I Don''t Want to Be Friends

  “No, it doesn’t matter, really.” Madison shrugged. “We were almost done, anyway.”

  “I don’t want you to have to finish alone.”

  “Scott, you’re having enough of a bad day to also worry about homework. Trust me. Let’s get out of here.”

  Scott held her gaze for a long moment. “Thank you.”

  Outside, they walked in silence in the freezing November air with no particular destination. Wrapped in a heavy coat and shielded by a wooly beanie, scarf, and mittens, Madison still couldn’t help shivering a little. But Scott seemed immune to the cold. He wore no hat, scarf, or gloves, and kept his jacket with the first two or three buttons undone, but he didn’t seem to feel the bite of the wind.

  Scott spoke first. “Do you think it would’ve been different if I hadn’t gone to California?” He stared into space straight ahead, as if searching the horizon for an answer.

  “Hard to call…”

  Scott stopped walking and turned toward her. “You went out with David. What did you like about him?”

  Madison reflexively widened her eyes at the blunt question. “You really want me to answer that?”

  “Probably not, you’re right. But when you two broke up you hated him, too, right? And now you don’t anymore… How does he do that? How can he be such a douchebag to everyone, and people just keep on giving him chances…”

  Madison stared up at him in surprise, a fierce blush heating up her cheeks. Did Scott know about her breakup with David?

  “Nobody told me anything,” Scott clarified. “But I can pick up on things… at least when other people are involved. Guess I’m not as good at reading my own girlfriend—sorry, ex-girlfriend.”

  Madison started walking again. “I did hate him for a time…”

  Scott fell into step next to her. “And then?”

  “He apologized.”

  “You think he was sincere?”

  “I do.”

  “You never suspected it was just a move?”

  “To look good for Haley? Oh, yeah, I did. And I told him, so he asked me not to tell Haley about the apology to let me know it was all about me…”

  “And did you?”

  “What?”

  “Tell Haley.”

  “Not at first…”

  “But eventually?”

  “Yeah.”

  “When?”

  Madison was reluctant to answer.

  “When?” Scott repeated.

  “The day after the accident… David was reading to you at the hospital, and I made a joke about him torturing you with bad fiction, so Haley asked me if I still hated him, and I said ‘no’ and told her why.”

  “So I go into a coma and he gets extra hero points for saving my life, and also for apologizing to you… no matter he had to apologize because he was a total shitbag in the first place. Why does everyone prefer him?”

  It was Madison’s turn to stop. “I don’t prefer him. Scott, I can barely tolerate your brother. I’m… I can’t even say. Haley must be out of her mind to choose him over you.”

  Scott stared at her, slightly open-mouthed, and if Madison’s cheeks were heated before, they were about to melt right now.

  Why don’t I come out and tell him I’m in love with him? I mean, I only have to spell it out for him for it to be any clearer.

  “You really think that?” he asked.

  “Yeah, he’s… David, and you’re you, and there really is an ocean between the two.”

  “You say that only because we share the same weird literary tastes.”

  “Absolutely. You’re the only guy I know crazy enough to write about a talking cat.”

  Out of the blue, Scott pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, Madison,” he whispered. “I was a drunken mess before talking to you, but you made it better.”

  Madison let herself get lost in the embrace, feeling a bit stalkerish. Scott was hugging her as a friend, and instead, she was savoring the warmth of his body pressed close to hers while her heart raced out of control in her chest. His strong arms wrapped around her… his lips almost kissing her hair…

  That’s it! You’ve been enough of a perv for tonight.

  “Hey,” Madison said, using all her will to pull back. “It’s what friends are for.”

  ***

  That evening, after saying goodbye to Scott and going back to the library to finish their project—it took every ounce of Madison’s willpower to plow through the revisions, considering all her brain wanted to think about was: Scott is single, Scott is single, Scott is single—Madison finally made it home way later than she’d planned.

  “Oh, there you are,” Alice greeted her. She was making grilled cheese sandwiches in the kitchenette. “Where were you?”

  “Is Haley home?” Madison whispered, ignoring the question.

  “Yeah, why?” Alice whispered back.

  Madison stalled by removing her coat and various anti-freeze props and hanging them on the entrance hall’s rack. Before she told Alice, she wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to smile. Madison hated herself for being so happy about the breakup, but she couldn’t help herself. Yeah, Scott was miserable, and seeing him so beaten down had been heartbreaking, but he would recover and maybe… just maybe… And Haley… it wasn’t like her best friend was going to be alone for long… she was probably already dating David…

  Madison schooled her face in a grievous expression and joined Alice in the kitchen.

  “So, apparently Haley and Scott broke up.”

  “WHAT?!”

  “Shhhhhh,” Madison hissed. “She’ll hear you.”

  “What?” Alice hissed.

  “Scott and I were supposed to work on our group project today, but he turned up an hour late looking like a mess… he was half drunk and one hundred percent out of it.”

  “And why did they break up?” Alice asked, copying Madison’s hush-hush tones.

  “She has feelings for David.”

  “Ah,” was all Alice said. No surprises there.

