Never Enough

  It wasn’t until he’d picked her up and carried her into his bathroom that she began to rouse from the sexual stupor she’d been in.

  It was as he ran the bath, hot with soaking salts included, that she fell totally in love with him. Past the point of no return.

  And all she could do was smile lazily at him as he picked her up again and took them both into the bath with a sigh.

  “You all right?” he murmured against her hair.

  “Yes.” She curved into him, letting him hold her tight against his chest.

  “English?”

  “Hm?” She hoped he wasn’t ready to get out yet because she might just want to sleep in this bath for a while.

  “Your car, the one with all the problems you keep having to fix? Was that your gran’s car?”

  “Yes.”

  “That’s why you keep replacing carburetors and brakes and steering columns and other things.”

  Moved beyond words, she nodded and hoped he didn’t ask for more because she didn’t trust herself to speak.

  Adrian Brown laid waste to her reserve. Barging in and taking up residence inside her. In her heart and head and damn it, it felt good. And right. He understood her, darkness and all.

  She knew she should tell him about her father. Right then would have been a good time. Sort of. But it was ugly and it had been years since she’d seen him. Her mother had never taken his name anyway. Tina and Gillian had Candace’s last name—Forrester—instead of their father’s.

  He kissed the top of her head and murmured to her that he loved her, and that closed her throat with unshed tears.

  So she burrowed in tighter. He held her tighter and she let him love her.

  16

  “You’re eating all my food, Miles!” Mary called out. Her grin was so wide it filled Gillian with joy at the sight of it.

  “These are brilliant.” He held up a Thai chicken slider.

  “You like? I think they could be a tad bit hotter. Wanna be my test subject?” She held out another slider.

  “Yeah!” He grabbed the plate as Mary sat next to him, ready to get his opinion.

  The day had turned out utterly gorgeous. Clear and cold, but the sun was out and Mary’s backyard was perfect for year-round entertaining with many seating areas, shade and direct sun. Tables were scattered across the pretty brick patio.

  Browns, Keenans, Copelands, Whaleys and Forresters filled the space, spiced by Jules and Daisy. It had been a little careful at first, but once Mary brought out the first platter of food, everyone had relaxed.

  “Your people are nice.” Raven stepped up next to Gillian. “I wondered, of course. You know, if they would be cool or if they’d be stuffy. Most people are just utter fuckwads.”

  Gillian linked her arm with Raven’s, sensing the surprise and then pleasure in her movements.

  “I’m pleased you like my friends and have judged them not to be fuckwads.”

  “You’re a trip.”

  “I am? I thought I was uptight and stuffy.”

  Raven laughed, shaking her head. “Oh no, not you.” Raven studied her face intently. “You’re so much more than what you give out at first glance. You have layers. One of the reasons Adrian pulls that stick out of his butt and loves you as much as he does.”

  Gillian couldn’t swallow back her horrified laugh. “He does not! He’s one of the most relaxed, adaptable people I’ve ever met. He does get passionate about things. He can be obstinate and fiercely stubborn. All in all, you must admit, it’s compelling.”

  “Maybe if he and I saw each other through you it would work. He doesn’t trust me and I have accepted that we can tolerate each other at events because we both love Erin and Brody.”

  Gillian tugged Raven toward the drink table. She wanted Adrian and Raven to get along better. She really enjoyed Raven. There was no mistaking that Raven was one of those sort of crazy women men seemed to go for in droves. Gillian didn’t hold any fantasies that Raven was well adjusted, or even partially so. She tended to be abrasive. And yet, for Gillian, it was refreshing to just hear what someone else thought without any varnish.

  There could only really be one Raven in your life, Gillian knew this. And yet Raven called out to the outsider who also lived in Gillian. She recognized some of the same behaviors in Raven, and wondered if she’d grown up with a similar sort of misery as Gillian’s.

