My Fairly Dangerous Godmother

  She didn’t show up. Only clouds and sky lolled about above me. “Chrissy!”

  The man with the stringy black hair followed my upward gaze, checking to see what I was looking at. “Now she’s yelling something unholy!”

  By that point I was yelling quite a few things, many of which were definitely unholy.

  The man crossed himself again and returned his attention to the water. “Soon we’ll be surrounded by an entire school of fish folk. Surrounded, and us still not in sight of shore.”

  As soon as he’d given this pronouncement of doom, two dark shadows rippled underneath the water below me. I didn’t know what they were and didn’t want to put my face underwater to find out. Please, I thought, not sharks. Let them be seals, or dolphins, or friendly passing turtles.

  I headed sideways, darting out of their way. I was fast in the water, slicing through the waves effortlessly. The shadows followed, then sped up and circled around me. Whatever they were, they weren’t just randomly passing by. They were after me.

  My heart pounded in a frantic rhythm. I swam toward the ship, tail pumping so urgently I didn’t need to use my arms to propel myself. The ship was the only shark-free place around and I was ready to climb the side using my fingernails. Before I could enact this plan, the shadows cut around in front of me. They were coming up to the surface.

  I braced myself, ready to fight. But instead of gaping, serrated mouths, two teenage girls popped out of the waves. Water streamed from their hair, down their shoulders, and past their shell bikinis.

  The closest girl had long blonde hair decorated with shells and starfish. Her blue eyes had a tint of purple in them, and she had the pretty, perky look of a cheerleader. The second girl was beautiful in a more angular, sophisticated way. Rows of pearls twisted through her long brown hair like jeweled streamers. Her green eyes regarded me disapprovingly. “That’s it. We’re staging an intervention.”

  “What?” I’d had so many shocks I couldn’t think straight. It barely registered these girls must be mermaids too.

  The blonde folded her arms and made a gesturing nod at the ship. “Don’t pretend you weren’t just talking to those humans.”

  “Blow me down!” a sailor exclaimed. “Two more of them showed up!”

  The black haired sailor scanned the waves. “I told you they’d attack the ship. Dozens are probably circling us.”

  The sailor in the bandanna motioned for the spyglass. “Are all of them dressed in their unmentionables?”

  Both girls ignored the men and waited for my answer. I swallowed, feeling helpless. “There’s been a mistake. I’m not supposed to be a mermaid.”

  The brunette girl rolled her eyes. “Oh, not this again. Look, I don’t care how handsome that prince guy is. You’re not human and never will be. And if you think—”

  The blonde girl held up a hand to stop the other mermaid’s words. “Let me handle this, Daphne.”

  The brunette, Daphne, let out a humph.

  “The prince . . .” I repeated weakly. The pieces fell together, interlocking in my mind to reveal a picture—a story. It couldn’t be coincidence, could it? I put my hand to my throat. “I’m in love with a prince?”

  The blonde mermaid let out a sigh. “I think the correct term is infatuated. I mean, you can’t really love him. The guy doesn’t know who you are.”

  I said several things at that point, all of them completely unholy, and all of them directed at my absent fairy godmother. Underneath the water, I flicked my tailfin back and forth angrily, stirring up a current. “I’m the Little Mermaid, aren’t I?”

  The other mermaids—my sisters, I supposed—exchanged a patient look. Daphne swam over and put her hand on my shoulder. Her large green eyes turned sympathetic. “Just because you’re the youngest, that doesn’t mean Marina and I don’t take your feelings seriously.”

  Marina, the blonde mermaid, nodded. “Interspecies crushes never work out. Trust us on this one.” She took hold of my hand and pulled me a few feet farther away from the ship. The water made parting ripples around us, blue and sparkling. “You need to come home now,” Marina said. “If you stay out here too long, you’ll get sunstroke.”

  Daphne glowered in the boat’s direction. “Or netted by those vicious barbarians.”

  “Or speared,” Marina agreed.

  I couldn’t go home. I was half fish. And in a fairy tale. And none of this was supposed to happen. But if I said this to the other mermaids, they’d think I’d already succumbed to sunstroke.

