Ever After

  “It’s true. Lots of the kids who come here have a brilliant future ahead of them. But a good number are looking for a way out, any way but the way they were raised.” He set his sandwich down on his plate and pulled a few sesame seeds from the bun. “Those kids are so hungry for an older guy in their life, it’s unbelievable. I think about my dad, what a great guy he’s been for me.” He angled his head. “So what if I show up and play hoops with them once in a while. No big deal. But maybe when they hit the pillow that night, they miss their dad just a little bit less because someone took time to hang out with them.”

  “Do they ever give you a hard time about the war?”

  Justin considered her question. “You know, for now these kids think the world of soldiers.” He smiled, slightly embarrassed. “I guess by going out and meeting with the kids, I’m helping that generation have the right understanding of the military. The world will tell them soon enough that we’re the bad guys, that we’re warmongers. I want them to know the truth — that we’re willing to give our lives so that they’ll have a safe place to go to school, a safe neighborhood where they can live and play and grow up.”

  When Emily returned to her room that evening, she was dumbfounded. Justin truly cared for the people he helped. The Veterans and the lost teens and the innocent youth. It all came back to his understanding of what constituted a leader: “Being a leader means making sacrifices, Emily, and what’ve I really sacrificed? The things I do are fun. I’m a people person. What can I say?”

  She wanted to pick up the phone and call her father, brag to him about how wonderful her new boyfriend really was. But that day as she reached for the phone, she changed her mind before she punched in the first number. Justin hadn’t shared the information with her to impress her, but to help her understand him. And he’d only done so after she found out about it through Vonda. That made it all the more special. She made a decision that day that she would keep the details about Justin quiet and close to her heart.

  The recent memories faded, and she looked at her watch. Justin would be there any minute. She grabbed her backpack and headed for the foyer of her residence hall, where she always waited for him. Yes, if she and God were the only two who knew how special he was, then so be it.

  She reached her spot and anchored herself against the wall. Again, images of the past few weeks came rushing back. She’d gone with him to the teen center a few times, once to visit with the schoolkids, and twice to play basketball. She had Saturday afternoons off, and basketball was a great cardio workout. But more than that, her times to go to the center with Justin gave her a chance to see him in action.

  He was a natural leader, no doubt.

  Both times she’d joined in the pick-up games, and he would make sure she was on his team.

  “Come on, Baker,” one of the teens said the first time she went. He thumped his chest. “She’s too pretty for you, man. Put her on the sidelines where she can cheer nice and proper.”

  “Not all pretty girls are cheerleaders.” Justin chuckled. He was completely at ease around the tougher kids. “Here’s how it is. She’s on my team, and even though she’s pretty, we’ll still beat you.”

  The guys laughed and shoved each other, talking smack. But once the game got underway, Emily worked beautifully with Justin. His passes were right to her, giving her one easy layup after another. The final score had them on top by four points. Justin took his camera with him everywhere, and as they finished, he took it from his backpack and handed it to one of the teens. “Get our picture, okay?”

  The guy shook his head. “Girls.”

  “I know, I know.” He took her hand but kept his distance as he raised a brow at her. “Don’t stand too close. I need a shower.”

  She laughed and took her place beside him.

  “Ready?”

  They smiled and the boy took the picture. Another memory made. But it wasn’t so much the game that Emily remembered from that afternoon. It was the way Justin hung around with the guys afterward. He brought a twelve-pack of Coke and gave everyone a can, and for more than an hour, he sat on a set of steps listening while the guys talked about school and sports and girls. Whatever was on their minds.

  Her thoughts shifted, and Emily looked at her watch. He was ten minutes late. She checked her cell phone, but no text messages, no missed calls. Strange. Justin was late once in a while, but usually he’d call. She leaned forward and scanned the parking lot. Then she let herself fall back against the wall again. He would have a good reason, whatever it was.

