Pinheads and Patriots

  Unlike today, however, the press did not have enough power to get Patton fired, even though I believe many in the media wanted that to happen. Back in the 1940s, there was no television. The print press had some power and Patton did get hammered. But he survived and the United States was better for it.

  So here’s my question: Would President Obama have fired Patton? How about Presidents Bush-the-Younger or Bill Clinton? As we know, FDR deferred to Eisenhower, letting Ike keep his strongest field commander in place. I could be wrong, but I suspect that in today’s America, Presidents Obama and Clinton would have sacked Patton. Bush is a wild card. He never cared much about what the press thought or even public opinion for that matter. So he might have kept Patton in place.

  It is troubling that today, in a time of war, the media has so much power. A third-rate magazine like Rolling Stone should never have altered the course of the Afghan war, but it did. You may remember that many in the media called the firing of General McChrystal a “brilliant” move by the President. And with General David Petraeus now in charge in Afghanistan, that might turn out to be true. But the situation troubles me.

  General Patton would have slapped silly the man who derailed McChrystal, writer Michael Hastings. Hastings is a Far Left zealot masquerading as a journalist. On my TV program, soldiers close to McChrystal said Hastings used “off-the-record” quotes to embarrass the general. Hastings denies that. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know. I do know, however, that Hastings is a rank Pinhead for being proud of destroying the general’s career. Unfortunately, General McChrystal himself is a Pinhead for allowing a guy like that within a hundred yards of him. I mean, think about it. McChrystal served his country with courage and honor, yet a punk writer brings him down? Awful.

  As for George Patton, he’s obviously a Patriot. His skill and bravery helped defeat a tough enemy, the German army. That is a fact. And we should give Eisenhower credit for saving him.

  AUDIE MURPHY

  All Americans should know about this guy and, indeed, many do. His grave is the second most visited site at Arlington National Cemetery, only behind the eternal flame at John Kennedy’s memorial shrine.

  Born on a farm outside of Dallas, Texas, Murphy was drafted during World War II and assigned as a private to the Third Infantry Division. For three years, Murphy and the Third fought their way across Europe, experiencing some of the most hellacious combat ever known. Along the way, Murphy was wounded three times, killed approximately 240 enemy soldiers, and was decorated an astounding thirty-three times, including being awarded the Medal of Honor, our nation’s highest award for bravery.

  When the war ended, Murphy had been promoted to 2nd lieutenant and was a legend in America.

  Here is a case where the press actually did its job. Audie Murphy’s heroics were covered in detail, and his incredible courage was brought home in print for Americans to read and think about. It was a classic American story: a poor boy from Texas putting his life at risk countless times to defend his country from the vicious Third Reich. Does a news story get any better than that?

  Well, no, not in this case. In fact, the story takes a turn for the worse. After the war, the legendary actor James Cagney invited Murphy to Hollywood. Because the ways of show business were alien to him, Murphy struggled to find his place in California. He became homeless, sometimes sleeping in a school gymnasium. In time, his fortunes changed, and Audie Murphy achieved movie stardom.

  Murphy’s 1949 rags-to-riches autobiography, To Hell and Back, became a bestseller and eventually was made into a movie starring the war hero himself. In a little-known fact, that film was the highest-grossing picture Universal released until Jaws came along in 1975. From there, Audie Murphy went on to make dozens of action movies, often portraying a cowboy, always playing the good guy.

  Then life took another sad turn for Murphy. Suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, he became addicted to sleeping pills. He kicked the habit by locking himself alone in a hotel room for a week. After that, he began publicizing the horrors that millions of combat veterans have experienced, bringing PTSD to the public’s attention.

  Audie Murphy was just an everyday guy. He had no advantages in life. He simply had courage. He exemplifies what Patriotism is all about. He put his life on the line for his country, then followed up by overcoming adversity and doing good things with his postwar life. Every school kid in America should know his story.

