Breaking Free

  ****

  Hawk frowned at the collection of newspapers heaped on the apartment stoop. Maybe Doc had gone on leave for a few days. He turned to look for his jeep in the parking lot. It sat parked in front of the apartment, the SEAL trident symbol on the front license plate making it easy to recognize.

  Hawk knocked on the door and waited. After the fourth attempt went without an answer, he reached for the knob. It turned easily and a twinge of concern had him pushing the door open. He took in the scattered newspapers, and magazines, the empty beer cans and pizza boxes. The living room with its long leather sofa and two recliners wasn’t usually inspection neat, but he had never seen it look as though a hand grenade had been tossed into it.

  He took a step inside the apartment. “Yo, Doc,” he called out.

  “Just a minute,” a voice came from down the hall straight ahead.

  Hawk drew a relieved breath. For a minute--

  “Hey.” Doc appeared from the passageway. He was dressed in warm-ups and a t-shirt. The front of the shirt was stained wet with sweat and he was breathing hard. A heavy beard darkened his jaw and his eyes were red rimmed and blood shot.”

  Hawk stared at him for a second before he could get his thoughts together. “Am I interrupting something, man?”

  “Naw, I was just working out in the back bedroom on my machine and didn’t hear you knock. Come on in.”

  Hawk stepped further into the room.

  Doc grabbed a stack of newspapers off the couch clearing a space for him. “I’ve been busy and not here much. Been working out a lot.”

  Hawk looked more closely at him. He did appear to be bulking up. That added layer of muscle looked in total opposition to the rest of his appearance. “Looks like you had a party last night. How come you didn’t invite Zoe and me?”

  “Naw, I just haven’t cleaned up much. Can I get you something to drink?”

  Hawk raised a hand in a negative gesture. “I’m good. We haven’t seen you around and I was out, thought I’d come by.”

  “How’s Cutter?” Doc asked.

  “He’s still the same.”

  Doc nodded. His expression became wooden and his throat worked as he swallowed.

  Hawk leaned forward, rested his elbows on his knees, and laced his hands. “What’s going on, Doc? You look like hell.”

  The man frowned as though in pain then wiped a hand over his face. “I got dumped as soon as I got back from Iraq.”

  Hawk drew a deep breath as relief eased the tightness of his shoulders and back. Thank God it wasn’t drugs.

  “I got hooked on this girl, Patricia, before we left the states. Bowie was still hound dogging, but I was keeping things exclusive with her. Had been for about six months. I really thought we had something special going. We emailed and wrote each other the whole time I was gone.” He shook his head. “As soon as I got back, she broke it off.” He leaned forward to rest his head in his hands then rubbed his fingers through his hair making the auburn strands stand out in all directions.

  “I’ve been there myself, Doc, I know how it is.” Hawk looked around the room. Depression could do a lot of things--but this looked like more. “I know it isn’t easy. But you have to pull it together and put it behind you, man.”

  He couldn’t believe he was saying those words. They were so damned meaningless. They were supposed to be the toughest of the tough, the ultimate warriors. But, damn it was hard not to be able to find someone who understood that they were people first, and just as vulnerable as everyone else.

  He could save lives, protect those weaker than himself, lay his life down in the defense of his country. But he couldn't ask a woman to share his life when he wasn't there half the time. And he couldn't be there for her when she needed him. It was too much to expect.

  Doc leaned back in the chair, his green eyes looked old and tired. “It was a hard tour, with Cutter and everything, then getting dumped right after sort of threw me.”

  “I know that feeling.” He caught his breath.

  Doc smiled, but the gesture looked forced. “I talked to Bowie this morning. He’s mourning the fact that you stole his girl right out from under his nose.”

  “His girl, huh?”

  “Yeah, he thinks Zoe’s something special.”

  Hawk smiled. “Yeah, she is.”

  “Actually, all the guys seem pretty crazy about her. You mess up with her and you’d better watch your back.”

  Hawk waved a hand. “All right, enough already.”

  Doc smiled again, this time with a little more sincere amusement. “It’ll be interesting to see what her mom says when she gets back from Kentucky. You do know that state is in the Bible Belt? They don’t take too kindly to men bopping their daughters without some kind of proposal first.”

  Hawk chuckled, though a niggling feeling of panic caught at his throat. He suppressed the urge to swallow. “I’ve heard that somewhere. I’ve already locked up all the firearms, just in case.” Clara was going to be royally pissed, no matter how Zoe tried to shrug it off. He dreaded the confrontation.

  “Yeah, this coming from the guy who warned all of us about what kind of girl she is.” Doc’s smile dimmed, and he turned serious again. “Don’t screw it up, Hawk. And if you’re going to do the right thing--then do it quick, so she won’t feel like you care less for her than you do the job.”

  Had that been what had caused Doc’s break up? He didn’t want to ask and poke at a wound already raw.

  Doc’s suggestion suddenly hit him right between the eyes. Did he care more about being a SEAL than he did for Zoe? He rubbed the back of his neck. Did she think that? Was it just worry he read in her face every time he mentioned his job? Or something else? He understood her reservations, but they were only going to be together while she remained in California. Weren’t they? The niggling feeling of uncertainty in his gut raised his heart rate.

  He dragged his attention back to Doc. “Why don’t you get dressed and come to the hospital with me? Afterwards we’ll grill out and have a beer and you can visit with Zoe and me. We can even call and invite some of the other guys over.”

  Doc hesitated then nodded. “I’ve been to the hospital, but only a couple of times. It’s tough looking at one of our buds, knowing it could be one of us laying there.”

  “Yeah, it is.”

  Doc clenched his fist on the arm of his chair. “God damn, Cutter. What was he thinking? That sorry SOB--”

  Shocked, Hawk frowned at the sudden explosion of raw anger. His cell phone went off, and he swore at the intrusion. When he looked at the screen a dropping sensation hit his stomach. It wasn’t Zoe’s cell, it was the hospital. He flipped the phone open and held it to his ear. His smile spread and spread until he knew he was grinning like a fool. By the time he closed it he had to swallow several times before he could speak.

  “Let’s go ask him. Cutter just woke up.”

 

  CHAPTER 20