My Wolf's Bane

  “Goodnight,” he said.

  I was too emotionally paralyzed to reply.

  † † †

  When I awoke some time later, light from the moon peeked through the slit between the curtain panels. My first thought was of Zack. I wanted to tiptoe to the couch, sneak under his blanket and snuggle up with him. He’d be warm and sleepy and, very likely, would give me what I needed. But it probably wasn’t worth the agony I’d feel when he walked away saying, “I warned you I was leaving.”

  In a few weeks, he would be on the run and so would I. Not to mention the other ramifications of my situation — I’d have to leave my parents, my friends, my home. What would I do all alone with no one to turn to? Even if by some miracle Zack wanted company on the road, I couldn’t continue with him if he didn’t love me.

  But I couldn’t stay away from him either.

  To say I was screwed would’ve been like calling my situation unusual or saying Zack was cute. Both were gross understatements.

  Huddled in my blanket, my eyes stayed fixed on the ceiling. I should get up, maybe make breakfast. As I lay in bed, it grew lighter outside, the walls of the room visible without super-vision.

  A shape formed in the doorway to my room. I turned my head to see Zack.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  “I guess so,” I answered quietly. Hadn’t I closed the bedroom door before I’d crawled into bed last night? I knew Zack hadn’t opened it just now. He must have done it during the night. “Were you in my room earlier?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  Why was it such a difficult question to answer? Either he was or he wasn’t. “My door is open.”

  “I checked on you a while ago to make sure you were okay.” He averted his gaze.

  “Why? Did you hear something? Was someone trying to get in?” I couldn’t imagine not waking up if an intruder had tried to break in.

  I rolled over and propped myself up on my elbow.

  “No. Last night, you seemed upset, so I was checking on you.” Zack took a step over the threshold, his fingertips wiggling against his thigh.

  Just when I thought he didn’t care, he did something nice to make me think I wasn’t just any girl. The longer I watched him, the more his fingers twitched and his eyes roamed the room.

  I wanted to pursue it further, but intuition told me it was a bad idea. We’d be kissing shortly or he’d withdraw further, just like before. I couldn’t allow myself to think that his compassion didn’t extend equally to all people. He had no special feelings for me. And if I remembered that without fail, my disillusionment wouldn’t flatten me later.

  “Thanks for checking on me.” I flopped down against my pillow and stared at the ceiling. Zack disappeared as quietly as he’d appeared.

  Knowing I needed to stop wallowing in misery, I bolted from the bed and headed downstairs. Still in my PJs, I fixed eggs. When we’d finished eating, without a word through our entire meal, I escaped upstairs into my sanctuary. It was getting uncomfortable with Zack. He must have sensed it too.

  In my bathroom, I got out all my tools. If I was going to be down in the dumps, no point in feeling unattractive, too. I ironed my hair until it was straight as a pin before hitting the ends with the curling iron. After brushing it out, I flipped it over to make it a little bit messy. I threw on jeans and the same tank top Zack had previously told me not to wear due to it being unsafe. At the last minute, I switched bras, putting on a pushup. After donning a pair of sandals, I surveyed my reflection in the mirror. Not bad. Back to the bathroom, I started my makeup.

  “Autumn.” Zack tapped on the hallway doorjamb leading into my bedroom.

  “I’m in here,” I called out.

  “Are you about ready?” he asked from right outside the bathroom, peering in.

  I checked my cell. “You want to leave now?”

  He nodded.

  “We still have a half hour before we need to go. Either we wait here or we wait at the school. What’s the diff?”

  “I’m bored.” He scratched at something on the wall. “At my house, there are always things to do. All my stuff is there.”

  “If you’re going to be staying here longer, maybe we should use our extra time to get more of your things.”

  “Good idea.” He passed through the doorway, getting a closer look as I applied mascara. “Why are you bothering with that stuff anyway?”

  Did he mean that it didn’t do any good on me? I feared getting permanent marks between my brows from frowning at Zack so often.

  His palm flashed up as a shield. “I mean, you’re just as pretty without it.”

