Forever Black

  Connors mouth dropped as he was in shock by Peyton’s openness. I was used to it, so it didn’t faze me.

  “Peyton, sweetie, I have you on speaker and Connor heard every word you just said.”

  “So, I have nothing to hide, maybe you two should try it. Live a little Connor, take that girl to bed and show her your sexiness.” I wanted to die right there, in the leather seat of Connors range rover.

  He unexpectedly shouted, “I already did and she was amazing, she made me do things to her that even shocked me.” I hit him on the arm and shot him a look.

  “Woo, you go girl, we’ll swap notes when you get back. I have to go, Dr. Hottie is summoning me back to bed,” she giggled.

  I hung up and shook my head at him, “How could you tell her that?”

  “Oh please love, like you haven’t embarrassed me before.”

  I couldn’t argue with that, especially with the bartender at the restaurant and then the bellhop. I laughed and looked out the window at the all too familiar place I was heading.

  We pulled into the funeral home and instantly, my stomach felt sick. I got out of the car and took a deep breath.

  “This is the same funeral home we had for my mother and father,” I said as I stood in front of it.

  Connor put his arm around me. “You don’t have to do this; you can call your cousin and tell her you got sick or something.”

  “No, that’s the coward’s way out. I can’t escape reality. Besides, I have you with me.”

  We walked through the doors. My cousin Debbie saw me and swiftly walked towards me as we hugged each other tight.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss Debbie.”

  She started to cry on my shoulder. “I know and I’m sorry for you to; I know they were like your surrogate parents growing up.

  What happened?” She asked as she pointed to my stitches.

  “It’s no big deal; I just fell and hit my head.”

  I looked over at Connor, “Debbie this is my friend Connor.”

  She shook his hand and then whispered to me, “I heard you and Kyle broke up, I’m sorry.”

  I smiled, “I’m not, but thank you anyway.”

  She led us to the room where my aunt and uncle laid in their beautiful wooden caskets. I walked over and kneeled down in front of them, praying to god to keep them safe. Connor stood behind me with his hands clutching my shoulders. I stood up and made my way through the crowd, saying hi to old friends and making small conversation with distant family. I could hear the whispers of people talking about my attempted suicide seven years ago. I could hear the pity in their voices. The whispers went on about my dad; how he was an alcoholic and couldn’t stop drinking enough to raise his only daughter. They went on to say that if my mother was alive I would not have tried to take my life. I had become the center of attention at someone’s funeral, and I was starting to get pissed. Connor overheard the soft talks as he put his arm around me.

  “Don’t listen to them; they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

  I took in a deep breath, but couldn’t control myself any longer when I heard a woman say, “She’s the one who tried to commit suicide to save herself from her alcoholic father. He was too wrapped up in the death of her mother to even realize she existed. She should have been taken away from him and then she wouldn’t have tried to…”

  Before she could finish her sentence, I rudely interrupted her, “Who the fuck do you think you are talking about my father and family like that?”

  I pushed my wrists in her face, “Here, see the scars. That’s right, take a good look at them, it wouldn’t have mattered if they took me away or not, they would still be there.”

  The whole room was standing in silence staring at me. Connor grabbed my hand, “Come on baby let’s go. It’s not worth it.” I turned as he led me out of the funeral home. The cold air cooled my burning skin.

  “I must say, you can put on quite a show,” Connor smiled to lighten my mood.

  “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t take anymore; I knew this was going to happen if I came back here.”

  He held me and whispered, “Its ok, you’ve said your goodbyes to your aunt and uncle, you told off a few people, and now we can go; unless you want to stay?”

  I shook my head, “No, let’s get out of here.”

  Chapter 22

  We hopped back into the Range Rover as Connor searched for hotels on his GPS. “If you’re looking for luxury then I suggest the Athenuem Suite Hotel.”