  She smiled and remembered the ride home from the teen center that first time they’d gone together. She had studied him. “Don’t you have any faults, Justin Baker?”

  “Me?” He pointed to himself and gave her a mock look of surprise. “How can you even ask?”

  She giggled.“Come on, I’m serious. I’ve never known anyone like you.”

  “Truth? The list is too long to go into.”

  “Like what? You don’t wash your car once a week?”

  “That too.” He loosened his grip on the wheel and looked at the road ahead of him. “Let’s see. Okay, I have this dog, Buster. He was my best friend until I enlisted, and now I almost never make it home to take him on walks. That’s a big one.” He held up two fingers. “Second has to be my room. It’s been a mess since I was old enough to walk. No matter what my mom tried, I couldn’t keep it clean.” He gave her a wry look. “I guess that’s sort of a warning. If you wanna break up with me, I’ll understand.”

  “Confession.” She winced. “My room’s probably worse than yours.”

  “Yikes. We’ll have to hire a housekeeper for sure.” His laughter faded. “But that’s only the beginning of the list.”

  She felt her heart opening to him. “What’s at the top?”

  He stared at the road for a handful of seconds. “Fear.” He gave her a side glance, and for the first time she could see cracks in her soldier’s armor.

  “Fear of what?”

  “I don’t know.” Clouds had gathered and it gave the moment a quiet depth. “Of being in battle and doing the wrong thing, of letting my squad down.” He looked at her again.“Of dying before I ever have the chance to live.”

  She sat back and absorbed this revelation. After a while she put her hand on his knee. “I didn’t know.”

  He grinned, trying to lighten the mood again. “I don’t think about it much, because, well … you know. I’m never gonna die, right?”

  “Oh, you mean that big S on your chest, Superman?” She giggled.

  “How’d you know?” He chuckled. “No, seriously. Most of the time I can convince myself I’m not afraid of that stuff. The risk is my choice, you know?”

  “Yes.”

  “But if I’m honest — ” he drew a long breath — “if I’m really honest, I sometimes struggle with it. Way down where no one can see.”

  “Except me.” She moved her hand to his.

  “Except you. Because you and I share that X-ray vision.”

  They laughed, and that night after dinner they drove south to his parents’ house. Buster was an English springer spaniel, black and white with gray around his whiskers. “Buster — ” Justin hooked the leash onto the dog’s collar — “I’d like you to meet a special girl.” He went through with formal introductions, but Buster couldn’t have cared less.

  He only had eyes for Justin.

  Clearly the dog hadn’t forgotten the days of his youth, when Justin was young and had all sorts of time on his hands. The dog stayed close by his master’s side throughout the walk, glancing up every few minutes with a look of admiration that said it didn’t matter if Justin came to walk him only once a year. The dog’s love for his boy was undying.

  When they were finished, Justin crouched down and nuzzled his face against the dog’s. “Atta boy, Buster. It’s a good thing Dad takes you for walks when I’m not around, huh?”

  The dog licked Justin’s cheek and then whined as they walked away and head
ed into the house.

  “See?” he told her later. “That dog deserves better. Definitely a big-time fault.”

  There were others, but not many that Emily could see. Once in a while he’d be late picking her up because he’d tried to squeeze too many events into a single day. But overall, it had been perfect. The weeks had flown by like a wonderful movie heading all too fast toward the ending.

  And today would be one more amazing experience. Hiking the foothills east of the city. She exhaled and moved to the door. Where was he? He’d never been this late before. At eleven forty, when he was a full fifteen minutes late and she was about to call his cell phone, his Cherokee pulled into the lot and zipped around to the driveway just outside. She smiled and skipped down the stairs. As she climbed in, she grinned at him. “I was beginning to think the clouds had scared you off. But I checked the forecast. No rain for days.” She squinted out the windshield. “I guess this is more of a marine layer, and according to the paper, it should burn off in an hour or so, as long as …”

  Suddenly she felt it.

