Never Enough

  Because he understood, perhaps, what it meant to be a parent, no matter how it came to you.

  “Anyway, Adrian really doesn’t believe all the stupid stuff he’s said. I think he’s afraid this isn’t real. Afraid to get his hopes up and then find out Miles isn’t his after all. You really don’t know how glad I’m going to be to tell him how utterly certain I am that is not the case. I hope you’ll give us a chance, even with the rocky beginnings. I know we might look out of the ordinary, but past the funky hair and the tattoos, we’re just like many other families. We love each other and we want to love Miles too.”

  “You have a lot of money. And a lot of power. I don’t have either. I’m trying to do what’s right for my child, but it scares me senseless that Adrian has the ability to tie me up in court and try to take my son.”

  Erin nodded. She reached out and squeezed Gillian’s hand. Just a brief, reassuring touch. “I’d be freaked out too, in your place. I can’t take all that fear away. I hope that’ll happen once Miles and Adrian meet and you get to know us better. But we’re not the bad guys. I can’t say I’m thrilled about your sister not telling anyone for so long. But you can’t own other people’s mistakes. I’ve learned that one, big time.”

  Gillian found it easy to talk to Erin. It was, well, it was lovely that this woman wanted to know Miles. Her reassurances did indeed help too.

  She began to loosen up for the first time since she’d opened the door. She talked about Miles. Told stories about his life as Erin began to unfurl her own, and through that, Adrian’s too.

  It was simply impossible not to like Erin Brown.

  “Miles is going to like you.”

  Erin tucked a fire-engine-red strand of hair back behind her ear and grinned. “Yeah? I gotta say I’m very much looking forward to meeting Miles. He sounds a lot like Brody. Serious. Likes to take care of people. My brother is going to be heartbroken to know he’s missed thirteen years of this child’s life. Angry. Jealous. Afraid. I just . . .” Erin licked her lips. “I would just very much like you to give Adrian a break. When he finds out for sure, it’s going to hit him hard. I know he’s been a pain in the ass so far and that you have been beyond good to him. But I’m going to ask you to give him a little bit more leeway.”

  Erin shook her head, tears in her eyes. “How could she not tell you? My brother is a good man. He would have been there for Miles.”

  Gillian sighed. “I honestly don’t know. I’ve asked so many times. She’s always refused. I don’t know why she finally revealed who Miles’s dad was. She just did. And then a friend showed me Adrian’s picture, you know, from his website. My friend, I’d just told her about Adrian and she showed me Adrian’s picture and held it near Miles’s picture. It was obvious, and then I saw your older brother, Brody, and I knew for sure. They have similar smiles, my son and Brody.

  “I knew it was true then. I couldn’t deny it any further. Not that your brother made it any easier. Prat.”

  “I’m sorry he’s been such a dingus. In his defense, it’s hard to be where he is. It’s hard because so many people have ulterior motives. It’s difficult to trust outside our group. Fame like he has changes how you see everything. He’ll do right by Miles. I know it. He’ll be a good father too.”

  “He’s the best I’ve got, you see. Miles. He came along just when I had no idea I needed him. I had other plans, as you do when you’re twenty-one. None of the items on my to-do list included two a.m. feedings or moving out here. But then he was there and the nurse handed him to me and everything else on the entire planet simply didn’t matter. I will do anything to protect my son. Anything. I’m not doing this to help Adrian. I don’t even like Adrian. I’m doing this because if Miles is partly yours too, he can only benefit by having more people to belong to. But if any of you hurt him, you’ll never know what hit you.”

  “I respect that. We have lots of love in our family. Plenty for Miles.”

  “You can’t have him. Just understand that. He’s mine. I won’t accept anyone who feels as if my son is a place to visit every once in a while, or a prize to be won. He deserves stability.”