  Whatever it was, Gillian got the feeling Raven had the same sort of reaction to her. Adrian hadn’t gotten angry about the seeds of their friendship, but he did say he felt Raven wasn’t trustworthy.

  There was something there people deliberately talked around, and though she wanted to know what it was, she didn’t want to hear it by her own request.

  “Do you know the story?” Raven sipped some tropical juice thing Mary had made. “No, you don’t, I can see. Well, of course you should know this is my perspective and in that, it’s going to be biased, so I don’t claim to be totally honest or fair.”

  Only Raven would talk that way.

  “You do know that once upon a time Brody and I had a thing. He’s a great guy and I think I wanted it to work at first. I don’t know. Anyway, I was up-front with him that I wasn’t always going to come home to his bed.”

  Gillian wondered at that. How on earth could Raven be happy with that sort of life?

  “So I travel around. Don’t like to stay in one place very long. I was in L.A.; I have a place down there and I work winters in a friend’s tattoo shop. Of all the people in the world to be in Los Angeles, it was Adrian who saw me at a nightclub with another person I was obviously pretty fond of. He flipped out and went to Brody. I hurt Brody and that sucks because it’s totally my fault and I was selfish. But I never lied to him about what I was like. I never promised him monogamy.”

  But if Adrian had caught her with that person he’d never trust her again. The kind of man he was, Gillian knew, would always be offended that she’d chosen anyone over his brother and that she’d betrayed Brody that way.

  She understood it a lot better and didn’t blame Adrian at all. Brody had told her part of the story some months back. But he said they’d come a long way and she was part of his family so clearly he’d forgiven her.

  Something was broken inside Raven and it enabled Gillian to see past the devil-may-care abrasiveness and into her heart.

  “Do you hate me now?”

  “Of course not. Raven—is that your real name?”

  Raven grinned. “And they say I’m blunt. My full name is Beautiful Raven Haired Baby Girl. So, you can see that I had to make a choice. My mother was apparently quite the hippie with delusions of New Age–ism.”

  “Wow.” Gillian didn’t fail to notice the reference to Raven’s mum was past tense. “Okay then, as I was saying, I can see why Adrian feels the way he does. Brody is his brother. He’s nothing if not loyal. And I imagine you feel like a right prat for letting a man like Brody slip through your fingers.”

  “That sucked, yes. Especially when Elise showed up and I realized Brody never, ever looked at me like that. But I do love him, and over time I’ve come to really like Elise. Rennie is a force of nature like Erin. I dig that kid.”

  Adrian looked across the lawn to where Gillian stood, her skirt swirling around her ankles and the boots he’d given her the week before. He knew she needed them. Miles had pointed them out as ones like his mum had been drooling over. As if he could resist giving her something to keep her feet warm.

  She’d hesitated when she’d unwrapped the box but had relented and he’d felt like a king for being able to do for her. She had no idea, but when she allowed him to spoil her even in small ways, it made him happier than if she’d given him something instead.

  She spoke with Raven, who towered over her by at least six inches. They couldn’t have been more different. Raven was in-your-face pretty. Snug clothes to show off her body, makeup always applied. No doubt she was a looker.

  But Gillian, well, she stood there looking like some
thing that belonged on a shelf for precious things. Feminine. Beautiful with very little makeup.

  His beautiful woman.

  “I like how you look at her.” Jules approached him. “She takes care of everyone else. It’s her nature. But you, you want to do for her. Protect her. She needs that.” She started to speak again but closed her lips.

  “No, please, go on.”

  “I don’t want to divulge any confidences. She trusts me and I’d never hurt her that way. But she fights you on the money stuff because she grew up with a woman who routinely let loser after loser into their lives. They’d be flush every once in a while but mainly broke cause guys like that don’t work and her mother couldn’t be bothered. I know she told you about Candace and that’s why I feel okay in sharing this part.”

  He was relieved this woman had been part of Gillian’s life for so long.