  Lt. Audie L. Murphy of Farmersville, Texas, is pictured here receiving the Congressional Medal of Honor. He’s a true Patriot who deserves as many badges for the things he accomplished after the war as for those he did during the war!

  Associated Press/AP

  Photographed by James Pringle

  DAVY CROCKETT

  Back in the 1950s, every kid learned the story of Davy Crockett, at least the Disney version of it. “Born on a mountaintop in Tennessee,” the theme song began. And then actor Fess Parker, dressed entirely in buckskin, appeared on my small TV screen. To say I was mesmerized is a tremendous understatement. I was “all in” for Davy Crockett. I wore my coonskin cap all day. Only because my mother made me take it off to sleep did it ever leave my head (except for church). Thinking back, I believe that’s why my hair is thinning today.

  Walt Disney’s Davy was a complete hero. He fought Indians, but only if they attacked him first. He killed bears, but only to get clothing (same thing with raccoons). He took on a variety of bad guys with help from his loyal sidekick, Georgy Russell (played by the Jeb Clampett guy, Buddy Ebsen). And, very sadly, Davy Crockett finally met his end, heroically defending the Alamo against the invading Mexican Army. All day long I sang, “Davy, Davy Crockett, king of the wild frontier.”

  But was he really the king of the wild frontier?

  In 1814 the real-life Davy Crockett fought under Andrew Jackson at the battle of Horseshoe Bend, which pitted the U.S. military and its ally the Cherokee against the Creek tribe. The Creeks lost big-time.

  However, sixteen years later, Jackson turned around and double-crossed the Cherokee people, forcing them to move off their land in the South and march west across the Mississippi. Crockett was a U.S. congressman at the time and voted against the Indian Removal Bill, a risky political move since anti-Indian sentiment was running high in America. Davy put his vote in no-spin terms:

  Several of my colleagues told me that I was ruining myself. I told them I believed it was a wicked, unjust measure, and that I should go against it. Let the cost be to myself what it might…that I would sooner be honestly and politically damned, than hypocritically immortalized.

  Crockett’s side lost in the House, and the terrible removal of the Cherokee commenced. But, obviously, he was a Patriot in his stand-up defense of the Indians.

  As for the Alamo, it was a case of standing on principle again. Crockett and his 138 fellow defenders could have abandoned the San Antonio mission and lived to fight another day. They chose not to for a variety of reasons, with honor topping the list.

  So while old Walt Disney went a bit overboard glamorizing Davy Crockett, he could have done worse. The man from Tennessee was a Patriot.

  CHIEF JOSEPH

  This is another warrior to whom time has not been kind. As the leader of the Nez Percé tribe in the Pacific Northwest, Joseph gave the U.S. Army all they could handle and did it with dignity. Unlike most other Indian leaders, he forbade his warriors to mutilate U.S. soldiers who were killed or captured in combat and strictly prohibited violence lodged against women and children.

  In another of a long line of unfair impositions on the Indians, President Grant ordered the Nez Percé off their lands in 1877, directing the tribe to move to a government-controlled reservation in Idaho. Reluctantly, Chief Joseph commenced a fight.

  Thus began a one-thousand-mile guerrilla war by the Nez Percé, who numbered just eight hundred. Soldiers sent to hunt the tribe down failed time after time. Finally, after three months of trying, U.S. forces trapped the Nez Percé in Montana near the
Canadian border. Rather than see his people massacred, Joseph surrendered, saying, “From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever.”

  The chief lived for twenty more years watching his tribe slowly dissipate. That broke his heart. Joseph was a noble man and much more of a Patriot than many famous historical figures.

  ANNIE OAKLEY

  Somehow I’ve got to get a woman into the historical mix and Annie is my gal. How’s this for a résumé: no education and no family life. In fact, she was institutionalized as a girl because her mother could not afford to raise her. When she finally got out of the brig, she became a child servant and was abused physically and mentally. It doesn’t get much worse than that.