  I took deep breaths, trying to calm myself. When lost, it was best to stay put until someone found you. I was lost now, and Chrissy needed to find me. She had to undo this, to change me back.

  I pulled away from the Marina and Daphne. “I can’t leave yet. I need to talk to someone. It’s really important.”

  My sisters exchanged another look, this one not so patient.

  Before either of them spoke again, a loud voice rumbled from the ship. “What the—what’s going on? Who are you people? Where am I?”

  The guy wasn’t close enough to the side of the ship that I could see him, but he sounded familiar. I listened, drifting closer to the ship.

  “You—yes, you—get me a latte and a cell phone.” There was a small pause and then a moan of frustration. “I don’t even remember leaving a party last night. How did I get here and why is the floor moving?”

  The sailors at the side of the ship turned toward the voice and bobbed their heads in curt bows.

  “Your Highness,” a simpering man near the rail ventured. “Beggin’ your pardon, Sire. I would happily get you a latte and . . . whatever the other thing was you asked for . . . if I only knew what they were and where to fetch them.”

  The prince let out an unsympathetic grunt. “Have you been living under a rock? How could you not know what a latte is? It’s coffee, only better. Go get one.”

  A sinking feeling took hold of my stomach. I recognized the voice now. It was Jason. He was the prince.

  A lot of apologetic murmuring came from the men on the ship, and then Jason’s voice rang out again. “Where is my assistant? Gordon! Gordon—get out here!”

  I put my face in my hand. This was how Chrissy was fulfilling my wish? She’d kidnapped Jason Prescott and made him the prince in a fairy tale? Yeah, that would make him love me for sure. What guy wouldn’t fall for a pathetic fangirl turned mermaid?

  “My contract,” Jason yelled, punctuating each word, “states I only stay at five-star hotels. This dump doesn’t rate one star. It doesn’t even rate one of the pointy parts of a star. And what is that awful smell? No—don’t come closer. You’re the smell.” A smacking noise came from the boat as though Jason was batting someone away.

  Marina glided over to me, barely disturbing the water around her. “So that’s the guy you like?”

  Daphne joined us. She shook her head slowly. “Sorry, there’s not enough handsome in the world to make that guy look good.” She leaned closer to the boat, sunlight glowing across the shells adorning her head. “You can’t actually believe you’re in love with him.”

  “Um . . .” I answered. I didn’t know what else to say.

  “Sire!” one of the sailors motioned to the water. “What are your orders concerning the mermaid infestation?”

  “Mermaid infestation?” Jason asked with a scoff. “One of us drank too much last night, and I’m beginning to think it wasn’t me.”

  Footsteps strode toward the side of the ship, and then Jason peered over the rail. He wore a red coat with gold trim rimming the sleeves and collar. His brown hair was mussed from sleep, and his skin had a pale green hue to it. He was either hung over or seasick. It would be ironic, I supposed, if he threw up right now.

  He stared blankly at us. “Is that water down there?”

  Daphne and Marina both laughed. The sound was musical, like lilting bells. “He’s charming and smart,” Daphne said.

  Jason’s gaze narrowed in on me, as though he recognized me b
ut didn’t remember from where.

  Marina grabbed my arm. “We’ve seen enough. Let’s go.” Her grip tightened and she dived downward, dragging me into the depths of the water.

  I struggled, twisting as I tried to swim back toward the ship. But then Daphne took hold of my other arm, and the two of them pulled me along with them. They were strong. I could only wave my tailfin in protest, watching the sunlit surface grow more distant.

  I was afraid I was going to drown, which would have been just my luck—to drown while being a mermaid.

  Chapter 4

  I didn’t dare take a breath. One part of my brain knew mermaids must be able to breathe underwater, but I wasn’t a real mermaid. I was a girl that a fairy godmother—no, a fair godmother—turned into a mermaid. What if she’d forgotten to give me mermaid lungs, or gills, or whatever they used?

  I gestured wildly upward.

  Sign language is something I’m apparently not good at. The mermaids only glanced at me and kept dragging me deeper.

  “What’s with her?” Daphne asked Marina. She actually spoke the words, though I wasn’t sure how she’d done it underwater, or how I’d heard her.