  Calmer, I eyed my hand, realizing I’d been holding my mascara brush like a weapon.

  A moment later, he was gone, but my spirits were lifted. At least I was likable enough that he still found me attractive. That was something.

  Zack did the driving to school. I’d have plenty of time alone with my car soon enough. Besides, I enjoyed watching him be master at the wheel. He was as confident with that as everything else.

  But it was less painful when I wasn’t looking at him. I sighed and shifted until I was gazing out the side window. “You never answered me about Ashley’s party. It’s tonight.”

  “I think we should go.”

  My eyes snapped to his. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I’m not sure how smart it is to have us cooped up in your house so much.”

  I knew why I thought it wasn’t a good idea — Zack was too much of a temptation for me. But I was curious why he thought so. “Why?”

  He fidgeted, his gaze elsewhere. At a stop sign, he focused on me. “Didn’t I already tell you how pretty you are?” He smiled, the dimple in his left cheek peeking out.

  For the first time in what seemed an eternity, I felt good. I warmed all over.

  Despite our extra stop at his house, we were still a little early for school. Once he parked the Mustang, I got out of the car. Zack was already a few feet ahead of me.

  “Daniel’s waiting for you.”

  I caught up to him. “Maybe he’s standing there for some other reason.”

  “No. He’s waiting for you.”

  “How do you know?”

  Zack stopped and faced me. “I’m a guy, Autumn. I know how the minds of guys work. Plus, we know Daniel.” He held me by my shoulders. “Promise me you won’t make any deals with him.”

  Since I’d almost agreed the last time Daniel approached me, I couldn’t blame Zack. But his urgency alarmed me. “Okay.”

  He released my shoulders and resumed walking, giving me a lopsided smile. “People aren’t talking about us enough. We’re going to have to do something about that.”

  In that moment, I forgot all about different species, shape-shifter slaves and even Daniel. It was just Zack and me. We looked at each other with goofy grins until we touched the curb.

  “Autumn,” Daniel said. “Can I have a word with you?” It was a question, but the way he spoke, it sounded more like a command.

  I put a hand on my hip. “Is that an order?”

  “Yeah, is it?” Zack took a step toward Daniel.

  Daniel’s eyes darkened, his shoulders straightening. The corners of his mouth lifted, but the energy around us crackled with tension. “Of course not. May I please have a minute of your time, Autumn?”

  Zack stepped back, but stayed close. I stood two feet from Daniel, my brows raised.

  “I’ve made my position clear and you’ve had several chances to make this right.” He shifted toward me.

  I backed up. “Do you have a point? Because those are the same tired things you’ve already said.”

  His eyes narrowed a moment. “This is your last chance.”

  “Going, going, gone. You can leave me alone now.”

  His eyes darkened. “When I kill Zack, you’ll get to watch him die. But I’ll keep you alive.” His voice lowered. “For a while anyway.”

  “Way to make a girl love you, Daniel.” My stomach knotted.
“How about I call the police and file a report? Anything happens to us and you’ll be the first person they come for.”

  “Do I look like I’m afraid of the police?” Daniel laughed. “All that matters is that in the end, we’ll be together.”

  His complete disregard for his own life made him even more dangerous. “You think you could murder Zack or me and suddenly I’ll want to be your soul mate? If you really believe that, you’re even crazier than I thought.”

  At that, I made my way to Zack as casually as I could on trembling knees. All I wanted was to get lost in him. I wanted him to hold me, kiss me and make me forget how dirty Daniel made me feel. I struggled to keep him in my line of vision as the shapes around me spun. I’d stood my ground, but I may have made the biggest mistake of my life by putting Zack in danger.

  He met me halfway, snaked an arm around my waist and pressed me against him. With his other hand, he brushed some strands of hair off my forehead. He dropped a kiss on my cheek and pulled away. I gazed into his eyes. Zack… so beautiful and yet impossible to have. My chest ached.

