My Fairly Dangerous Godmother

  As I pondered whether it would be unforgivably rude to pick him up and plop him into a pitcher, he opened his eyes and stared mournfully at me.

  “I’ll bring you something back from dinner,” I said.

  He didn’t answer, didn’t move.

  The last of my sisters was nearly out the door. I should go too. I stood, hesitant to leave him. He looked so miserable.

  “Well, besides the crushed newt potion, are you doing okay?”

  His head sagged. “I’m small, warty, and hideous.”

  “I don’t think those bumps on your back are actually warts.”

  Jason turned and put a hand to the mirror, touching his reflection. “Over a million posters of my face sold last year. I was on covers of teen magazines around the world.” He let out a sad croaking sound, probably a sob. “Now look at me.” He hung his head and continued to make pitiful squeaking sounds.

  My guilt flared up again. If I hadn’t wished him here, he’d still be back in the twenty-first century mocking other hopeful singers and putting his butt through its usual strenuous work routine.

  I patted his back gently. “You need to stop staring in the mirror. Look at something else. And look on the bright side. When we go home, you’ll have an easy time hiding from your fans.”

  He made more croaking sounds.

  I remembered the locket Chrissy had given me, and I pulled it from around my neck. “Here. Pretend this is a mirror.” I opened it up and propped it on the table in front of him. “See, that’s who you are on the inside.”

  Jason gripped the sides of the locket, holding his portrait. “Look at me. Look at how awesome I was.”

  “Again, it’s what’s on the inside that counts. That’s the moral of those frog prince fairy tales, right?”

  He stroked the locket with a green finger. “I had the greatest smile. I miss me.” He let out a wistful sigh, blinked at the portrait with liquid eyes, and kissed it.

  The table creaked, shivering and groaning as Jason’s weight shifted. One moment he was a forlorn green frog awkwardly kissing his portrait, the next he was a teen idol in Renaissance clothing crouched on my table.

  I should have known all along he would end up breaking the spell that way. After all, Jason loved himself the most.

  He gawked at his hands, turning them in front of his face in wonder. Like a shot, he jumped off the table and turned toward the mirror. “I’m me again!”

  I shushed him, hoping no servants were passing by in the hallway. The last thing I needed was for the king to find a strange man in our bed chamber.

  Penny and Darby must have heard him. They peered back into to the room to see what had caused the commotion. When they saw Jason, they sighed happily. “Oh, that’s so adorable,” Penny cooed. “It’s true love, after all,”

  “Sweet,” Darby said. “Now get him out of here before someone sees him, ‘cause I ain’t answering questions about why there’s a Brairdrakian prince hanging out in our room.”

  “We’ve totally never seen him.” Penny agreed. She took Darby’s arm, and the two of them disappeared down the hallway.

  I strode to the tapestry and took out the key hidden there. “They’re right. You need to leave.”

  I went to the fireplace and inserted the key into the notch, just as Rosamund had done the last two nights. With only a nudge on my part, it slid open, revealing the landing.

  Jason didn’t move. “Where am I supposed to go? I don’t know the way back to the lake. I rode in your pocket all the way here.”

  He had a point. “Wait for us on the stairs. We’ll leave for the lake at bedtime.”

  He took slow steps toward the opening. “Bring me a lot for dinner. I’m starving.”

  I gestured toward the door. “Okay. Go.”

  “Something good,” he emphasized. “No cow tongue or sheep stomachs or any of that other crap they pass off as delicacies here.” He went through the door mumbling, “Seriously, there are no decent places to eat in this century.”

  I slid the fireplace closed, glad it was easier to do than it looked.

  “So,” a voice came from behind me. “Sneaking guys out of your room?”

  I spun around, startled. Chrissy stood there, wearing her Team Sadie T-shirt and a flouncy blue miniskirt that made her wings glimmer with blue highlights. She held her wand loosely like it was a drumstick.

  I put a hand on my pounding heart. “You just scared me to death.”

  She smiled, unworried about my health, and sashayed closer. “I hear you and Jason kissed last night. Twice. How romantic.”

