Never Enough

  Shortly after that, the rest of them came through the door, laughing and bustling with all that Brown energy. Miles’s cheeks were rosy with cold and excitement and Gillian shooed him off to go change out of his wet clothes. Rennie was full of news of the new run she’d conquered as Brody filled in the story with details of his own.

  As Gillian stood there with Adrian, his arm around her waist as everyone chattered around them, she took refuge in his body. Snuggling into him.

  He hummed, pulling her even closer. “Hey. You all right?”

  “Mmm, yes, I am. You smell like winter.” He just made her feel better. Made her feel at home. She should be ashamed of how much she needed him, but she couldn’t be.

  Once Erin, Ben, Ella and Cope had gone to the slopes, taking Miles with them and leaving her a little nervous, Adrian drew her upstairs to his bedroom.

  “She’s a mother too. She’s going to be sure he’s safe. Ben promised to be with him the whole time and he’s a good teacher. Miles will have a great time.”

  Of course Gillian knew this in her head, but her heart was another thing entirely.

  “Let me take your mind off things.” He got that look and she allowed him to draw her closer.

  “I should point out to you that this is your solution to every problem. But then you might think I had a problem with that and I do not.”

  Laughing, he spun her and managed to get her sweater off in one deft movement.

  “You’re so good at that.”

  “All practice for you, English.”

  With that, he dropped to his knees and yanked her pants and knickers down so she could get out of them. But instead of moving her anywhere else, he simply pressed his face to her pussy and breathed her in.

  He banded an arm around her body, across her ass, and held her in place as she squirmed.

  That’s when he opened his eyes and looked straight up her body and into her face. While she watched, utterly still, he used the tip of his tongue to slide between her labia and tickle her clit until the breath shot from her lips.

  But she couldn’t tear her eyes from the sight.

  He pulled his face back, his lips shiny with her. She swallowed, motionless and waiting for what he’d do.

  “People downstairs. Babies sleeping all around. You’re going to have to be so quiet. Can you manage that?” His whispered words played against her already wet and swollen clit, his lips just barely not touching her body.

  She nodded, not knowing if she could, knowing she had to. Knowing it really worked for both of them.

  He motioned to the bed with a tip of his chin and she moved to it. The windows were open and it was still full day outside. But the glass was also smoked and he’d assured her no one could see in, a fact she could verify herself when they arrived and couldn’t see in any of the windows.

  “On the edge. Spread those thighs for me,” he murmured, turning to kiss the inside of her knee and further rendering her to quivering jelly.

  He pushed her thighs open even wider, leaving her totally exposed to his attention. At first the touches of his lips, his tongue and even his teeth were gentle and whisper light. But then he moved closer and changed his pace.

  She sifted her fingers through his hair, tugging and urging him closer. He chuckled against her pussy and echoes of pleasure rippled through her.

  His thumbs slid back and forth at the hollow of each hip, mesmerizing her.

  Little flicks and licks and his tongue stabbed into her cunt, fucking into her body. She had to swallow her gasp, holding it in with the back of her hand pressed against her mouth.

  This time she squeezed her eyes shut. It was too much to watch him devastate her with that mouth of his as he worshipped her cunt there on his knees. It was too much to watch the way he touched her with so much reverence and care, even with a rough dig of fingers, he didn’t harm.

  Long licks, short licks, quick flicks of the tip of his tongue let her get complacent with his lovely pace. And that’s when he sucked. Oh. She nearly shouted, it felt so good. He sucked her clit in between his lips over and over. Her muscles labored and trembled. She bit into her bottom lip to keep from crying out though it was all she wanted to do.

  Other than come, that is.

  Orgasm seemed to roll her over and suck her under, pulling her in and holding tight as he continued. She had to yank on his hair and scoot back after the second, smaller aftershock climax.

  He kissed her belly, and though her eyes were closed, she knew what he was up to even before she heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper.

  “Open your eyes. I want you to see whose cock is in your pussy. I want you to see who’s giving you your pleasure.”

  She obeyed, overcoming her lethargic muscles only to find him standing next to the bed, his cock in his hands as he’d lined it up, nudging against her gate. And then he was in her and they both sucked in air as if they were drowning.

  The muscles in his neck held a tension she could see as she watched him. The late afternoon sun behind him framed him like a corona.

  He was so beautiful. It wasn’t just the outside of him, it was the sum total of Adrian Brown that drove her to her knees. Humbled her. Inspired her.

  Because he knew she watched, he held her thighs wide, the glorious muscles on his forearms corded, pulled taut. She watched his tattoos, the way they stretched.

  “Touch yourself.” His whisper was harsh and low.

  She took her time, knowing from his pace that he’d be there a while, and she had no problems simply enjoying the moments they had.

  Licking her fingertips, she played across her nipples, delighting in the way his lips parted and he began to breathe a little harder.

  She rolled and pinched them and he watched, eyes on her like a physical thing. “Yes . . .”

  The clasp of her cunt around him when she played with her nipples nearly pushed him over. But he didn’t want to yet. He wanted to luxuriate in her. Enjoy her body this way. Take this time they’d stolen from the day and just be with one another.