  His mouth lowered and I lifted my chin as if Zack’s kisses were the most natural thing in the world. His hand moved to my nape, holding me in place, then his mouth covered mine and our tongues danced. I felt pangs of desire for him in places I could never tell my parents. My hand slid up his muscular bicep to wind around his neck and I got lost, forgetting Daniel or anyone else was there.

  Slowly he released me, his eyes locked on mine. It was the only thing I could think of that would distract you. You didn’t look so good, he said soundlessly.

  He’ll try to kill you, I said.

  He won’t succeed. Are you okay?

  “I guess so,” I said quietly. “If the kiss was to distract me, what was the second kiss for?”

  “That time I was distracted.” He grinned. “We better go or we’ll be late.”

  I was so engrossed in the memory of the kisses, I didn’t notice whether Daniel was still lurking or how many people saw the show. Daniel had kissed me at school before, but it had never been like that. I felt my cheeks flush.

  Zack opened one side of the double doors for me to pass. Sorry again, but we accomplished a lot with that kiss.

  Yeah? How’s that? It was all I could manage to say. My mind was like apple sauce, incapable of holding much shape.

  For one thing, everyone’s staring. Zack chuckled as he dropped me off at class.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Later at home, I hid in my room. Sitting cross-legged with my computer balanced on my thighs, I logged into my email. I could’ve taken my laptop downstairs and sat on the couch with Zack, each on our own computer. But that would’ve been unhealthy for me. I didn’t want to be tempted into bringing up the last kiss again. Further, talking to him at all was a bad idea, unless absolutely necessary.

  We would go to Ashley’s party later, have fun, come home, go for a run, then go to bed. Our own beds. That’s it. I would not stay up late at night unable to sleep for thinking of his full, perfect lips. I would not remember his musky scent, nor would I sneak downstairs to watch him sleep, hoping he would wake up and, in a sleepy haze, forget all his reasons to stay away.

  Sitting alone and thinking about the kiss wasn’t healthy either. We needed to set boundaries, so we knew what to expect. If Zack were allowed to touch me anytime he wanted, it was really going to mess with my head.

  When he appeared in the doorway, I didn’t have to see him to know he was there. My gaze stayed on my computer screen.

  “What time do you want to leave for Ashley’s party?” he asked.

  “Nine?” A moment later, I peeked up at him from under my brows.

  “Sounds good.” He wiped a smudge off the door frame and made a show of inspecting it for flaws. “I think it’s better to go running after, not before. Less chance of running into anyone else the later it gets.”

  “Okay.” I pretended to be fully engrossed in whatever was on my computer screen.

  “We forgot to take your car in,” Zack said. “I called Timothy and he said I can use the garage over the weekend. I have a key.”

  “That was nice of him.” I forced my mouth to curve up.

  Zack’s gaze wandered over to the window, then to my little antique French desk I never used. He scratched his chin and turned to go.

  “Zack?”

  He spun around. “Yeah?”

  I mustered my courage, erased all emotion from my face and met his gaze. “I don’t want you to kiss me again.”

  He just stared, blinking once. Evidently, he wasn’t expecting me to say that.

  “I like kissing,” I explained. “And you already know I like you. I haven’t exactly kept it a secret.” He took a step forward and my heart pounded. I held up my hand to stop him, because I couldn’t go there again, only to have him pull away. “But it’s all or nothing. If you don’t want to form any ties, because you’re leaving, then don’t.” My blood roared in my ears and I forced myself to breathe, so I could finish. “You can’t kiss me and act like it means nothing. Because it means something to me.”

  He nodded slowly. “Alright.”

  “I’ll come downstairs when it’s time to go. I have some things to do first.”

  He nodded again, but didn’t move.

  The strain in the room was stifling, so I smiled in hopes of easing it. “I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

  He stood poised and ready bolt. At the same time, he appeared permanently stuck to the floor. Would he take his cue and be thankful I gave him a way out? Or would he stay and whisper in my ear what an idiot he’s been and tell me he can’t imagine being without me. If he walked away without a fight, then he didn’t care enough anyway. In that case, I wasn’t losing anything, right?

