Survivor

  When the bar became crowded later, they left and walked around the West End. Morgan showed her the Windmill Theatre, with its daring showgirl dancers, Tin Pan Alley, where musicians went to buy sheet music, and so many theatres in which famous actors and actresses were starring. He was his old self again, interesting and fun to be with.

  He stopped to kiss her so many times in dark little alleys, pressing himself up hard against her in a way she found thrilling, but also a bit frightening, because she was afraid he might try to drag her off somewhere.

  And yet, at ten o’clock, when she said she ought to go home, he seemed absolutely fine about it.

  ‘We’ll walk down to Green Park station,’ he said. ‘You can catch the tube home to St John’s Wood from there, and I can go to Bethnal Green. Unless you want me to come the whole way with you?’

  She was touched that he was prepared to do that, but said she was fine to go home alone. The last thing she wanted was Noah or Lisette spotting her with him before she’d had a chance to admit where she’d really been today.

  ‘Just a few more kisses,’ Morgan said as they got to Green Park, and he drew her into the park instead of the tube station.

  Holding her hand, he led her over to the bushes at the side of the Ritz Hotel. The dining room in the hotel was lit by huge chandeliers. There were big mirrors on the walls, crystal glasses and silver on the tables, and the whole place seemed to shine and twinkle.

  ‘Look at all those toffs,’ Morgan said, indicating the diners in evening dress. ‘One of these days, Mari, we’ll stay there. I bet the bedrooms are out of this world.’

  They stood with their arms around each other’s waists, looking at the people in the dining room for a few moments. The women wore elegant evening dresses and beautiful jewellery, and the men looked distinguished in their dinner jackets and bow ties.

  ‘You’ll look very handsome in a dinner jacket,’ she said. ‘But I think to eat and sleep in there would take more money than we’re ever likely to have.’

  Morgan turned to kiss her, gathering her into his arms. As he kissed her, he moved her closer to a huge tree by the hotel’s dining-room windows. His kisses were thrilling, but all at once Mariette had a creepy feeling. He had manoeuvred her out of sight of anyone walking in the park, but they were in full view of anyone looking out of the hotel windows.

  No one was looking out – they were too intent on conversation and enjoying their dinner – but, all the same, Mariette felt it was Morgan’s way of making a statement. He might not be able to afford to eat or stay in the Ritz, but he could have his way with a girl right outside the window.

  She tried to disengage herself from his lips so she could say she wanted to move away, but he held her all the tighter. His hand was under her dress, groping into her knickers, and all at once she realized that he really did intend to have his way with her, whether she was willing or not.

  Shocked, she managed to get her hands on his shoulders and push him away enough to stop the kiss. ‘I must go now, Morgan,’ she said, hoping he would say something which would prove she’d been wrong about his intentions.

  ‘Not yet, I’m going to fuck you first.’

  Appalled that he would use that ugly word, she tried to push him away more forcefully. ‘I don’t want this, it’s not right,’ she said.

  ‘You thought it was just fine on the ship, and it’s the very same cock,’ he said, putting his hand down to his fly and unbuttoning it.

  An image of the humiliation she’d suffered with Sam came into her mind. ‘I said no,’ she yelled out, pushing him away with as much force as she could muster. ‘Stop it.’

  ‘You don’t mean that. You love it,’ he said, pushing her back hard against the tree and using the weight of his body to hold her there.

  She saw red. He was not going to treat her like this. She moved her head, as if to kiss him, and as his lips came close to hers she opened her mouth and bit down hard on his lip. At the same time, she brought her knee up swiftly to his groin.

  He reeled back, staggering. She’d drawn blood on his lips.

  ‘How can you be like this!’ she snarled at him. ‘You call that love?’

  She ran for it then. She heard him call out that he was sorry, but she didn’t stop. The tube entrance was just outside the gates, and she ran down the steps into the station, rushing to buy a ticket. She was just going through the barrier to the escalator, biting back tears, when she heard him call out.

  ‘Wait, Mariette!’

