The Sprouts of Wrath

  ‘Mostly for show,’ said Norman, ‘for the Japanese market, they love all that kind of stuff.’ He busied himself releasing the steel hawsers, then climbed into the pilot’s seat and slammed the door. ‘Safety belt on,’ he said buckling himself up. ‘Key ignition.’ He did that very thing. ‘Altitude check, zero, check, thrust plates activated, single interlock on, Normanite pods optimum factor six . . .’

  ‘Norman,’ said Professor Slocombe sternly, ‘is all this pre-flight procedure actually necessary, or do I detect gamesmanship at work here?’

  ‘Safety first, Professor. As test pilot it is my responsibility

  ‘Test pilot?’ said Pooley. ‘You mean that you haven’t, er, actually flown this thing before?’

  ‘There has to be a first time for everything.’

  ‘Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!’ Pooley would have flapped his hands wildly and spun about in small circles, but he was firmly wedged in a very small space.

  ‘Be quiet, Jim, have you no sense of adventure? Here we go, chocks away.’ Norman revved the engine, engaged something which might have been a gear, but was probably far more complicated, and the car crept out of the lock-up and into the silent street. Norman placed his goggles over his eyes and leant back in his seat. ‘Up and away.’ The car bumped down the kerb and into the road, showing no immediate inclination towards taking flight.

  ‘Up and away!’ The Morris continued up the street, the only upping it seemed to have in mind. ‘Damn and blast it!’ said Norman. ‘There seems to be a slight technical hitch.’

  Professor Slocombe examined his pocket watch. ‘We do not have all night,’ he said in a cold voice.

  ‘We are a bit overloaded,’ said the shopkeeper, ‘but no problem, there’s a couple of paving slabs in the boot for ballast, I’ll just have them out.’ He pulled the vehicle over to the side of the road, switched off the ignition, withdrew the key and climbed out of the car. Pooley noted that his safety belt had left with him, which was probably not an encouraging sign. The Professor was looking far from happy.

  ‘Don’t blame me,’ said Jim, ‘this is none of my doing.’

  ‘Won’t be a tick.’ Norman threw open the boot and struggled with a paving slab. It tumbled into the road and fell with a loud thud. The mystery in that, thought Jim, is how it failed to do the obvious and land on his foot. ‘Just one more and then we’ll be off.’

  Jim suddenly realized that he seemed to be sitting much further back in his seat than before and that the view through the windscreen seemed mostly sky. ‘Norman!’ he shouted, turning and tapping on the rear window, ‘Norman!’

  ‘Shan’t be a tick, soon have it out.’ This time the paving slab made a more muffled thump as it struck the ground.

  ‘Oh, Hell,’ wailed Norman hopping about on one foot, ‘Oh, Hell Hell Hell!’

  ‘Oh, no!’ howled Jim. ‘We’re going up! Norman, do something!’ The shopkeeper hopped and swore. All four wheels of the car were now floating free of the road. The Hartnell Air Car was taking to its avowed natural habitat. ‘Norman!’

  Suddenly realizing the gravity, or in this case non-gravity of the situation, Norman ceased his hopping and made a great leap at the rear bumper as it passed him by. He missed, floundered and toppled into the road where he lay drumming his fists and kicking his feet and crying ‘Hell,’ over and over again.

  The car began to gather speed and altitude in a direct mathematical ratio which was of interest to the Professor alone. ‘I think you had better take over up front, Jim,’ said the old man. ‘I have never actually driven a car.’

  ‘I have driven cars, but never one like this, and anyway . . .’

  ‘Anyway, Jim?’

  ‘Anyway, Norman has the ignition key.’

  ‘Ah,’ said Professor Slocombe. ‘Now this presents us with certain unique difficulties. We would appear to be gathering momentum at a rate inversely proportionate to that of a falling object. Thus we are gaining mass. This is interesting, as Newtonic law would naturally presuppose an invalidation in the anti-gravitational properties of Normanite. One should cancel the other out.’

  ‘Fascinating,’ said Jim, growing sweaty about the brow.

  ‘Yes,’ said Professor Slocombe, ‘but not good. If we continue to accelerate in this fashion, then I estimate we will strike the underside of the stadium,’ he did a rapid mental calculation, ‘in approximately fifty-five seconds, give or take. I would consider impact to be a somewhat messy affair doubtless culminating in our extinction.’