  He looked over at me and smiled, “Funny; that’s what my phone is telling me. I can reserve the Presidential Suite right here online.” He did just that and then took my hand. “Where do you want to go?”

  I brought his hand to my lips and gently kissed it. “I need to go visit my mom and dad’s grave; it’s not too far.”

  He punched the address in his GPS as we headed toward the cemetery. I asked if we could make a quick stop at the flower shop so I could pick up some flowers.

  We arrived at the cemetery. I directed Connor where to park to make it easier to get to their graves. We got out of the car. I took his hand and led him to where my parents were buried. The air was brisk for the end of September. I remembered warmer days this time of year. We walked to the graves for my mother and father that sat side by side.

  “My father made sure to buy the plot next to where my mother was buried because that way they could be together forever. He loved my mother very much and he considered her his soul mate; that’s why when she died, a part of him died with her.”

  Connor knelt beside me and kissed me on the head, “That’s beautiful.” I put the flowers on my mother’s grave first and then my fathers. Connor got up, “I’m going to give you some privacy,” he said as he walked a few feet away.

  I sat down on the grass and placed the flowers on each grave. “Hi mom, hi dad, I cannot believe it’s been over a year since I’ve visited you last. A lot has changed in the past year. I moved to New York and started selling my paintings in a small art gallery. I met an incredible guy there; in fact he’s here with me now. I know you’d like him daddy. He’s sweet, charming, kind, really sexy, and I believe he would do anything for me.”

  I leaned in closer to their graves and whispered; I love him mom and dad, for the first time in my life I’m truly in love. We’re leaving Michigan tomorrow, so I wanted to stop by and say hi and let you know I’m doing well.” Tears swelled in my eyes. Connor walked over and put his hands on my shoulders. “I love both of you very much, and I miss you.” He helped me up as I took in a deep breath and composed myself.

  Connor took me in his arms and held me. “You’re far too young to have experienced so much death Ellery; it hurts me to know what you’ve been through.”

  My chest started to tighten, and panic started to settle in. I needed to tell him my secret, but I was too scared about how he was going to react. I couldn’t lose him, not now, I loved him too much.

  He stood with me and stared at my parent’s grave. “I can’t even imagine losing my parents, especially at such a young age. You amaze me Ellery with your strength because I don’t know if I could have made it through.”

  I let go of him and bent down to pull some weeds that were surrounding the grave area. “That’s something you decide whether or not you’re going to do. You can move on and try to live your life as normal as possible, or you can make the decision to let go of life and let sorrow consume you. I’m a big believer of fate, and I believe god took my dad so his pain and suffering could stop, and he could be with my mother again.” He stroked my hair and ran his finger along my cheek.

  “You’re amazing, and I don’t know what I did to deserve to have you in my life.” I kissed his cool lips and smiled as we walked back to the Range Rover and headed for the hotel.

  We arrived at the hotel and took the elevator up to the Grand Room. I was getting use to this Presidential Suite thing. Connor went to the fireplace and turned it on. I walked over to him and wrapped my arms
around his waist. “You feel so good,” I said as I took in his scent.

  “Not as good as you feel baby,” he whispered as he buried his nose in my head.

  “Dance with me,” I asked.

  A beautiful smile graced his face. “I would love to dance with you, but let me put on some music first.

  He walked over to the small stereo that sat on a table by the window. He walked back to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. We held each other and slowly moved to the soft melody coming from the radio. He stared into my eyes as he leaned in and brushed my lips with his. My hands moved up and down his back as our soft kiss turned passionate and we gently made love by the fire. We laid there, staring into each other; our naked bodies wrapped in a blanket.

  “Are you hungry?” He asked as he kissed my shoulder.

  “For you, yes,” I smirked.

  He smiled as he stroked my cheek with his soft fingers, “I am always hungry for you, but we will eventually have to eat real food. I hate to break it to you baby, but we can’t survive on sex alone.”