  “Thank you for that. I just want to provide for her. I have it and she doesn’t. She makes it difficult, though she is getting better.”

  “Bet you never met a woman who balked when you tried to buy her stuff.”

  Adrian snorted. “Yes. Well. Gillian’s not most women.”

  “Glad you understand that. I want you to also understand that we’re her family too. We’ll share her and Miles with you, but we’re not going anywhere.”

  His back got up until he realized that comment was not a result of Gillian telling any stories to Jules about moving and their fight. She just wasn’t like that, even with her best friend.

  Which meant he was being obvious about it and mucking that up. “I can’t apologize for wanting to be with her and my son more often. But I get your meaning. Miles has a family in you all, so does Gillian. I’d never stand in the way of that. She tells me herself, so trust me, I hear you and I respect your relationship with them.”

  And the truth was, every time he saw her with her friends, he saw the softer side of Gillian. She laughed more and seemed more relaxed than she was with him and his family.

  “It took Gillian three years to tell me about her sister. I know you’re looking at her now and thinking about how it seems like she’s closer with us and you wonder why she isn’t as open with your family. I like your family, by the way. I think in thirteen more years, she’ll have the same openness with you all. But Gillian doesn’t throw around her affections or her trust idly. Give her time and realize it’s not personal.”

  “You know her pretty well.”

  “I’ve had some dark times in my life, and for thirteen years it’s been Gillian who has always been there for me. She is the sister of my heart and I’d do anything for her. I’m pleased to see her falling in love, and you certainly seem worthy. But she’s not easy. She won’t suddenly be tomorrow either.”

  “I can think of lots of words to describe Gillian with; easy wouldn’t come up.” He grinned as Gillian looked up and met his gaze. He waved and she blushed, waving back. “I’ve had enough of easy. She’s worth it.”

  Jules grinned. “She totally is. Don’t fuck up or I’ll kick you in the junk.”

  “You’re all a vicious cabal of junk kickers over here, I’ve noticed. It must by why my sister likes Gillian so much.”

  He watched Gillian with her friends and gained new appreciation for this woman he’d come to love in such a short time. It seemed impossible to remember a time when he couldn’t pick up his phone and hear her voice, or a day when he couldn’t get on the ferry to see her and touch her.

  And that was only a part of it. Miles had ties to these people. Adrian considered them his in-laws, because they were all clearly family. He’d ceased to be jealous of Miles’s closeness with Ryan and Cal Whaley and had let himself get to know both men enough to understand why his son liked them so much.

  They’d stepped back, allowing him to be with Miles, but didn’t stop being part of his life. Which was important. It showed Adrian they loved his son as much as he loved them.

  If he had to miss the first thirteen years of Miles’s life, at least he had the knowledge that he’d had family who loved him.

  She couldn’t deny how totally impressed she was by all she’d seen that day alone. First-class plane tickets. A limo that also contained their bodyguard picking them up at the airport. That had been odd, but she’d understood why he had one. Especially when they’d been approached several times by fans and autograph seekers since they’d left his house earlier that morning.

  But this house . . . dizzied her. It hugged an emerald-green patch of front gardens and back lawn with a dock and a huge boat. The pool had been inside, which had surprised her until he’d explained how often paparazzi would fly over to get pictures of his friend and his boyfriend as they used the pool.

  Adrian read a note the guy had left. Brandon, his name was. The lead guitarist in a very large alternative rock band.

  “He says he’s made sure the pantry is fully stocked and offers his cook should we want her services.” Adrian took her hand and Miles trailed behind them, gawking as surely as Gillian was. “You’re in here, Miles.” He opened a door down a wide and bright hallway, revealing a huge bedroom. “Says it has a balcony you should feel free to use. Extra blankets in the chest at the foot.”

  “This is off the chain,” Miles breathed out. “Brandon Federson’s house.”

  Adrian grinned and walked across the hall. “And this is our room, English.”