  “I totally agree with you. I feel like I’m Adrian’s ambassador.” Erin laughed and then laughed some more. “You have no idea, but this is totally novel to me. It’s usually Adrian who is my ambassador, or Brody. Adrian is the sweet one. The calm one. He doesn’t say mean things and he sure as hell doesn’t say them to women.” She sobered. “He’s torn apart. I love my brother very much. He’s my best friend. I just wanted to thank you for opening your life up this way so that he can have his son.”

  Gillian hadn’t been close with Tina. Couldn’t have trusted her the way Erin so clearly did her brothers. But Erin spoke to her mother-to-mother, and that made a difference. Made some of the fear ebb enough so she could take a deep breath for the first time in a week.

  Her phone rang. “Excuse me a moment, it’s Miles.” She answered. “I’ll be leaving in about five minutes. Did you get out early?”

  “Ryan’s gonna give me a ride home, if that’s okay? We’re getting ready to leave and he saw us. He’s going to drop Kaylee off first, but she’s just on the way to our place.”

  Ryan, Mary’s brother who taught at the middle school, had been part of Miles’s life for as long as his sister had.

  “Yes, that’s okay. Hang on a moment.” She looked to Erin. “Would you like to meet him? Miles? He’ll be home in about ten minutes.”

  Erin’s eyes widened and then she nodded.

  “Come straight home, all right?”

  She hung up.

  “I . . . I really appreciate this. What do you plan to tell him? Does he know about Adrian?”

  “The DNA test was yesterday so I had to sit him down and explain it all. Not the identity of his dad. I didn’t want to do that until we had proof and I’d spoken with Adrian in depth about how their meeting would go. Or I suppose after Cal—that’s my attorney—speaks to Adrian’s attorneys. Whatever. I just don’t want to upset Miles’s schedule or his life. Thirteen is a hard age.”

  “All right. So I can be a family friend for now. Then I can be his aunt. And don’t fret too much about the lawyer thing. It won’t be that way forever. Adrian will come around.”

  They spoke for a few minutes more until Gillian heard Ryan’s car out front.

  Erin laughed, picking up her bag and heading out with Gillian. “I can’t recall the last time I was so nervous to meet a thirteen-year-old boy. Probably not since I was thirteen.”

  She needn’t have worried. He got out of the car at the base of the driveway and the guy pulled away with a wave.

  “He hasn’t noticed yet,” Gillian said quietly.

  Miles walked up the driveway at a pokey pace until he saw his mother and smiled. Erin warmed at the sight. Further evidence that the boy had a good life.

  He sped up a bit and stopped cold when he really caught sight of Erin.

  “Come on then, slowpoke. Come and meet Erin. She’s on her way out just now, but I thought you might want to say hello. You know, as one bass player to another.”

  Oh. He was a bass player too? Erin had remembered he played in a band, but knowing the kid played bass like she did warmed her heart.

  She held her hand out and he shook it nearly off her arm. “Wow. This is so awesome. I never knew Mum had famous friends I’d actually recognize. I love your music. I’m trying to learn ‘Lashed’ right now. Well, we are, my band and me. I. Whatever. Wow. Just wow.”

  Gillian, grinning, stepped closer to Miles and put her arm around his waist because he already towered over her. “Easy there, kid, she needs her arm to tote around her baby and her guitar too.”

  He laughed, letting go, and Erin so badly wanted to hug him. She settled for another smile. “I’d love to help you work it through sometime. You’ll see me again, I promise.”

  “Go on.” Gillian indicated the house with a tip of her chin. “Homework before you even touch your phone or the computer.”
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  “Aw, Mum!”

  “Listen to your mother, Miles. It was my pleasure to meet you. I need to go, anyway. My son has been spending the day with his fathers and they’ll need the rest.”

  Miles stammered another greeting and ambled off to the house.

  “He walks like Adrian does. That slow lope. Good lord.” She looked back to Gillian. “He’s a beautiful kid. Thank you for this. Can I call you? Perhaps spend some more time with Miles? I mean, obviously I can’t speak for Adrian, but I can speak for myself and I want to know Miles and you too.”

  “Yes. They said the results would be back within two weeks, probably sooner. So once Adrian gets his answers I expect this will all begin to move. Thank you for being so understanding about why I didn’t come forward sooner.”

