unDefeated

  He grinned shamelessly as Olivia tore her gaze away and informed her date she was ready. Frowning, Mike placed his hand on the small of her back and guided her out the door.

  “Have a good time,” Spencer bit out as the door closed behind them.

  SEVEN

  Nice shoes. Olivia couldn’t stop hearing those words in her head. She hadn’t realized their significance when she put them on until Spencer reminded her. She hadn’t spent a single moment concentrating on her date. The food—a creamy spinach fettuccine with lobster—smelled incredible, but she couldn’t taste anything. And Mike’s valiant attempt to draw her into conversation was going unnoticed.

  In as little as two words, Spencer had gotten into her head. How did he do that? How did he manage to be an ass who ignored her and at once made her feel like she was the center of everything? It was just a stupid pair of shoes, but what they did while she was wearing them? Well, that had certainly been memorable.

  Olivia flushed just thinking about the marks she’d left on him during that moment of wild abandon. She had always had a bit of a naughty streak. Ever since she was a teenager, she pushed the edge of decency and reason. Sometimes it was just for kicks, but other times, it was for the sole purpose of getting her absentee parents to notice her.

  All she’d ever wanted was for them to show her the love and affection that other parents did for their children, but they were so busy jet setting to the Riviera or traveling to their vacation home in Nepal, or simply doing whatever suited them that it was as if they didn’t even have a kid at home. At some point, even negative attention became good attention. At least then, they had to acknowledge her, even if it was just a stern warning over the phone or a canceled credit card.

  When her arrest backfired, it’d been a devastating blow in more ways than one.

  She suspected that’s what the draw to Spencer was all about. He was her streak of danger and her source of misery all wrapped up in one sexy package. She was addicted to his hot and cold behavior, which made her pretty damn sick in the head, didn’t it?

  “Am I boring you?”

  Mike’s question pierced her introspective fog and Olivia looked up from twisting noodles around her fork. “I’m sorry, I keep checking out on you don’t I?”

  “Have a lot on your mind?”

  She had to give him credit for being so patient. If it were Spencer sitting on the opposite side of the table, he probably would have said something hurtful and walked out by now. “Unfortunately, yes. I feel bad. You asked me out to this lovely dinner, and I’m ignoring you.”

  “It’s no problem,” Mike said, smiling softly. “Sometimes life just sneaks up on us. Does this have anything to do with your houseguest?”

  Caught off-guard by the question, Olivia floundered for an answer. She found her glass of wine instead and sipped it. Daubing her lips with her napkin, she said, “Yes, he does have a bit to do with it.”

  “Ex-boyfriend?”

  Again, she was surprised by the question. Mike was more astute than she had given him credit for. “Very observant. Yes, we dated for a while.”

  “Dated.” He nodded. “You must have ended on good terms then, for him to be staying with you.”

  He was poking around, and she couldn’t blame him. If she were trying to date someone, she’d want to know the same thing. The problem was she wasn’t all that interested in Mike. At least, not romantically. Divulging personal details of her life seemed rather unproductive and unnecessary. “Mike…”

  “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pry,” Mike rushed out. His plate clear of food, he set his utensils down and leaned back in his chair. “It just seemed to be bothering you, and I always find that talking about it helps.”

  “I appreciate it, I do, but, to be honest, I haven’t had time to sort it out myself yet, and I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it.”

  “I completely understand.”

  “How was everything?” The waitress, a young brunette who couldn’t be much older than twenty, stopped at their table and began removing their empty dishes.

  “Really good, thank you,” Mike replied, giving her a friendly smile.

  “Great. Will either of you be wanting dessert? The fried ice cream is fantastic.”

  Mike looked to Olivia, and she shook her head. Dinner had been a concession. Nothing more than an opportunity to let him down easy. She wondered if he knew that.

  “Just the check please,” Mike told their waitress. She nodded happily and drifted away, leaving them in awkward silence.

  As soon as the check was paid, Mike drove Olivia home. When the pulled up in front of her apartment complex, he left the car idling, confirming her suspicion.

  “Thank you for dinner. I had a really nice time.” Olivia looked down at her hands twisted in her lap, feeling overwhelmed, her mood somber at the knowledge of what she had to do.

  “It was my pleasure.” Mike stared off into the night and sighed deeply. “Look, Olivia, you’re a great woman and I’ve enjoyed spending time with you, but I don’t think this is going to work out.”

  Olivia’s head snapped up, her eyes widening in surprise.

  “I think we’d be better off just being friends and something tells me you don’t disagree.”

  A relieved smile spread across her face. “I’m so glad you said that. I was worried I was going to hurt your feelings.”

  Mike grinned. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t have to. I’ve had enough hurt feelings to get me through at least a few more months.”

  With that burden lifted from her shoulders, she laughed. “I’m glad we’re on the same page then.” Reaching for the door handle, she paused, thinking. Then, on a whim, she leaned back across the seat and kissed Mike’s scruffy cheek. The look of surprise on his face was priceless. “Thank you for being so understanding. I hope you find who you’re looking for.”

  “You, too, Olivia. Make him work for it.”

  Left with those words, Olivia bid him goodbye and waved from her doorstep before letting herself inside.

