My Wolf's Bane

  “Nah.” He shrugged. “No offense, but the vegetarian thing isn’t working for me.”

  I knew he didn’t mean it as a subliminal message, that this vegetarian wasn’t working for him. Zack was too open and straightforward to hide behind cruel remarks under the guise of help or friendship. But his reminder hurt just the same. He had to go.

  I tossed him the keys and forced a smiled. “Thanks so much for doing this.”

  “No problem. I don’t think I’ll be gone more than an hour. If it ends up being complicated, I’ll let you know.”

  I nodded and closed the door.

  † † †

  The first part of that hour after Zack left couldn’t have been better spent. What could be more awesome than worrying if your neighbors hear your gut wrenching cries of anguish and fearing that they’ll call the police for fear you were being attacked? Soaking your pillow and going through two boxes of tissues was reason to be grateful for being alive.

  I reveled in that first glimpse of my face in the mirror — splotchy skin around swollen and bloodshot eyes.

  The last part of that hour was spent in reparations. I became the surgeon, painstakingly reconstructing my face after a gruesome accident and the artist, carefully layering the canvas.

  Zack texted me when he was on his way to my house, saying he’d already stopped at home to drop off his belongings. Since all our business had been concluded, I hovered in the doorway and smiled as he handed me my keys.

  “I’ll walk home. It’s a nice day.” His eyes darted away as he mashed his lips together. “As far as everyone else is concerned, Daniel’s still around, which is the reason we’ve given my family for me spending the night here. We have no idea how he’s going to handle his banishment and we’re probably not going to find out until Monday. So…”

  “You have to sleep here tonight?” My stomach clenched at the thought of being subjected to Zack when he didn’t want me. At the same time, my heart soared at spending more time with him.

  “No. My mom and Cara just need to think I’m sleeping here.”

  “Oh.” I wasn’t sure what that meant, but it would be a bad idea to invite him in, even though I desperately wanted to. If he asked, the answer would be yes.

  “I have a way around that,” he said.

  Asking him to explain and engaging in further conversation would only stretch out my agony, so I kept my mouth shut. When I offered only a smile, I thought I saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. In a flash, it was gone and he smiled. “See you at school tomorrow.”

  “Yeah. Thanks for everything.” My chest felt heavy as he walked away. “’Bye.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  I paused, my back against the closed door. There had to be a way to get through this heartache. Other people survived broken hearts. I could too.

  Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Steadier, I grabbed my laptop. I needed an escape, something to take my mind off Zack and how he’d left me.

  Scrolling through the movie thumbnails, I considered downloading a horror flick, but feared having nightmares again. That went double for anything with vampires or werewolves. That kind of thing was too real now. And I didn’t want anything depressing or stressful either, so that eliminated the dramas. The action flicks would remind me of Zack and how he saved me. The love stories would also remind me of him for obvious reasons.

  I finished scanning the new releases and discovered there wasn’t anything that wouldn’t make me think of Zack. In the end, I picked a couple of my old favorites, the ones where I knew exactly what to expect — a sappy, happy ending.

  I made some popcorn, soaked it in salt and hot butter, then flopped onto the sofa and started the first movie.

  † † †

  When I awoke hours later, I was still on the couch. I felt stiff from tossing and turning all night. What time was it? I fumbled for my cell and saw it was after four. All that time trying to escape thoughts of Zack and here I was again. What would I do to keep my mind off him now? I dashed up the stairs to my room, threw on some sweats and flew out the door. If I ran now, I could be back before the sun came up and maybe I could stay home tonight when I’d be more likely to run into Zack.

  I’d missed my runs. It was nice to know I could live without them, but I was grateful to be free again. Morphing into a cheetah, I ran as fast as my long, furry legs could carry me.

  When I returned home, I was just as emotional, but physically, I was less sluggish from my Zack hangover.

  I killed the rest of the extra time getting ready. Since hitting new lows on the depression scale, it was more important than ever to do everything possible to feel better about myself. I wore a sundress and sandals, then took the time to curl my hair.