  “He was a frog at the time.”

  “Well, it can only get better then, right?”

  I motioned for her to walk with me away from the fireplace, in case Jason could hear us. “I’m not kissing him again.”

  Chrissy raised an eyebrow. “Have your eye on someone else?”

  I blushed. Was I that transparent? I didn’t want to tell her about Donovan. He was supposed to be my competition, and I knew she wouldn’t approve.

  Chrissy put her hand on my arm sympathetically. “I know Kailen is the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, but don’t pin your hopes on him. He’s not into mortals.”

  “Oh.” Relief. “Okay.”

  “Besides, he’s way too cocky.” Chrissy tossed her long pink hair off her shoulder. I would have looked ridiculous swishing my hair around like that. On her, it was graceful, natural. “A few months ago I was at a party with this buff elf guy, and Kailen and a couple of his friends came in. The first thing you know, Kailen was swaggering around, showing off for the girls—making vines snake around the elf guys, stuff like that. My date said something along the lines of, ‘Real men don’t wear wings,’ and the next thing I knew he and Kailen were brawling like drunken frat boys.”

  “Really?”

  “And then after my date stormed off to have his teeth fixed, Kailen asked for my number.”

  “That is cocky.”

  Chrissy folded her arms. “He never called.” Another head toss. “Really, I hate it when guys treat me like a trophy.”

  I had no idea what to say to that. She’d actually given Kailen her number after he’d beaten up her date?

  “Anyway,” Chrissy said, returning her attention to me, “I wanted to check in, give you a pep talk, and remind you that even though I’ve got tons of things to do tonight, I’ll once again be eagerly waiting to hear that you’ve got the goblet.” Her wings opened and closed. “It’s your third night here. Exactly what are you waiting for?”

  “I’m going to take it tonight.”

  “Good. And you should look your best while doing it.” She brushed a piece of lint off my shoulder and then, still unhappy with my appearance, snapped her fingers. “Much better.”

  I glanced in the mirror to see what she’d done. I was now wearing makeup, including deep red lipstick.

  “Remember,” Chrissy said, “I can’t go on Queen Orlaith’s land, so you have to make it through the forest and out onto the meadow before I can take the goblet. Call me as soon as you pass the last tree. Once it’s in my hand, I’ll send you and Jason wherever you’d like.” She gave me a cheering smile. “I bet he takes you to some posh Hollywood party.”

  “I’ll call you as soon as I pass the last tree.”

  “Awesome.” She flicked her wand and sparkles spun in the air around her. “Oh, and after you steal the goblet, keep clear of stray vines. You don’t want to end up as plant food.” The sparkles fountained around her until she disappeared.

  I watched her go and wondered which part of the last conversation was supposed to be a pep talk.

  Chapter 26

  That night, when my sisters and I went down the stairs to the fairy realm, Jason walked beside me, holding my lantern. I’d stopped waiting for him to be chivalrous, and I’d forced the lantern on him, telling him I needed both hands to hold up my skirts in order to lessen the chance I’d trip and plunge to my death.

  “After the queen asks her
question,” I whispered to Jason, “Offer to sing her a song—your apology for the unfortunate misunderstanding last night. Keep her eyes on you. When you’ve finished singing, apologizing, and groveling in general, look at me. If I touch my hair, that means I’ve got the goblet.

  “Tell the queen you still haven’t recovered your stamina after being a frog, so you and I are making an early night of it. We’ll need to get out of Queen Orlaith’s domain as quickly as we can.”

  Jason switched the lantern from one hand to the other, nervously wiping his palms on his jerkin. “How come I have to be the distraction?”

  “Because I’m the only one who can touch the goblet. It’s a girl thing, remember?”

  “Why can’t Donovan be the distraction?”

  “Because he’s invisible.”

  “He could make something float.”

  “We want her diverted, not suspicious.”

  Jason scowled and lowered his voice to a hiss. “If Queen Orlaith catches you, she’ll change us both into something horrible. No, thank you. I’ve already done time being repulsive.”

