Loving You

  Doing as she asked, I looked her in the eyes. “My first and last name. Am I in trouble?”

  “Is that your only reason, because she works in Austin?”

  “One of them.”

  With a huff, she snarled her lip. “That’s a stupid reason.”

  My head snapped back as I let out a chuckle. “Damn, Mom. Thanks for that.”

  She let out a frustrated sigh as she rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Jase. It’s not like Austin is Dallas or Houston. It’s not that far!”

  “Mom, when would I ever have time to go see her? I’m always busy here doing something or helping Walker out so he can spend time with his own family.”

  “I don’t buy that for one second. If a love is true, you’ll move heaven and earth for it.”

  My eyes broke her stare. “Maybe,” I whispered.

  “Tell me the other reason.”

  “She’s beautiful, smart, innocent beyond belief. She deserves someone so much better than me.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Did she say that?”

  “No. It’s hard to explain, Mom. I took something from her because I was being a typical asshole guy. I wanted her to myself, but I got . . . I got . . .”

  “Scared?”

  Standing, I laced my fingers through my hair. “I need to head up and help Walker get ready for tomorrow.”

  “Hey, Jase?”

  Turning back to look at her, I said, “Yeah?”

  “Can I give you a piece of advice?”

  With a shrug, I replied, “Sure.”

  “Once in a lifetime, someone will walk into your life and turn it upside down. Your whole world will feel like it’s spinning out of control and you’re going to feel so many different things all at once. Being scared is the first thing you’ll feel, but if you let love in and trust it, I promise you it’s all worth it.”

  Looking at the ground, I kicked at nothing. My heart physically felt as if it was aching anytime I thought about what we might have together. It wasn’t just that I was scared by how much I loved Taylor, I was also worried about the distance we lived apart from each other. “How do you make it work when I’m here and she’s there?”

  “Do you love her, Jase?”

  My head snapped up as I looked my mother in the eyes. “I’ve never loved anyone like I love her, Mom.”

  “Then you’ll fight to make it work.”

  Stepping off the elevator, I took in my surroundings. I had no idea what Taylor’s grandfather really did, but from the looks of this building, whatever he did he made money at it.

  “May I help you, sir?”

  I spun around and grinned at the receptionist. Her eyes lit up when she saw me and I flashed my crooked grin. “Hey there.”

  Running her tongue quickly along her bottom lip, she smiled. “May I be of service to you?”

  “Yes. I’m actually looking for Taylor Atwood.”

  Her smile faded some while she sat up a bit straighter. “Taylor?”

  “Yes,” I replied with a nod. “Taylor. Is she in?”

  “I’d have to check, may I tell her who is here to see her?”

  I wasn’t sure if I gave her my real name Taylor would tell her she didn’t want to see me. Maybe I should give her a fake name. After going back and forth in my head I decided to go with my real name.

  “Jase Morris.”

  As she picked up the phone, she flashed me a flirty smile. “Jase . . . that’s a nice name.”

  “Thank you.”

  Looking away, she spoke. “Ms. Atwood, there is a Mr. Jase Morris at the front to see you. Yes, I’ll let him know.”

  The back of my throat ached. She didn’t want to see me.

  The receptionist hung up the phone and gave me a polite smile. “Ms. Atwood asked if you would please take a seat. She’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

  A rush of relief raced through my body as I let out the breath I hadn’t known I was holding in. With a quick spin on my heels, I made my way over to the chairs and sat down.

  Five minutes passed before I heard her voice coming from down the hall. “I’ll get those numbers on the investments over to you this afternoon.”

  Taylor and a guy a few years older than me rounded the corner. When she put her hand for him to shake it, I couldn’t help but notice the way he looked her over like he wanted to devour her.

  Fucker.

  “Thanks so much, Ms. Atwood. You wouldn’t happen to be free for lunch would you?”

