Voice of the Heart

  Nick guffawed. ‘Come on, Frankie, you can’t be serious. No one is more tolerant than you.’ He peered at her and his scepticism changed to sudden comprehension. ‘This is his father talking!’

  ‘No, Nicky, it’s not Mr O’Rourke.’ Francesca bit her lip and her mouth began to tremble. ‘It’s Katharine talking, I’m afraid,’ she blurted out in an inaudible voice, and her eyes filled with tears for the first time.

  Nick thought he had misheard her for a second, and his forehead puckered. ‘Are you implying that Ryan puts the blame on Katharine for his decision? That he attributes this religious stuff to his sister? I can’t believe it! I really can’t!’

  ‘You had better believe it, Nick, because it’s the truth.’ There was a moment’s hesitation before she said carefully, ‘Look, I was nervous about telling you because I knew you’d be upset with Katharine. But you really should know.’ Her look was direct and unwavering. ‘When Ryan made those statements about me, my religious persuasions, and my family, I was dumbfounded. They’re simply not true and he knows it. Last year, when we contemplated getting married, we discussed these things in depth. At that time I told him I was willing to convert, go along with anything he wanted. Naturally he had to admit he remembered our talk, but he muttered something about doubting the veracity of my words, my promises. He was reluctant to continue the conversation, tried to leave. I wouldn’t let him. I begged him to be honest, to tell me why he’d had a change of heart. He explained, rather nervously, that he’d been terribly worried about us and the religious aspects, and had gone seeking advice from Katharine. I couldn’t believe my ears when he said she had told him not to marry me, had warned him he was asking for trouble if he did.’

  Nick’s jaw dropped and he could only gape at Francesca. He was speechless. At last he said, ‘This is incredible. Ridiculous. I think—’

  ‘You can think what you like, Nicky, but Ryan convinced me,’ Francesca interjected fiercely. ‘There’s more. Apparently Katherine informed Ryan she broke up with Kim because of religious differences. And I gathered it was she who planted the idea that the Cunninghams are anti-Catholic. Both of her statements are without foundation. She broke up with Kim because of her career. And none of us is bigoted, or anti anything.’ Nick was about to interrupt, but Francesca waved her hand at him. ‘No, just a minute, let me finish. I started to quiz Ryan harder, and he murmured something about Katharine suggesting the marriage would never work, that I would make him miserable. She also reminded him that once he married me he was stuck with me, since he could never get a divorce. In a nutshell, she was saying: Don’t do it, little brother, quote unquote.’ Francesca sat back, flushed and angry, regarding Nick closely.

  This all sounded preposterous to Nick, and he spluttered, ‘Now, Frankie, listen to me. Ryan’s a weak sister, I’ve always told you that. He’s making Katharine the scapegoat, because he doesn’t have the guts to accept the burden of his own decision. You know Kath—and intimately. She’s not especially religious; furthermore, she’s been divorced.’

  ‘You’re giving me the arguments I gave Ryan. His answer was simple. Katharine is a lapsed Catholic and has been for years. He is not. He is very devout. He also seems to think Katharine regrets her divorce, regrets leaving the Church, and wants to be taken back into the faith.’

  ‘That’s a lot of poppycock, wishful thinking on Ryan’s part!’ Nick cried.

  ‘In my opinion, he might be right.’ Francesca fidgeted with the lid of the cigarette box, and ventured, ‘Don’t you think Ryan was telling me the truth then?’

  ‘No, I don’t.’ Although this was said with firmness, Nick suddenly wondered if Katharine was innocent. Or had she been busy at her mischievous work again? The idea appalled him. He rubbed his hand over his chin, his suspicions growing. He glanced at Francesca, saw she was hunched over and instantly joined her on the sofa.

  Nick put his arms around her. ‘Darling, don’t cry. He’s not worth it.’

  ‘My tears are not solely because of Ryan,’ Francesca gasped. ‘I’m also crying about Katharine. How could she do such a thing, Nicky? Be so disloyal. Betray me in such a way? I’m her dearest friend, and have been for ten years. We’ve never had a cross word, well, hardly ever, and I’ve been devoted to her.’