  Surreal. Beyond sexy to see her there so bold as she took her pleasure without any shame. No one else got to see this side of her. Damn, that undid him.

  Her pussy tightened again as she slid her right hand down to where he thrust into her body over and over. She played around the base of his cock, getting him even wetter as she got herself lubed.

  And then he heard the soft moan she made when her fingers found the clit he’d been licking only minutes before.

  Tearing his gaze from her hand, up her belly, lingering on the jaunty bounce of her tits and up into her face, he caught sight of the way she bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out.

  Hot damn, that was seriously sexy.

  All the filthy things he wanted to say boiled up, but he had to swallow it back. Not that anyone would have cared if they heard. But Gillian would, and that was important.

  She was lush and petite all at the same time. Gorgeous. Sexy. Smart. Funny and shy too. And he’d never met his match in bed until her. She’d ruined him for all others, and that was fine since he didn’t plan to have any others but her.

  Her unh when she began to finger her clit in earnest was just a puff of air, and yet he heard it like she’d said it in his ear.

  That he had to fight to stay silent was foreplay in and of itself when he wanted to bend down and take a nipple in between his teeth and tug. He wanted to pull out and roll her over and fuck her from behind. He loved it that way. Loved being able to see the bounty of her body, loved the way her breasts looked as he thrust especially hard. Loved to control her by her hair.

  “You’re thinking something very naughty,” she whispered with a smile.

  “I sure am.”

  She laughed, low and sultry. “Can’t wait.”

  “Getting closer, English. Make yourself come.”

  She licked her lips and his gaze let go of her face, looking down at where his cock disappeared into her body over and over, returning dark and s
lick from her cunt. Her hand was between her legs, fingers on her clit, squeezing lightly, and he nearly lost his mind, knowing how much she loved it when he did that to her.

  She arched, tipping her head back, exposing the long line of her neck, stretching so that her tits looked insanely good as her cunt squeezed down on him so hard he grunted.

  Two thrusts later and he joined her, fucking into her pussy, now even slicker. Her inner muscles still squeezing here and there as climax worked through her.

  He came so hard and so long he wondered if it would end, and finally was able to pull out and leave her for just a moment to deal with the condom and come back, getting on the bed and bringing her close to his body.

  “Better than the slopes any day.” He nuzzled the back of her neck and she sighed happily.

  “Indeed, Mister Brown. Indeed.”

  19

  The jet-setting thing made Gillian tired. But she couldn’t deny that all the close-knit family time she’d had with Adrian and Miles over the last ten days had rocketed them forward in their relationship.

  She could believe they had a future. Could tell him she loved him without hesitation. Could receive his love in return without worry.

  “You’re finally back!” Jules looked up with a smile when she came through the front doors of Tart.

  “I am.” She unbuttoned the coat that had been one of what felt like a million presents from Adrian.

  “Come and sit. I’ll get you some tea and we’ll catch up. When does Miles get back?”

  She sat at her favorite place at the counter and watched Jules move in her own precise and graceful way.

  “Tomorrow morning. Adrian took him to some sort of all-ages show and then they played video games with Brody and Cope until far after midnight apparently. He sent me an e-mail about it.” She laughed. “Today?” She shrugged. “I think they’re going over to Seattle Center and the EMP.”

  “Look at you! Letting him go a little. You okay with that?”

  “Adrian is good with him. Brody is a great dad too. He likes being with them. You should see it.” She smiled. “At first I was worried, you know? I worried Miles would get lost amid all those big giant male personalities.”

  “Not the case?”

  “No. You and Mary were right. He’s thriving with them in his life. They don’t push him so hard he feels bad, but they encourage him to try new things. It’s good for him, and I think maybe good for them too.”

  Finally, all customers had been served and the tea was ready and Jules slid into the seat next to Gillian.

  “Okay, get to talking. You texted that he liked the scarf. I told you he would. How did he react?”

  “I felt so stupid giving it to him. You should have seen that place on Christmas morning, Jules. Those Browns and Copelands sure do know how to throw a holiday party. But yes.” She smiled, remembering Adrian’s face as he opened the box with the scarf and watchman’s cap she’d knitted for him.

  “Fuck that.” Jules waved it away. “He digs you. Like, major. Your knitting would have meant more to him than an expensive present and you know it.”

  Gillian blushed. “He wore it every day we were there. Of course he gave me this coat and more things than I can list. I’ve given up trying to tell him no. He’s like a child!”

  “Good. On the giving-up-telling-him-no stuff, I mean. Jeebus, Gillian, he’s not any of those jerks your mom brought home. A new pair of boots does not mean he expects pussy in exchange.”

  “That’s good since I already gave it to him for free.”

  Jules tipped her head back and laughed. “I miss you when you’re gone. Texts aren’t the same.”

  “I missed you too. I like them. I do. They’re fun people I enjoy being with. Miles adores each and every one of them and they adore him right back.”

  “But?”