  Behind me, Donovan let out a disbelieving cough. “Is that sentence over?”

  I kept my attention on Jason. “We have to take our chances. You don’t want to stay here, do you?”

  Jason made exasperated grumbling sounds as he thunked angrily down the stairs. “You never should have wished me here.”

  “You think?” I snapped, tired of his complaints. “I could have used that wish for something useful like, oh I don’t know . . . anything else in the world.”

  I held up one hand to stop him from protesting. “I know there are hordes of girls who would love to be in your presence no matter how whiny you’re being, but I’ve realized I’m not one of them.”

  He sputtered at that. “You’re insulting me, when all of this is your fault?”

  From behind us, Donovan whispered, “I think you should ask the queen to turn him back into a frog.”

  Jason turned the lantern to the sound of his voice, scattering light up the stairs. “Keep hiding, punk. If I see you, I will totally take you down!”

  Donovan didn’t answer.

  Jason waved a finger in his direction. “That’s right. You’re not so tough now.”

  I put my hand on Jason’s arm and turned him the right direction. The princesses had stopped descending the stairs and were staring curiously at him.

  “Who are you shouting at?” Penny asked, holding her lantern higher so its circle of light increased.

  Jason dropped his hand. “Um, no one.” He cleared his throat. “I just do that sometimes. Yell randomly.” More throat clearing. “It’s a guy thing.”

  I slipped my arm through Jason’s arm. “He’s fine now.”

  The other princesses sent a few more puzzled looks in Jason’s direction, then turned and went down the stairs again, murmuring things. Probably none of it complimentary. Jason and I followed more slowly. “And that,” I whispered, “is why you can’t win an argument with an invisible man.”

  Jason shot Donovan an angry look over his shoulder, then picked up his pace. “I don’t know why you like him, let alone trust him.”

  I wasn’t going to let the conversation turn in that direction. Especially not with Donovan listening. “Don’t worry about him. I’ll get you home or die trying. All I’m asking you to do is sing for the queen. I’ll do the rest.”

  Jason’s gaze went to me, surprised. “You’d die for me?”

  “Well, it’s not part of the game plan, but it’s a possibility.”

  Jason remained quiet for a few moments. The light from our lantern spilled down the stairs, one white marble step at a time. Finally he said, “I’m sorry I’ve been hard on you. I know you didn’t mean to screw up my life.”

  Donovan snorted at that. Apparently he didn’t think much of the apology.

  “It’s okay,” I said, both to Jason and Donovan.

  After that, Jason and I made small talk. At first it was forced and cold, but after awhile things thawed out. We talked about what we would do first when we got home. Jason was going to book a relaxing vacation in the Caribbean. I was going to come up with a good excuse to explain my three-day disappearance to my parents. And then I was going to think of things to do while grounded, because there was no way on earth my parents would buy any excuse I gave them.

  Donovan didn’t say anything. Maybe he didn’t want to blow his cover. Or maybe he was thinking of his probation officer. How much trouble would he be in for disappearing?

  A couple of times while we walked through the forest, the branches of trees swayed in a way that made me suspect Donovan was pilfering more fairy wealth. After we’d passed through the diamond trees, I heard Donovan’s footsteps at my side, then felt something heavy slip into my pocket. When I checked to see what he’d put there, I found three small branches, a gold, silver, and diamond one. “For me?” I asked. Earlier, he’d given me some gold leaves. I hadn’t expected more.

  “You should get something from your stint in this fairy tale besides Jason’s undying love.”

  “Thanks.”

  The princess procession reached the lake. Jason’s boat sat on the shore exactly where I’d left it last night. The other princes stood by their boats, waiting, and cheered when they saw Jason, human and well. Several came up to clap him on the back and rib him about his time spent as an amphibian. Geoffrey, Rosamund’s prince, predicted he’d be the quickest rower, since he’d been lounging around with the princesses while the rest of them had worked vigorously.

  That prediction proved false, but Jason wasn’t bothered—at least not much—by being last again. This time he knew our boat was heavier due to an invisible stowaway.