  The room was dark except for the flickering glow spilling from the television. It splashed over the room, highlighting Spencer’s lax figure sprawled out across the couch. His arms hung heavily at his sides, his fingers curled around the remote. He was in the same pose he’d been in when she left, except for his head, which had listed to one side when he’d fallen asleep.

  He was shirtless, showing off his long, lean frame and the sleeve of black ink decorating his left bicep. He wasn’t bulky with muscle like his friend Jami, but he still had a great body. Even relaxed she could pick out each of his abs, see the definition in his chest and arms. He was just big enough to make her feel petite, which was always a good thing for a woman. There was nothing better than the feeling of being overpowered, at the mercy of someone bigger and stronger, especially when it was the person who made your insides quiver with need.

  Toeing off her shoes, she quietly made her way over to him and slipped the remote from his hand. The television turned off with a click and, careful not to wake him, gathered the blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over him.

  After a quick shower, she changed into her favorite Snoopy boxers and an oversized sweatshirt and curled up in bed. It was strange, knowing that Spencer was just down the hall. She hadn’t expected to share her space with him again, but it was kind of nice not being alone. Having Spencer nearby, even if they weren’t sharing a bed anymore, made her feel infinitely safer.

  A part of her hoped that they could find some way back to each other, but even if that never happened, maybe they could find some way to still be friends.

  ***

  Was it possible to change? Like, really change? Spencer turned the question over in his mind while he started a pot of extra strong coffee. It was the good kind—Starbucks. He’d never been big on the shit, but he liked the aroma. It was kind of bitter, but there was something about it that made him want to inhale deeply.

  Olivia loved the
crap. She could polish off an entire pot by herself, and he remembered how she liked it strong, so that’s how he was making it. He’d burned two pots already, but this one smelled like success. It was a kind of thank you for allowing him to stay, and for last night.

  Not realizing how tired he was, he’d fallen asleep waiting up for her. When he’d woken up sometime in the middle of the night, the television had been turned off and he’d been covered with a blanket. A quiet smile tipped his lips. Of the two of them, she had always been the caretaker. He kind of missed that.

  So, he was making her coffee.

  As expected, Liv woke up not too soon after the pot was filled, and he had a cup already waiting for her. With his back pressed into the counter, Spencer perked up as she stumbled into the kitchen.

  He’d always enjoyed the female form. They were so much more delicate than a man, their bodies curved and soft in all the right places. But Olivia was the only woman he’d ever met that actually made his blood simmer just from looking at her.

  Fresh out of bed, she was dressed in an oversized t-shirt with men’s socks that reached the top of her shins. Her hair was a golden ball of knots that hung around her face, which was twisted in a familiar scowl.

  “Coffee,” she grunted, making Spencer chuckle.

  “Some things never change,” he muttered, then held the cup out to her. “Sugar and extra cream, just how you like it.”

  Her narrowed eyes were full of suspicion as she lifted the cup to her lips. The first sip was cautious. Her eyes flared as it went down, and then she was drinking deeply. Satisfaction spread through Spencer as he watched her drink what he made for her. It felt good to do something right for a change.

  “How was your date last night?” Turning, Spencer busied himself pouring a glass of milk. He’d grown used to the whole fat, warm as shit cartons they served at the facility, so the skim Liv kept on hand tasted like ice cold water. He grimaced, forcing it down.

  “It was nice. Mike is a good guy.”

  Spencer’s scowl matched Olivia’s. “So you’ll be seeing him again.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Finishing her coffee, Olivia poured another cup. Once it was doctored the way she preferred, she turned to face him, clutching the mug between both palms. “We decided we’re better off as friends.”

  Lungs filling deeply, Spencer focused on the empty glass in front of him to keep from smiling. She probably wouldn’t be very happy if she knew how pleased he was with her news. “Sometimes it’s what’s best.”

  Glancing up, Spencer caught the hurt in her eyes and wondered why it was there. Was she into the guy? He’d gotten the impression that their relationship was fairly fresh. Could he have been wrong? Could she have been hoping for more from the guy, only to get her heart broken a second time?

  “Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed—”

  “Well, there’s nothing to be done about it now,” she said quickly, cutting him off. Dropping her cup in the sink, she darted past him. “I’ve got to get ready for work. I put an extra key by the door so if you have to go anywhere, you can lock up.”

  Spencer hung his head. He couldn’t seem to stop screwing up, could he? Maybe he should just keep his mouth shut, minimize the damage.

  As Liv readied herself for work, Spencer sketched out some plans of his own. He’d lost all of his worldly possessions when he’d gone into rehab, so he had to start over with everything. But where to begin? He had no job, no money, and no car. He was nearly broke, which put him back at ground zero.

  Thoughts of how to make money, fast, began filling his head. The bit of money he had left in his wallet could go a long way if he played his cards right. And he knew just the places to go, the right people to talk to. He could have his life back by the end of the day.

