If There's No Tomorrow

  “Yeah,” he replied quietly. “I know.”

  “He did say he thought I had a chance at landing a scholarship if I focused more on playing.”

  Sebastian flicked my arm. “I’ve told you a million times you’ve got skill out on the court.”

  I rolled my eyes. “You have to say that because you’re my friend.”

  “Because I’m your friend, I’d tell you if you sucked.”

  I laughed softly. “I know I’m not terrible, but I’m nowhere near as good as Megan or half the team. There’s no way a scout is going to pay attention to me. And that’s okay,” I quickly added. “I’m not banking on that kind of scholarship anyway.”

  “I feel you.” His grin started to slip away. His expression turned pensive, and as I watched him, the last of the sleepiness faded away.

  I gripped the edges of the blanket, tugging it to my chin. A heartbeat passed. “What’s going on?”

  Scrubbing a hand down his face, he exhaled heavily. “Dad...he really has his heart set on Chapel Hill.”

  From previous experience, I knew to proceed with caution with this conversation. He wouldn’t talk about his dad a lot, and when he did, he quickly reached the point where he would just shut down about the whole thing. I always thought he needed to talk about it. I totally got the irony of that, since I wouldn’t talk about my dad, but whatever.

  “Chapel Hill is a really good school,” I started. “And it’s really expensive, right? If you get in on a scholarship, that would be pretty amazing. You’d also be close to your cousins.”

  “Yeah. I know that, but...”

  “But what?”

  He rolled onto his back and thrust his hands under his head. “I don’t want to go there. I don’t really have a good reason. The campus is freaking cool as hell, but just not into it.”

  Knowing that Sebastian was as close to Keith and Phillip as he was to Cody, I figured maybe it had something to do with them. “Where do the guys want to go?”

  “Keith and Phillip are hoping to get on at West Virginia University. Phillip really wants to play ball for them. Thinking Keith wants to go there because of the parties.” He paused. “I think Cody is set for Penn State.”

  For years, WVU had been the number one party school in the United States, and I was sure it was still up in the top five, so it would be a great fit for Keith. “Do you want to go there?”

  “Not really.”

  I wiggled down, getting comfortable. “Where do you want to go?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Sebastian.” I sighed. “You have to know. This is our senior year. You don’t have much time left. Scouts are going to be coming to the games and—”

  “And maybe I don’t care about the scouts.”

  I snapped my mouth shut, because there it was, the thing I’d been sensing about Sebastian for the last year.

  He turned his head toward me. “You don’t have anything to say to that?”

  “I was waiting for you to elaborate.”

  A muscle worked in his jaw as he stared back. “I... God, even in the middle of the night, in your room, I still don’t even want to say it. It’s like my father is going to pop out of the damn closet and lose his mind. Instead of Bloody Mary, he’d be Bloody Marty.”

  I drew in a deep breath. “You don’t... You don’t want to play college ball, do you?”

  His eyes closed and several moments stretched out between us. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? I mean, I’ve always played ball. I don’t even remember a time when I wasn’t being carted off to practice or seeing my mom cleaning grass stains out of my pants. And I like playing it. I’m good at it.” He said it without an ounce of arrogance. It was just the truth. Sebastian had a God-given talent for playing football. “But when I think about another four years of getting up at dawn, running and catching...another four years of Dad basing his entire existence on how the game goes...I want to turn to drinking. Hell, maybe even crack and meth. Something.”

  “We don’t want that,” I said drily.

  He flashed a brief grin and then it disappeared. Our gazes met and held. “I don’t want to do it, Lena,” he whispered this to me, a secret he couldn’t speak loudly. “I don’t want to spend another four years doing this.”

  My breath caught. “You know you don’t have to, right? You don’t have to go to college and play ball. There’s still time to get other scholarships. A ton of time. You can do anything. Seriously.”

  He laughed, but there wasn’t an ounce of humor to it. “If I decided not to play ball, my father would stroke out.”

  I squirmed closer so our faces were inches apart. “Your dad will be fine. Do you still want to study recreational science?”

  “I do, but not for the reasons Dad thinks.” He bit down on his lower lip, slowly letting it pop out. “He has this plan for me. I’d play college ball, then be drafted—second pick. Not first. He’s realistic.” His grin was wry as his gaze slid to mine. “I’ll play a couple of years and then move on to coaching or working with the teams, putting to use the recreational science degree.”

  The all-American dream right there. “And what is your plan?”

  His eyes were wide, the blue startling and vibrant. “Do you know how much you can do in recreational science? I could work in hospitals, with vets or even in psychology. It’s not all about sports injuries. I want to actually help someone. I know this sounds stupid and cliché.”