  He started to tickle me as I laughed and tried to grab his hands. He finally stopped when I said ouch because my eye started to hurt. He softly kissed my stitches before getting up and ordering room service.

  It wasn’t too long before room service was delivered as we got up and got dressed. “Are you feeling ok Elle? You look a little pale?”

  “I’m fine sweetie; I’m just tired, and I think I have you to blame for that.”

  He flashed me his sexy smile. “If I recall, you were the one who did all the work.”

  I blushed as I got up from my seat and held out my hand, “Would you care to join me for a hot bath Mr. Black?

  “I would love to Miss Lane, just not too hot; I don’t want you passing out.” I snickered as we walked to the large marbled bathroom.

  The bathtub was large enough for 4 people. Connor started the water and got in as I removed my robe and twisted my hair up so it didn’t get wet.

  “Damn you are so sexy,” he smiled as I walked towards the tub.

  “Not as sexy as you are,” I smiled as I slid in the tub and leaned my back against his firm chest. He put his arms around me and we laid there, taking in the warmth of the water and the softness of our wet skin. He softly kissed my neck. “I love it when you wear your hair up.”

  “Is that so?” I smiled as he continued to plant small delicate kisses down my neck.

  “You have no idea how bad I wanted you that night of the charity. I did everything I could to restrain myself and not take you in the bathroom and have my way with you.”

  I lightly rubbed his arm with my fingers, “I wish you would have.”

  “No, you don’t, I would have been too rough, and I might have scared you off.”

  “You can never scare me off.”

  I turned my head, so I was facing him, “Infinity is forever, and that is what you are to me, you are my forever Mr. Black.”

  He kissed my lips, “There's no limit to what I wouldn't do for you. Just ask and it will be done, no matter the sacrifice.”

  I traced his lips with my fingers, “Those are the most beautiful words anyone has ever said to me.”

  “They’re true, every last word,” he whispered as our lips met one last time before we headed off to bed.

  The next morning Connor and I were drinking coffee in the room when a text message from Kyle came through.

  “Elle, I heard you were in town, where are you staying? I need to see you; it’s important?” I sighed as I read it.

  “Who’s it from?” Connor asked.

  “Kyle says he needs to see me. He says it’s important, and he wants to know where we’re staying.”

  “Tell him then, obviously he needs to see you about something.” Connor seemed calm about it, but I had a terrible feeling.

  I texted Kyle back and told him which hotel I was at and wondering what the hell was he doing in Michigan? Connor and I got dressed and finished packing our things to head back to New York. Before long, there was a knock at the door. I walked over and opened it.

  “Hi Kyle, come in,” I glared at him.

  “Hey Elle” He walked in and froze when he saw Connor come from the bedroom. Kyle looked at me, “I didn’t know he was here with you.”

  “Hey Kyle,” Connor waved to him.

  Kyle gave a small hello and looked at me, “Ellery, I need to speak with you in private.”

  “If you have something to say, you can say it in front of Connor.” Kyle looked sternly at me.

  “I don’t think you’d want him to hear this.”

  My stomach tied itself in knots, and I started to get extremely nervous.

  “Kyle, what is it? Spit it out for fucks sake; we are heading back to New York in a little while, and I don’t have time for games.”

  He looked at Connor who started to walk towards the bedroom, “I’ll give you two some privacy.”

  Kyle nodded and turned to look at me, “I made a terrible mistake Elle; I never should have left you.”

  I gasped because that was totally unexpected. “It’s a little too late, you did what you did, and I moved on, and so did you.”

  “No, that’s what I’m trying to tell you, I didn’t move on. Hell, I dated a few girls, but none of them are you; I love you baby. We had four fucking years together; you can’t just throw that away.”

  Rage started to take over my body. How dare he tell me that I threw our relationship away when he is the one who packed up and left? My voice became uncontrollably loud.

