Always

  Lisa heard Clancy’s muttered curse before he pulled her away from the chests that were crashing all around them. She heard the shrill, angry scream of the booth attendant, and then Galbraith was beside them.

  “Did you see which way he went?” Clancy asked.

  Lisa’s gaze flew to the shadowy corner where Martin had stood an instant ago. He was gone!

  “Through that alleyway in back of the booth,” Galbraith said. “I put Hendricks on his tail.”

  “Good.” Clancy let go of Lisa’s arm and turned away. “I’m going after him. Take Lisa back to the villa.” He jumped over one of the chests in his path and took off running.

  Lisa gazed after him in a daze. Everything had happened so fast that it was difficult to comprehend.

  Galbraith placed a gentle hand on her elbow. “We have to do as Clancy said, Miss Landon. Don’t worry. Everything will be fine. Clancy will catch the bastard.”

  It was what would happen when he did catch Martin that was turning her panic to terror. There had been so much ugliness, so much menace in Martin in those last minutes. How could he have said that about Tommy? She could feel the sheer horror of it turn her cold and sick. She’d been so sure that guilt and desperation had caused Martin’s obsessive behavior toward her. Could she have been that mistaken?

  “You’re shaking.” Galbraith frowned in concern. “Are you okay? Clancy will have my severed head in one of these baskets if he comes back and finds you sick.”

  “I’m all right.” She wasn’t all right. She could feel the dark, tattered edge of that familiar depression closing in on her, and her footsteps quickened as if to run away from it. But she knew it was useless. She hadn’t been able to escape from it for the last three years. How could she expect to do so now? “Let’s just get back to the villa.”

  It was almost dusk when Clancy returned to the villa, but Galbraith had not bothered to turn on the lights. He was lounging in one of the big easy chairs in the living room, his leg swinging lazily over the wide arm.

  Clancy flipped on the ceiling light as he strode into the room, and Galbraith straightened up. “Did you get him?”

  Clancy shook his head. “Hendricks lost him in the alleyway.” He rubbed the back of his neck wearily. “We spent the entire afternoon searching the whole damn island for any sign of him. We finally tracked down a lead to the Coast Guard office. A man of Baldwin’s general description sailed a launch into the harbor three days ago and has been berthed at the dock ever since.”

  Galbraith gave a low whistle. “He’s been living on the boat, then. No wonder we didn’t get a tip-off from one of the hotels on the island.”

  “Well, the launch is no longer in its berth, so it’s safe to assume Baldwin’s gotten away clean as a whistle. It doesn’t matter. I’ll still get him.” He shifted his gaze to the door of the master bedroom. “How is she?”

  “Not good,” Galbraith said with a frown. “What the hell did the bastard say to her? She seemed to be in a state of shock. Did he threaten her?”

  Clancy’s lips tightened. “Yes, but I don’t think that’s what’s causing the upset. Did she eat dinner?”

  “I ordered something sent over from the dining room of the hotel, but she didn’t touch it.” Galbraith flexed his shoulders and sighed. “I don’t like it, Clancy. She’s too damn quiet. I used to see guys in Nam like that.” He smiled crookedly. “Those were the ones who usually ended up wandering off into the jungle or developed a liking for Russian roulette.”

  Clancy felt a chill touch his spine. He, too, had seen men who had repressed pain and horror until it had become a land mine inside them. “I’ll try to get her to eat later. I won’t need you for the rest of the evening, John. You can tell the other guards they needn’t come back tomorrow.”

  Galbraith’s brows rose in surprise. “The surveillance is officially over? I thought you’d continue it for a few days in case Baldwin decided to come back.”

  “I don’t doubt that he’ll be back, but he’s not stupid enough to make it anytime soon. He knows we’re waiting for him. My guess is that he’ll wait and try to catch us by surprise.”

  Galbraith nodded in agreement. “You think he’ll still try to make trouble for Miss Landon?”

  “I don’t think there’s any question about it,” Clancy said bitterly. “Thanks to the little scenario I set up, he’s not only an annoyance but an actual threat to her now. He thinks she’s betrayed him, and there’s no telling what a psycho like that will do to get revenge.”