  “It’s not stupid or cliché,” I insisted. “Not at all.”

  A half smile formed. After a moment, some of the light faded from his eyes and he said, “I don’t know. He would flip out. It would be like the end of the world.”

  I had no doubt in my mind that Sebastian was correct in that assumption. “But he’d get over it. He has to.”

  His lashes lowered. “He’d probably disown me.”

  “I don’t know if he’d go that far.” My gaze flickered over his face. “It’s your life. Not his. Why would you do something that you weren’t really into?”

  “Yeah.” A brief smile appeared and then he shifted back so he was facing me. “You still hoping for UVA?”

  Clearly he was officially done with the conversation. “Yeah.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Sure.”

  “It’s kind of random.”

  I grinned. “You’re always random.”

  He nodded in agreement. “Why did you and Andre break up?”

  Blinking, I wasn’t sure I heard him correctly. I started to respond but laughed.

  He nudged my leg through the blanket with his. “Told you it was out there.”

  “Yeah. Um...I don’t know.” Holy crap, wasn’t like I could tell him the truth. It didn’t work out because I was in love with you. That wouldn’t go over well.

  Sebastian opened his mouth, then closed it. When I peeked at him, his lips were pressed in a hard line. “He didn’t do something, did he? Like mess around on you or hurt—”

  “No. Oh my God, no. Andre was practically perfect.” My eyes widened as what he said really sank in. “Wait. Did you think he did something?”

  “Not a hundred percent. If I had, he wouldn’t be walking right now.” I raised an eyebrow. “I just never knew why you guys broke up. One second you two were together and then you...you just weren’t.”

  I let the blanket slip down my shoulders. “I just wasn’t into him the way I should’ve been, and it made me...uncomfortable.”

  His chest rose with a deep breath. “Know the feeling.”

  My gaze shot to his. He was staring at my ceiling. “You know I’m going to ask this... Why did Skylar break up with you? You’ve never told me.”

  “You’ve never really asked.” His eyes shifted back to me. “Actually, come to think of it, you never really asked about anything that has to do with Skylar.”

  My mouth opened, but I didn’t say anything, because, come to think of it, he was right. I didn’t ask about Skylar, because I just didn’t want
to know. Supporting him hadn’t meant I needed to know all about their relationship.

  “I...I figured it wasn’t any of my business,” I answered lamely.

  His brows pinched together as his lips turned down at the corners. “I didn’t know there was anything between us that wouldn’t be each other’s business at this point.”

  Well...

  “Skylar broke up with me because she felt like I wasn’t giving the relationship my all. She thought I cared more about ball and my friends than her.”

  “Well, that’s kind of lame.”

  “Kind of the same reason why you broke up with Andre, right? You weren’t into him. Probably weren’t giving it your all.”

  I pursed my lips. “Whatever. We’re in high school. Exactly how much work do we have to put into relationships?”

  “Don’t think you should ever have to ‘put in work’ in a relationship,” he replied. “I think it should come naturally.”

  I wrinkled my nose. “Aren’t you so deep with all your worldly experience,” I teased.

  “I am experienced.”

  Rolling my eyes, I kicked his leg from under the cover. “Was it true? That you cared more about your friends and football than her?”

  “Partly true,” he answered after a moment. “Well, you know the football part wasn’t.”

  Mulling it over, I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. Since I was one of his friends, was he saying he cared about me more? A second later, I realized that was a stupid thing to question and I sort of wanted to punch myself.

  “I’m going to stay here for a little while,” he murmured, lifting his hand. He caught a strand of hair that had fallen across my cheek. As he tucked it back behind my ear, his fingers dragged over my skin and my breath hitched in my throat. A wave of shivers skated across my skin as he drew his hand back. “You okay with that?”

  “Yes,” I whispered, knowing he hadn’t seen my reaction. He never did.

  Resting his hand between us, he shifted closer, and I felt his knee press against mine. “Lena?”

  “What?”

  He hesitated for a moment. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  The corners of his lips picked up. “For just being here, right now.”

  Closing my eyes against a sudden rush of tears, I spoke the truest thing I could’ve. “Where else would I be?”

  * * *

  “So my mom made me write down this list of the top ten things I want to do with my life, since she thinks it’s completely ridiculous that I’m about to enter my senior year and I don’t know what I want to do yet,” Megan said, nursing her third glass of sweet tea as she rooted around in a basket of fries. “Which is hilarious considering my mom is like the official hot-mess express, ticket for one.”

