised to hear she had a Scottish accent.

  “Oh, thank you.” I smiled.

  “I’ve never been to this restaurant before,” she continued. “My fiancé thought it would be a nice place to celebrate my birthday.”

  “He has great taste then. Happy birthday.”

  “Ah, bless. Thank you, dear.”

  She played around with her stylish pixie cut before walking out. I dabbed a little more gloss to my lips and headed back to the table. As I rounded the corner I was shocked to see Alastair engaged in an intense conversation with Brent Garrison.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  My feet remained frozen in place as I watched Alastair and Brent. Neither one looked pleased. Movement from the diplomat’s table caught my attention. The blonde girl stood up and walked toward Brent. From where I stood I could see, clear as day, Alastair’s whole body turn to stone. A sinking, sick feeling filled my stomach.

  That’s Brent’s sister.

  Not wanting to hide in the shadows like a spineless wuss, I forced my legs to move and walked over to the tense threesome.

  “Lia,” Brent greeted me with a smile, “how nice to see you again. Have you met my sister Olivia?”

  Time slowed down to a weird, trippy pace. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I saw myself shake Olivia’s hand and say hello. She remarked that we’d just met in the bathroom. Their voices echoed through my mind, like a distant memory.

  “Now that we’ve all said our hellos, it’s time for us to get going.” Alastair’s icy statement snapped the world back into reality for me.

  “Don’t be so anti-social, Holden,” Brent glowered. “We’re in a public place. It’s not like anything bad can happen.”

  For whatever reason, that statement sent a tremor of anger through Alastair. Obviously, his history with Brent was - as with everything else in his life - layered and complex. I focused my attention on Olivia. She absently twisted her engagement ring around her finger while staring wistfully at Alastair. A horrible surge of insecurity and jealousy powered through my body. She’s still in love with him. Instinctively, I entwined my fingers with his and stood so close to him we could have been mistaken for conjoined twins.

  Olivia seemed to get the hint and cast a cool glance in my direction. It took me by surprise. I shouldn’t feel threatened by this girl at all. Physically, we were total opposites. She was tall, thin and blonde with no real curves to speak of. Not that I wanted to be catty or anything but it was just something I noticed. She was quite pretty though. And she had an almost ethereal aura about her.

  I made myself stop all the comparisons. She was engaged. She was Alastair’s past. I’m his present and future. Yet something in her eyes led me to believe there was still unfinished business between them.

  “What are you guys doing in New York?” I asked as nonchalantly as possible.

  “This is almost serendipitous isn’t it? It’s my sister’s birthday and since she’s on holiday here with Sergio I decided to fly out for the weekend.” Brent turned to her and smiled. “I don’t get to see my baby sister very often.”

  She looked at him adoringly. I could tell they had a close relationship, which explained Brent’s frostiness toward Alastair.

  The protective older brother. Oh boy…

  “How about you, Lia? What brings you to the Big Apple?”

  “Nothing special really. Just a little getaway.” I smiled and squeezed Alastair’s hand. He made no movement. I wasn’t even sure if he was breathing.

  “Ah. I’ve heard about Holden’s little getaway weekends. I’m surprised he didn’t take you to the south of France. It’s one of his favorite places.”

  His voice dripped with acidic sarcasm. And it really pissed me off.

  “I’m sure we’ll get there soon enough, then,” I snapped. “It’s always good to see you, Brent.”

  Olivia looked down and seemed uncomfortable with the tone and direction of this conversation. I couldn’t blame her. I wanted it to go away, too. Brent shook his head slightly and smiled at me in a way that sent shivers down my spine.

  “I hope to see you again soon, Lia. I hear your friend is starting next week at Finley’s. Sarah told me she’s going to be working on the ad campaign for my new ultra lounge. I look forward to meeting her.”

  “Yeah, she’s excited about it.”

  “You take care of yourself, love,” he said with a note of concern.

  “Olivia. You and your brother should come to the table. Dessert is being served. Invite your friends to join us.”

  I glanced over to the dark haired man with the Italian accent. He nodded pleasantly in my direction and waited.

  Alastair kept his laser hot stare on Brent and answered, “Thank you for the offer but we really ought to be going.”

  With a small tug to my hand, he pulled me out of the tense, suffocating bubble we’d been standing in. I took one last look backward and saw Brent leading his sister to their table. Alastair had already paid the bill while I was in the restroom so we continued to the exit. I noticed Paxton exchange a knowing glance with him before we climbed into the SUV. What a weird night this had turned out to be.

  Alastair kept my hand firmly clasped in his, stroking it with his thumb. I gave him a reassuring squeeze. He looked at me, his eyes worn and dim, and half-smiled. I sensed there was something big he had to tell me.

  That’s what this weekend was for, right? He did say I’d know everything.

  Paxton dropped us off at the high-rise’s main entrance, waited until we were inside and drove off to park the SUV. Riding up in the elevator with Alastair wasn’t tense but it wasn’t comfortable either. Apprehension seemed to seep out of his pores. When we reached the top floor, the doors opened directly into the penthouse’s main foyer. We walked in silence toward the living room. There weren’t any lights on in the room making the views even more breathtaking at night. I couldn’t help myself and stopped by one of the windows to admire the illuminated skyline.

