Never Enough

  Miles’s laugh felt like victory to Adrian.

  They continued to go through the book, page by page, as Adrian filled in a rough sketch of his life. Miles asked more questions as the time went by.

  And that’s how Gillian found them when she returned nearly an hour later. Oh, she’d stood at her office door and peeked at them, had watched to be sure Miles was all right. And he was. He’d warmed up considerably to Adrian and that was a big relief.

  It made her warm to see them, to see this man love her son, their son, in his own easy way. Miles had plenty of men in his life with Ryan and Cal, but this was different.

  Miles licked his lips a few times, the way he did with her when he wanted to ask a question he wasn’t sure of the answer to. She sat across from them, waiting for him to speak.

  “So, um, you wanna see my room? My bass?”

  Adrian’s gaze cut to hers and it was so surprised and touched, she couldn’t help but smile at him.

  “Yeah, I’d love that.”

  Miles grinned and hopped up and they left the room, Miles chattering as he landed on a topic he loved so much.

  She sat back and let out a long breath. She’d always had a vision of how her family would be. Always wanted normalcy and stability. And she’d ended up a single, unmarried mother. At first glance it looked like what her own mother had been, and that had left her shaken. But once she’d dug down a few layers, she realized there were far more differences than similarities.

  She pushed from the couch and headed into the kitchen. Above her, she heard the tromping of both males and then shortly thereafter, the thud of the bass being played.

  The kitchen was a mess, so it gave her something to do while Miles and Adrian were upstairs, wanting them to mix and mingle, happy they seemed to be making a success of it.

  Adrian Brown was nothing like she’d imagined.

  He was without a doubt the most compelling man she’d ever met. He exuded charisma without trying. His allure was that he was a refreshingly complicated man. He looked like the star he was. She sighed, thinking about his voice. Every sentence had its own sort of flow. It was, she thought with an amused and slightly horrified snort, like being hypnotized.

  He could walk into any room and instantly grab everyone’s attention. His hair, so sexy and tousled. Browns with the occasional auburn hue, it hung to his shoulders, framing a face that had featured itself in no less than three masturbation sessions since that kiss in her hallway.

  It had been delicious between her fingers as he’d kissed her. She imagined what it would feel like trailing over her breasts as he made his way to her pussy. She squeezed her thighs together just to ease the ache.

  He was long and substantial. A high, tight ass that she really wanted to take a bite of. Wanted to feel that ass against her calves as he fucked her and she wrapped around him.

  If he fucked like he kissed, she’d have a very good time. They’d be hot, sweat slicked as they slid, skin to skin. She got a pretty good feel of what he was packing when she’d been against her hallway wall, his body pressing against hers with just the right amount of pressure.

  She shivered. A dominant kiss from a laid-back man. An image of him fucking her from behind, her hair wrapped around his fist, sent a flash of desire through her so hot she found herself sweating.

  Whew. She had to pause and fan her face with a towel. So totally inappropriate! Yup, she was going to have a date with her showerhead five minutes after he left.

  “So, how do you feel about getting to know each other?” Adrian really liked his kid.

  “How do you mean? Like tonight? Or like hanging out regular and stuff?”

  “Both. I’d like us to hang out. I’d like to become part of your life and I want you to be part of mine. I want you to meet your aunts and uncles and cousins. I want to be your dad.”

  “Okay, that would be cool, I guess.” There was a but at the end of that sentence. Adrian could see it.

  “Miles, I want to do this right, but I’ve only been a dad like two days and I have to apologize in advance for all the messing up I’m going to do. But I’m going to try really hard and I can do a better job if you talk to me so we can figure this out together. I know you don’t know me well, but you can trust me with what’s bothering you.”

  “I like it here. I like my school and my friends and I love my animals. And I love Mum. I don’t want to leave her, or make her sad by ignoring her. I know Tina never told you and that sucks. Don’t tell Mum I said that one.” He grinned, sheepish, and Adrian let some of the tension go even as the resentment about Miles’s birth mother stoked. The woman wouldn’t let Adrian have his son but didn’t keep him herself either. She robbed them both.

