Loving Them

  5

  Now and Always

  The few times I had imagined getting married, a dream I’d thought ended when my parents banished me to the Sisterhood, it had never been in a bloody mess of clothing having just gotten out of a medical machine. But when it came down to it, I didn’t care a bit what I looked like. Or that a man who had just finished using the word “honeys” to refer to former lovers was actually performing the ceremony.

  I’d also not imagined we could laugh so much through the ceremony.

  “And do you, Paloma, take these four men—with all their many flaws and strengths—to be with you from now and always?”

  Now and Always. Those were huge statements. I hadn’t known them all that long. And yet, from the moment Clay had appeared at the Sisterhood, it had felt as though everything moved toward this. Quinn cracked up, rubbing his nose. “Thanks for saying ‘flaws’ first, Ari.”

  “Quinn.” Ari’s eyes were filled with amusement. “This is a sacred moment. We are waiting for Paloma to answer. Do you?”

  I grinned at him and then Tommy. Then Clay. Keith and then Quinn.

  “I feel like everything that has happened to me in my life has happened so I could be led to you. So, yes, with all your flaws and strengths, I will marry the four of you. For now and always. Just as I hope you’ll accept all of mine, of which there are many.”

  Rings were exchanged. I didn’t know where they’d gotten them—since they had thoughtfully bought four for me to give to them as well—but they were beautiful. My ring had four gemstones in it. Red, black, blue, and green gems adorned the silver band that I would wear forever on my left hand. Theirs were all the same with a capital letter P engraved into the simple silver they would also never take off.

  Now and Always…

  Ari said some more things, but I had lost sense of the event transpiring. There was just one world, and only Tommy, Clay, Keith, Quinn, and I lived in it.

  I was their wife.

  The station wasn’t in any condition for us to do anything but return to our rooms. I’d never seen so many guards stationed on the promenade. Nolan paced in front of the giant hole that was being held together by a force field while engineers talked to him. He shook his head once but didn’t acknowledge us when we passed.

  Tommy sucked in an audible breath and squeezed my hand. “In the few seconds before the force field went up, ten people were sucked outside to their deaths. We forget, because it’s so commonplace to be on a space station, that we are always at risk. Here. In our shuttles. It’s not natural to be in space, to be in a place where the second you encounter the outside surroundings, your lungs explode.”

  I shuddered, and Clay pulled me against him even though my hand stayed in Tommy’s. “Way to be romantic on our wedding night. Just what she wanted to think about right now.”

  Tommy winced. “I’m sorry. I—”

  “That’s okay. I needed to know what happened. I just remember chaos.” And the noise. I shuddered at the thought.

  Keith darted in front of us before he turned around to walk backward. He had a grin on his face. “We just got married.”

  “Yes,” Quinn called from next to Clay. “We were all there, and none of us have short-term memory loss that I know of.”

  I smiled. They were such loves, and they were going to be mine. For the rest of our lives.

  The rooms were a mess, which didn’t surprise me. There was a maid service on the station, but someone would have had to sign up for it. I hadn’t done so, and my husbands probably didn’t know about it. Also, they’d been running around trying to take care of me in the midst of the station shutting down all but essential services while it recovered from the blast.

  I bent over to pick up what I thought was Quinn’s shirt when Keith ripped it from my hands. “This is your honeymoon. You’re not cleaning up.”

  I motioned toward the room. “Well, love, someone is going to have to.”

  “We’ll do it. You go get a shower and relax. I’ll bring you some wine.”

  I still hadn’t ever tried any alcohol. Although, tonight seemed like a good night to give it a go. “Sounds like a plan.”

  The magnitude of what I looked like hit me when I got a glance in the small bathroom mirror. My hair was… well, it was still there. I supposed that was the best I could hope for under the circumstances. It was everywhere, and like I suspected, every imaginable gross thing was in it. I leaned over the sink to get a better look and then wished I hadn’t. I might have to shave all of it off. I wasn’t convinced I could ever really get it cleaned up.