  “I - can’t throw that away? You’re the one who fucking walked out on me, leaving me alone because you needed space, and now you come here back to our hometown and expect me to take you back?” Connor heard me yelling and emerged from the bedroom.

  “I was scared Elle. I ran because I was scared, but I now realize what a screw up I am and I want you. I want us back for as long as we can be.”

  I pointed my finger at him, “Get the hell out of here Kyle.”

  His eyes turned cold as he looked over at Connor, “Does he know Elle? Did you tell him?”

  Connor walked over and looked at me, “Tell me what?”

  I stared at Kyle with pleading eyes, “Kyle, please leave; please, for both our sake.”

  His eyes grew wider, “You didn’t tell him?”

  “Kyle, stop please,” I begged.

  Connor turned to Kyle, “What hasn’t she told me?”

  Tears filled my eyes as Kyle began to speak.

  “I’m sorry Elle.”

  He looked at Connor and proceeded to talk. “She has cancer, and she refuses to go and get treatments; she is just going to let herself die. That’s why I left because I couldn’t sit there and watch her die.”

  The tears were flowing freely down my face as Connor looked at me with a horrified look on his face, “Ellery is that true?”

  Kyle turned around, “I’m sorry Elle,” he said as he shook his head and walked out the door.

  “Ellery is that true?” Connor screamed.

  I flinched and nodded my head, “Yes it’s true.”

  He clenched his fists and tightened his jaw. “You’ve known your cancer was back even before I met you and you hid it from me after everything we’ve been through? What kind of person are you?”

  I’ve never seen or experienced such rage and anger in a person like the one standing in front of me. His eyes turned dark as he looked at me with shame and disgust.

  “Please Connor let me explain.”

  “Explain what? What’s to explain? Were you just going to tell me one day you were dying? And why the fuck aren’t you getting any treatment?”

  “Please calm down,” I pleaded.

  “Calm down? You expect me to be calm when I just found out that the woman I love and want to spend the rest of my life with is dying? I don’t want to hear anything from you. You make me sick Ellery. I can’t do this; I can’t even look at you.” He turned towards the bedroom. I ran after him an
d grabbed his arm.

  “Please Connor, don’t do this; let me explain.”

  He jerked his arm away and I fell back onto the floor. He turned and looked at me, his voice now calm but pained, “Your dizzy spells, your tiredness, it’s all part of the cancer. You’re getting worse, and you knew it, but you still didn’t tell me. I bared my soul to you. I told you things nobody in this world knows. I shared myself with you. How could you do that to me Ellery?” His eyes filled with tears as he turned to the bedroom and slammed the door.

  My heart shattered, and I started to shake. I sat on the ground in shock at how quickly my life had just changed. An hour later he threw open the door and came out with his suitcase walking past me.

  “Connor wait; please,” I said as I jumped up.

  He turned around and pointed at me, “Stay away from me. I booked a flight for you back to New York; it leaves in 2 hours, so compose yourself and be ready. I’m driving back by myself. I can’t stand to look at you right now, let alone ride in a car with you for 10 hours.”

  I covered my mouth with my hand as he opened the door and stormed out. I fell to my knees. It felt like the wind had just been knocked out of me. I couldn’t breathe, and I begged God to take me right then and there. He was gone. He left me just like everyone else in my life.

  I got up from the floor and somehow managed to call the desk, telling them I needed a car to take me to the airport. I stumbled to the bathroom and looked in the mirror at the black streaks of mascara that stained my face. I took a washcloth and wiped them away. I didn’t need water; my tears were enough to soak the washcloth. I put on my sunglasses to hide my red swollen eyes and headed to the lobby with my suitcase. I was unsteady and still shaking.

  The car was waiting for me as the driver took my suitcase and opened the door. All I kept thinking was had I told him the truth from the start, maybe things would have been different. I was to blame for his pain, and I hated myself for that. He didn’t deserve this. I knew he could forgive me, if he would let me explain why I didn’t tell him.