  “You can’t own what someone else did. We talked about this already. I learned that one myself. I’ll be speaking to you soon.”

  She drove away and headed straight to Adrian’s.

  She didn’t bother buzzing him at the gate. Though the siblings had decided to let Adrian lick his wounds for a few days, time was up. She keyed in the code herself and parked, smiling at the sight of one of Rennie’s soccer balls near the side of the house.

  She headed straight for the studio, where she found him smoking one of his forbidden French cigarettes, bare feet propped up on a table, a yellow notepad at his right hand and a guitar in his lap.

  “Your son plays bass.”

  She came in, shoved his legs off the table and sat, tossing her bag to the side.

  “What?” He sat forward. “He does what?”

  “I figured there’d been enough talking through lawyers. This woman is your son’s mother and she deserves respect and courtesy. Plus I wanted to take her measure myself so I went over there today.”

  He blinked. “You lie.”

  “No. I’ve just spent three hours with Gillian Forrester. Moreover, I met your son. He practically shook my arm off and told me he was learning the bass line from ‘Lashed.’ ”

  Adrian pushed from his chair. “You had no right to give her any more ammo against me.”

  Erin didn’t bother with anger or even annoyance. She knew he was hurting. Still, he needed to stop wallowing. “Is that what this is to you?”

  “We’re not supposed to be contacting her!”

  “Sit down and be quiet for a minute while I take you to school, smart-ass. I went over there ready to kick some butt if I had to. This is my family and I will protect it. But then I pulled into her driveway and saw that house and I knew then she was not out to extort or harm you. She’s built a life there.”

  He handed her a bottle of water.

  “So she opened the door I knocked on and recognized me after a moment, and though it took me a while to win past the hole you’ve dug with your attitude toward her, I got to know her a bit. She made me tea. She talked to me about Miles in the way only a woman totally in love with her kid can sound.”

  “What’s she like?”

  “She runs a design business. Websites, corporate logos, brochures. That sort of thing. Good work actually. I’ve seen some of it around town. She gives piano lessons a few days a week. They live well. Not this kind of well.” She waved at the home studio Adrian had built for himself. “But the house is good. Solid. She’s got a life, Adrian, and there is nothing I saw today that made me think she’d try to raise herself up by hurting anyone else.”

  “And the boy?”

  “Say his name, Adrian. Let yourself believe this. I only met him for a few minutes. He’d just come home from school. Math club, she said. Anyway, he walks just like you do. Christ, he has Brody’s smile and his way of things. There is no doubt in my mind that he is your kid. Sweet. A little shy. Super excited to meet another bass player. Ha!”

  The ache he’d had in his belly since that very first meeting with her in the café dulled just a bit. A deep slice of yearning replaced it. “You really think he’s mine?”

  She leaned forward and took his hands in her own. “Yes. I have absolutely no doubt about that. You have a son, Adrian. Happy father’s day.”

  It hit him then with such force he had to sit back to breathe. The reality he’d been holding at bay, telling himself it probably wasn’t true, crashed back into his life.

  “She took him over to get his DNA test. He knows what it’s for, but she hasn’t given him any details on who his father might be yet.”

  “I need to see it for myself. Need to see him for myself. But I don’t want to upset him or his schedule.”

  “He’s in school all day. She works from home. Chances are you could catch her there. Call and make an appointment to see her. I like her, Adrian. She loves that boy enough to risk the most important part of her life. This is all for him.”

  “I can’t believe you went over there. Do Todd and Ben know?”

  “Yes. We fought about it for a few hours, but I had to see her for myself. I needed to know if I had to cut a bitch or if I had a nephew. I’m glad to say it’s the latter. I gotta get home to my boys. You want to come over for dinner? Alexander and Ben spent the afternoon with Annalee. They went to lunch and then the park. Todd said he had plans to grill tonight. You know there’ll be enough for a thousand people.” She stood and held her hand out.