  “I don’t see why I have to row the whole way,” he grumbled. “Why can’t Mr. Invisible take a turn?”

  “Because,” I said patiently, “it would look odd if the oars appeared to be moving by themselves.”

  Jason pulled at the oars, halfheartedly trying to catch up with the other boats. “You’re not invisible. Whatever happened to equal rights?”

  I relaxed against the side of the boat, listening to the slosh of the waves. “They haven’t been invented yet.”

  Jason spent the rest of ride to the pavilion alternating between complaining about being shanghaied into the past and predicting our doom. I mostly tuned him out and talked to Donovan.

  Once we got to the pavilion, Jason spent a while at the refreshment table, filling his plate, and then filling it again. I should have eaten too. I should have enjoyed what was possibly my last meal, but my stomach wanted no part of it. I stood next to him nibbling at flower petals I didn’t taste.

  Kailen wasn’t around again tonight. Good. One less pair of eyes to watch us. Rosamund and Geoffrey came to the table for drinks, flushed from dancing. I took Rosamund aside. I had an irrational desire to fix this fairy tale. I didn’t want to disappear back to my own century and leave my sisters’ story unfinished.

  I used my body to shield her from any passing glances and slipped the silver, gold, and diamond twigs into her hand. “Put these in your purse, and give them to Geoffrey before the ball ends. He needs to come to the castle, pretend to be a suitor from a distant land, and show the twigs to father as proof he’s solved the slipper mystery. Geoffrey will choose you as his bride, and he’ll inherit the kingdom.”

  Rosamund’s gaze darted to the queen’s table to make sure we weren’t being watched. “Such a thing is impossible. Father would put a stop to our ball and never let our sisters see their princes again. I couldn’t marry Geoffrey knowing that by doing so I’ll ruin my sisters’ chances for happiness.”

  She pressed the twigs back at me. I didn’t take them. “Trust me about this. He’ll let the princes marry the princesses. Probably insist on it, in fact.”

  “He won’t. You know his stubbornness.”

  “Yes, but I also know he loves us. It will outweigh his stubbornness.” I was suddenly sure of this fact, which
was a nice bit of knowledge to have. In the story, the princesses wed and lived happily ever after. Despite his gruffness and threats, the king wanted his daughters to be happy.

  Rosamund still looked unconvinced, but she slipped the twigs into her purse. “Mother did say she would talk to him about restoring the provinces’ rights.”

  I nodded at her. “Mother will bring him around.”

  Rosamund pressed her lips together, thinking. “She might be a willing ally.”

  “Absolutely,” I said.

  Rosamund smiled, suddenly hopeful. “I’ll ask Geoffrey his opinion of such a plan.”

  After that, Jason decided he wanted to dance and led me out on the floor. As I waltzed to the swaying sounds of the fairy music, I kept surreptitiously checking the clock, watching as the hands made their way around the face. Eleven came. Then eleven thirty. Eleven forty. Eleven fifty. With every passing minute, my heart beat faster.

  I both wanted midnight to come and dreaded it. I wondered where Donovan was. He told me when I switched the goblets, he’d be near the table. Ready to help me if I needed it.

  When the clock struck twelve, Jason and I danced our way toward the queen’s table. She pulled a vial from her gown took the lid off, and poured the liquid into the goblet. Fear tingled up my back. My palms felt sweaty. It was almost time to make the switch.

  Queen Orlaith picked up the cup, swirling it as she spoke. “Magic cup within my hand, make me wise to understand. I’ve bathed my trees in love’s sweet air, yet even so, their boughs are bare. They’ve soaked up light from love’s true kiss. They’re watered by such tears of bliss. What need they more to grow and thrive? Tell me the key to save their lives.”

  The answer from the goblet came quicker than it had the other nights, as though it was weary of answering. “How can one show what you won’t see? How can one tell what you won’t be? Love is a tree, love is a river. Love is the gift and not the giver. True love becomes eternal, when offerings make love supernal.”