  He wasn’t smiling, wasn’t saying anything in response. She’d been rambling about the weather without even stopping to ask how he was or whether there was a reason he was late. She stopped midsentence and looked at him. “Justin?”

  “My commander pulled me aside on my way out.” He didn’t look afraid or upset. Just very serious. He put his hand on her shoulder. “I ship out September 24.”

  The news knocked the wind from her. She pressed her fists to her stomach and hunched over a little. Come on, Emily, breathe. You knew this was coming. And she had known. But for the past six weeks she’d lied to herself, convinced herself that maybe Justin was wrong, maybe the army wouldn’t need him back in Iraq for another tour. Maybe the summer they were sharing really would go on forever, endless and perfect.

  But now … now there was a date, a time when she would have to say good-bye and trust God that somehow Justin would return to her, that He hadn’t brought a boy like Justin Baker into her life only to take him away forever. She swallowed hard and lifted her eyes to him. “For sure?”

  “For sure.” He massaged her shoulder.“But there’s good news, Em. It won’t be for a year like I thought. Only six months.”

  “On the front lines?”

  He smiled. “That’s where they need medics most.”

  She was still barely catching her breath. Six months on the front lines in a war where there were casualties every day. She had no idea how she’d survive a single week, let alone six months. “Have you … have you told your dad?”

  “Not yet.” He bit his lip. “I wanted you to know first.” He brushed her hair back from her face. “Now listen, no sad eyes, okay? Six months is nothing, Emily. I’ll come back and we can do what I’ve wanted to do since the first time we went out.”

  She felt the dark cloud lift just a little. “What’s that?”

  “Well — ” he came closer and kissed her, longer than usual and with a passion that left them both breathless — “I guess you’ll have to wait and see.”

  She kissed him again and gave him a pretend pout. “What if I don’t want to wait.”

  He rubbed his nose against hers. “Ever after’s worth waiting for. Don’t you think?”

  Ever after. Emily put her arms around his neck and held him close. He was right. He’d come back in six months and they could talk about forever, about how God had made them for each other, and how once he was back they would have an entire future to plan.

  They continued on with their hike that day, lost in a world all their own, laughing about how Justin’s dad had found an old sweatshirt of Justin’s and given it to Buster, and how the dog wouldn’t sleep without it now. “Talk about a guilt trip.” Justin stayed right behind her as they hiked, and halfway up the trail, when she slid on some loose rocks, he caught her in his arms.

  “Well, that settles it.” She steadied herself and grinned at him. “You definitely have a talent for saving lives.”

  Justin glanced at the hillside. The drop-off was maybe ten feet. “You would’ve skinned your knee, but I don’t think that fall would’ve killed you. Just to be honest.”

  They laughed and she started out again. “Just stay behind me, okay? You never know when I might fall.”

  “You got it.”

  The day was full, and Justin took pictures left and right, even finding a passerby to snap one of the two of them near the top of the trail.

  When they finished their hike, they drove to the teen center for basketball. Later, after the games, Justin told them about his leave date.

  “Man!” One of the teens, Bo, the one who seemed to be the group’s leader, had a sweaty T-shirt in his hands. He wadded it up and tossed it on the ground. “That stinks.”

  “Yeah, how come Uncle Sam gets you two times around?” Another teen crossed his arms, doing his best to look tough. But there was no hiding the tears that had sprung to his eyes. His chin quivered. “Stupid war, anyway.”

  Justin took a slow breath and looked at each of the kids. “It’s not a stupid war, guys. Really.” He picked up a pebble, turned it around in his hands, and tossed it out onto the basketball court. “The stuff I’ve seen over there would amaze you. The war’s helping more than you’ll ever hear about.”

  “Still — ” Bo cocked his head back — “you already been there once.”

  “I wanted to go back.” Justin rested his elbows on his knees and looked from Bo to the others. “When you believe in something, you put your whole heart into it.” He looked at Emily. “Whether that’s a girl, or fighting for your country.”