  Taylor stole a glance in my direction. “I’m sorry, Mr. Burns, I wish. I’ve got another appointment right now.”

  Ouch. That one hurt. Standing, I cleared my throat while the asshole looked me over. Turning his attention back to Taylor, he said, “Well then, we’ll have to make it for another day.”

  “Sounds like a plan. Have a good day, Mr. Burns.”

  When he placed his hand on Taylor’s arm, I squeezed my hand into a fist. “Have a good afternoon, Taylor.”

  Taylor walked up to me with a blank expression. “Jase, what are you doing here?”

  My smile quickly faded. “I was wondering if I could speak with you.”

  “You couldn’t call?”

  Glancing over to the receptionist, I lowered my voice. “You haven’t answered any of my calls, Taylor. Otherwise I would have.”

  “Follow me,” she said making her way back down the hall.

  Once we got into her office, she shut the door and motioned for me to sit down.

  “Man, I feel like this is a serious meeting or something,” I said with a chuckle. Trying to lighten up the tension in the air.

  Her eyebrow arched as she stared while waiting for me to start the conversation.

  “I um . . . well, I wanted to first off apologize for what happened in Paris. I regret what happened.”

  Her face turned white as a ghost. “What?” she whispered.

  “No! I don’t mean I regret making love to you; I would never regret that, Taylor. It was the most amazing time of my life.”

  Taylor looked away as her cheeks flushed. “I see. What exactly are you regretting then?”

  “What I said afterwards . . . what happened. For pushing you away because I was scared.”

  “Scared? Why were you scared?”

  Everything! Hurting you, letting you into my heart to hurt me. The insane way I feel about you that has my heart stopping every time you smile at me. My heart was pounding in my chest as I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Hell if I wasn’t scared shitless now.

  “Taylor, I’ve never felt like this before. You know I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you.”

  “Really? Because making love to me and then telling me it wouldn’t work between us and leaving with another woman hurt me. A lot.”

  Pulling my head back in confusion, I asked, “What are you talking about? I didn’t leave with anyone.”

  Taylor let out a gruff laugh. “Really? Cammie left with you, or have you forgotten that?”

  “She followed me out the door; I didn’t go anywhere with her. I walked around Paris for hours by myself.”

  Taylor sat back in her chair. “You . . . you didn’t spend the day with her?”

  “Fuck no. Jesus, Taylor, do you really think I’m that much of an asshole?”

  With a smirk, she replied, “If the shoe fits.”

  Well damn.

  “I freaked out and got spooked, but I honestly was and still am worried about dating and living so far apart from each other. But I think we can make it work.”

  Folding her arms across her chest, Taylor slowly shook her head. “So just like that, huh? You think you can walk in here and give me some sorry excuse for an apology and I’m going to fall at your feet and thank you for coming back to me?”

  “Sorry excuse?”

  Drumming her fingers on her arm, she nodded.

  Swallowing hard, I stuttered. “I . . . I don’t really know what to say.”

  With a frustrated sigh, Taylor stood. “I’m
really busy, Jase, so if that was all you stopped by for?”

  I narrowed my eyes and stood. “Really? This is how you’re going to do this?”

  “I can’t give you anything right now, Jase.”

  “What in the hell is that supposed to mean? I love you, Taylor.”

  Her breath hitched while she quickly looked away for a few moments before turning back and piercing me with her beautiful eyes. “If you loved me you would never have pushed me away in the first place. You took something from me that night, Jase, and it was more than my virginity. Besides, you’re right. It would never work with me living in Austin and you living in Llano.”

  My stomach felt sick as I tried to stop my hands from shaking. “Are . . . are you seeing someone?”

  Something moved across her face. She looked conflicted, but stood her ground. “It doesn’t matter.”

  Slamming my hand down on her desk, Taylor jumped. “It does to me! Please don’t do this because of some stupid mistake on my part. Give me another chance, I beg of you.”

  Her eyes filled with tears.