  My face was covered in soot or some other black substance I couldn’t, and probably didn’t want to, identify. There was also blood on my cheek. My clothes were torn and ruined. I didn’t have much to wear—a few things that the guys had grabbed for me before we got on the shuttle. I didn’t have clothes to waste. Although maybe I could buy some. Quinn had said he wanted me to use their credit. I was their wife. It was still an odd feeling.

  A knock caught my attention. If it was Keith, he’d really been fast with the wine. “Come in.”

  Tommy poked his head in. “I didn’t hear the water running. Are you okay?”

  He closed the bathroom door behind him and locked it. I couldn’t help but notice the ring on his finger. It looked strange and new. Tommy didn’t wear jewelry. Still, it was a symbol that he belonged to me. I looked up to meet his eyes.

  “Well.” I cleared my throat, which was kind of dry. “I’m slightly overwhelmed at the sight of myself right now. Grateful to be alive. And feeling really lucky that the four of you wanted to marry me. You must really love me to take me on in this… state.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “You’ve looked worse.”

  That was not the response I expected. “Really? When was that?”

  “When you arrived after the destruction of the Sisterhood. You were really bad off then. Couldn’t take my eyes off you then or now.”

  Was that amusement I saw in his eyes? Was Thomas McQueen… teasing me? “Guess you must have a thing for haggard women.”

  “Or really beautiful ones with dark brown hair and soulful eyes that burn into me, making me think about what kind of man I want to be and how I want life to go. Makes me believe there’s going to be a future when I had stopped dreaming about one.”

  He scooted past me, which wasn’t easy considering the bathroom was really not that large. None of the suites had particularly luxurious bathrooms. Some of the station’s permanent residents had nicer things. But my parents hadn’t cared about things like bathtubs. They’d wanted social status.

  Tommy put on the water in the shower and turned it to the hot setting. Thanks to the station’s functioning water heaters, soon steam drifted upwards from the shower. That was a lot hotter than I usually ran it.

  “Raise your arms.” I did as he said. For reasons I couldn’t contemplate right then, speech had fled the room. He tugged off his shirt and then my own. His gaze drifted down to my torn bra. I didn’t even want to imagine how that had happened. What exactly had taken place that my bra got ripped in the bombing?

  Tommy reached between us and undid the latch at the front of my bra. I shrugged my way out of the device, letting the piece of clothing hit the floor. My breasts were big and the bra did a good job of hiding just how large they actually were so that I could fit in clothing appropriately. Some women wanted bigger ones, I needed mine to shrink.

  He reached out to stroke my nipples between his thumbs and forefingers. Goosebumps broke out on my body. We’d been intimate the night we’d slept in the same bed together. But not like this, not with the lights on, and everything about us totally on view for the other person. Not that Tommy had anything he should worry about. I reached out to touch one of his tattoos. He had a few on his body, all of them scorpions, leftover from his days as General Sandler. The Scorpion was the Sandler emblem. His skin was smooth beneath my fingers.

  “I keep thinking I should have them removed.?
?? His blue gaze sought mine, and I lifted my gaze to meet his silent request for connection.

  “Why don’t you?”

  Tommy had a small day’s worth of whiskers on his chin and cheeks. I stopped touching his scorpions and ran my fingers on his face instead.

  He pinched my nipple, and I gasped before I grinned. All of this was relatively new to me. I had very little experience outside of one bad decision and the few interludes with my now-husbands.

  “I don’t get rid of them because I think they’re a good reminder that I can sometimes get so caught up in things that I don’t see the forest for the trees.” He answered my question from before. In a smooth move, he undid the button on my pants and let them fall to the floor. Before too long we were both naked. His hands ran the length of my waist to my thigh before he hoisted me up and carried me to the shower.

  The hot water hit both of us at the same time, and then Tommy moved until I was more under it than he was. His hands were in my hair for a second before he took them out to lather them with shampoo. I’d thought it felt good when the stylist massaged my head, but he had nothing on Thomas McQueen.