  Sailing into the school lot, I realized by the lack of cars it was still too early. If I stayed, I’d see Zack arrive and perhaps accidentally run into him. On the other hand, not seeing Zack was the quickest way to get over him. Plus, I’d feel less pathetic.

  Despite knowing I must avoid him to get over him, I scanned the lot one more time for the red Jeep. Disgusted with myself, I got out of the Mustang and saw the red Jeep drive into the lot. I leaned into my car pretending to dig into my backpack.

  “Autumn!” Maya shouted. She stuck her head out of Zack’s Jeep window and waved to me.

  I waited for them to park. As far away as she was, I could still hear what she said to Trevor.

  “I’m going to talk to Autumn. I’ll see you in a couple minutes.”

  He nodded and said something to Zack, but I didn’t listen in.

  “Hey.” She sprinted to me, a little out of breath. “Did you hear about Daniel?”

  I shook my head innocently. “No.”

  “You’re not going to believe this. Apparently, he ran away over the weekend with his new love. He’s gone.”

  “Ran away? Why couldn’t he stay here with this mystery girl?” A strange story, but not final enough to warrant a permanent disappearance. I waited for the rest of it.

  Maya’s eyes widened. She looked like she was bursting with fascinating news. “Not a girl.”

  “What?” My mouth gaped. “An older woman?”

  “He met a dude. Supposedly, it’s the same guy he’d met when Jeff said he’d been dragged away by a wolf. Can you believe it?”

  Actually, I could, except for the love part. I knew the male lover bit wasn’t Daniel’s idea. He most definitely liked girls. William must have thought it an amusing penalty for disobeying and humiliating him.

  It was perfect.

  “You know what homophobes his parents are,” Maya went on. “They’re so pompous about their money and knowing all the right people. Their reputation is more important than their own son. As soon as Daniel came out, they disowned him.”

  “Wow. That sucks for Daniel,” I said. It was a brilliant plan since being disowned cut all ties, which would make life as a werewolf easier.

  Maya giggled. “I guess we don’t have to worry about him stalking you anymore.”

  Zack passed by, giving me a nod. I smiled, hoping it appeared genuine. It was the best I could manage.

  “C’mon.” Maya motioned for me to go with her and the boys.

  “I’ll see you at lunch. I have something I need to do.” Like hide my head in the sand, so I couldn’t do something pathetic like throw myself at Zack.

  I made a beeline to the bathroom. As soon as the door swung shut, it opened again. Gina waltzed in, eyeing me coldly.

  “You think you’ve won, don’t you?”

  “Uh, I didn’t know there was a contest,” I said. “And it’s not like Daniel left you for me.”

  She gave a forced laugh.

  “And besides,” I rifled through my purse for my lipstick. “Zack and I aren’t together anymore.” I glanced at her briefly to see her eyes shooting daggers at me.

  “You’re such a liar. You’ll do and say anything to hurt me and get what you want.” Apparently, she was almost as delusional
as Daniel.

  I applied the lip color, then rubbed my lips together as Gina’s face flushed and her eyes hardened. If she’d approached me without the attitude, I would’ve smiled and went about my business. “You might get my leftovers if you act quickly.” Dropping my makeup in my purse, I pushed past her.

  It was masochistic of me to paint a bull’s-eye on Zack, when there was a chance he might go for it. If he hooked up with her though, I’d lose respect for him and getting over him might be easier. If it went the other way, witnessing him reject her was worth the risk and would make my day slightly less dreary. It was a win-win situation.

  At lunch, I waved at Zack’s table from where I sat with John and Janine. Maya had tried to talk me into hanging with her and the boys, but Zack had come to my rescue, telling her it was healthy to socialize with other people now and then. Apparently, no one noticed Zack and I weren’t together. Or maybe he’d already told them something. I was dying to know.

  Where did you sleep last night? I asked Zack from across the room.