  But it wasn’t Gillian’s fault. While there was no doubt in Adrian’s mind that Gillian would move mountains for their son, there was also no doubt that she hadn’t known and had mothered his son. Their son.

  “I know it’s not your mom’s fault. And I would never make you be anywhere you didn’t want to. I’d like you to spend time at my house. I’ve got several rooms for you to make your own. I even have a home studio if you want to jam. I want you to feel at home there too.” He leaned against the doorjamb, trying to remain relaxed and feeling all out of his element.

  “Cool. Mum got me a cell phone for my birthday. I’m only supposed to have it on after school, but I could give you that number and maybe get yours.” Miles tipped his chin casually.

  This would be all right. He took the phone and put his number in, letting Miles do the same.

  “Dude! You have Willie Nelson’s phone number? That’s awesome.”

  Adrian grinned, nodding. “It is awesome. He’s a very cool guy and I was lucky enough to do some work in the studio with him two years ago.”

  “It’s pretty sweet that you know people like Erin and Willie Nelson. Did Mum tell you she named me after Miles Davis?”

  “Mum?” Miles clambered downstairs and across the house to her. He was so happy it brought a prick of tears to her eyes.

  “That’s me.”

  “Two things. One, I invited Adrian to spend the night and he said you already had so he’s staying over and will you make French toast tomorrow? And, tell Adrian the name story.”

  Adrian looked just as happy as Miles did. “Miles told me he was named after Miles Davis. And then he said you tell the story best. Lay it on me.”

  “All right. On one condition: it is eleven and you need to head to bed after the story. Also, that was three things. Yes, I’ll make French toast tomorrow.” She kissed Miles’s forehead and he agreed.

  She looked back to Adrian, pleased that Miles had put his arm around her waist and his head on her shoulder.

  “The day I brought him home from the hospital, he didn’t have a name yet. But he was sweet and snuggly and we hung out as I tried to figure out what to do with a baby because I didn’t have the slightest idea.” She laughed at the memory.

  “I kept looking into his face saying different names. He’d screw his mouth up or look sour, sometimes he looked bored or angry. He got fussy and we danced around the hotel room, me calling him Albert and William and Levi. But none fit.

  “And Miles Davis came on the television. The Cool Jazz Sound. This documentary about him.” She met Adrian’s gaze and realized he knew what she meant. “I said, Lookie here, Baby Boy Forrester, it’s Miles Davis.”

  Miles snuggled into her side and she snorted a laugh. “He stopped fussing immediately. He looked up at me with those big green eyes and blinked. That was that. I could have checked to see if he liked John since Coltrane was on the telly too. But I said, Oh, and there you are, Miles. Big name for a wee boy.” She said it in the same tone she always told it in, putting extra English into it, and Adrian laughed.

  “And so I became Miles Blue Forrester.” That Miles always said it so proudly made her deeply happy.

  “Erin will love this story,” Adrian assured her.

  “We had a deal. To bed with you. I
’ll see you in the morning.”

  He let her hug him a little extra, and clung a little longer than normal. “I love you. I’ll be up in a few minutes, all right?”

  He blushed. “Mum!”

  “No shame in liking to have your mom tuck you in. I’ll see you in the morning.” Adrian and Miles clasped palms, each of them not quite knowing what to do yet. Gillian found the awkwardness of it sweet.

  “Why don’t you go get your stuff?” She turned to Adrian once Miles had left. “When I come back downstairs I’ll show you where the guest room is and, if you like, we can have a fire on the back deck and share a bottle of wine if you’re not too tired.”

  “That would be most welcome.” He moved to go and stopped just at her front door. “And thank you. For him. For this.”

  Smiling, she went up to her son.

  He’d managed to change into pajamas and get his face washed.