  I closed my eyes. “Feel good?” I could practically hear the smile in his voice.

  “It does. Thank you.”

  “You have the most gorgeous hair; I always want my hands in it.”

  I opened my lids. “You were totally lying before, by the way. You were not interested in me the night I showed up after the destruction of the Sisterhood. You wanted me gone.”

  He kissed my forehead, pulling me close. “You scared the shit out of me. You still do.”

  “What do you mean?” How in the universe could I scare Tommy? He had seen things I never could imagine and come out the other side.

  “I thought, how am I supposed to keep this angel safe?” He tipped my head back so that the water could help the shampoo get the junk out of whatever was in my hair. His fingers moved quickly around it, pulling I-didn’t-know-what out of the strands.

  After a while he stopped and grinned at me. “All better, I think.”

  I pushed closer to him, placing my head against his chest while the warm water beat down on us. “Thank you.”

  He dragged me up in his arms, and before I could ask him what he was doing, he was kissing me. I’d known Tommy intense, but this was different. This was… ownership and desperation. I pulled back to look at him. “Are you okay?”

  “I thought you were fucking dead.” He kissed me again once, hard. “And I need you. I do. I need you, Paloma. It’s more than love. You’re essential.”

  His mouth met mine again, and this time I didn’t question it. I didn’t look for the reasons that his mouth was so frantic or why he’d suddenly been overwhelmed. Tommy needed me. I’d always be there.

  He pushed me against the wall, my legs still off the ground. I wrapped them around his waist and held on. My own experience was so limited I wasn’t going to be leading us anywhere. I’d have to follow Tommy’s direction, and I was happy to do so.

  His mouth left mine but only so he could nibble on my neck. Heat fused inside of me. Yes, my neck was definitely a sensitive area. He could spend as much time as he wanted there, and he could… Tommy bit down on my neck, and I cried out, my legs holding onto him tighter.

  He chuckled, a low sound. “Like that?”

  “I did.”

  “Good. I’ll do it again. Sometime.” His grin was pure male satisfaction. “Not sure if you should lose your virginity in the shower.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Tommy, you do remember why I got sent away? The losing virginity has already happened.”

  “Bullshit. That doesn’t count. Tonight gets to be your first time. Or at least your first time with me. And them.”

  “Them” had to mean his brothers. I could see his thoughts in his expressive blue eyes. While Tommy was glad to be in a sharing relationship, right then I was all his. That was fine. I was along for the ride.

  In two seconds we were out of the shower, and a towel went around my body. Tommy was always thinking of me first. I was sort of dazed. I’d distinctly avoided looking at his erection up until that point. I’m not sure if that decision was because I was nervous or I didn’t want to become so by giving it a glance. But there it was, his very large, erect, standing up between us cock.

  My mouth watered. I’d seen it before. And yet… everything tonight felt different. He was very erect, heavily veined, and thick. By the universe, I wanted him. Deep inside of me.

  “Tommy, if we leave this bathroom, does this stop?”

  His nostrils flared. “No, love. We’re married now. We can do whatever we want, whenever we want, and more so if we desire.”

  What did the more so imply? I was excited to find out. He carried me into the bedroom and laid me down on the sheets. I had expected to find my other three husbands standing out there, but the room was empty, the suite quiet. Had they gone somewhere?

  My thoughts were fleeting. Soon I was beneath Tommy on the bed. He was warm, male, and all mine. I touched the side of his face. “I love you.”

  His eyes misted for a second. “Don’t ever take that back. Okay? No matter how much I piss you off or I’m inconsiderate. Get mad. Throw things. Tell me to fuck off. But never, ever, in a million years stop loving me, okay?”

  “Okay.” It was an easy promise to make. “Does that mean you love me, too?” He told me all the time. He’d told me in the bathroom. Yet I couldn’t hear it enough. I needed the words. I just did.

