The Snow Child

  “I’ll be back in a bit,” Jack said. He avoided Mabel’s eyes. All morning she had been subdued, speaking little and moving quietly around the cabin. As he put on his work jacket, she reached out and took one of his hands. She looked up at him as if to say something, but just kissed his cheek.

  While the yard and main road were muddy, the trail to the river was more pleasant as it meandered among spruce trees. The ground was dry and mossy and webbed with roots. A squirrel chirped overhead, but Jack couldn’t see it in the slanting light. Here and there patches of snow still clung to the earth. Dwarf dogwood leaves and fern heads sprouted from the damp ground. Soon he heard the roar of the river, and when he neared the water, he saw soft, silvery pussy willows budding. He went to pick some from the limbs to bring back for Mabel, then remembered his grim task and kept walking.

  He hoped to find them at the shore, throwing rocks at rotten river ice or tugging a stick from the dog’s mouth. They weren’t there, so he followed the trail along the river and through the willow shrubs until it eventually led him back onto higher ground and into another spruce forest. Here the trees were taller and thicker, and the land had a hushed, shaded quality. He kept his eyes down to avoid tripping over roots, and his glance caught on a cluster of small pink flowers blooming up through moss and fallen spruce needles. Fairy slippers—that’s what Mabel had called them. Once he had picked a tiny bouquet of the wild spring orchids for her and she had scolded him, telling him they were rare and every flower he had picked had meant the death of the entire plant.

  He stepped around the blooms. The trail dwindled to nothing, but occasionally he heard voices. He could call out, alert them to his presence, but it would be senseless. He was here to spy on them, and he was sick with it.

  He found them tucked under one of the largest evergreens, their coats spread beneath them like blankets. It was a beautiful place; the sun shone through the needled branches and dappled the ground, and the air was scented with sharp, clean spruce. He watched through the trees only long enough to understand what he was seeing, and then he looked away and was so overtaken by shame and rage that he could barely see to find his way home again.

  It seemed such a terribly long time that Jack was gone, and Mabel passed back and forth in front of the window more times than she could count. She had made a mistake, telling him. She should have set aside her own uneasiness and talked frankly to the girl herself. Now it was too late.

  When Jack walked back into the yard she was at first relieved. He was alone. Then she noticed how upright he strode toward the barn, how he kicked at the door to enter and then slammed it shut again, turning in place as if he didn’t know where to go or what to do with himself. He went to the woodpile and picked up the splitting maul. My God, she thought, he is going to kill him. But he began splitting logs, one after the other, and she was nearly as distressed. Garrett had split and stacked enough wood this past winter to last them years. Jack wasn’t doing a chore—he was unleashing his fury. She wanted to go to him, to tell him about the genuine affection she had seen in Garrett’s face, or how she had watched the girl pull him by an arm. She now realized that despite everything Jack had said about Faina not being their daughter, he was viewing this all through a father’s eyes.

  Mabel didn’t notice when Garrett came out of the trees, but when she no longer heard the rhythmic crack of wood, she looked out the window and saw the two men standing beside the woodpile. She couldn’t hear their words, but they were speaking—first Jack, then Garrett. Jack waved his hands, and she saw the young man’s shoulders slump. Then he stood straight again and spoke more animatedly. Mabel was at the window, one hand against the glass pane. And then, seemingly without warning, Jack punched Garrett in the jaw and sent him sprawling to the ground.

  Maybe it was some mistake. She had never seen Jack strike anyone, and she prayed she had misjudged the scene. But when Garrett sat up, he rubbed his jaw with the back of his hand. Jack reached down, perhaps as an offer to help him stand, but the young man refused and stumbled to his feet.

  When Jack came into the cabin, neither he nor Mabel spoke. She led him to the washbasin, where she soaked his swelling knuckles and wrapped them in a cold wet cloth. Outside she heard Garrett’s horse gallop from the yard.

  CHAPTER 46

  This summer we’ll go down the river, toward the ocean.

  Will we?

  That’s where we’ll catch salmon fresh from the salt water, when they still shine all silver. We’ll make a bonfire of driftwood and sleep in the sand. Maybe we’ll go all the way to the ocean.

  I’ve never been there.

  It’s big.

  I know. I’ve seen it from the mountains.

  You know what else we’ll do?

  Faina turned her head against his chest. No, she said. What will we do?

  We’ll swim in the river. We’ll take off all our clothes and swim naked in the river.

  Won’t you be cold?

  Nah. There’s these little ponds on the riverbed, where the water just sits and gets warm from the sun. They’re clear and blue. You’ll see. We’ll swim and float on our backs and when we put our heads under the water, I’ll kiss you. Just like this.

  It was like a terrible thirst. He could drink and drink her in and it was never enough.

  When they were together, wandering the riverbed or hiking up a creek, they shared everything they knew. The color of a black wolf’s eyes. The way to catch a muskrat through the ice. Where snow geese nest and marmots den. The sound of a herd of caribou running across the tundra. The taste of mountain blueberries and tender spruce tips.