  He smiled. At home. Where else?

  But I thought you were supposed to be at my house, I said, focusing on my lunch.

  Everyone had to think I was with you. I left and later snuck back into my room through the window.

  Clever. I took a bite of my grilled cheese sandwich, grateful that with silent communication, I didn’t have to worry about talking with my mouth full. What did you tell Maya about us? I’m wondering why she’s not interrogating me.

  I told her you missed your other friends. She was so wrapped up in the whole Daniel thing, she moved on.

  Why not tell her the truth? I asked. That we’re not together.

  I wasn’t sure if you’d want to deal with that yet. Good old Zack — always thinking of me. I wished he’d stop that. He made it so difficult to hate him.

  Well, thanks. I returned to my meal, but saw Gina approach him in my peripheral vision. Maya didn’t even notice, too engrossed in Trevor.

  I told myself not to listen in on Gina and Zack. But, unable to resist, I peeked at them from under my lashes and tuned out everyone else in the lunchroom.

  “Hi, Zack.”

  “Hey, Gina.” He gave her a friendly smile.

  “I wondered if you wanted to go for coffee after school. We haven’t been working on our science project and it’s due soon.”

  “Can’t today. I have a shift at the auto shop.”

  “What about Friday night? We could hit a movie after.”

  Zack turned away, frowning. “Well, I got to thinking. We should stick to working on it here after school. Except for our mandatory school project, I don’t want to associate with someone who betrayed her best friend by sleeping with her boyfriend.”

  Gina’s mouth dropped open and her face turned bright red.

  Zack took a bite of his burger and ignored her.

  Ouch.

  Through my guilt, I couldn’t help gloating. But damn him. Now he was even more appealing than before — if that was even possible. I’d never get over him.

  Ever.

  † † †

  Later that afternoon, I zipped upstairs to my room to change into some ratty, old sweats and a faded T-shirt from eighth grade. To take my mind off Zack, I buried my brain in homework. But I finished too quickly and was alone again with my thoughts.

  The dead silence made me miss my parents horribly. I’d emailed them on Saturday and needed to send another one soon. But I didn’t feel like it. The depression hung over me like a heavy mist, strangling me.

  Why didn’t Zack like me enough to run away with? Or at least be with me for what little time we had. What was wrong with me? Fighting for my life with Daniel was almost easier, because at least then, I stood a chance. A tangible evil could be fought. How someone feels about you couldn’t be changed.

  But his feelings didn’t fit with his actions. He’d gone above and beyond, even told Daniel he’d have to kill him to get to me.

  Minutes passed as I stared at the television I hadn’t yet turned on.

  Why would Zack do so much for me if he didn’t feel anymore for me than he did for Maya or Ashley? How was it possible?

  Wait.

  Air whooshed out of my chest as the clouds in my mind parted and the sun shone.

  Why hadn’t I seen it before?

  I snatched my keys from the dining room table, left the house and locked the door behind me. I sprinted down the block and knocked on Zack’s door.

  Trevor answered, looking surprised to see me. “Oh. What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve been around almost every day for the last week and you act like it’s strange for me to be here?” I raised my brows.

  Trevor blinked. “He’s been so crabby, I thought you two broke up.”

  That was impossible since we were never together in the first place. But Trevor didn’t know that. “We wouldn’t be the first couple in history to have a disagreement. But I have some ideas how to fix it.”

  Trevor grinned. “Good. He’s more fun when you guys are getting along.”

  “Is he here?” I peeked past Trevor’s shoulder.

  “Yeah. He’s in his room.” Trevor swung the door open for me.

  I headed to Zack’s room, but he met me in the hallway.

  “Autumn, what are you doing here?” He spotted Trevor and waved him away.

  “I need to discuss something with you. Alone.”

  “What? Why?” He leaned against a wall, fidgeting.

  “I want to talk to you about us,” I whispered.

  He inhaled deeply. “I don’t want to go through it again.”