  “Well, I’ll be downstairs if you need anything.” Zack’s gaze held mine another second or two before he turned to go.

  As he left my room, my earlier inner pep talk didn’t comfort me at all. Regardless of philosophies, logic or anything else, the bottom line was that any hope I’d had that he’d come to his senses was lost. My eyes stung and my throat ached. I wanted to scream and run after Zack and tell him I loved him. Instead, I leaped off the bed, wiped my eyes and quietly closed the door.

  † † †

  Zack was a total gentleman, locking up the house and escorting me to the passenger side of my car, then putting the Mustang’s top up, so my hair wouldn’t get messy. But he practically went out of his way not to touch me, like when he made a wide circle as he opened the car door for me.

  When we arrived at the party, he spent most of his time with Trevor, but he always positioned himself to include me in his peripheral vision. The distance between us should’ve made things easier on me, but it didn’t. I wanted him just as much as before.

  I surveyed the living room of Ashley’s parents’ house, people spilling out the front door. The other day, she’d said “just some close friends” but this was a lot more than that. Yet she handled new arrivals graciously, immediately introducing them to someone, so they’d feel at ease.

  Ashley’s parents were strict, inspecting the punch and other drinks to make sure no booze had been smuggled in. I thought it was pretty cool of them to allow parties at all. If anyone wanted alcohol, they could wait for Daniel to throw one.

  A pale, plump gothic-dressed girl wailed away on a make-shift stage, strumming her acoustic guitar while a tall guy in skinny-pants plucked at his bass. The music was loud, but I had no problem picking up the other sounds throughout the house. Girls laughing in the hallway, glasses clinking in the kitchen.

  Despite the sheer number of people, it was a good crowd. Why hadn’t I come to more of her gatherings? Now that Gina and Daniel were out of my social circle, I looked forward to spending time with people I enjoyed. Real friends who’d still be there for me, even if I wasn’t popular.

  At least until I went on the lam.

/>   Zack loitered at the other end of the room with Trevor and a couple other guys, his gaze always coming back to me.

  Maya looped her arm through mine. “Love that dress. Looks like it’s been glued to you. I bet as soon as Zack saw it on you, he immediately started scheming how to get it off,” she giggled into my ear. “Where did you buy it?”

  “It’s Gina’s.” I admitted, then snickered.

  “No!” Maya high-fived me. “Whatever you do, don’t give it back.”

  “I wasn’t planning to since she didn’t return all my stuff.” She could keep the shoes, because seeing them would remind me how she’d betrayed me with Daniel.

  “It’s like there’s a blaze of passion around Zack, festering. You need to satisfy that poor guy soon.”

  I burst out laughing. “Maya.”

  “It’s true. God, I wished Trevor looked at me like that.”

  “He does. You’re just blind to it. And anyway, I think you’re misinterpreting Zack’s expression.”

  “Yeah,” she mocked. “And I’m sure I misunderstood that smoldering kiss by the curb this morning too. Gee, whatever did that mean?”

  It had been foolish of me to deny it in the first place. “Okay, I get it. You’re right. He’s madly in love with me.” I snorted.

  Her face lost all traces of amusement as she discreetly eyed him again. “Actually… I think he really is.”

  I wanted to plug my ears. I did not need her crazy ideas banging around in my brain, giving me false hope. “It doesn’t matter. I have no plans of sleeping with him when I know he’s leaving. He’ll have to carry on unfulfilled.”

  “Good girl,” Maya said, patting my arm. “Don’t settle.”

  I wanted to settle though, since it was the only way I’d ever get Zack. Even as that thought formed in my head, I discarded it. If I didn’t stand my ground, I’d never truly have him in the way that mattered.

  But what if Zack liked me more than he let on? His actions certainly hinted at it.

  Oh, who was I kidding? Zack was not crazy in love with me. The attention he showered over me was temporary while he educated me, like he wished had been done for him. Duty, that was it. With that thought, it was as if my heart was being repeatedly impaled by an ice pick.