  They studied the mud in the trails, pointed to tracks and named them. Garrett tried to teach her how to call like a lovesick bull moose. Faina tried to teach him the songs of wild birds. Then they would laugh and chase each other through the trees until they found one with wide boughs and a bed of spruce needles beneath it. There they would huddle together and taste each other’s lips and eyes and hearts.

  And when they were apart, he felt as if he were dying of thirst.

  CHAPTER 47

  So I guess that’s that,” Jack said. He smacked the soot from his hands. At his feet was a pail of ashes he had cleaned out of the stove. “I guess we’re through with him. We won’t be seeing that boy around here again.”

  “You don’t know,” Mabel said.

  “I know. He won’t be back. Planting time, and I’ll be out there breaking my back, trying to get the fields done. And where is he?”

  “I think you underestimate him.”

  “We’ll see.” He knocked on the stovepipe and listened to the creosote fall. Then he shoveled it from the stove into the pail.

  “He’s the same young man we’ve always known. He’s just in love.”

  “We’ll see.”

  The horse was gone. Jack closed and opened the barn door again, thinking he had lost his mind, but no, the horse still wasn’t there. He walked through the barn and out into the pasture and saw, on the far side, that the gate was open.

  He was late coming out to feed and water the horse. He’d meant to be working the fields just after daybreak. The end of May and the ground was finally starting to dry. Several of the largest fields still needed plowing. But his back had been stiffer than normal this morning, so he had eased his way slowly around the cabin for several hours.

  As Jack crossed the pasture, he noticed boot prints in the mud. He shut the gate and followed the trail toward the nearest field, wondering if he should have gone back for his shotgun.

  Blinded by the sun, at first Jack couldn’t see. He stood at the edge of the field and shielded his eyes with his hand.

  Garrett was at the plow, tilling along the outside edge of the field.

  He thought the boy nodded at him, but from this distance it was impossible to be sure. Jack started to wave at him, then stuffed his hand in his pocket. He turned on his heels and walked home.

  “You’re back already?”

  “The
horse was gone. I went looking for it.”

  Mabel raised her eyebrows.

  “And? Did you find it?”

  “Yep. I did.”

  “Well?”

  “Garrett has it. He’s plowing a field.”

  “Oh, is he?” Mabel pressed her lips together. Maybe she was trying not to smile. Maybe she was keeping herself from saying I told you so.

  “I know, I know. You said so.”

  “I just had faith in him. He’s a young man who honors his obligations.”

  “Well, when he comes in for lunch, tell him I think the north field will have to be redone. It was too much muck when I went after it.”

  “You could always tell him yourself,” she said gently.

  “No, that’s where you’re wrong.”

  Mabel sighed.

  “I won’t be your messenger forever, you know. You two will have to talk to each other someday.”

  “We’ll see,” he said.

  CHAPTER 48

  A misty chill hung over the spring morning, but they left the cabin because the girl was like a caged animal, tense and fidgety. Mabel knew something was wrong and that Faina might tell her if they went for a brisk walk, just the two of them. They followed the wagon trails around the fields, striding side by side, until the words poured out of her.

  Am I dying? the girl asked without looking at Mabel.

  Why would you say such thing?

  I was bleeding. For months it came and went, and I doubled over in pain.

  Why didn’t you tell me? No, it’s my fault. I should have talked with you. Have you bled again?

  I thought I was better, because the bleeding stopped and didn’t come back. But now I wake and eat and can keep nothing in my belly. And all day I just want to lie down and sleep.

  Mabel understood at last; she led the girl to the picnic table and sat on the bench.

  You will have a baby, you and Garrett. You are carrying his child.

  The fog lay low along the riverbed, and their breath was visible in white clouds from their lips. Rigid and straight-backed, Faina stood and stared toward the distant mountains.

  I know you are frightened, child, but you can do this. I believe in you.

  How can I? What do I know of babies, or mothers?

  The girl turned to Mabel and her eyes strained in a desperate grief.

  But you, she said suddenly. You must know something about babies. Please. You must. Take it and be its mother.

  Mabel folded her hands in her lap.

  For years, her arms had ached with longing. It was a self-indulgence she didn’t often permit herself, but sometimes she would sit in a chair, her eyes closed, her arms crossed against her breast, and she would imagine holding a small baby there—its trusting warmth against her body, its tiny head smelling of milk and talcum powder, its skin softer than flower petals. She had watched other women with infants and eventually understood what she craved: the boundless permission—no, the absolute necessity—to hold and kiss and stroke this tiny person. Cradling a swaddled infant in their arms, mothers would distractedly touch their lips to their babies’ foreheads. Passing their toddlers in a hall, mothers would tousle their hair or even sweep them up in their arms and kiss them hard along their chins and necks until the children squealed with glee. Where else in life, Mabel wondered, could a woman love so openly and with such abandon?

  So now an infant, or at least the potential of an infant, was unexpectedly placed before Mabel, and she was tempted to accept it as a gift. Perhaps it was fate. Everything had led to this moment when at last her wish was granted.