  But wait a minute. Isn’t a frothy musical play called Annie Get Your Gun based on Ms. Oakley’s life? Yes, it is. But in reality, the play has little to do with the real Annie.

  Born Phoebe Ann Mosey in Ohio on August 13, 1860, she stood just five feet tall, but could shoot a rifle better than almost anyone. Don’t believe me? Annie could hit an airborne dime from ninety feet away. Try that sometime.

  Even though her childhood was harsh, Ms. Oakley’s spirit remained strong. For almost two decades she toured the country with Buffalo Bill (an uncouth wild man, by the way) and became one of the most famous women of her day. She was so beloved by her husband, Frank Butler, that after she died, he committed suicide by starving himself to death. Life was indeed tough back then.

  For overcoming incredible obstacles and succeeding in a man’s world, Annie Oakley was a Patriot.

  BABE RUTH

  Unquestionably the most famous baseball player of all time, Ruth might also have been the most talented man ever to play the game. Raised in a Catholic orphanage, Ruth demonstrated amazing natural athletic ability, and by his late teens he was pitching professionally, working his way to the Boston Red Sox. Then the Pinhead running the Red Sox sold him to the New York Yankees and there you go.

  Ruth was so famous that during World War II, some Japanese troops in the Pacific yelled “to hell with Babe Ruth” as they charged into marine fire. Based on his lifestyle, hookers in all the American League cities might have yelled that as well because Ruth was a frequent customer. Problem is, he was married. Over the years his wife reportedly suffered greatly because of his indiscretions, which actually got him suspended from baseball for a time.

  Despite his Animal House demeanor, Yankee Stadium in New York is still known as “the house that Ruth built,” and there is no question that our national pastime came of age because the Babe hit so many dramatic home runs. But on balance, the guy was a cad whose unsavory activities were often covered up by corrupt sportswriters, some of whom actually accompanied him to the brothels. In my book, his talent doesn’t mitigate his Pinhead status. When God blesses you with great talent, you owe Him something back.

  NOW WE TURN to people who have made an impression during my lifetime. Most of these folks are icons and have become part of the American culture, for better or for worse. We begin with perhaps the most famous woman in the world, an incredible forty-eight years after her death.

  MARILYN MONROE

  Like Annie Oakley and Babe Ruth, Marilyn spent some time institutionalized as a child. Her mother, a single woman, had mental problems, and so little Norma Jeane Mortenson bounced from one foster home to another—twelve in all.

  Undoubtedly, that affected Norma Jeane, who changed her name to Marilyn Monroe upon entering the shark-infested waters of Hollywood. For her entire adult life, Ms. Monroe led a turbulent existence, bouncing from one man to another before finally dying alone at age thirty-six from an overdose of pills.

  Much has been written about Marilyn Monroe and her sensational private life. But that does not interest me much. If you have ever seen Marilyn in a movie, you know why so many people idolized her. Vulnerable yet beautiful, funny and charming, Ms. Monroe had charisma to burn. Perhaps never again will there be a movie star of this magnitude.

  But, in the end, Marilyn squandered her talent and fame. Like Elvis Presley, perhaps the only star who has equaled Marilyn’s screen presence, she simply could not handle the pressure of being someone adored by so many. On the set of her last released film, The Misfits, she was almost out of control from drugs and paranoia. Her costars, the veteran actors Clark Gable and Eli Wallach, felt helpless in trying to assist her. When I spoke with Mr. Wallach about the situation, he said it affected him deeply but by that point, she simply could not be reached.

  So you might think that Marilyn Monroe deserves a Pinhead label for self-destructing. I’m not so sure. Like Babe Ruth, she brought joy to millions of folks who watched her movies. Unlike Ruth, she primarily hurt herself, not other people, at least as far as I can tell.

  Therefore, for overcoming tremendous odds and achieving worldwide icon status, I am calling Marilyn Monroe a Patriot, with some reservations.

  MADONNA

  I don’t know much about this one and care even less, but she did rise from working-class Detroit roots to worldwide icon status as well, so she’s worth a few words.

