Forbid Me

  It was getting late, only an hour left until the bar closed. I played my last set and went straight to the bar. I needed a drink.

  “Hey, little girl,” some random greeted with his two friends right alongside him.

  “The name’s Kid.”

  They were cute, if you liked the fraternity boy type.

  “Kid,” he corrected. “I’m Felix, this is Ryan and Eric.”

  “Howdy,” I replied.

  “Can we buy you a drink?”

  “Whiskey.”

  “A girl after my own heart. A whiskey drinkin’ girl.”

  “One and only.”

  They grinned. Each of them taking a shot and handing me one. I raised my glass and they followed suit.

  “Here’s to staying positive and testing negative.”

  They busted out laughing. I downed my shot and so did they.

  “Lookie here, she didn’t even cough,” Eric stated.

  “I’m not a pussy. Can’t say the same for you.”

  “Feisty… now I like that,” Felix chimed in.

  I smiled, leaning back into my chair.

  “How about another shot?” Ryan asked.

  “By all means, boys.”

  They handed me another and I once again lifted it in the air. “Here’s to girlfriends and wives, may they never meet.”

  “Phew,” They breathed out, laughing.

  “So are you a wife or a girlfriend?” Felix questioned.

  “You first,” I sarcastically replied.

  They laughed again.

  “Another shot?” Eric asked.

  “I’m fine.”

  “That you are,” Ryan said, looking me up and down.

  “Wow, I haven’t heard that one before.”

  “Tell me, Kid, do you give it as good as your mouth does?” Felix questioned.

  “I should teach you fuckers a lesson for talking to her like that,” Jacob chimed in, making all the color drain from my face, my heart immediately beating out of my chest and into my ears. It was as if he appeared out of thin air or something.

  “You’re lucky I respect her and this establishment enough to walk away without beating you fucking senseless. Go home and thank your lucky stars that you’re not sleeping in the goddamn hospital tonight, assholes,” he threatened, looking at each of them with a glare I had never seen before. It shook me to my core.

  “Kid, get your stuff, we’re leaving.”

  “You can’t—” He grabbed Felix by the throat, pushing him back against the bar. My eyes widened and my breathing hitched.

  He leaned into the side of his face. “What can’t I do, motherfucker?” he gritted out, loud enough for me to hear.

  “What was that? I can’t hear you?” he mocked, Felix’s face turning bright ass red.

  “Jacob,” I whispered, choosing my words carefully.

  He turned and looked me up and down and then let go of his neck. Felix gasped for air as his friends went right to him, holding him up.

  “You may want to consider getting new friends. One’s that aren’t such goddamn pussies,” he snarled, gripping my arm, rushing us out of the bar. I tried hard to keep up, his stride being too much for me.

  “You’re going too fast,” I pleaded as he forcefully pushed open the door, slamming it back against the wall.

  “Can’t we talk—”

  “Not. Here.”

  “Jacob—”

  He turned to face me. “I said I’m not doing this here. We will talk when we get home.”

  He opened my truck door and pretty much carried me into my seat, shutting the door before I could even say thank you and walked to his car. I was a nervous wreck the entire drive to my house, silently praying that he cooled off on the drive back by himself. His car was already in my driveway when I got home and the blinds were shut. It made my already nervous stomach more anxious. When I walked in, Jacob was sitting at the dining room table with a drink in his hands.

  I rushed to him.

  “So tell me, Kid…”

  I stopped dead in my tracks a few feet away from him.

  “Last time I checked you were my girlfriend, so is there a reason when that random asshole asked you if you were a girlfriend you didn’t fucking bother to say yes?” he stated in an eerie tone not looking up from brushing the rim of his glass.

  “Jacob—”

  “By the way, you do give it as good as your mouth does, in case you’re wondering,” he sneered.

  “You’re not being fair.”

  “Is that right?”

  “Yes. It’s my place of employment. It’s where I work. Why were you there?”

  “Do I need a reason to come see you?”

  I sighed, taking a deep breath. “They’re stupid boys. It comes with the job, Jacob, since when do you act so insecure, mister high and mighty?”

  He was over to me in three strides, making me gasp and backing me up into the wall.

  “Watch it,” he coaxed his eyes dark and daunting.

  It was all in fun. Flirting was part of my job, it always had been, but from the look on Jacob’s face there was nothing fun about it.

  “Do I not give you enough attention, Lillian? Am I not inside you enough? Is that the goddamn problem?”

  “I’m the entertainment—”

  “In more ways than one?”

  “Of course not, I’ve never…”

  I narrowed my eyes at her, arching an eyebrow, trying to keep my temper at bay.

  “I didn’t know you were there.”

  “That was pretty damn clear.”

  “I was just flirting. It’s not a big deal. You’re making it out—”

  “Don’t even fucking try me, Lily.”

  “You’re being unreasonable.”

  I snidely smiled. “Which part is unreasonable, Lily? The part that I drive to surprise my girlfriend at her job? Or the part that I find her flirting with three cocksuckers who are trying to get into her fucking pants? Or maybe it’s the part that she downs the shots without even watching the glass to make sure they didn’t drug it? Or how about the part where she denies being with me? Which fucking part of that is me being unreasonable?”