  And it was the right thing to do, wasn’t it? How could a girl who lived alone in the wilderness, a mere child herself, keep an infant warm and safe and cared for? Whereas she and Jack, as old as they were, were equipped to raise the baby. They had a home, a living. The child would have a clean bed to sleep in and warm food on its plate. When the time came, the child could go to school in town and compete in spelling bees and draw lovely, silly little pictures for them.

  Mabel allowed herself this brief daydream, then pushed it away. As much as she had ever wanted a baby, this one wasn’t hers to take. It was Faina’s, and she at last told her so.

  The girl was poised to run, the way she had so many times before. To the forest. To the wild. Away. Mabel reached up and took one of her hands, gently coaxing her to sit beside her.

  You can’t run, child. Not from this. It is within you.

  Faina’s thin fingers, like the cool, pale bones of a bird, rested in Mabel’s hand. How different from her own crooked hands, warm and heavy and spotted with age.

  You will have help, Mabel said gently. From all of us. Me and Jack. And Esther. She’s the most generous woman I have ever known, and she will be only too eager to help. And there’s Garrett, too.

  The girl cast her eyes down.

  You must tell him, Faina. Now that you understand what is happening, that you two have created a child and it is growing inside you. Now that you know, you must tell him.

  He will be angry.

  No. He won’t. He’ll be scared, like you, but he won’t be angry. He loves you. And I believe in him, just as I believe in you.

  Faina left her sitting alone at the picnic table, and Mabel shivered inside her coat and crossed her arms tightly. It was a lonely, forlorn act, giving up a child. Faina, a frightened wisp of a thing, disappeared into the forest, and Mabel was angry at the injustice of it—that she should have wanted a baby so dearly and be denied one, and that this young girl should be cursed with one as a burden she might not have the strength to bear.

  “Faina is pregnant.”

  Mabel knew it was a terrible habit, waiting for dinner to tell Jack bad news, but it was one of the few quiet moments they had together. This time, though, she feared she might have unintentionally killed him. He was choking, coughing until his face was a horrid reddish purple. It went on long enough that She got to her feet, prepared to strike him on the back to dislodge the object, but then he was able to stop and clear his throat. Mabel waited for him to speak, but he didn’t.

  “She’s pregnant, Jack.”

  “I heard you.”

  “So…”

  “So?”

  “Well, don’t you have anything to say?”

  “What is there to say? It’s entirely our fault. She was more innocent than a child has ever been, and we were the only ones who could protect her. We let this happen.”

  “Oh, Jack. Why does it always have to be somebody’s fault?”

  “Because it always is.”

  “No. Sometimes these things happen. Life doesn’t go the way we plan or hope, but we don’t have to be so angry, do we?”

  He continued eating, but without any pleasure as far as Mabel could tell. It was as if he was gagging down each bite. Finally he gave up and pushed his plate away.

  “There’ll be a wedding, I suppose?” The disgusted expression hadn’t left his face.

  “Oh. Well. No one has spoken of it.”

  “There will be a wedding,” and it was a hard, clear statement that left no room for argument.

  “We’ll have to share the news with Garrett and Faina, then,” and she gave her husband an ironic smile. “But I agree. It’s the only way.”

  It wasn’t until that night, as she lay in bed considering wedding plans, that she thought of the fairy tale. She climbed out of bed and in her bare feet lit a candle and went to the bookshelf. She removed her loose sketches from the book as she opened it on the table, and then she flipped through the color plates until she found the one she remembered. It was a forest meadow, lush with green leaves and blooming flowers. The snow maiden, her white gown glittering in jewels and her head crowned with wildflowers, stood beside a handsome young man. Fair Spring was before them, performing the wedding ceremony. Overhead, the sun shone brightly.

  Mabel wanted to slam the book closed, throw it into the woodstove, and watch it burn in the flames. Instead she turned the pages un
til she came to the illustration she dreaded. There was the crown of wildflowers, no longer on the snow maiden’s head, but blooming from the earth like a grave marker. She put a hand over her lips, though it was unnecessary. She made no sound.

  Jack stirred in bed. Mabel gathered the sketches and slid them back into the book before returning it to the shelf. It would be a long time before she looked at it again, and never would she speak of it.

  CHAPTER 49

  Jack was calm. He could undo nothing, but at least he had a plan of action.

  It began when Garrett came to him a few days after Mabel’s news about Faina. He assumed the young man had returned to finish the fight or to end all association. Instead he came with his hat in his hands.

  “I’m here to ask permission to marry Faina. I know we’re young, and I don’t have much to offer her, but we’re bound together now, and I mean to make the best of it.”

  It was like a blow to the chest, and Jack had to sit down in a kitchen chair. Garrett stood by, shifting on his feet and clearing his throat.

  He hadn’t seen this coming. He was sure they would marry; he had assumed Garrett would take responsibility. But the boy came to him—Jack—to ask permission.

  It hadn’t happened instantly, the way he had always imagined, with a gush of blood and a piercing wail, but instead fatherhood had arrived quietly, gradually, over the course of years, and he had been blind to it. And now, just as he finally understood that a daughter had been flitting in and out of his life, now he was being asked to let her go.