  “You always do manage to find the beauty in any situation, don’t you?” he asked quietly, placing his hand at the small of my back.

  I swallowed down a healthy dose of fear and anxiety. “Don’t let what happened at the restaurant ruin our night. We have all the time in the world to talk about it. I don’t want you to feel pressured to let it all out now.”

  Nobody was more surprised by the words coming out of my mouth than me. All my instincts screamed for answers, demanding them now. I wanted to know. I had to know.

  “I don’t deserve you,” he responded, withdrawing further into himself again. I wasn’t going to let that happen. Not tonight.

  “Yes you do.” I cupped his chin and gently tilted his head up. “Right here, right now, in this moment and all the moments that will follow, you deserve me. I’m not going anywhere. You’re sort of stuck with me.”

  He started to protest but I cut him off with a quick kiss.

  “Whatever your scars are or whatever demons you think you have cannot tarnish the man I fell in love with. I see you, Alastair. I see your attempts to mask it all. You’re a pro, I’ll admit it. But I’m the only one you consistently reveal your true self to.”

  The muscles in his jaw tightened.

  “I know you hate this,” I continued, “I know it takes a lot for you to open what’s in here.” I touched his chest, just above his heart. It raced beneath my fingers. “I know it hurts.”

  He grabbed my hand and held it tightly against his chest.

  “There a
re times I look at you and think ‘this guy loves me’ and it makes my heart swell so much I’m afraid it’ll burst. That’s how it hurts for me. You’re not alone in this. Not by a long shot.”

  His green eyes sparked with a myriad of emotions as they bore through me. “You make me feel so…” He stopped himself, scowling. Leveling an intense stare at me, he wet his lips. “You make me feel so wanted.”

  “You are wanted. In every sense of the word.”

  “I…when I was involved with Olivia she tried to turn what we had into a meaningful relationship. I was young. I was only twenty-four. I’d spent all of my life numbing myself from any and all emotion. I didn’t want it. I didn’t need it.” He squeezed my hand and swallowed hard. “I used her. I used all of them just so I could feel, for a moment, like someone wanted me. I knew they were only after the name and the money. That’s what made it so easy to move from one to the next. The only one who never cared was Emma. She got off on it.”

  Hearing her name dredged up the unpleasant memory of our meeting at the garden party. She did seem awfully proud of the fact that she had been his fuck buddy.

  “I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear all this.”

  “Don’t apologize,” I smiled, running my free hand through his hair. “You had to listen to my shitty history with Nathan. What’s fair is fair.”

  Leaning his forehead to mine, he sighed. I kept stroking his hair, letting him center himself or find whatever balance he needed to continue.

  “Olivia’s an exhibitionist. She liked it when we recorded—” he stopped, clearly bothered by whatever the look was that had plastered itself on my face. “When I broke things off with her she threatened to use those videos against me. She sent copies to my uncle and grandfather. Needless to say, they weren’t thrilled. I’d already lost favor with them by being difficult and getting into all sorts of trouble while growing up. Neither one had any patience left for my antics.”

  His expression hardened.

  “I took matters into my own hands and paid her off to stay quiet. I had our legal department draft a nondisclosure agreement and made her sign it. If she were to ever make the videos public, she’d be sued for defamation of character and we’d go after everything her family has.”

  I could barely breathe I was so shocked. This was so heartless.

  Shaking his head slightly, he frowned. “I use women for sex, Lia. I use them and cast them aside. It makes me feel powerful and in control and I like it. It’s as though nobody can ever hurt me because I have the upper hand. Olivia tried to force something I didn’t want and this is what happened. This is why Brent hates me. And he can’t do a damn thing about it.” His whole demeanor shifted to that awful, detached façade he’d used when we first met. He looked so cold and dispassionate.

  I pulled my hand away from his chest, distraught over what he’d told me. I knew he had issues but this was too much. The blackmail was one thing. As a prominent public figure I’m sure he wasn’t the only one who’s had to take such drastic measures. What bothered me the most was the fact that he liked using women as objects. I’d bitten off way more than I could chew with him.

  “Your feet must hurt in those shoes. Here. Sit.”

  He attempted to lead me to the couch but I didn’t move. Completely numbed by what just transpired, I could barely look at him. “I’ll just sit here.”

  “On the floor?”

  “Yeah. I…it’s so pretty with the view.”

  “Hang on.”

  He moved quickly to the couch and yanked off the cushions. Placing them on the floor in front of the window, he motioned for me to sit. Once we were seated facing one another with our knees touching, he held my hand and put it over his heart again. The gesture nearly brought me to tears.

  “This is who I am. This is the man behind the mask. You have the upper hand now.” Setting his jaw with determination, he looked at me. “You have the power to destroy me, Amelia.”

  I didn’t know how to respond to that. I knew what he meant but had no idea what he wanted to hear. The frantic beating of his heart vibrated beneath my hand. Holding his unrelenting stare, I whispered, “Ditto, love.”