  “Then she’ll remain under Sedikhan protection indefinitely.” It was a statement, not a question. Galbraith got to his feet. “Do I put her on a flight to New York tomorrow and arrange for an operative to cover her there?”

  “No, I don’t think so. I’d have to put a battalion around her to keep her safe in a heavily populated area like New York.” Clancy frowned. “I may have to take her to Sedikhan.”

  “The lady may decide she’s tired of being pushed around from pillar to post at your convenience.” Galbraith’s lips curved in a faint smile. “She could have a few ideas of her own. We can’t keep her a prisoner forever.”

  “I don’t want to keep her prisoner at all. Damn, I’m tired of this mess.”

  Galbraith shrugged and moved toward the door. “I’ll report back tomorrow and you can let me know what you’ve decided. Good night, Clancy.”

  “Good night.” Clancy stood staring absently at the door for some minutes after it had closed behind Galbraith. God, he was scared. He knew what he had to do was necessary, but that didn’t make it any easier. His hands clenched into fists at his sides. Do it, he told himself. Get it over with, dammit.

  He turned and strode to the master bedroom and knocked briskly. He didn’t wait for an answer but opened the door and walked into the room.

  Lisa was at the French windows gazing out into the courtyard, silhouetted against the last rays of twilight.

  “He got away,” Clancy said. “I’m sure you’ll be glad to know your conscience is entirely clear. Baldwin is somewhere on the high seas by now.”

  “I know you’re disappointed,” Lisa said, not turning around. “It’s not that I condone what he’s done, but I couldn’t be responsible for—”

  “I know why you did it. I’m not blaming you. I do think you should develop a better sense of self-preservation. You heard what he said to you before he took off. You’re on Baldwin’s hit list from now on.”

  “Yes,” she said dully.

  He drew a deep breath. It was worse than he’d thought: her voice was totally apathetic. “I’ve sent the guards away.”

  She didn’t answer.

  “For God’s sake, say something,” he burst out. “What the hell is wrong with you? I feel like I’m talking to a statue.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m very tired,” she said like a polite little girl. “I’d like to go to bed now.”

  “Not now. We need to talk.”

  “I’m very tired,” she repeated. “I’d like my sleeping pills, please.”

  “The hell you would!”

  “It’s all over. You said you’d sent the guards away. The pills are my property and I’d like them returned.”

  “It’s not all over, and if you think I’ll let you take—”

  She whirled to face him. He couldn’t see her face in the dimness of the room, but her body was as tense as an arched bow. “Give them to me. I need them, damn you!”

  “All the more reason not to give them to you. It’s time you stopped hiding behind them, Lisa. It’s time you came out into the light and faced it.” He kept his voice hard with an effort. He could feel her pain and desperation radiating in waves across the room. “I’ll help you in any way I can, but we’ve got to come to grips with the problem first.” He moved to the bedside lamp and turned it on. For a moment he wished he hadn’t. So much pain, so much emptiness showed on her pale face. “Lisa, we have to talk about it. You can’t go on like this.”

  Her eyes widened in sudde
n fear. “You don’t know what you’re saying. It’s none of your business what I do, anyway. Leave me alone, Clancy.”

  “I can’t do that. Do you think I want to bully you like this?” His eyes met hers. “Tell me about Tommy, Lisa.”

  “No!” She turned her back on him, staring out the window. “Get out, Clancy.”

  “Your son, Tommy, was born one year after your marriage to Baldwin. According to your file, you and the boy were extraordinarily close. He died in an automobile accident three years ago. Baldwin was driving and received only a slight concussion.” Her spine was painfully rigid, as if he were flogging her and she had to tense to bear the blows. Lord, he was glad he couldn’t see her face now. “You came very close to a nervous breakdown. You were under a doctor’s care for six months, and then you resumed your career and concentrated all your energies on that area of your life.”

  “You have all the facts down accurately,” she said, her voice brittle. “You don’t need me to tell you anything.”

  “Yes, I do. I need you to tell me about Tommy. What did he look like? Was he blond like Baldwin?”

  “No, he had brown hair, acorn brown. What difference does it make?”