  “I think it’s human dancing,” Marina answered. “You know how the savages shake their arms about when they’re making merry.”

  Daphne and Marina didn’t use their hands to swim. Their tailfins waved in smooth arcs, propelling us downward. “Humans are a bad influence,” Daphne muttered. “Next she’ll be strapping heels on her fins and wearing a corset.”

  “It’s sad how humans torture their women.” Marina shot me a reproving look. “Really, what do you have to say for yourself?”

  I said the only thing I could, which was “Mmrrr mm eemm mm!” It meant “Let me go no,” only it didn’t come out sounding that way, and they kept dragging me deeper. The water was warmer and clearer than I expected, or maybe it just seemed that way because I was a mermaid. I could see so much. Bits of seaweed drifted peacefully in the current. Gray fish lumbered by without paying any attention to us.

  Below in the distance, a huge rock city spread out along the bottom of the ocean. Hundreds of buildings—some made from tan stone, others from black, orange, and white—glistened in the streams of sunlight that fingered down from the surface. A white castle sat in the middle of the buildings, its rock towers piercing the water. Gleaming blue flags waved lazily back and forth from its spires. It was probably my mermaid home.

  I couldn’t hold my breath any longer. My lungs ached. The remaining air went from my mouth in a rush of fleeing bubbles, and I gasped inward. I expected pain, choking, something. Instead, breathing the water felt like breathing air.

  I gulped in and out several times, amazed and relieved. I wasn’t going to drown.

  As intriguing as the city below me looked, I didn’t want to go there. I was afraid if I agreed to any of this, I would be stuck in the fairy tale forever. Perhaps if I explained the situation to the other mermaids, they could help me. Maybe they knew how to get a hold of fairy godmothers.

  “Listen, I don’t know how to say this . . .” I glanced up at the distant water of the surface. It seemed like a dark blue sky, cloudless and shining. “This is all a big mistake.”

  “I’m glad you finally realize that.” Marina kept pulling me toward the white castle, her tailfin effortlessly pumping back and forth. “If Dad finds out you were prince-gazing again, he’ll go tidal.”

  Daphne nodded, brown hair streaming behind her. “Remember how he stormed around, throwing waves everywhere after he heard that song you wrote about the prince?”

  Marina pursed her lips at the memory as though it tasted sour. “We were picking palm trees out of the coral gardens for days.”

  “What song?” I’d written more than one song about Jason Prescott, but I’d never told anyone they were about him. Had Chrissy known somehow? Had she used my songs in this fairy tale?

  “What song?” Marina repeated incredulously.

  Daphne gave an extra hard tailfin kick and sang: If I had feet, I’d use them for pace’n, because I’m so crazy about my Prince Jason.

  I had definitely never written those lyrics. I still blushed though, because the Little Mermaid version of me had. It was probably a bad sign that I was pathetic in more than one world. “You don’t understand,” I said over the next stanza.

  His eyes are so dreamy, I’d love to be his queenie.

  “I’m a human who was accidentally turned into a mermaid.”

  At least I hoped it was an accident. I hoped Chrissy wasn’t so completely bad at granting wishes she thought a wish for a beautiful singing voice was a request to live out a Disney movie.

  Daphne slowed down enough to regard me. “Great. She must have been in the sun too long. Now she’s delirious.”

  “No,” Marina said with a frustrated sigh. “She’s in love. It makes girls act like they’re delirious.”

  On our way to the city, we swam toward a large school of silver fish. They turned to go around us, prodded by two larger, yipping fish with long whiskers. I hadn’t realized fish could yip, and I stared at their mottled brown bodies and flapping fins.

  This place was so odd.

  “Ho there, princesses!” A merman with a braided black beard appeared behind the school, carrying a hooked shepherd staff. His tailfin was curved and gray like a dolphin, and he wore a bag strapped to his waist. He swam casually in our direction, giving us a quick bow of deference. “Are you checking on your father’s herds?”

  “No,” Marina answered with a dainty wave of her free hand. “We’re just out taking a morning swim.”