  Pooley got the message without a further telling of it. He shinned over the driver’s seat and began to tear at the dashboard. ‘A bit of wire would be your man, Professor.’

  ‘Ah yes, a "hot wire" I believe it’s called, a sound idea.’

  The Professor reached into a rip in the seat-back in front of him and with a display of remarkable strength, ripped out a length of rusty spring. ‘Here you are, Jim, this should be the very thing.’

  Pooley snatched the spring from the outstretched hand and delved into the dashboard. ‘How much time?’

  ‘Thirty seconds, probably less.’

  Jim jiggled the spring and thrummed the accelerator pedal. And cursed a lot. Norman had done a thorough job in rewiring the car, he couldn’t raise a spark. It doesn’t work,’ cried Jim, ‘it doesn’t work!’

  ‘A pity,’ said Professor Slocombe. ‘It was a brave try though.’

  The car sped upwards, gaining speed. Far below, Norman watched it receding into the sky. He counted down the seconds beneath his breath and closed his eyes. If it was of any interest to anyone, other than those personally involved in the impending disaster, his mental calculations tallied exactly with those of the Professor.

  A small task-force of hand-picked officers crept along the Kew Road. Before them, two figures stalked from shadow to shadow, muttering to one another in urgent muted tones. One was lean and angular and had taken no sustenance whatever this day, the other was broad and bulbous and had only recently pushed his chopsticks aside after a twelve-course belly-buster.

  ‘As Commanding Officer,’ said Inspectre Hovis, ‘I dictate the naming of names. This is Operation Sherringford and history will know us as Hovis’s Heroes.’

  ‘Phooey!’ the other replied. ‘As overall adviser on special attachment to the unit, I demand that this venture be called Operation Hugo, and we, Rune’s Raiders.’

  ‘I have no intention of arguing with you, Rune.’

  ‘Nor, I, you. Rune’s Raiders, or I go home.’

  ‘All right, but it’s Operation Sherringford.’

  ‘Ludicrous! Must I forever pander to your inflated ego?’

  The two continued their dispute as they neared the gasometer. Behind them the team of five officers slunk along. To them this was Operation Laurel and Hardy and they were the Lost Patrol.

  ‘All right, Rune,’ whispered Hovis, as the two of them skulked in the shadows. ‘We’re getting close now, what is the plan?’

  ‘Plan?’ asked Hugo Rune.

  ‘Plan, man, you do have one, don’t you?’

  ‘Do you mean the plan for Operation Hugo, or that other one?’

  Hovis muttered beneath his breath, no matter what the outcome of this operation was, he had determined that Rune’s immediate future was going to be subject to the pleasure of Her Majesty.

  ‘Which?’ asked Hugo Rune.

  ‘Operation Hugo,’ spat Inspectre Hovis.

  ‘Good,’ said Rune. ‘Now follow me.’ He led Hovis on and the Inspectre beckoned the task-force to follow.

  Rune’s Raiders skirted the wire fence. It towered above them menacingly; tiny blue sparkles of electrical energy fizzed and popped about its upper regions saying, ‘Just you try it.’

  ‘I hope you know what you’re doing,’ Hovis growled as the field of static set the Inspectre’s whitened pelt on end.

  Rune strode forcefully on ahead in case Hovis spotted the hopeless look on his face. If he couldn’t come up with a means of entry soon he was going
to have to do a runner. The fence was endless, threatening. He plodded on, casting spells in every direction. Suddenly he halted in his tracks and a broad smile broke out upon his broad face. There,’ said be, in a hushed voice.

  Hovis collided with Rune’s ample rear end. ‘What?’ he asked.

  ‘There.’

  Hovis followed the direction of the mystic’s gaze. ‘Well now, Rune, I underestimated you.’ Not five yards ahead a ragged opening gaped in the wire. ‘Congratulations,’ said Inspectre Hovis. This way, men, and hurry.’

  Rune smiled and shrugged modestly. ‘I am a man of my word,’ said he, ‘I am Rune whose power is infinite, whose knowledge absolute.’ I wonder how that got there, he wondered.

  The Hartnell Air Car dipped away from the stadium with inches to spare and hurtled off into the night sky.

  ‘Now that was close.’ Jim Pooley gripped the wheel, knuckles suitably white, face a likewise hue.

  The Professor’s head appeared above the passenger seat. ‘Exactly how did you do that?’ he asked.