  She glanced round to see him coming down the steps, two at a time, into the station. ‘I didn’t mean it, let me explain!’ he yelled out.

  Tossing her head in defiance, she walked on swiftly to the escalator.

  Yet when he didn’t come running down after her, contrite and loving, prepared to take her home without any further funny business, tears welled up in her eyes. What a fool she’d been to think he loved her. All he wanted was some furtive sex before joining up, and that was so very humiliating.

  Lisette and Noah were in the kitchen when Mariette opened the front door. Lisette called out to say she was just making some cocoa. All Mariette wanted to do was go up to her room and sob out her disappointment at Morgan’s behaviour. But she knew Lisette and Noah would find it odd, if she didn’t join them.

  As she’d expected, Lisette asked what she’d done and if she’d had a good time.

  ‘I told you a fib,’ Mariette admitted. ‘I didn’t go out with a girlfriend. I met Morgan from the ship.’ She looked at Noah and explained that Morgan had been the steward who looked after her in the sickbay when she had an allergic reaction.

  ‘Why did you lie about it?’ Noah asked. He didn’t sound angry, just puzzled.

  ‘I thought you wouldn’t approve,’ she said, hanging her head. ‘But he’s left the ship now and is enlisting in the army.’

  ‘Did you like him as much today as you did on the ship?’ Lisette asked. She was looking hard at Mariette, as if she suspected something.

  ‘No, not really.’ Mariette shook her head. ‘He’s handsome, good company, but he’s not for me.’

  ‘A pretty girl of your age should have lots of admirers, and not take any of them too seriously,’ Noah said with a broad smile. ‘Speaking of admirers, Gerald telephoned this evening. He wants to take you to the theatre next week, and he’s going to ring again tomorrow.’

  ‘Lovely,’ she said weakly. ‘That will be nice.’

  The way she felt now, she didn’t think she would ever trust another man. But she wasn’t going to say anything that would make Lisette question her further about Morgan.

  Later that night, while Mariette was sitting at her dressing table and giving her hair the hundred brush strokes she’d been brought up to believe were necessary for shiny hair, Morgan was slumped on the front doorstep of the rooming house in Whitechapel.

  He hadn’t been able to go after Mariette because he had to queue for a ticket, and by the time he’d gone through the barrier she was already on the train going home. He’d done it all wrong; he might have known that a few months in London with relatives that were toffs would change her. What on earth possessed him to paw at her like a bloody savage?

  The truth was that he knew, just from the way she spoke about her life in London, she was never going to settle for someone like him. He saw the way she looked at those people dining at the Ritz, her eyes shining like she’d just seen God. It hurt because, on the ship, she’d looked at him the same way. It wasn’t much of an excuse to come up with for the way he’d tried to force himself on her, but it was the only one he could offer. Maybe he’d thought that, if he could arouse her again, that look would come back into her eyes for him.

  He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands. The street was still as noisy now, at nearly midnight, as it was during the day. Drunks were staggering along, shouting to anyone they passed, and further along the pavement a whole family were sitting out drinking; a piano jangled from somewhere near, some
youths were play-fighting down under the street light on the corner, and every now and then someone would stick their head out of a window and shout for someone.

  Morgan had always loved this part of London – he understood the people – but how could he ever have thought Mariette would like it too?

  All she’d see was the squalor, ignorance, overcrowding and deprivation. She would never see the spirit of the residents, laugh at their rich sense of humour, or want to make friends with anyone here.

  It was bad enough to know that Mariette had her heart set on a way of life he could never give her. But it was far worse to think that her last memory of him would be of how he had tried to force himself upon her.

  He was so ashamed.

  12

  As Mariette walked back from her final day at college in early July, carrying her diploma, she felt very dejected. She had passed her final exams with distinction, but the elation of her achievement was deflated by knowing she would have to go home to New Zealand now.