  “Fine day for it.” The merman noticed my sisters’ grip on my arms but didn’t comment on it. He motioned to one of the yipping fish, and it directed the rest of the school to swim by.

  When we’d passed them, Marina looked over her shoulder at him. “Do you think he suspects anything?”

  Daphne snorted. “You mean from the girl who sang, Pace’n Over Jason a few days ago and is now being hauled home by her sisters? No, I doubt he suspects a thing.”

  I tried again to explain my situation again. “You see, I made a wish. The magic must not have worked right—”

  “Magic?” Marina cut me off, alarmed.

  Daphne stopped swimming and drew herself up so that we were vertical. Her hair swirled upward like the flame of a candle, and her tailfin twitched in agitation. “You didn’t make a deal with the sea witch, did you? You know magic causes nothing but trouble.”

  Yeah. I was beginning to realize that.

  Marina put her hand to her lips and blinked in worry. “You’ll end up as sea foam before your time. Tell me you didn’t bargain with the witch.”

  “I didn’t.” This was true. I’d signed a contract with a fairy.

  Satisfied, Daphne and Marina pulled me toward the city again. “If you really care about your prince,” Daphne said, “the best thing you can do is stay away from him. Even if you found some magical way to bring him here without drowning him, well . . . how do I put this delicately?” Without attempting to be delicate, she said, “Someone would kill him.”

  “Dad especially would kill him,” Marina agreed. “Humans are just a bunch of nasty fish thieves.”

  Daphne lowered her voice. “Dad would’ve already locked you up somewhere, except we told him the reason you keep going to the surface is so you can practice luring ships to their doom.”

  Luring ships to their doom? Seriously? I’d always thought mermaids were nice creatures.

  “Which reminds me,” Marina put in cheerfully. “Dad is having one of his advisors look into the Siren Foreign Exchange Student Program for you.”

  “Your singing is amazing,” Daphne added with a note of pride. “You’d make a great Siren.”

  In Greek mythology, Sirens were creatures who sang so irresistibly that sailors blindly followed their voices. The sailors then crashed their ships onto the rocks and drowned.

  I decided right then not to tell my m
ermaid sisters I was actually human. Even if I found a way to convince them it was the truth, I doubted they would take the news well.

  As we drew closer to the city, I saw street-like swimming channels twisting through the buildings. Kelp as big as trees grew everywhere, their broad leaves swished rhythmically, bending and swaying in the currents. Merfolk in an assortment of colors swam through the channels. Several glided slowly, talking together. Others shot through the water with eel-like grace. A few mermen rode near the castle in dolphin-harnessed chariots. They wore turtle-shell armor around their chests and carried spears.

  Curved white lampposts lined the street, each with a large luminescent jellyfish tethered at the end, drifting up and down. As I swam past one, I realized the posts were bones—probably rib bones of a whale.

  Even though I was seeing all of this, I could hardly believe it. Were there mermaids in my time period too? Could there be?

  Daphne and Marina swam toward a window in one of the upper turrets of the castle. Once there, they deposited me inside the room. A large stone bed sat in one corner with puffy anemone pillows and a blanket made of woven seaweed. Elaborately-carved stone chairs sat at the other end of the room, each with thick algae for cushions. A chandelier made of small glowing jellyfish was tethered loosely to the ceiling. They drifted this way and that as they swam.

  “We need to tend to the oyster gardens now,” Daphne told me, her hands on her hips. “You’d better hurry and get ready to join your school.”

  I thought of the schools of fish I’d seen swimming around the city. Which was I supposed to join, and what was I supposed to do with them? “Uh, what school?”

  Daphne gave me an exasperated look. “High school.”

  “Oh, right. I don’t want to be late for that.” Mermaids had high school? Who knew?

  Marina glided over and put her hand on my forehead, feeling for a temperature. “Are you sure you didn’t get too much sun? Maybe we should take you to see Doctor Gills.”

  “No, really I’m not sick.” Freaking out, yes. Panicked, definitely. But not sick. The last thing I wanted was someone asking me a lot of questions I couldn’t answer without lying. It was bad enough having fins. I didn’t want an oddly long nose too. “I’ll be fine. I’m just . . . not feeling like myself.”