  She sat on his bed. “I love you.” She kissed his forehead. “Big day for you. You okay? Want to talk?”

  “He’s all right. He has Willie Nelson’s phone number. How awesome is that?”

  “Pretty impressive.”

  “He’s a big star. It’s weird. He doesn’t act like one, but he is.”

  She knew what the boy meant.

  The wonder wisped away, replaced by fear. “Do you think he’s disappointed that I don’t play sports and have a million girlfriends and stuff?”

  “No. I don’t. Not one bit. I know I’m your mum and all, but he sees what I do: a fabulous, smart, talented kid. You’re musical, just like he is.”

  “Like you are, too. I got it from you first.”

  Oh, he was determined to make her cry. She shook her head and kissed his forehead again. “You got it from both of us, I’d wager. Anyway, I get the feeling he likes you for you, not for your potential RBI. He’s a decent man, from what I can tell. He’s your dad, he’s going to love you for you.”

  “Are you sad? That you have to share me? ’Cause, Mum, I still love you best.”

  She laughed, squeezing his hand. “Right back at you. And mother-love doesn’t work that way. I love you because you’re my son. He loves you for that reason too. It’s hard to open our lives up to a stranger. I worried, I’ll admit that. As long as he respects our life and works with me like he should, like I should with him, things will be fine. This isn’t about me anyway, it’s about you. I never like sharing! You know how I am about my crisps, and you’re far more important to me than that.”

  He snuggled down in his blankets, a smile on his face that made her feel a lot better.

  “Sweet dreams. I’ll see you in the morning.” She stood.

  “Love you,” she called as she trailed down the hall and toward the stairs.

  “You too, Mum.”

  8

  Adrian stood at his car for long moments once he’d gotten outside before he finally gave in and called Erin. It was late. She was a mom, but he knew she’d be waiting for an update.

  “God, it’s about time,” she said as she answered. “So. Tell me.”

  “It’s really, really good. He’s an amazing kid. Sweet. Heart-on-his-sleeve kind of sweet. He’s got all these strays.” He laughed. “Four cats. Christ. Gillian seems to just roll with it. I’m going to stay over here and have French toast in the morning.”

  “I’m so happy for you. I really can’t wait to get to know him. Invite him and Gillian too, for dinner next weekend. He’ll feel better if she’s with him the first time, and I think it’s wise to include her. I like her.”

  He did too. A whole hell of a lot.

  “I do too. I’ll ask them both. Plan something at my place, invite the immediate family.”

  “Do it here so Todd can grill. You know how he loves that damned thing. Anyway, yes, it’ll be a birthday party.”

  Adrian had to clear his throat to get past the emotion from that statement. “Yeah. Exactly. Thanks. I’m going to go. I just ducked out to get my bag. I’ll call Brody right now so he won’t worry.”

  “Good. He called once to ask if I’d heard from you yet. I love you. Come over when you get back so you can tell me all about it, okay?”

  “I will. Love you too.”

  He hung up and called his brother, giving Brody the same info and promising to get together when he got back home.

  Standing there in her yard on her big lawn with its beautiful view of the water in the distance, he could see the stars so bright above. His breath misted around his face as he turned to go back inside.

  He liked her house. It had an easy feel to it. She had a few really great antique pieces. A sideboard served as an informal divider between the dining room and the kitchen while still leaving it open. The chest serving as her coffee table probably sat in someone’s attic for a good thirty or forty years until it got put out at a garage sale.

  There was a lot of color on the walls. A deep but bright yellow in the kitchen. The bathroom he’d used was blue. Miles’s bedroom had a ceiling painted blue. He liked that about her.

  The space they lived in was eclectic and vibrant, just like, he was beginning to discover, Gillian was.

  “Clearly you’ve got a green thumb,” he said, pleased to find her coming into the room. Plants hung and perched, they popped up on windowsills, on tables and shelves. Everywhere.