  The room had a full view of the water, glistening in the sun, dotted with boats and other watercraft. “This is a guest room so he says we should feel free to get wild and not worry about it.”

  She blushed.

  “He’s just kidding. He’s a good guy. We’ll get the bags in, and then would you like to go out on the boat?”

  Which is how she found herself sunning on the deck of what Adrian had laughingly referred to as a boat. The thing was massive. She barely felt the water as they sliced through it.

  She’d allowed herself two bathing suits. The one she had on was a teal blue, a color Jules had assured her made her look fab. It was flattering and fit her perfectly, keeping her bits covered. Most of the suits she’d tried on were either far too revealing or those swim dresses some women wore. But she was determined to find that middle place between showing her areola and wearing a long-sleeved dress with pants to her calves beneath.

  “I should tell you that suit is gorgeous. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen this much of your legs exposed out in public.” Adrian was above her, navigating expertly. Of course he could also captain a boat. There hadn’t been much she’d seen him not be excellent at right away.

  “That’s because she doesn’t,” Miles called out. “Mum doesn’t flash her knickers in public. This boat stuff is awesome.”

  “I’ve been considering buying a boat. Want to come with and help me pick one out?” Adrian asked Miles, a smile on his face. Gillian wanted to sigh but couldn’t bear to be bristly over it.

  “Where would you keep it? You can’t off your house.”

  “There are several marinas near enough. Or I can buy a house with a dock. What do you think, Miles?”

  “I think you should buy a house on Bainbridge. Have a big studio built. You could have a boat dock right there.”

  Adrian cocked his head and took Miles in carefully. Gillian held her breath because she’d been thinking the exact same thing but hadn’t wanted to bring it up in the wake of their stalled conversation about living together.

  “Would you like that? For us to live in the same place?”

  “Duh!”

  “Miles, what did we say about duh?” Gillian let the heat soak into her bones as she cracked an eye open to take in her boy.

  “Aunt Erin says it.”

  “Your aunt is an adult and your mother just told you not to do something. That’s enough, Miles.”

  Well.

  Miles was just as surprised at Adrian’s fatherly interruption as Gillian had been. But probably didn’t react the same way she did. It made her all flustered and flattered th
at he’d parent with her that way. And it made her proud that he’d reinforced one of her rules.

  “Sorry, Mum.” He ducked his head a moment in a perfect Brown mimicry.

  Adrian clapped his son on the shoulder. “Mistakes happen. Now you were going to tell me how you felt about us living in the same house.”

  Nicely done, Dad.

  “I like seeing you all the time. But when I’m at your house on the weekends I miss practice with the band and miss my friends. It’d be cool if you lived nearer.”

  Gillian sat up straighter, but didn’t interfere.

  “Yeah, that’s a good point. But the good part is, we can agree on the living together thing?”

  “I’d like that a lot.” Miles looked up to the man he resembled so strongly. His grin was huge, reminding her that he had an ortho appointment before they were to go to Whistler.

  “Your mum seems to like the idea too.”

  She liked that Adrian used the word mum when he referred to her. It was a silly little thing she knew, but it still meant something. Made it feel like a family.

  “I do.”

  Miles turned his smile to her. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Seems like we need to start working on a solution then.” Adrian smiled while he spoke, eyes on the horizon.

  “So, tell me about this producer you’re meeting tomorrow?” she asked as they sat on the back lawn some hours later.

  “He’s Reg Thorne.”

  “Ah. Yes, I know of him. He’s done a great many records that are on my favorites list. Are you looking to make a change in sound?”

  “Why didn’t you pursue a career in music? I mean”—he turned to her—“you went to this big-time school and that means you’re damned good. I’ve heard you play, I know you’re good. So why are you doing marketing and piano lessons instead of being on a stage?”

  “That’s a program change, isn’t it?”

  “I figure we can share on this one. I’m nervous. I admit it. Humor me.”