  War was imminent. Noah had worn a permanently worried expression for weeks. She’d recently seen him and Lisette having whispered conversations, which stopped when she came into the room, and she knew they were talking about getting her a passage home. It was futile to beg them to let her stay as her parents were insisting she must return home; they had already met her halfway by allowing her to finish the secretarial course and get her diploma. But now she had it, she would have to go.

  She really didn’t want to leave. She loved everything about England, and although all the accelerated preparations for war were scary – barrage balloons appearing up in the sky, more trenches being dug in the parks, sandbags being stockpiled outside buildings, windows being taped up and more bomb shelters being built – she still wanted to stay.

  It didn’t help that the weather was hot and sunny, and Rose and her friends were all talking about summer balls, picnics and open-air concerts. There was an atmosphere of ‘do it now, for tomorrow may be too late’ in the air; men of twenty and twenty-one had already been called up, and London was full of men in uniform.

  She tried to think about the positive aspects of going home. But apart from seeing her family, and swimming and sailing, nothing else sprang to mind. To be stuck on the other side of the world, twiddling her thumbs while every able-bodied man went off to fight, was not a pleasing prospect.

  She had felt so low immediately after the incident with Morgan that she might have welcomed going home then, but she’d put that behind her. He did write to apologize, but the letter was brief and inarticulate, giving her no real idea of his reasons, that all it did was confirm how unsuitable he was for her.

  That didn’t stop her thinking about him, though, and wondering why he had suddenly behaved as he did. She wished she could sit and talk to him face to face, and try to find out.

  But, meanwhile, she had Gerald to take her out. She might not feel anything but friendship towards him, but he was fun, kind and he was too much of a gentleman to pressure her into more than a goodnight kiss.

  Mariette walked round the side of the house to go in through the kitchen, then stopped short in astonishment at the sight in front of her. A long table had been set up for a dinner party on the lawn. It was laid beautifully, with flowers and dozens of candles. All at once it dawned on her that it was for her, a surprise leaving party, and this was what Noah and Lisette had been whispering about recently.

  She might not want to go home, but it was very kind of Noah and Lisette to send her off in style.

  Lisette came out of the kitchen, stopped short and then laughed at Mariette’s stunned expression. ‘Yes, it is for you, we wanted to celebrate you passing your exams. I have been praying for warm weather for weeks so we could have it in the garden, and my prayers have all been answered.’

  ‘It looks so lovely.’ Mariette’s eyes began to well up; she was so touched that Lisette would pretend the party was for her exam results, rather than her leaving. ‘Fancy you doing all this and keeping it secret!’

  ‘It’s been a pleasure.’ Lisette came closer to Mariette and wiped her tears away with a corner of her apron. ‘Let me see your diploma, we must put that up somewhere so everyone can see it.’

  Mariette took it out of the envelope and handed it to Lisette.

  ‘Passed with distinction!’ Lisette exclaimed. ‘Noah is going to be so proud of you. But off you go, and get ready now. You must look your best to greet all the guests. Rose is up there already.’

  At six thirty, Mariette was ready, wearing her cream lace dress. Rose had pinned her hair up for her and fastened a couple of pink rosebuds amongst the curls.

  ‘Papa wanted us down before the guests arrive so we can have some family moments on our own,’ she said, giving Mariette’s hair a few little tweaks. ‘I do hope he isn’t going to say this is a farewell party too, and that he’s going to put you on a ship any minute. I really don’t want you to go, Mari. I know that’s selfish of me, when you want to see your family, but it’s been so lovely having you here.’

  ‘I don’t want to go either,’ Mariette admitted, touched that Rose felt that way. ‘But it’s what my parents want. So let’s make the most of tonight as we may never get the chance again. ’

  Down in the drawing room Noah handed them both a glass of champagne, and they had a little toast to Mariette. Then Lisette asked Rose to come and help her in the kitchen. Mariette sensed this was because Noah had something to say to her, and her heart sank.

  ‘Lisette thinks I ought to wait till tomorrow to tell you this,’ he said, looking very serious. ‘But as I know all your friends will think this party is also a farewell dinner, I felt I had to tell you now.’