  Olivia’s sudden presence in the doorway startled him from his spiraling thoughts. Spencer shook his head and tried to focus. He tracked Liv around the room as she put together a bologna sandwich and a tossed salad and zipped them into a hot pink lunch bag. She’d put on a pair of black leggings that hugged her heart-shaped ass and a pale pink, ribbed top that matched the stripes in her tennis shoes. With her hair pulled up in a high ponytail, she looked like she was heading out for a jog rather than work. It was a look that always made Spencer’s heart race a little faster than normal.

  Running his tongue over the silver hoop wrapped around his bottom lip, he forced himself to face the inevitable. If he wanted to remain healthy, he needed to face his addictions head-on, and that didn’t mean falling back down into the cesspool he’d been swimming in most of his life.

  “Liv,” he said his voice low.

  “Hmm?” She flicked him a look over her shoulder as she filled an insulated cup with water.

  Spencer fidgeted, digging his thumbnail into the grout between the tiles that made up the counter. “I was wondering…” Shit, why was this so damn hard? He’d never had a problem asking for anything in the past. Just do it!

  “Spencer, I really have to go,” Liv said, somewhat impatiently. “If there’s something you need to say, just tell me.”

  Grimacing, Spencer nearly choked on the words. “Could I borrow some money?” he spit out. They tasted bitter on his tongue like he’d sucked on a lemon rind. “Just until I can get back on my feet. I’ll pay you back,” he rushed out. “I just don’t want to fall into old habits.” Which he was bound to do. He could feel the urge like a dark, angry beast pacing in the back of his mind, waiting for him to remove the chains and let it run free.

  Setting her lunch down, Liv leaned over the counter, propping herself on her elbows beside him. Peering up at her through his lashes, his gaze caught by her ocean blue eyes, seeing in them that familiar, unending depth of caring and understanding he’d grown accustomed to. For a moment, he felt like they’d traveled back in time. Out of everyone, he knew Olivia was the only one to never judge him. She’d stuck by him even when it wasn’t in her best interest, even when he’d forced her away for her own good.

  If angels truly existed, then Olivia was one of them. She was the type that wore her heart and soul on her sleeve, which always scared the hell out of him. As drawn to her as he was, he was terrified of breaking her. Spencer had a knack for destroying things and people, and that meant that Olivia was always in danger. Just being in her home was placing her too close to the fire, but even if he wanted to protect her from him, Spencer was too selfish to walk away.

  With so much compassion reflected back at him it made his chest ache, Olivia cupped his bearded cheek and angled his face toward hers. “Anything you need, Spence. All you have to do is ask.”

  “Thank you,” he breathed. Until that moment, he hadn’t realized just how badly he needed her help, how desperate he was to escape his past. “I promise I’ll pay you back.”

  “I know. I trust you.”

  Spencer sucked in a breath. “How can you say that? After everything, how can you do anything but be disgusted? I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore.”

  “Everyone makes mistakes. It’s what you do after that matters.” Patting his cheek, she straightened, and then slung her lunch bag over her shoulder. “You screwed up, Spence. Nobody denies that, but you’ve put a lot of work into getting better, and as long as you keep working at it, people are going to notice.”

  God, he hoped she was right.

  “I’ve got to go, but I’ll leave my credit card by the door.”

  “Liv?” She paused on her way out of the kitchen. “How is Jami?”

  “He’s good. He’s put a lot of time into the gym, and he’s training a couple of guys who he thinks have real promise.”

  Spencer nodded glumly. He was happy for his friend, but he couldn’t hide his shame. Jami’s life ambition was to hold a championship title. He loved fighting, loved everything about the sport. Spencer had been there from the very beginning, watched his career grow. Watched it fall. Jami had lost everything he’d worked so hard for because of Spencer’s stupidity.
A busted hand ensured that he’d never get into the ring again. Now, Jami was teaching other guys how to do what he used to do. Even though he might have accepted it, Spencer couldn’t forgive himself for his role in everything.

  It was his addiction that brought so much trouble down on their team—on the people he considered family. He’d ruined their future because of his own selfishness. He’d gambled away funds that didn’t belong to him, convincing himself that he was doing something great for everyone. He was making things better. While Jami was skyrocketing toward stardom, he was ensuring he had a lifestyle that reflected it.

  In reality, he’d dug them into a hole that was impossible to get out of. The price ended up being Jami’s career and the end of their friendship.

  Every time Spencer thought about it, it was like a black hole opened up in his head. A vortex of shame and humiliation sucked him down into a viscous vat of depression so profound that he struggled not to fall back on what he knew best. Gambling wasn’t just throwing down money on a table and hoping for a windfall. For him, it was the kind of high that stole his breath and made his heart pound, pumping his veins full of endorphins. When he was gambling, he was invincible.

  The problem was, the house always won. It was a rule of thumb that was easy to forget, until the moment you discovered your pockets were empty.

  “I can see those wheels turning,” Olivia said, interrupting his thoughts. “Jami really is doing well. He’s in love, getting married, has a baby on the way. He’s happy, Spence. Dwelling on the past isn’t going to help anything. It’s time to focus on what comes next.”

  With a meaningful look, she walked away. Spencer stared at the empty space she had occupied for several moments before he decided to take her advice. After showering and changing into a fresh set of clothes, he found the credit card she’d left for him and hit the streets.