  Walking around her desk, I placed my hands on her arms. “If you tell me you don’t love me and there is no chance of us, I’ll leave. But you have to look me in the eyes and say it.”

  A small sob slipped from her mouth. “I . . . I’m sorry, Jase. I need you to leave now.”

  My hands dropped to my sides as I took a few steps back. She didn’t have to say the words. I could see it in her eyes.

  Dropping my gaze, I fought to keep my voice controlled. “I won’t bother you again, Taylor.”

  Her mouth parted up, but she stopped herself from talking.

  Turning, I headed to the door and opened it. Before walking out, I glanced over my shoulder.

  “I really thought you felt it too.”

  “Felt what?” she asked in a quiet voice.

  “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  I walked through the door and quietly shut it behind me. I filled my lungs with a deep breath of air and headed for the elevators. My heart felt as if it had just been ripped from my chest.

  The worst part was I deserved it.

  Taylor

  Collapsing into my chair, I covered my face with my hands and cried.

  What did I just do?

  The light knock at my door had me spinning my chair around to face the window. My grandfather made sure I had one of the best views in the building. His favoritism caused me more problems than he could ever imagine.

  “Ms. Atwood, Mr. Atwood would like to see you in his office.”

  Luckily the chair hid me enough that Denise wouldn’t see me wiping my tears away.

  “Th-thank you. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

  “Um . . . he said now and he seemed a bit upset.”

  Rolling my eyes, I now knew why my father warned me about coming to work for Granddad.

  “I’ll be there in a second, Denise,” I said firmly.

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ll let him know.”

  Why in the hell didn’t she just call me? She had to come in here and tell me.

  Once the door shut, I spun around and grabbed my purse. Searching for my cell phone, I pulled up my favorites. If I called my sister, she would try to reason with me.

  I didn’t want to call Lauren. She was too happy with her pregnancy news.

  That left Libby, Grace, or Alex.

  Looking up, I stared off into space.

  He was scared.

  Sitting up straighter, I pulled up my address book and found the number I was looking for.

  After three rings he answered.

  “Taylor, I mean Ms. Atwood, it’s a pleasure hearing from you so soon.”

  Smiling, I tried to ignore the tightness in my chest.

  “Mr. Burns, I was wondering if your invite to lunch was still open?”

  I could practically hear the excitement in his voice. “Yes, it is.”

  “I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten minutes.”

  “See you then.”

  Hitting End, I dropped the phone back into my purse and grabbed my compact. Checking to make sure my make-up was okay, I snapped it shut and stood. I smoothed out my pencil skirt and took a deep breath.

  The phone on my desk buzzed. “Ms. Atwood, he is waiting.”

  Heat surged through me as I moved around the desk and made my way to Grandfather’s office.

  “I’m done letting men walk over me. It’s time I was the one in control.”

  Pulling the door to my office open, I walked out and headed toward his office.

  “As of this moment, I’m starting a new life.”

  My father and mother stood in front of me with stunned expressions as I chewed on the corner of my lip.

  “What do you mean . . . you quit?” my father asked in a stunned voice.

  Rubbing my elbow in a nervous manner, I repeated what I had just said in a wavering voice. “I quit. Granddad wasn’t very pleased, but . . .”

  “I could imagine he wouldn’t be very happy about that, Taylor. Why in the world would you leave a perfectly good paying job? Do you know how many college graduates would give their right arm for a job like that?”

  My posture stooped and I stood there feeling like a fool. What was I thinking trying to do something like this? One look at my mother and I knew what I had to do. She gave me a weak smile and nodded her head in a show of support.

  Standing straight again, I dropped my hands to my hips. “I know what you think, Dad.”

  With a huff, he asked, “Do you really?”