  “Well, it’s been a trial sometimes. Miles and his cats.” She rolled her eyes, but the affection was written all over her. “Lord above. One of them, Fat Lucy, well, she’s a plant eater so I had to be sure all the plants I have in the main areas and on the patio are nontoxic. Lucky for her, Jones protects her and swats at her big dumb head when she gets near something she’s not supposed to be near.” She grabbed the bottle of wine and two glasses. “Still up for a fire outside? You don’t have to. You must be tired and maybe just a little shell-shocked by all this.”

  “I’d like that, though it’s really cold out there.”

  “Grab that blanket right there.” She indicated the blanket with the tip of her chin.

  He followed her out the back and across a deck. “This is great.”

  “Thanks. This place was rickety when we first bought it. Over the years we’ve added things. Painted. Replaced windows. All that stuff. We have friends over a lot so it’s nice to have a good outdoor space.”

  She drew him down the steps and toward a paved, circular fire pit surrounded by chairs and benches. One flick of the switch and a fire sprouted merrily. She smiled and sat on a small bench, putting the wine and glasses down. A black cat streaked through the yard, rubbing across her legs on the way.

  He leaned back, happy to sit in the quiet and sip a glass of wine. She wasn’t always trying to make noise for the sake of it. He liked that about her.

  “My place has this sort of quiet, but even so, it’s in the city. This is real dark out here.”

  “Makes the stars very easy to see.”

  He paused, tucking the blanket around her and then himself. “Thank you seems a pale tribute for what you’ve given me.” He snorted and then breathed deep. Someone somewhere had a wood fire burning.

  “I think Miles had a great time. He was positively giddy about you having Willie Nelson’s phone number.” She laughed and he wanted more.

  This place, this moment, it was beautiful and relaxed. He felt safe and comfortable and able to be who he was without having to be on guard.

  “At least he’s got good taste in music, even if he plays bass. Erin’s never going to let me hear the end of that. She likes you.” He licked his lips and her eyes moved to his mouth. The echo of that appraisal shot straight to his cock.

  “I found your sister impossible not to like back. She’s straightforward and protective of her family. She took a risk in coming here.”

  “She’s a force of nature.”

  “A good way to describe her. And how are you, Adrian? A lot has happened to you over the last month or so.”

  “Birds flying high, you know how I feel. Sun in the sky, you kn
ow how I feel. Breeze drifting on by, you know how I feel. It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life for me,” he sang softly.

  “Fish in the sea, you know how I feel. River running free, you know how I feel,” she completed. “I must tell you I feel much better about you that you’d quote Nina Simone to me.”

  He burst out laughing. “I was just thinking the same thing. Relieved you didn’t think it came from a commercial.” He reached out to squeeze her hand and the moment shifted back to what they’d had in her front hallway only the day before.

  The tail of her hair was so close. He gave in to his desire to touch. And the soft, cool strands against his wrist sent a hum of pleasure through him. In the moonlight and the glow of the flames, her skin looked even better.

  Her pupils nearly swallowed the iris of each eye. Her lips parted and he heard her gulp. Part of him registered relief that she was as off balance and drawn to him as he was her.

  “My brain wonders why I’m out here with you, when it would be far safer inside, in the light, in the open.” She made no effort to move.

  “I’ve had similar arguments and have decided to just accept two things I find utterly true. First, that Miles is my son and I plan to be part of his life.” He paused, making sure she got that that was his top priority. “You’ve been good to me in making that happen and I hope I can continue to count on your help. Because Miles is my family and that means you are too. That’s just how it works with us Browns. That is separate from this other thing I also know as true.”

  “Yes? And what’s that then?”

  “We have something.” He twirled her hair around his finger, fascinated by the way her lips canted up just a whisper.

  “Do we now.” It wasn’t a question at all. It was a tease and he liked it.

  “Oh yes. Yes, we do.”

  “What do you plan to do about it?” One perfectly shaped brow rose.