  He didn’t take it, hugging her tight instead. “Thank you.”

  She hugged him back. “How many times have you done stuff like that for me? Huh? That’s what you do for your people. You’ve hid out here long enough. Come back to us.”

  He had a son. Christ.

  6

  He knocked at her door three times, stepping back and working on his facial expression. Erin had lectured him on his delivery and the way he’d been with Gillian thus far. He truly didn’t want to have an acrimonious relationship with this woman so he needed to try to get things back on track with her. He’d charmed plenty of women in his time—he could do this.

  She opened up and her loveliness hit him square in the gut. Soft and feminine with all that hair and those big brown eyes peeking out from the fringe of French roast–toned bangs.

  She smelled good too. Sweet and spicy.

  He sent her a charming smile. “Hi. I—”

  She slammed the door in his face before he could finish his sentence.

  He stood there, struck stupid in love with Gillian Forrester. Though he wouldn’t know it for a while yet.

  Before he could knock again, she yanked the door open, those gorgeous sexy eyes of hers honed in his direction with an angry violence. “You! How dare you come to my doorstep knocking after you sicced your lawyers on me forbidding me from any contact?”

  Fascinated by her, by the way her accent had sharpened from that smooth flow to sharp-tongued barbs, he stood, struck mute. Goddamn, he wanted to take a bite.

  But not until they got past this thing between them.

  “I want to add that I never contacted you after I gave my information to your brother. It was always you, you contacting and then you send me a letter telling me I can’t do something I never done! You are an arse. A big-headed, too-good-looking-for-his-own-good dickhead.”

  Well now. This hot governess of a woman was all kinds of dirty underneath. She just threw the gloves off and sent a shiver through him. He took a step closer and found himself half inside her house. Murphy Oil Soap? He breathed in deep.

  He let her go on as he tried not to have a fantasy about her polishing the table in nothing but an apron and some heels. Clearly he had some fetish about cleaning and housework. This needed investigating.

  “Are you even listening to me?”

  “I had to protect myself. Okay? I’m sorry. It was shitty and I was a . . . What did you call me? A good-looking asshole?” She was like one of those little dogs just then, the energy in her radiated outward. She would jump on his back and scratch his eyes out to protect her son. His son.

  That mama-bear, elegant-and-modest-on-the-outside, hot-as-allfuck-on-the-inside thing was ringing his
doorbell. And God help him, he knew it was beyond inappropriate to be making up fuck fantasies about this woman right then, but he couldn’t help it.

  “Leave it to you to choose to interpret what I said that way. The ego on you! Astounding is what—”

  And his mouth was on hers, and her words morphed into a groan so sexually tortured his entire body got hard.

  Her back hit the wall and she practically climbed up his body to keep the kiss. Her fingers tangled in his hair as his taste first hit her.

  She gasped it in, coffee and an Altoid. Stupid to get wet over it, but Forrester women never had very smart pussies, and that’s what was doing the thinking just then.

  His tongue slid into her mouth like it was made to be there. Not a single bit of hesitation in him. Adrian Brown owned this kiss and that only made her madder for him.

  The sexual tension that’d been stewing, deepening, thickening between them burst over her skin, into her system, taking hold like a frenzy. He was warm against her front. One of his hands cradled her ass where she rested against his thigh.

  Dragging her nails over his chest and then down his belly, she shivered and swallowed his tortured moan. The way he had her propped and balanced between the wall and his body brought her thigh against his cock.

  One of his hands had been at her waist but he’d slid it up to cup her breast. She arched with a groan and the door slammed closed, bringing a surprised start from them both.

  Adrian looked back to her, leaning closer to get back to the kiss, and then he froze.

  She managed to extricate herself to turn and look at the picture she knew he’d just seen. Miles on the first day of kindergarten. He’d lost one of his front teeth, on the top, and he cheesed it up, making sure the grin was extra wide.

  “Shit.”

  She saw it on his face. The wonder. The joy and then the sadness that he’d come to it so late. It was at that moment she let go of her anger at him and let herself sympathize.