  “Brown eyes?”

  “No, they were hazel.” Her voice was a mere whisper. “Please, don’t do this to me, Clancy.”

  “What was his favorite color? Most children like red.”

  “He loved yellow. Bright yellow. For his fifth birthday I arranged a party at his nursery school, and he wanted all the balloons to be yellow.”

  “Was he a quiet child?”

  “Sometimes. When he was tired, he’d bring his favorite book and curl up next to me in the same chair.” She seemed to be struggling to get the words out. “He’d lean his head against me and not say a word until I’d finished. Though most of the time he’d fall asleep before I got halfway through.”

  “Did he have a favorite toy he slept with?”

  “Bruiser. It was a tattered old panda bear with one black eye. I told Tommy he looked like a punch-drunk fighter. It got so worn I tried to get him to accept a replacement, but he loved it so.…”

  “What happened to Bruiser, Lisa?”

  She didn’t answer. Her spine was arched with unbearable tension as if she were being stretched on the rack.

  “Tell me, Lisa.”

  “He’s with Tommy.” Her voice was so faint he could hardly catch it. “I wanted him to have something he loved with him. Bruiser is with Tommy.”

  Oh, God, he couldn’t keep this up. Why wouldn’t she break? “What did Tommy look like when he smiled?”

  “He had a dimple in his left cheek and he’d just lost his front tooth. I was planning on having his yearly picture taken, and I told him he’d look as ragtag as Bruiser. He laughed and—” She whirled to face him. Tears were running down her cheeks and her eyes were wild with grief. “But I never had that picture taken. He died, Clancy. He died!” Her slender body was suddenly racked with sobs. “It wasn’t fair. Tommy was so good. He didn’t deserve to have that happen to him.”

  Clancy crossed the room in three strides, and gathered her in his arms. His hands cradled the back of her head, pressing her face into his chest in an agony of tenderness. “I know, acushla. I know.”

  “He was a miracle.” Her voice was muffled, but the words flowed on. It was as if once started, they were impossible to halt. “A miracle. I hadn’t done anything to deserve him. I’d always been a little selfish and thoughtless, yet I was given Tommy. He was so sweet and affectionate. And smart. He was very bright for his age. All his teachers said so.” Her hands clenched his shirt front, wrinkling it. “I loved him so, Clancy.”

  He could feel his throat tighten painfully. “The dreams. What are the dreams about, Lisa?”

  “Tommy. They’re always about Tommy, and they’re all the same. It’s late at night and I’m at home. I’m happy. I even hum a little as I climb the stairs. I have to tuck Tommy in for the night, and I always love doing that. He’s always so clean and sweet after his bath. Then I open the door and Tommy’s not in his room. I don’t understand and I walk into the room and go across to his bed. The bed is very neat and cold and perfectly made up, with not a wrinkle in the bedspread. And I look down at it and I know that it’s going to stay that way. That Tommy’s never going to be there again. That I’m never going to tuck him in, or kiss him good night, or hold him.…”

  He rocked her, pain exploding inside him. God, what must it be like for her? “I think I would have murdered Baldwin myself, if I were you,” he said huskily.

  “I thought he felt the same way I did. He never seemed very affectionate toward Tommy, but after we separated he appeared to change. He’d take Tommy out for the day to amusement parks and the zoo. After the accident he seemed so …” She paused. “Broken. And he was so concerned when I was ill.” She shook her head in bewilderment. “Oh, I don’t know.”

  “He would have realized that his only chance with you was to fake the same bereavement you were feeling,” Clancy said grimly. “He didn’t sound any too guilt-stricken this afternoon.”

  “No, he didn’t.” She couldn’t seem to stop the tears from running down her cheeks, but the sobs had begun to subside. “I don’t understand it. I don’t understand him.”

  “Well, I do,” Clancy said. “I understand the bastard very well.” Suddenly he picked her up and carried her across the room toward the chair. “But I have no intention of talking about Baldwin now.” He sat down on the chair and cradled her on his lap. His hand stroked the fine hair at her temple with gentle fingertips. “That’s not what you want to talk about now, either, is it?”