  I blinked. “You mean you won’t even give me five minutes? Really?”

  He shook his head, avoiding my gaze. Crap. What would I do now?

  “Zack,” his mother wheezed from the doorway of her room. Apparently, we’d been too quiet for Trevor to hear from the living room, but Favianne was just off the hallway where we were standing. “What’s going on?” she asked.

  Maybe her overhearing us wasn’t so bad. Zack’s mom liked me and wanted me with him. She’d help me if I played my cards right. “Zack’s trying to dump me. I’m trying to work things out with him, but he won’t even talk to me.”

  Stop this, Autumn. Let it go, he screamed into my head.

  What are you going to do if I don’t? Dump me?

  He glared, resembling an overheated steam engine.

  “Is that true, Zack? Autumn wants to work things out and you’re refusing to talk?” Favianne closed her eyes and leaned against the doorway.

  I became aware of her heart thudding, her lungs crackling. It must’ve been difficult getting out of bed, which made me feel guilty for making a scene.

  “What did she do that was so bad you can’t give her a few minutes?”

  “Yeah, Zack. What did I do that was so bad?”

  Zack clenched his fists. “Mom, you should be in bed. Let me help.” He reached for her.

  She swatted his hands away and breathed in again. “Zack, I raised you better than this. I can’t tell you who to date. But I am asking that you go someplace where you can talk privately and give her fifteen minutes. And both of you,” she glanced from him to me, “need to explain yourselves better. Be patient and respectful. Promise me you’ll give her a chance, Zack.”

  “Okay, I promise. Let’s get you back to bed.” He picked her up and carried her back into her room, while I waited in the hallway.

  I will never forgive you for this, Autumn.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Zack stormed past me and out the front door. I had to sprint to keep up with his long strides. You think, for once, you can leave my mother out of your mischief?

  “It’s not my fault you were being mean where your mom could hear. And by the way, our fifteen minutes doesn’t start until we’re inside my house.” I followed him down the street, a smug smile stretched over my face.

  I unlocked my front door and he pushed past me. Rude.

&
nbsp; He had the nerve to check the time on his cell. “Clock’s ticking. Let’s get this over with, huh?”

  “Time out, Zack. You promised you’d be patient and respectful.” I folded my arms over my chest.

  He covered his face with his hands and took measured breaths. He stood taller and rolled his shoulders. “Okay. I get the point. Talk.”

  I sat on the couch, bringing my knee up, and swiveled to face him. “When Daniel and I got together, it was easy because he was a safe bet.”

  “Daniel? Safe?” He gave a sarcastic laugh.

  “He was popular, which gave me security. And I knew he liked me. Since I wasn’t crazy in love with him, the risk was minimal. Safe.” I glanced at my knees and noticed my old, faded T-shirt and ratty sweats. It didn’t do much to bolster my confidence, but I’d come too far to stop now. “But I don’t want safe anymore. Not if it means losing a piece of myself. If I want something, I’m going to stand up and fight for it. And so should you.”

  He sighed, his eyes drifting lazily around the room.

  I forged ahead, determined to break down his resistance. “I got to thinking. I couldn’t figure out how you could do everything you’ve done and not want me enough to be with me. You went all-out with the Mustang. You could’ve let me go on and on searching endlessly, but you jumped in, found me the perfect car and made the deal for me.”

  Zack rolled his eyes. “It’s called a job. You were paying me.”

  “Quiet. I’m not done yet.” I waved an index finger at him. “You protected me over and over again from Daniel, had me for dinner at your house, double dated with me when you didn’t have to, watched over me in the woods when you were a wolf, helped me figure out who and what I was, told me everything you knew about our kind.” I took a moment to breathe, softening my voice. “You kissed me, touched me. You did all these things like you really cared about me.”

  “Autumn—”

  “Shhh. I’m not done and my fifteen minutes aren’t up. I get an extra minute, by the way, because you keep interrupting. Add another minute because you’re being impatient.” I raised one brow.

  He growled.