  She bit her lip, contemplating what to say. “I didn’t deny you. I just… I mean… we’re taking things slow, Jacob. We’re seeing each other. We haven’t talked about anything else.”

  “Sticks and stones, Kid.”

  “No, don’t be like that.”

  “Seeing each other?” I repeated in disbelief. “I fucking love you. I love you so much it hurts. I’m here because I can’t leave you, forgoing everything for you.”

  “I didn’t ask you to do that!”

  “You didn’t have to!” I roared.

  “What do you want from me? I can’t just forget about what you did to me! I can’t just let it go like you expect me to! It’s so fucking easy for you! I didn’t leave you behind! I didn’t fuck you over like you did me! I did nothing but love you! I’m trying, okay! I’m trying as hard as I can! I don’t trust you with my heart. I’m terrified I’m going to wake up one day and you will have your bags packed at the door with one foot already outside.”

  I shuddered, feeling like the ceiling was caving in on me.

  “Jacob…” she stepped toward me, causing me to step back.

  “Don’t,” I said with a finger out in front of me. “Don’t come near me right now.”

  She didn’t listen, stepping toward me again. “Jacob…”

  "No, Lily... just stop."

  “I didn’t mean—”

  “You meant everything.”

  “Jacob…” she pleaded, but it was too late. The damage was done.

  “What more do you want from me? I can’t apologize any more than I have. I know I fucked up! But I lost you, too! Do you not realize that? Do you not think that it fucking killed me to walk away from you? To leave you! Do you think I’m that much of a heartless bastard! You let me back in between your legs and your goddamn bed, but that’s it.
Is this payback, Lily? Is this your way of punishing me for my mistakes?”

  “You know that’s not true.”

  “I know nothing. Not one damn thing. I thought… I thought you were mine because I’ve never fucking stopped being yours.”

  She grimaced.

  “I need a break.”

  “What?” she replied, taken aback.

  “You heard me.” I walked to the door and opened it.

  “You’re leaving me again?” she whispered.

  “No, I’m leaving before I say something I regret.”

  I slammed the door…

  And left.

  I wanted to take her to a nice dinner for our last night together, but she was insistent that we stay in and order pizza. She showered first and when I walked back out into the room, she was wearing my t-shirt that looked more like a dress on her and my hat that I gave her.

  I’d never seen her look so sexy.

  She caught me staring at her. “Sorry, I didn’t pack enough clothes. I guess I was excited.”

  “It looks better on you.”

  She looked down at herself and then back at me with confusion. “I look like I’m wearing a potato sack.”

  “Keep it.”

  She grinned, nodding. “I rented us a movie.”

  I sat down next to her, dragging her over to me by her waist and she squealed.

  “What did you get, sweet girl?”

  “9 ½ weeks.”

  “What’s that?” I kissed the top of her head.

  “I don’t know, but the guy looked hot.”

  I laughed.

  “Not hotter than you, of course.”

  I turned off the lights and spooned her, pressing play. Once the movie started I realized it was an older film, I hadn’t seen Kim Basinger in anything in years, let alone Mickey Rourke. It didn’t take long to realize that it was an erotic film, and part of me wondered if Lily did it on purpose. The fascinated regard on her face as she watched Kim masturbate was a memory I’ll take to the grave. My arm slowly moved on its own accord, from her waist down to the side of her thigh. Her creamy, velvety skin brushing beneath my fingers, her eyes instantly went from the screen to my hand.

  “Lillian,” I huskily groaned and she swallowed hard. “Tell me, Kid…”

  She bit her lip, making my cock twitch and I knew she felt it against her ass. My fingers moved at a slow torturous speed for where I really yearned to touch her. My shirt had ridden up her hips to expose her lace pink panties and lower abdomen. She watched my fingers move with the same enthralled gaze that she did with the scene in the movie.

  “Have you ever touched yourself?”

  She hesitantly shook her head no, and I lost my shit. Her lips parted and her tongue peered out slowly licking her lips. I reached out to stroke the side of her cheek. Her face leaned into my fingers. Shifting my hand to the back of her head, I gently brought her over to me. My lips found hers instantly. It started with just a peck until I opened my mouth to her and she sought out my tongue. This kiss was so much different from our last. That kiss was urgent and demanding, this one was soft, like we were both exploring each other’s mouths for the first time. Our tongues twisted as we tasted each other. It felt so fucking amazing.

  She felt amazing.

  But like anything with Lily it turned into something else entirely. I urgently pulled the sides of her face, kissing her more aggressively than before. I knew that I needed to slow down, but damn I couldn’t help myself. I wanted her so damn bad. All the buildup, months of anticipation, longing, and desire that I had kept safely bottled up were at the surface. It was more than I could have ever imagined. I was ready to lose my load.

  Her delicate fingers moved down my chest in a slow agonizing motion. I held my breath. Her hands traced my pecs and moved down to the contours of my abs. I had been touched there, several times, more times than I fucking cared to count. This was different. This was so expressive and emotional, so goddamn loving.

  This was Lily.