  His eyes were warm. “I love you so much I don’t have words to tell you. Love doesn’t seem adequate enough.”

  This time when he kissed me, it was gentle, unrushed, unhurried. Like he could read my thoughts, he spoke. “I am so glad you’re alive.”

  “Okay.” I was beyond glad to still be here, so I wasn’t sure exactly what to say about that.

  He caressed one of my breasts and then the next one. I shivered beneath his skilled hands. Tommy couldn’t seem to get enough of touching me, tracing the slight bulge in my belly, stroking my breasts, gently tickling me on my hips. I raised my own hand to his lips, and he kissed my palm.

  His hand travelled downwards, finding my core and pressing one finger inside of me. My body clenched, and I gasped. I wanted him so badly. It hadn’t taken much to wake up the need.

  “That’s my responsive girl.”

  I grinned at him, my cheeks feeling hot. “I want to be your girl.”

  “Then it’s a good thing you are, Mrs. McQueen.” He was the first person to call me that. I knew I’d always remember that moment forever.

  He pressed a finger inside of me, finding my inner clit. With a circular motion he stroked me. I closed my eyes, my head falling back on the bed like my neck weighed too much. “Like that?”

  “Um.” I could hardly form words.

  “Sounds like a yes to me.”

  He sped up his ministrations until I was panting from the friction. He pressed one of my knees forward, and that was all I needed. The extra pressure from the movement made me come, hard.

  Stars crossed my closed lids, forcing me to open them. The room tilted right and then left. I might have left my body. I wasn’t sure. Tommy knew what my body needed, and he gave it to me.

  He adjusted himself until he was close to my pussy. With one gentle push, he moved his hard cock inside of me until he was balls deep. He stopped moving, smoothing my hair off my forehead. “You okay?”

  I wasn’t going to lie. This felt tight. But it was also… magic. Tommy was inside of me. I braced myself. My memory of my first time wasn’t far from my mind. This would be rough and then over very soon.

  Instead, Tommy didn’t move. He kissed me gently. Over and over again. Although I could feel his hardness pressed deep inside my core, he didn’t seem like he was in a hurry at all. What was going on here?

  I pulled back to look at him. “What’s going on?”

  “I just want to stay right here like this with you for a little while.
”

  He did? Didn’t he want to… finish? I was starting to feel like I wanted him to move. “Tommy…”

  My husband nodded. “Okay. I get it. Yes, I’ll stop tormenting us both.”

  Still, when he found his rhythm, a gentle dance of our hips that brought us simultaneously closer and then far away from one another, I didn’t feel anything akin to the pain I’d anticipated. There was nothing but the softest pleasure, a burn that started slowly and took time to overwhelm.

  Soon I was panting for him, and he picked up his pace. Time slowed. Or maybe it sped up. I dug my fingers into his back, pleasure coming on fast. He’d made me come with his fingers, but this was different, a grander push that was going to sweep me up in its wave and maybe never let me down.

  He reached between us, stroking my clit as he jerked hard inside of me. I came fast, my body exploding around his cock as though I’d done it a million times. My head fell back even further and my body arched beneath him.

  I cried out his name over and over again. This was pleasure. This was what loving Tommy felt like.

  Later, he lay next to me on his side, drawing circles on my stomach. His eyes were hooded, and I suspected he was very, very tired. Still, he didn’t seem to want to rest.

  “What would it have been like? If we had met when we were supposed to?” I asked him. It was a nonsense question, but I was feeling spacey and interested in the what-ifs of the universe for just a minute.

  He smiled, a lazy grin. “Well, I would have wanted you, and I would have convinced you that you wanted me if you were unsure. I was good at that.”

  I pinched his arm. “You still are.”

  “Right, well, we’d have gotten married. My instructions were to take my bride back to Sandler space and then get back to work. But one night like this? I’d have lost my mind and never left you. I’d have gotten you pregnant as fast as possible and then kept you that way pretty much the rest of our lives. They’d have had to come and drag me out of your bed.”