  “I wasn’t happy there and we both know I was put in a position I was not qualified to do. You want to talk about being in over your head.” I let out a gruff laugh. “Dad . . . I was so over my head I was drowning. Needless to say, it was stressful having to listen to Granddad every single day point out every little thing I did wrong and then expected me to fix it, not having a damn clue what I was doing.”

  My mother frowned. “Taylor, don’t use that language; it isn’t you.”

  Rolling my eyes, I looked away. “Don’t you roll your eyes at your mother.”

  Cutting my gaze over to my father, I shook my head. “I can’t do this anymore.”

  A concerned expression moved across my parents’ faces. “What do you mean?”

  “This!” I said waving my hands about. “I’ve been so sheltered my entire life I feel like I have no life. Ever since I was little, I was told I could do no wrong. Well . . . I’ve done wrong. A few times and there are certain things I regret doing.”

  Tears built in my eyes as I thought about the other night.

  “Oh dear,” my mother mumbled, pushing away from the counter. “Taylor, if working for your grandfather felt too stressful, then that’s okay. He is supposed to be retired, so why he is up there every day is beyond any of us.”

  “Your mother is right, sweetheart. I don’t want you being upset about it. You will easily find another job.”

  My hands came up to my mouth as I attempted to hold myself together. “It’s not about the job.”

  I quickly turned and ran up the stairs to my room before I lost it completely in front of my parents. Slamming the door behind me, I fell to the bed and buried my face in the pillow. I’d give anything to take back what I did.

  Anything.

  The light knock at the door caused me to sit up. “Come in.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw it was my mother.

  “May I come in?”

  With a slight nod, I motioned for her to come in.

  She softly shut the door then walked over and sat on the bed next to me.

  “Do you want to tell me what’s really bothering you?”

  No longer able to hold it in, tears streamed down my face as my mother pulled me into her arms. The smell of her perfume brought me back to when I was a little girl. Any time I fell and got hurt, she would hold me close to her and I would breathe in her perfume.

  “Shh . . . it can’t be that bad
. So you quit your job. You’ll find another one.”

  I sobbed harder as I tried to fight past my throat closing. “It’s worse than that, Mom. I did something terrible. Something I regret and wish I could take back.”

  Pushing me back, she looked me in the eyes. Her eyes filled with worry. “What did you do, sweetheart? You can trust me.”

  My lips were pressed tightly together as I shook my head. “You’ll think I’m . . . I can’t believe I did it . . . oh God.”

  Dropping my head, my body trembled. “Taylor, you’re starting to scare me. Tell me right now what happened.”

  With a quick wipe of my face, I attempted to calm myself down, but all I could see was Jase standing in front of me . . . asking for a second chance and me turning him down.

  “Jase came to see me at the office a couple days ago.”

  “He did? What did he want?”

  After I came back from Paris, I’d told my mother everything about Jase. Even him taking my virginity. The one thing I could always count on was my mother’s support. She was there for me in a time I really needed someone to lean on. Never once judging me. “He wanted to apologize for how things went in Paris and he asked for a second chance.”

  With a slight smile, she grabbed my hands and softly said, “Oh, Taylor. Isn’t that what you’ve been wanting? Did you ask him about the girl he left with?”

  A swoosh of air escaped from my mouth as I looked away. “He didn’t spend the day with her. He was alone walking around Paris and he said he didn’t mean the things he said; he was just scared.”

  She squeezed my hands and leaned in closer with a wide grin. “That’s a good thing, right?”

  Sniffling, I nodded my head. “Yes. But something came over me when he was there and I got so mad. All my confused feelings came rushing back seeing him standing there and I told him to leave. He said if I really wanted him gone I had to tell him . . . and I did. I told him to leave and he said if he left he would never bother me again. I let him go.” Again, tears rolled down my face. “I let him walk out the door and I didn’t say a word to him. Mom, I think I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

  “So you got angry and let your emotions lead your thoughts. We’ve all done it and I’m guessing that is what led to all of this in the first place. Taylor, just call him and tell him you were upset.”