  Emily studied the guys. A lump formed in her throat. She tried to swallow, but she couldn’t. The teens looked like the most lost group ever, devastated and not sure how to react to the fact that Justin would be leaving them.

  One of the teens, a smaller kid who hadn’t said much, looked up and nodded. “I’m proud of you, man. When I’m eighteen, I’m enlisting too. My mama says it’ll set my whole life straight, being in the service.”

  “Yeah.” Another boy, one who’d hung his head at Justin’s announcement, looked up at his friends. “Me too. I’m enlisting soon as I graduate high school.”

  “But man!” Bo shook his head. “What about all that danger?”

  “Okay, well, that’s why I’m telling you.” Justin’s voice was kind, but stern. “Not so you can hang your head and be mad at the military.” His expression softened. “So you can pray. Pray for me every day, and pray for the other guys out there. We’re doing a good thing. Pray that we’ll make progress and that God’ll use us while we’re there.”

  “Pray you’ll come back in one piece, you mean.” Bo smiled, but as he did, a single tear rolled down his cheek. He cussed under his breath. “I mean it, man. Come back safe.”

  “Hey, now.” Justin gave him a friendly punch in the arm. “I’m not leaving for a month. You have lots of time to take me in hoops between now and then.”

  “Yeah.” Bo returned the punch. “Just come back.”

  Emily wiped at her own tears, and on the way to her residence hall later, she and Justin were quieter than usual. Finally she reached for his hand. “Did you ever think that maybe you don’t need a second tour? Maybe … maybe you’re doing enough over here to get all the leadership skills you could ever use.”

  “The way I see it, the good leaders all go twice, Emily.” His voice held something she hadn’t heard before. Not the fear he’d confessed, exactly. But a sense of duty, obligation. Every other time he’d talked about his second tour, it was with a tone that suggested he almost looked forward to it. But this time was different.

  “So you’ve thought about it at least?” Her voice was soft.

  “A second tour is expected of any committed soldier. Most of us don’t have a choice, and just because I’m a lieutenant, because I have more training, more education, doesn’t mean it’s not expected of me.” His eyes held a longing. “It’s the right thing, Emil
y. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t rather be here with you.”

  Those words made her feel more loved than anything he’d told her so far. Yes, he was going back to Iraq and yes, it was the right decision for him. But he’d given her a glimpse through a chink in his heroic armor.

  In a perfect world, he would never leave her side. But that was just it.

  The world wasn’t perfect.

  When they arrived at the parking lot, he turned off the engine and reached into the backseat. “I brought my Bible.” He opened it. “I want to show you something.” He turned to Genesis. “Listen to this. It’s from chapter 29.” He began to read.

  The story was about Jacob and Rachel, how Jacob had loved Rachel from the beginning, and how working seven years for her seemed like only a few days because of his love for her. When Justin reached that part, he stopped. He looked at her, his eyes full of questions. “Do you know what I’m trying to tell you, Em?”

  She felt hesitant and unsure. Her eyes fell to the open Bible, but she shook her head. “Not really.”

  He pressed his hand to the page.“That’s how I feel about you.” He took her hand and looked long at her. “At the end of summer I’ll have to go away, but time can’t separate us, Emily. Not six months or six years. Because that’s how much I love you.”

  Her heart melted. “Justin — ”

  “I mean it.” He leaned close and kissed her. “Go on in. But remember that, okay.”

  “You’re amazing.”

  He smiled. “Go.”

  As she headed up the steps that evening, she remembered how she’d slipped during their hike, and how he’d been right there to catch her. It was how the teens felt, how the Veterans probably felt too. Justin was their fallback guy. The one they could count on when no one else was around.

  She could only do what he’d asked the teens to do. Pray for him, for his effectiveness in the Middle East and for his safe return. So that whenever life gave her a reason to trip up, he would always be there, ready to catch her.

  Justin Baker, her fallback guy. Her hero.

  NINE