  Using sexual shock tactics combined with a few catchy tunes, Madonna Louise Ciccone has become massively wealthy and hideously famous. That means that she has no life other than the one played out in front of the public. That is indeed hideous fame. Ask Elvis and Marilyn (if only we could).

  But here’s my measure on this. What exactly has Madonna done with all her money and notoriety? Yes, she has helped some charities (primarily in Africa), and once in a while she does a benefit for some kind of trendy cause, but not much else. Bono, for example, uses his money and clout to help people all over the world, as do many other celebrities. Not so much Madonna.

  On a personal note, the faux English accent gets me. Here she is from the Motor City running around trying to sound like Princess Diana. She even moved to Great Britain for a while. What is that? So here’s my talking points memo to Madonna:

  America afforded you the opportunity to use your talent, and fate allowed you to rise from modest circumstances to wealth beyond comprehension. The United States gives opportunity to people like you and me to realize our dreams and potential. Nowhere on earth does the opportunity to pursue happiness exist on the level that America provides.

  If you had been born in England, you would have been subjected to a class system that would have made your road much tougher. The Beatles proved it can be done, but by donning a phony British speech pattern and occasionally saying nasty things about your own country, you have become an embarrassment both to England and to the United States.

  Also, you have achieved Pinhead status. And now you know why.

  And that’s the memo.

  MEL GIBSON

  What a shame. Here’s a self-made guy who was once loved by millions all over the world for entertaining us with movies like Braveheart and Lethal Weapon. I met Gibson when he optioned my novel Those Who Trespass for a movie and enjoyed his company on a few occasions. He’s basically a shy guy with an explosive amount of energy. Unharnessed, that energy has turned destructive.

  Gibson’s movie about the death of Jesus, The Passion of the Christ, made close to $1 billion worldwide but was vilified by many in the media. When I watched the film on the Fox movie lot in L.A. before it was released, I thought the violence was so explicit that it distracted from the overall story and told Gibson that. But I admired his take on good and evil and believe, to this day, that his faith in Jesus drove him to make this unforgettable film. I did not buy the accusations from some critics that the movie was intentionally anti-Semitic.

  Then, in a drunk-driving incident, Gibson made some anti-Semitic remarks to a police officer. Not good.

  Of course, the media flayed Gibson over that and, like his movie about Jesus, the intensive coverage was painful to watch. Whether it was overkill or not, I’ll leave for you to decide, but please keep in mind the history of the Jewish people and how they have been brutalized. As with African Americans and Indians, Patriots shoul
d strive to understand that sensitivity is needed in certain situations involving groups of people who have been unfairly punished.

  I lost contact with Mel Gibson after his bout with the legal system and was surprised to read that he broke up with his wife of twenty-nine years. Apparently, he then took up with some Russian woman and things got nasty with her. She secretly taped him saying more inappropriate things, including using the n-word to describe blacks.

  There is no excusing any of this. Mel Gibson was admired by many but has squandered his talent and legacy in a series of Pinheaded moves. I have to tell you, though, it is painful to watch the public destruction of a human being. No one should be enjoying it.

  JANIS JOPLIN AND JIM MORRISON

  Now these were two screwed-up peas in a pod. Like Madonna, they both became famous in the music industry, rising to icon status in the 1960s.

  Then they both used heroin to kill themselves.

  The Port Arthur, Texas–born Joplin was buried at age twenty-seven after overdosing in Hollywood, a place that remains ground zero for self-destruction. Her best moments onstage came with her band Big Brother and the Holding Company, and Janis could definitely sing those blues. But it didn’t really matter. Like so many other rock stars in the ’60s, Janis embraced excess and degenerated into a complete mess. Was it her fault? Yeah, it was. Unlike Marilyn Monroe, she had a comfortable upbringing and could have led a rewarding life. But, no, she ingested massive amounts of chemicals until her body said “enough.”