  He paused, as if he didn’t know how to say it. ‘I have been a little blinkered,’ he went on. ‘I didn’t think there would be any problem getting you home, but it seems almost all the ships going to New Zealand are now concentrating on carrying cargo, and the few remaining ones taking passengers are already fully booked. I am so sorry, my dear, but unless something turns up at the last minute, I think you will have to stay here.’

  Mariette was unable to speak for the shock.

  ‘I’ve tried pulling strings,’ he said, clearly thinking her silence was due to distress. ‘But it’s been to no avail. I feel I have failed you and your parents. I am so very sorry.’

  A bubble of glee burst inside her. She wanted to hug him, dance around the room with him, tell him it was her dream come true. But she resisted the temptation. It was more seemly to appear anxious and disappointed that she wouldn’t see her family in the near future.

  She put her hand on his arm. ‘It’s alright, Uncle Noah,’ she assured him. ‘No one could’ve known what was going to happen. You did your best. And anyway, as I have an English mother and a French father, maybe it is right that I should stay and make some contribution to the war effort.’

  His frown vanished. ‘That is both brave and noble, Mari. I must say that none of us wanted to lose you, we’ve all become so fond of you. But I’m looking into finding a house somewhere outside London, where you girls will all be safer in an air raid.’

  ‘Don’t let’s talk about it any more tonight,’ Mariette said. ‘Auntie Lisette has gone to so much trouble, and we must show her how much we appreciate it.’

  It was a wonderful party. Most of the two dozen or so guests were people Mariette had become friends with through Rose. They had all been very welcoming when she first arrived in England, including her in so many outings and parties, and they all said they were delighted she wasn’t going home so they could have even more fun together. The food was superb, the wine flowed, and when darkness fell the dozens of candles and the strings of coloured lights in the bushes made the garden look enchanted.

  Mariette found it a little odd that Jean-Philippe and his wife, Alice, weren’t here. Surely they must have been invited to a family party? She sensed a bit of a mystery there; she had met them twice, and only fleetingly, but even in those brief moment
s she’d felt a strained atmosphere. Lisette did go on her own sometimes to see her son – just for lunch, mainly – but she never said anything about the meeting when she came home. Mariette had asked Rose about it, but she shrugged it off. ‘Jean-Philippe is an odd fish,’ was all she would say on the subject.

  But Mariette’s thoughts about Jean-Philippe were only passing ones. There were so many people here who she wanted to chat to, and she was soon busy making arrangements for future outings.

  Rose brought out her gramophone and played some records later. But Mariette held herself back from much of the dancing and revelry because she wanted to convey to Noah and Lisette that she was a little shaken by what she’d been told earlier.

  Mog had often claimed that Mariette was devious, but she’d never quite grasped what Mog meant. But she knew now. Back home, she had never cared if her family were cross with her, but as soon as she’d realized England was where she wanted to stay, she’d gone out of her way to make her hosts love her so they wouldn’t want to send her home.

  She knew it was a bit devious to be helpful, appreciative, sunny natured and affectionate to suit her own ends. But then, it wasn’t hard to be that way here because Noah, Lisette and Rose were such lovely, reasonable people who were intent on giving her a good time.

  Maybe she did pile on a little extra admiration for Rose, to keep her happy, and she certainly never opposed any plans she made for them both. She went out of her way to spend time with Lisette too, something Rose didn’t do, and she asked Noah endless questions about his writing, about English history, or anything else that he cared about.

  What had begun as a plan to butter them up became unnecessary as she really did like them a great deal. She had found Noah to be a fascinating man, and Lisette had hidden depths that she wished she could delve into and discover her secrets. She would admit that, had she met Rose back home, she would have cut the girl down to size immediately – because she was opinionated, a snob and sometimes mean-spirited – but she had other qualities that more than made up for the irritating things, such as her patience in teaching Mariette to dance, her sense of fun, and the fact that she was so loyal. She never told tales, she didn’t belittle Mariette in front of friends, and she was always supportive.