  “No.” She nestled her cheek closer. “That’s not what I want to talk about.”

  “Tommy?”

  “Yes.” Incredibly, after all these years, she did want to talk about Tommy. It was as if a festering sore had been lanced and must now be purged.

  “Then tell me.” His arms tightened lovingly about her. “Tell me all about Tommy. Make me know him, Lisa.”

  And she did. Once she started, the words refused to stop. She lay there in his arms, her voice almost dreamlike as she rebuilt a world that she’d thought she had lost forever. It was not without pain. The tears flowed and ceased and flowed again as hours passed and pictures of the past flickered, became real, and then faded once again.

  Clancy was silent, listening, and only his hand moved as he gently stroked her temple.

  Finally the words ceased and Lisa was also silent. She lay curled against him like a weary child, drained, empty, but curiously at peace. She didn’t know if it was fifteen minutes or an hour later when she broke that silence by whispering, “Thank you.”

  His arms tightened around her. “Don’t thank me. Tommy is a part of you, and you shared him with me. You were the one giving gifts.” He paused. “Is it better now?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good.” Another silence. “There isn’t any way I can justify what happened to Tommy. I don’t intend to, acushla. I can only share something I’ve learned over the years.” His voice was unsteady. “I’ve lost quite a few people I’ve cared about. I’ve led a violent life, and I suppose it was inevitable. It never makes any sense, but it happens. When someone is taken from me, I try to use that grief.”

  “Use it?”

  He nodded. “After I’ve accepted it, I try to channel all the memories and the love and let it flow to someone else. I guess it sounds a little strange, but I feel if I give enough of myself, enough of what I’ve been given by the one I’ve lost, somehow some part of that person will still survive. I don’t have any real family anymore, but I have my friends in Sedikhan. Every time something happens, I give them more love, more protection, more caring.” He grimaced. “By this time, all of them should be pretty well weighed down with it. Sort of weird, huh?”

  “No, not weird at all,” she whispered. “Beautiful.”

  “Well, it helps me, anyway. You might try it.” He dropped a feather-li
ght kiss on the top of her head. “Now I think I’d better let you get some sleep. You’re exhausted.” He stood up with her still in his arms and carried her over to the bed. He didn’t bother to try to undress her, but settled her on the pillows and pulled the sheet over her.

  “You’re leaving?” She didn’t want him to go. Something had happened in this room tonight. Intimacy had been established; bonds had been forged. In a strange way, she felt that if she had given him Tommy, she had also given a portion of herself. As for what he had given her … it could never be measured.

  Clancy shook his head. “I’ll stay right here.” He turned out the lamp, then lay down on the bed beside her and took her in his arms. “I don’t think the dreams will come, but I’ll be right here to stop them if they do.”

  She didn’t think they would come, either. He had given her so much; she should really send him away. “You don’t have to stay. I’ll be all right now.”

  His lips brushed the delicate skin at her temple. “Go to sleep,” he said. “I want to stay.”

  She sighed contentedly and nestled against his hard strength. So hard, so strong, yet with a core of sensitivity and simple beauty that had shaken her profoundly. She was too tired to think of his words right now, but she knew she would soon and that they would bring her comfort. Giving. That’s what he had said. Memories that constantly enriched, giving love and beauty to someone else, forming a chain that would last forever.…

  Lisa’s breathing grew deep and even. She lay curved against him with the confiding trust of a little child. Thank heaven she’d fallen asleep so easily. Clancy knew he had taken a big risk tonight. There’d been a possibility that his instincts were wrong, that bringing the tragedy into the open would have done more harm than good. There had also been the chance that even if she’d recognized the necessity of his action, she’d have hated him for the pain he had caused. Neither of those things had happened, thank God.

  He stroked her hair, staring absently into the darkness. Lisa was so alone, he reflected. He had tried to comfort her with his own philosophy, but he realized it might not apply in her case. Her dossier had stated that she had no close friends or relatives. Her parents were dead. Very possibly it was her isolation that kept her grief so raw and painful and caused her to turn inward and dwell on her loss. There had to be some way for him to help her conquer that isolation.