  ‘There was a spare ignition key taped under the dash,’ said Jim. That was handy, eh?’

  ‘Handy is not the word I would use, Jim.’

  ‘Do you ever feel, Professor . . .’ Jim glanced back over his shoulder.

  ‘That a power greater than ourselves is in control of our destinies?’ the old man asked.

  ‘Something like that.’

  ‘It is a possibility the present circumstances might add weight to. You most definitely have a guardian angel, Jim.’

  ‘That’s a comforting thought.’ Jim settled himself back behind the wheel.

  The ancient scholar leant back in his seat. The teleportation of the key from Norman’s ring to Pooley’s hand had been a relatively simple matter, but it wouldn’t do to tell the lad that. ‘Drive on, Jim,’ he told the pilot. ‘Bring us about over the stadium.’

  ‘I’ll do my very best.’ Jim had never been much of a driver, but whatever skills he might possess as a pilot were presently untried. ‘Cor, look at that,’ he said.

  Beneath them the stadium spread, acre upon acre, huge beyond imagination. A thing to inspire wonder and awe, if not a good deal more. Enclosed by the concentric circles of the stands, seating for a million people, so it seemed, the arena lay beneath a vast dome which shimmered in the moonlight. Towards the five star-points, the Olympic villages rose like small towns. A futuristic sky-scape of tall towers, cylinders, domes and pyramids with raised walkways, practice-tracks, thoroughfares and stairways strung between them. The panorama was fantastic, beyond belief, beyond possibility. It beggared description.

  ‘It’s a corker!’ said Pooley, very much impressed. ‘Big Boda this one.’

  ‘I have never seen the like,’ said Professor Slocombe, staring with almost equal wonder, ‘and I have been there and back again, as the saying goes.’

  Pooley nodded thoughtfully, as was often his way when lost for words. At length he asked, ‘What are those, Professor?’

  The sage followed the direction of Pooley’s pointing finger. ‘Both hands on the wheel, please,’ he said. ‘What "those" do you mean?’

  ‘Those thoses.’ Jim’s attention had become drawn to the ranks of tall pylons surmounted by silvered discs which sprouted variously about the star-points like fields of high-tech mushrooms.

  ‘The solar cells I should suppose, Jim. They absorb the sunlight and project it from similar pads beneath the stadium, to simulate sky, provide light and create the visual camouflage.’

  ‘Thank you,’ said Pooley. ‘And so where would you like me to park, as it were?’ Professor Slocombe delved into his Gladstone bag and brought out a blueprint of the stadium. Jim glanced back over his shoulder. ‘And how did you come by that, might I ask?’

  ‘I stole it,’ said the Professor in all candour. ‘I was far from certain that the television images told the whole truth about the stadium. I had this lifted from the offices of a certain Covent Garden design studio.’

  Pooley grinned and flew the car in sweeping circles above the stadium, humming gently to himself. His thoughts at present were unsettled as he had no idea what might lie ahead. That he was going to buy one of these cars when he came into the big money was a certainty. As for now, getting through the night was rather high on the list of priorities. Another confrontation with Kaleton was in the offing and Jim felt almost comforted by the prospect. That was, he supposed, because his life lacked direction. That he should become Kaleton’s Nemesis, even if he pegged out in the process, lent a temporary purpose to an otherwise pointless existence. You will pay, said Jim to himself.

  I do hope so, thought Professor Slocombe as he studied the blueprint without aid of a torch. ‘We will go down,’ he told Jim, ‘at the southern tip, above the river, camp of the home team. I think we will avoid the Russian and American sectors, don’t want an international incident now, do we?’

  Jim took his bearings. ‘Ah yes,’ he said. The river, yes, I’ve got it, but where exactly - and how?’ he added as an afterthought.

  ‘Yes, how?’ Professor Slocombe folded the blueprint and peered out of the rear window. ‘There are heliports I see, but they have been constructed for vertical descent. There are no runways, and there is the matter of what will happen when you switch off the engine.’

  ‘Oh yes?’

  ‘Well, we’ll float up into the air again, won’t we?’

  ‘Oh yes, I think the Hartnell Air Car is going to require a few more weeks on the drawing-board. So what are we going to do, Professor, bale out?’

  ‘I’m not keen. Let us go down as slowly as we can, steer it around this way.’