  “Have you seen her?”

  “No.”

  Madison chewed on her lower lip. “Should we check on her?”

  As one, they nodded and moved in front of Haley’s door.

  Alice knocked, saying, “Can we come in?”

  No reply came from the other side, so they shared another let’s-do-this glance and then tentatively opened the door. Haley was lying on the bed, fully clothed, legs crossed at the ankles, gaze lost on the ceiling. She had earplugs on and it took her a moment to realize she was no longer alone.

  “Hey.” Haley removed the earplugs and straightened up, crossing her legs. She took one look at their serious expressions, and said, “So you’ve heard.”

  They joined her on the bed, sitting on opposite sides.

  “How are you?” Alice asked.

  Haley blinked. “Dazzled, to be honest… I didn’t cry.”

  Madison frowned. “And that is bad because…?”

  “I’m numb. It’s like I can’t feel anything… and I’m scared it’s only a matter of time before I realize what a horrible mistake I made and my heart is going to get ripped out of my chest.”

  Madison didn’t have a response to that. She could only agree, for obvious reasons. But Alice seemed at a loss for words as well.

  “How did you find out?” Haley finally asked.

  To which Madison blushed for the millionth time that day.

  “You saw him,” Haley guessed. “How was he?”

  “A mess,” Madison said. “But he was… functioning.” It was the only word Madison could think of to describe the state Scott had been in.

  “Does he hate me?”

  Madison shook her head. “No, he’s still very much in love with you…”

  Haley’s mouth twisted into a grief-stricken, possibly guilt-tripping grimace.

  “I’m sorry,” she said.

  “Hey.” Alice reached o
ut to grab her hand. “It’s a breakup, not the end of the world. But are you sure it’s what you want?”

  Alice had asked the question Madison dared not voice, too afraid of the answer.

  “I mean,” Alice continued, “this was rather sudden. You never said a word. What happened?”

  Haley told them the behind-the-scenes of “Haley and The Williams Brothers” that had taken place on Halloween night. And how she and Scott had both pretended none of it had happened for two weeks. But how, yesterday, at the mere mention of David’s name, he’d flipped and Haley hadn’t been able to deny she had feelings for both brothers.

  “It wasn’t fair to keep going,” she concluded. “Scott deserves a person who’s one hundred percent into him, and I couldn’t be that person anymore.”

  “So… have you seen David yet?” Madison asked.

  “No, and I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I need space… Alice?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Can you make sure Jack keeps an eye on Scott? With basketball going to shit and us breaking up, I’m worried he’ll flip out…”

  “Sure, no problem,” Alice said. Then, seeing how Haley still seemed completely zoned out, she added, “Hey, it’s going to be fine. Scott’s going to be fine.”

  “I know, but the last thing I wanted was to come between two brothers, especially after their history with girls. It’s true that relationships come and go, but family should be forever. They’re brothers, and no matter how they act, deep down they love each other and would go to the end of the world for each other. I mean, did you see how crazy David went that day at the pool?”

  “Yep,” Madison and Alice said in unison.

  “I don’t want to ruin their bond, but I’m afraid I did exactly that.”

  The three of them stared at each other, neither sure how much truth Haley’s words held.

  Fifteen

  David

  After a long day of school, David came home glad he’d toughened up with an investment banking internship over summer break. All his fellow HBS students seemed so stressed about their projects, midterms, and deadlines, but for David, business school felt more like a vacation after the summer he’d had and his nightmare of an ex-boss.

  He turned the key in the lock and pushed the entrance door open. Or, at least, he tried. Something heavy was blocking the way on the other side. David did some extra shoving and, finally, he was able to open the door enough to sneak into his own house through the crack. He closed the door behind him and inspected the tower of boxes that had been blocking it. There were five carton boxes in total with various names written in blue marker: tech, kitchen, bath, bed, and mix.

  A quick look around the apartment notified David of all the new empty spaces: no coffee machine in the kitchen, no stereo in the living room, the Michael Jordan poster gone… All of Scott’s stuff. And, at last, David’s gaze settled on the two big suitcases parked behind the couch just as Scott emerged from his room, rolling another bag in place to join the others.

  “Going somewhere?” David asked.

  Scott shot him an unreadable look. “Yeah.”

  “Where to this time? Alaska?”

  “Nope,” Scott said, standoffish. “Just a couple of blocks down the road.”

  With that, his brother walked back into his room, presumably to finish packing. David leaned against the kitchen bar column, crossed his arms over his chest, and waited. He watched as Scott reemerged from his bedroom with yet another box and filled it with the last few of his possessions still scattered around the house.

  “Listen,” David said. “I’m all for you claiming your independence and flying away from the nest, but how are you going to afford to live on your own?”

  “I’m not going to.”

  “Okay, then. What about the rent here?”

  Scott dropped the box and turned to face him. “I’m switching with Matt. He’s moving in with you, and I’ll go live with Jack. The rent is about the same, so I’ll keep paying my half here and Matt will pay for his place, but we’re swapping.”