  “They’re all so close-knit.” She sipped the tea Jules slid in front of her. “They have this ease with each other and when I’m there I know Adrian wants me to feel it too. But how can I? I feel guilty. And then I get angry that I feel guilty because they’ve had years and years and I’ve had four months. It takes time to build relationships like that. It’s not as if I’m off by myself when I’m with them. That’s not it at all. I laugh and have fun and all that. But—”

  “But you’re not that person. You’re not instant intimacy. Oh sure, you have it with Adrian, but that’s something unique in your life.”

  “I try. I do. They’re so close and they share everything and I just can’t sit and gossip and spill all my details with them. Not like they do with each other.”

  Jules squeezed her hand. “Baby, they understand. They can’t possibly expect you to be as close to them as they are with each other. I don’t know them as well as you do, obviously, but they seemed to like you. Has anyone said anything?”

  “No. Of course not. They’re all very nice people. And I do like them and want to get to know them better.”

  “You need time, and they’re not dumb. They’ll give you that time and you’ll all get to know each other, and one of these days you’ll be as comfortable as they all are. You’re worth the wait to get to know. Did you have fun at least?”

  She sighed happily and dug into the slice of pear tart that had appeared before her. “My favorite. I missed this too. As for fun? I did. I feel like a character from a novel. He sort of swept me off my feet. A helicopter ride. A house with a pool and a boat dock. Though we also had paparazzi. I didn’t like that part.

  “Still, Adrian took us for lavish dinners and filled our bedroom with dozens of roses. And he continued the scary movie campaign, as if he needed to. Every night at his place in Whistler we had a movie marathon. I’m already head over heels in love with the man.”

  “Aw, he totally loves you. He wants to spoil you.”

  “I know. It’s adorable. But, I haven’t told him about my father yet. I know I should, so get that look off your face. But I can’t. I start to bring it up and then I freeze.”

  “I didn’t get any look. Not like you think. I feel like this is something you should tell him just because it will eventually come out and you should control the how and when of it. But your father is not part of your life. He never was. Ronnie Pete was some dude your mother boned for a while and then he pushed off and did his own thing for another fifteen years until it all caught up to him. You don’t know him. You are only his daughter in the most minimal sense. Stop trying to own what he did as if you had any say.”

  Gillian had known Jules would say what she needed to hear. This was the kind of connection the Browns and Copelands had. It was what kept Gillian going even on days when she was absolutely sure she wasn’t going to make it. And she couldn’t leave it behind even if she wanted to.

  “I love you.”

  “Right back atcha, sister. Now, tell me true, are you going to move to Seattle to be with him?”

  That was the big question, now wasn’t it?

  Gillian found herself on her hands and knees, hair covered by a bandana, scrubbing her kitchen floor because that’s what she did whenever she needed to think. That or ironing, and she didn’t want to face that today.

  There were things she knew to be totally true. First, that Miles needed his father. If that hadn’t been apparent already, the way Miles and Adrian had bonded on the holiday trips they’d all taken would have made it so. They clicked. Adrian made Miles happy and it definitely went the other way too.

  Adrian had to make some dad-type decisions while they were in Florida and then in Whistler. Enough to make himself the bad guy on more than one occasion. Miles had been startled, but afterward, he’d been even more at ease with his dad. As if he knew Adrian really was his father and would take care of him.

  It had been a bittersweet realization for Gillian. She wanted them to be close, but it was hard to share the governance of Miles’s life with someone else.

  And yet, sharing him, being a family the way they had, had lodged in her belly. Miles was sti
ll with his dad in Seattle, opting to spend one more night there. Adrian had wanted her there too, but she needed some time to think.

  Things between them had gotten very serious.

  Four months they’d had, and at least a month of that time she’d spent fighting with him and thinking he was a jerk. It was one thing to have this romance with him. But moving in meant a whole new level of commitment and intimacy. More than she’d ever had with anyone before.

  The way she felt for Adrian wasn’t just a crush. It wasn’t just love. He was that puzzle piece she’d been missing. He was, to be blunt and all since she was scrubbing the floor and this was a discussion in her head, her mate.

  That meant something. It meant something to that girl who never had much of anything or anyone until Gran had come into her life. Never understood that depth of love and devotion you could feel for another person until she’d held Miles. And even that wasn’t the same. Not the same as the way Adrian made her feel. Tough and ready for anything. Safe. Loved. Confident.

  A tattooed, bad-boy rock star with a big, tight family and a heart to match. There’d never been a more unlikely man for her! But they made sense, despite all their spats and the way they fought and then fucked. They worked. They clicked. She knew she got him in ways most others didn’t. She also knew he did the same with her.

  She didn’t doubt they could live together well, though there were still problems.

  The biggest problem was that she didn’t want to move away from Bainbridge and the relationships and community she and Miles had built there.

  She was sure that made her selfish. After all, Miles probably would flourish at a private school. But it had taken the boy a long time to make the friends he’d made and it wasn’t as easy as starting a new band as Adrian seemed to think.

  She was a lot like Miles, she supposed, in that it took her a long time to totally feel comfortable in a place or with people. She had that here. Had a community.

  But . . . she wanted to be with him. She wanted to live in a house with her son and his father. Location was something they could work on. So what was the real problem, damn it?