  Jim did as he was bid. They cruised down towards the camp of the home team, passing amongst the towers and pyramids, pinnacles and obelisks. At closer quarters it all became even more fantastic and unbelievable, a science-fiction landscape.

  ‘How slowly can we go?’ asked the Professor.

  Pooley changed down and applied the brakes. ‘Quite slowly, as it happens. It’s quite clever this really, isn’t it?’

  ‘The shopkeeper certainly keeps us guessing. Take us in straight ahead.’ The car dropped gently down from the sky and although it continued to wobble uncertainly, Jim did an admirable job in controlling it.

  ‘I have an idea,’ said the Professor. ‘Can you take it in there?’ He pointed to where a broad walkway disappeared into the entrance hall of one of the curious buildings.

  ‘I’m not Luke Skywalker,’ said Jim, ‘but the force is with us, I suppose.’

  ‘Oh yes, indubitably, Jim.’

  ‘Right then.’ Pooley eased back on the throttle and in fits and starts they approached the opening. ‘Please extinguish your cigarettes and fasten your seat-belts.’

  ‘Now is hardly the moment for levity. As soon as we are into the entrance hall, switch off the engine.’

  Jim was suddenly more doubtful than ever. ‘But we will float up again surely?’

  ‘And lodge under the entrance arch.’

  That, thought Jim, was as iffy a proposition as any he had yet known. ‘In for a penny then.’ The car bumped down on to the walkway with a squeal of tyres, bounced up again uncontrollably, the engine faltered and made coughing sounds. Jim gripped the wheel. ‘We’re going to crash.’

  ‘Hold on tight, Jim. Now!’ Pooley slammed on the brakes, tore the key from the ignition and made his personal recommendations to his Maker. The car ground along a side wall raising a stream of sparks and mangling metal, swerved, stopped dead and almost at once began to rise. There was a sickening crunch as it struck the top of the entrance hall. And then, a blessed silence. ‘Bravo, Jim, you did it!’

  ‘I did?’ Pooley’s face appeared over the wheel, nose crooked, a facsimile of the now mostly-forgotten Chad. ‘I did do it, I really did.’

  ‘Right, now we have wasted more than enough time. To work.’

  ‘Right,’ said Inspectre Hovis, ‘we have wasted more than enough time.’ Rune’s Raiders stood in a dubio
us huddle before the great gasometer, fingering an arsenal of weaponry they were certainly unqualified even to handle, let alone raise in anger. Hovis cocked his old service revolver. ‘Now, Rune,’ he said. ‘Open it up, there’s a good fellow.’

  ‘Open it up,’ Rune slowly remouthed the Inspectre’s words, ‘open it up.’

  ‘We have the element of surprise to our favour.’ Hovis turned to address the nervous constables. ‘Now, gentlemen, I do not want a bloodbath on my hands. We do not know how many of them there are in there. No one, and I mean no one, shoots anyone until I give the order, do I make myself understood?’ The boot-blackened faces bobbed up and down in the darkness. Constable Meek straightened his Rambo-style headband and wondered which end of his Kalashnikov was the killing end. ‘OK, Rune, take us in.’

  ‘Yes indeed,’ said the Perfect Master, ‘indeed yes. Take us in, now let me see.’

  ‘Now let me see.’ Professor Slocombe studied the blueprint. He and Pooley stood within the shadow of the entrance hall; above them the Hartnell Air Car roosted quietly. ‘We go this way, Jim. Now try to keep your bearings, we may have to return at some speed.’

  Pooley tucked the car’s ignition key safely away in his top pocket. ‘Exactly where are we going to?’ he asked.

  ‘To the very heart, Jim, the very hub. The core which lies at the centre of the arena, this area.’ He pointed to the blueprint.

  ‘But there’s nothing there but a black spot.’

  ‘Indeed.’ The Professor nodded gravely. ‘This way now, follow me.’

  The two men passed between the titanic structures. Their entire design and geometry was strange, unnatural, alien. Jim ran his hand along a handrail and speedily withdrew it. ‘It hums,’ he said, ‘it vibrates.’

  ‘It knows we are here.’

  Jim shuddered. ‘And what’s it all made of, Professor? This isn’t metal or glass, what is it?’

  ‘Horn, bone, chitin, it is organic,’ said the sage. ‘I don’t think this stadium was built, in the true sense of the word. I think it was grown.’