  Releasing my hand, he slumped against the window, exhaling long and slow. I could tell he wasn’t in the mood to continue with this line of conversation. In all honesty, neither was I. I was emotionally drained. Staring out at the bright lights of the city made me feel a little better. Everything seemed peaceful from so high up.

  “Did you know Olivia and Brent were going to be at the restaurant tonight?” The words gushed out of my mouth and hung in the air before I could stop them.

  He froze, closing his eyes briefly. I steeled myself for the response I knew was coming.

  “No,” he said quietly. “I knew she was in New York but had no idea they’d be at the restaurant.”

  “How did you know she’d be here?”

  Leveling a stoic gaze at me, he remained silent for several seconds. My legs itched with the urge to walk away.

  “She told me,” he finally answered.

  “She told you?” I snapped. “You’re in touch with her?”

  “No. I’m not in touch with her. She heard I was coming here for some meetings and took it upon herself to let me know she’d be in the city.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “Lia,” he scowled, “you’re overreacting. All she did was send me an email.”

  He was right about my overreacting but I was heated. This whole night had gone up in flames so quickly.

  “So, is this the ex you told me about last month? The one who took all those pictures that your grandfather has?”

  Alastair fortified his protective shield while keeping his eyes locked to mine. I should stop. I’m going to make it worse if I continue asking questions.

  “Yes.”

  His admission stunned me. Well, not the admission so much as the ease in which he answered. I glanced out the window again, hoping the serene beauty of the illuminated city would put an end to my whirling thoughts.

  “You can ask me anything, Amelia. I’ll give you all the answers I can.”

  His tone gave me pause. When I looked back at him, he was completely hidden behind the mask. I didn’t want this to continue. I wanted to be alone and gather my thoughts.

  “Why is your uncle paying a tabloid reporter to spy on me?”

  Christ. My mouth and brain really need to get on the same page.

  Pushing out a harsh breath, Alastair grimaced. “He’s not. Nathan has been lying to you the entire time.”

  “What?”

  “I told you he’s a con artist.”

  “How do you know he’s been lying to me?” The panic in my voice cut through the room.

  “He likes to brag about what he thinks he knows.”

  “What do you mean?”

  A bitter smile curled his mouth, turning my stomach. “I’m not the only one who shows up unannounced to throw punches.”

  I clasped my stomach as a horrible, stabbing pain sliced through it. “Did he hurt you?”

  Alastair’s cold exterior defrosted slightly. “No, love. But he tried his hardest to hurt you.”

  “I don’t understand. He said there was a trust account—”

  “There is. It’s the account we set up for Olivia. She receives an undisclosed amount each month. He discovered the account but doesn’t know what it’s for exactly. He made up the story about my uncle paying that reporter.”

  Resting my forehead against the cool glass did nothing to stop the spinning.

  “Each month? I thought you said you paid her off.”

  He shifted uncomfortably on the cushion. “The only people who know this trust account exists are me, my grandfather, Jason, the lawyers and Olivia. Even Brent is under the impression we wrote her a check and sent her off. What she threatened to use against me could destroy my grandfather’s company. We were backed into a corner.”

  “Not to sound flippant or anything but if it’s just a sex
tape how can it destroy a company?”

  Alastair’s fair skin turned ashy. “I can’t say anything more about it.” His body language and aggravated tone were enough to keep me from firing off more questions. What did you do? My heart longed for the simpler moments we’d shared. Hell, I’d even relive the day he told me he blamed himself for his family’s death and would rather be dead himself. At least that was something I could quasi handle. This was a complete mind fuck.

  “I can’t…I don’t…” I raked my fingers through my hair. “Jesus, Alastair, I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know who you are right now.”

  I’d peeled back too many layers. I’d seen too much of the broken, scarred man beneath the expensive clothes. Persistent, unbearable tightness squeezed my chest. I needed to get away from him. I needed to clear my head and figure out how to proceed.

  My brain and heart clawed at each other, trying to convince me of what I should do next. Surrounded by the beauty of New York City and this penthouse, all I could focus on was the ugliness poisoning my mind.

  “You’re free to leave anytime you want.” The deadness in his voice angered and saddened me.

  Thick, hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I wasn’t going to let him dictate this. “I’m not letting you push me away again,” I bit out. “I can’t be in the same room as you right now, but I’m not leaving. You don’t get to control the outcome this time. I do.”

  I stood up and stalked toward the stairs. When I reached the closet, I kicked off my heels and went up to the roof deck. The infinity pool glistened in the moonlight. I sat at the edge and dipped my feet in the water. Leaning back, I inhaled the warm, summer night air. It did nothing to help sort through the cluttered mess that my brain had become. I tried to piece together everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks; the stalking reporter who wasn’t really stalking me, Nathan’s bizarre radio silence, Alastair’s abrupt trip to London and anger fueled panic after I told him his uncle was paying Rachel.

  And what was the cherry on top? Tonight’s run in with Olivia. Jesus, there was too much to process.

  I cradled my head in my hands, wishing all this would go away. I was too mentally and emotionally drained to give it any more thought. I felt like I was coming apart at the seams again.