  “Does she not realize you don’t have to declare a major right off the bat?” Abbi was sketching what appeared to be a rose garden on her napkin. “Or you could change it later on?”

  “You’d think she’d know that, being an ‘adult,’” Megan said, curling her fingers in air quotations. “You’d also think she’d cool it, since I ended junior year a half a point away from a 4.0. I’ll do fine no matter what I choose to study in college.”

  From behind the counter at Joanna’s, I grinned as I folded my arms and leaned against the countertop. Luckily, the diner was virtually dead, since it was Saturday night. There were only two tables set, and both parties had already handled their checks. Bobby was somewhere out back smoking half a pack of cigarettes, and I had no idea where Felicia, the other waitress, was. “So did you make a list?”

  “Oh, yes. Yes, I did.”

  Abbi snuck a fry. “Can’t wait to hear this.”

  “It was the best list ever.” She popped a fry in her mouth and wiped her fingers on a napkin. “I listed amazing careers such as hooking, stripping, dealing drugs...and not the small stuff. I’m thinking heroin. Oh, by the way, I heard Tracey Sims is on the brown sugar.”

  “Okay.” Abbi twisted on the stool, angling her body toward Megan’s. “I don’t know if you’re talking about heroin or the actual sugar.”

  “Heroin. You’ve never heard it called that?”

  I shook my head. “I haven’t, but where did you hear that?”

  “You know how my cousin used to date her?” She picked up two fries and made a cross out of them. “He told me she’s using. That’s why they broke up.”

  Abbi frowned. “Are you serious?”

  I pushed away from the counter. “God, I hope not.”

  Megan nodded. “I’m serious.”

  “That’s so...so sad,” I murmured, glancing up as the door opened. I almost couldn’t believe what I saw. It was Cody Reece and crew, including Phillip, glued to the phone in his hand. Why were they here? None of them usually hung out in Joanna’s unless they were with Sebastian.

  “It is. I mean, that’s some hard-core stuff right there,” Megan continued, smacking her fry cross off the edge of the basket. Sprinkles of salt hit the counter. “Just can’t even imagine actually taking a needle and injecting something into me. And if it’s going to cause me to pick at my face, so not volunteering as tribute.”

  “I hope it’s not true. Tracey is nice.” Abbi’s eyes widened as she glanced over her shoulder, just as Phillip spotted Megan.

  He raised his finger to his mouth as he crept forward, looking ridiculous as he walked on the tips of his sneakers, which made him about six foot twelve or so. With his dark brown skin and a flirtatious grin that had gotten him in trouble more than a time or two with Megan, he was just as crazy-smart as she was. Grinning, he stopped right behind Megan.

  “Come to think of it, there are a lot of things I wouldn’t volunteer for,” Megan continued, dropping the fry cross into the basket. “There are a lot of things I don’t—” She squealed as Phillip circled his arms around her.

  “Hey, babe.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Miss—”

  “What are you doing here?” Megan asked the question of the century as she elbowed him hard enough that he grunted. “Seriously? Are you stalking me or something?”

  “Maybe.” He let go, leaning against the counter as he grinned at us. “Hey, if you don’t want me stalking you, don’t check into every place you visit.”

  I snorted.

  She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m not talking to you right now. Do you remember that?”

  Dark skin around his eyes crinkled as he smiled. “You didn’t have a problem talking to me last night.”

  “That’s because I was bored.” Looking up at me, she brushed her thick braid over her shoulder. “Can’t you make him leave?”

  “No.” I laughed.

  Abbi helped herself to another fry as she leaned forward. “What does your shirt say?” She squinted. “‘Ain’t no party like a George Washington party, because a George Washington party don’t stop...until the colonies are free and the world recognizes them as a sovereign nation’—oh, what the hell?” Laughing, she shook her head. “Where did you find that shirt?”

  “Found it on the street, by a Dumpster.”

  I rolled my eyes as the other guys took the booth in the back. “What do you want to drink?”

  “Grey Goose.”

  “Ha ha,” I replied drily. “What age-appropriate drink do you want?”

  “Coke is fine.” Phillip smacked his hand on the counter as he changed focus. “Megan, my love...”

  Shooting Abbi a look, I pivoted around and grabbed him his drink from the soda station. Then I picked up the pitcher of ice water and made my way over to the table.

  I hadn’t seen Cody since the night at Keith’s party. Heat was already creeping steadily into my cheeks, but I squared my shoulders. “Hey, guys.”

  Cody looked up first. The other two guys had their heads bowed, watching something on their phones.

  “Hey,” he said.

  Plastering a smile on my face, I ordered myself to not think