  Nothing could have prepared me for this moment. Her panting and moaning beneath me would be forever entrenched in my mind. Our legs entwined, rubbing together and moving all around the bed. I kissed her jaw line, her neck, and deliberately made my way back up to her lips. I no longer had any control over my movements as I gripped her waist, turning us both over to have her lay on top of me. Her breathing escalated when she realized what I had done, but that didn’t stop her from swaying her body against mine, dry humping the shit out of my fucking cock.

  “Fuck… Lily,” I growled into her mouth. “We need to stop,” I half-ass requested.

  “I don’t want to stop.”

  “Jesus, last night you’re running from me when you see my cock and now you’re grinding your pussy against me like a goddamn pro. Which one is it, Lily? Because you can’t have it both ways.”

  “I want you,” she breathed out in between kissing me. “I want it to be you.”

  “Kid, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “Stop saying that,” she urged in a desperate plea.

  I continued to devour her mouth, soon my hands started to roam, attacking her body. She encouraged me by making all sorts of fucking sounds that didn’t help keep my hands away from places they shouldn’t be.

  “Jacob…”

  I would never forget the raspy way she said my name. It was full of emotion, mixed with pure lust. I cupped the side of her breast making her moan loudly, vibrating against my chest and down to my cock. That was all it took for me…

  To buck her off.

  “What the fuck?” I instinctively shouted as I watched him get off the bed.

  He was in my face in two seconds flat. “Watch. Your. Mouth,” he threatened, accentuating each word.

  I shook my head with a heated expression. “Are you for real? I just felt your dick all over me, Jacob, and now you’re worried about my swearing?”

  He stepped back and away from me. “We can’t do this,” he stated like it pained him to say it.

  “Can’t do what exactly? Can’t hang out? Can’t do sleepovers? Can’t kiss? Can’t dry fuck? Please, tell me what we can’t do because you’re giving me whiplash!” I yelled not being able to control my emotions.

  “I’m not going to tell you again,” he warned with the same hard edge in his tone, only further pissing me off.

  I scowled, stood on the bed, and spoke with conviction never taking my glare off his. “FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK! FUCK YOU!”

  His composure was calm and collected and the only expression that changed on his face was his pursed lips, which immediately had me unsettled for what he was going to do.

  “Say it one more time, Lillian, I will have no choice but to take you over my knee and spank that little fucking ass of yours.”

  My eyes widened. That was not what I expected… the thought alone made me want to keep going. Instead, I sat back down confused by my emotions.

  “You wouldn’t.”

  What the hell is wrong with me?

  He didn’t falter. “I’m the adult here. I shouldn’t have let that happen. It’s not your fault, it’s mine.”

  “I don’t know what you want from me? You’re hot one minute, you’re cold the next. I’m not twelve, Jacob. I’m sixteen. Most of my friends aren’t even virgins anymore.”

  “I am sorry, Lily, you’re right. I have been leading you on, but that’s only because I don’t know what to do. I know I should stay far away from you, but I can’t find the strength to do that yet. I have to let you go, Kid.”

  I cocked my head to the side, frustrated. “Fine. I’ll go and fu…” I hesitated from the glare in his eyes. “I’ll go sleep with some guy and then maybe you’ll touch me. I won’t be pure and innocent anymore and you don’t have to feel bad for stealing my virtue.”

  The glare in his eyes didn’t disappear if anything they got darker.

  “I’m twenty-three, Kid. That’s seven years older than you. Do you know what we’re doing
is illegal? Do you have any idea how much shit I could get into for having a minor in my hotel room?”

  “Who’s going to tell? I’m not!”

  “Is that what you want for yourself? You want me to fuck you and then what? Hmm? Tell me since you have all the answers.”

  I frowned. “I don’t know. I thought… I thought we could be together. Why is that so hard to understand?”

  He took a deep breath and looked at the ceiling for what seemed like forever, even though it was probably just seconds before peering down at me.

  “Lily, I was there when you were born. I held you when you were a baby.”

  My eyebrows lowered as I took in his words. I didn’t know that.

  “Lucas wanted a baby sister so bad. Not a brother, he had three of those. He wanted you. Do you have any idea how much shit we gave him about that? He didn’t care, Lucas loved you before you were even born, and the second I held you, I did too. We all did. It’s so easy for you to say that… to want that. I can’t. I’m supposed to see you like they do, but I never have.” He rubbed his fingers over his lips like the words coming out of his mouth made him feel dirty.

  “I don’t know what that means and wish more than anything I could tell you what it did because it’s eating me fucking alive. I’ve watched you take your first step, I’ve watched you say your first word, and I’ve been there for every significant moment in your entire life, Lillian. Every. Single. One. And now here I am trying to take something from you that doesn’t fucking belong to me, and if Lucas or our parents found out they would bury me alive.”

  My eyes watered. It was the sweetest, saddest thing anyone has ever said to me, and the fact that it was coming out of Jacob’s mouth made it that more intense. I knew what he was saying was right, but I tried to ignore it. In the end…

  “I don’t care,” I stated. “Do you hear me? I. Don’t. Care.”

  He sighed, his chest rising. “I’m sorry, Lily, but I do.”

  “So now what? I go home and pretend that I don’t love you?”