  “Well,” David said, taken aback. “Thank you for consulting me. I have nothing against the dude, but shouldn’t you have at least asked if I was okay living with him?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  “No.”

  “What’s going on? Why the sudden change?” David raised an arm and sniffed underneath his armpit. “I don’t stink, I promise.”

  “Obviously you haven’t heard.” Scott took a step forward. “Haley and I broke up.”

  “Oh.”

  The two brothers stared at each other for a long time, a non-verbal communication of mixed emotions passing between them. Scott visibly angry, bitter, and so freakily calm David worried he was going to go Charlie Manson on him. And David, trying to keep a straight face while his heart was pounding in his chest. He didn’t like to see his brother this way, but…

  “You want to blow off steam?” David suggested. “Go get drunk, brother-bond over a good old Irish ale?”

  Scott eyed him in an I-dare-you sort of way. “Let’s not pretend for a second like this isn’t the best day of your life,” he said, glacially cold. “I’m going out.”

  “Where?”

  Scott pulled on his coat. “Out.”

  “All right, I won’t wait up for you.”

  “Yeah, don’t,” Scott said, just before slamming the door shut behind him.

  David grabbed a beer from the fridge and, after knocking it open on the countertop, he crashed on the couch, taking a sip. So Haley was single… What did that mean?

  He pulled his phone out of his jeans pocket and checked it for texts. Not a peep. Mmm. He toyed with the phone for a while. He didn’t want to make a move on Haley while his brother’s body was still warm, but he’d already waited for so long… But what to do? Write a text? Ask her out? Nah… too simple… he needed to come up with something special. But then, he’d never been one for grand gestures, and at this point, all that really mattered were Haley’s feelings. Either she was into him, or she wasn’t. Maybe, in this case, less was more… all he needed was an opportunity.

  Haley

  David.

  Haley’s breath caught in her throat as she walked out of her last class of the day and spotted him waiting on the other side of the road. He had the frozen-over air of someone who’d been waiting out in the cold for a long time: red nose, beanie pulled down almost to cover his eyes, and arms tightly wrapped around himself to keep warm.

  She crossed over to him. “David.”

  “Still me.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “Scott told me about the breakup. I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not.”

  Ah, so they weren’t circling around it.

  “What did he say?”

  “Oh, you know my brother. He’s a real talker…” David rolled his eyes. “The guy just went on and on about it. Wouldn’t shut up.”

  “So he didn’t tell you why?”

  “Nope.” David moved a step closer. “Why don’t you tell me?”

  “I’m not in love with him anymore.” Haley chose the easier half of the truth. She couldn’t tell David she loved him, not yet… It was all still too confusing.

  “Mmm…” David’s mouth curled up into a little, satisfied smile. “Interesting… Anyone else on your mind?”

  Oh, gosh, if he kept looking at her like this Haley was sure she’d melt.

  She swallowed. “Can we not do this right now?”

  “Too soon?”

  Haley nodded. “I need space, and we can’t do this to him so soon…”

  David’s smile widened, and he closed the distance between them. “So, Miss Robot.” He cupped her cheeks. “There’s a ‘we,’ is there? And what was that you were thinking of not doing?”

  Haley couldn’t help but smile.

  He held her gaze for a long time, his thumbs caressing her skin. He pressed clo
ser, making Haley gasp.

  “You want to kiss me,” he said. It was a realization, not a question.

  “Yes,” Haley said.

  “Good.” David leaned in closer but pressed his lips only to her forehead. Then his mouth moved to whisper in her ear. “Pity I have to give you space.”

  Shivers that had nothing to do with the cold weather spider-walked down Haley’s spine, and there was a warm explosion in her lower belly. Heart pounding, she stared up into his teasing blue eyes. Coherent speech abandoned her, and Haley felt very much ready to throw all precautions out the window and grab him by the collar of his coat to kiss him. But David stepped back.

  “Don’t get too comfortable,” he said. “I’ll come knocking on your door soon.” And with that he walked away, leaving her all hot and bothered in the middle of the street.

  ***

  He didn’t call or text the next day, nor the next, nor the next. He didn’t wait for her outside another class, either, until days of radio silence turned into weeks. Before Haley realized it, November was gone and finals week was looming over them.

  Not even an impatient heart could keep a Harvard student from studying. Well, not exactly. Haley’s revision was only half-disrupted by nagging thoughts of David, doubling the time it took to get anything done.

  Why couldn’t she push him out of her mind? He was ignoring her, and it bothered her. But he was only doing as she’d asked, leaving her space. So why was she so mad at him?

  You should make the next move, an insistent voice whispered in her head.

  True.

  David had laid it all bare last summer. Haley knew where he stood. Now she had to tell him where her heart was… with him. Ah… but knowing what one should do and actually doing it were two completely different things. So, instead, Haley buried her head under the sand—or under coding textbooks, in this case—and concentrated on passing her finals with top grades.

  With the examinations over, it was time to go home to Buffalo. And now it was too late to talk to David. She didn’t want to have the “I love you, too” conversation and then have to leave and not see him for two weeks.

  I’ll clear my head over the break and call David when I come back, Haley promised herself.