  ‘I know you have.’ Until now Nick had always believed Frankie was safe from Katharine and her meddling. There had been times when Katharine had attempted to manipulate her friend and run her life, but Francesca had never permitted it. Had Katharine finally succeeded?

  Nick said gently, ‘Perhaps it’s not quite the way it seems, perhaps Katharine was merely pointing out certain drawbacks to Ryan, playing devil’s advocate, in a sense. He may have repeated things to you in such a way that he shifted the blame, whether intentionally or not.’

  Francesca nodded, groped in her bag for a handkerchief. She dried her eyes. ‘Sorry, Nick darling, I didn’t mean to break down. I know you have no answers for me, just as I have no answers for myself. If she were here I would tackle her, have it out with her. But since she’s in the Far East there’s nothing I can do.’

  ‘No, there isn’t, not until she gets back,’ Nick agreed, trying to still his rage with Katharine. He took hold of Francesca’s hand. ‘What about Ryan? How do you feel about him, darling?’

  ‘I love him,’ she whispered. ‘You don’t stop loving someone overnight. But I imagine I am in a state of shock. Not only because he dumped me, and rather unceremoniously, but by the abruptness of his action. And also because he took Katharine’s word for gospel, made up his mind without talking it out with me first. And as for his sister, well, she’s overstepped the mark this time.’

  Francesca saw the denial in Nick’s eyes, knew he was about to defend Katharine, and she continued rapidly, ‘Look, even if I do give her the benefit of the doubt, accept that she only meant well, she should not have stuck her nose into my business. It was not her right to do so, brother or no brother. I don’t like it, and I won’t tolerate it, Nicky.’

  He nodded, recognizing that she was right and that she meant every word. He could not help thinking Katharine had met her match, had made the biggest mistake in her life by interfering in Francesca’s life. He continued to ponder for a moment, then said in the kindest and most loving tone, ‘I’m not being cruel or unsympathetic, Frankie, but I must ask you something.’ He paused, then said slowly, ‘How deeply are you affected? I mean, are your present emotions about Ryan genuine? Is your hurt based on real love for him, or are you reacting in this way because he rejected you?’

  Francesca thought for a long moment. ‘My feelings are genuine, Nicky. I was very involved with Ryan, and on many levels.’ She bit her lip. ‘I do think I’m very confused though. That’s why I’m going away.’

  ‘Where are you going? When?’ he demanded.

  ‘To Paris. Tomorrow night. I have a reservation on the last Air France flight, leaving around eight o’clock. I’ll be in Paris for a couple of days, and then I’m taking the Blue Train to Monte Carlo, where I’ll stay at Doris’s new villa. I promised Daddy and Doris I’d join them in late July or early August. I decided I might as well go a little earlier. I’m not running away, Nicky, but I’ve nothing to stay in New York for now, so I might as well have a pleasant and peaceful summer. I’m planning to be away about two months. It’ll be lovely to see them all, I’ve missed my family. And I want to be in their midst, to have the comfort of them. It will also give me time to think, clear my head, decide what I’m going to do next.’

  ‘And Ryan? And the future? Once this muddle is straightened out with Katharine, would you consider a reconciliation?’

  ‘Oh no, Nicky! It’s over. How can it not be?’ she cried, aghast at his last question. ‘He doesn’t want the relationship, and even if he changed his mind, I couldn’t possibly consider it now. No, I’ve made my decision and it’s final. Maybe you were always right about Ryan—about him being weak and ineffectual.’

  ‘Yes,’ Nick said laconically. He drank h
is wine, eventually remarked, ‘He certainly didn’t handle the situation very nicely—’

  ‘Oh, but he did, Nick,’ Francesca interjected, wanting to be fair. ‘Please don’t get the wrong idea. I have a feeling I’ve recounted our emotional little scene of last night rather poorly. Ryan was sweet, concerned for me, and he was reluctant to spell things out, to involve Katharine. Truly, I did force the issue, did have to drag every word out of him.’ She studied Nick, then concluded, ‘Well, he’s awfully young in some ways.’

  ‘The understatement of the year, kid,’ Nick said more snappishly than he had intended.

  Francesca leaned her blonde head against the sofa; the smile she gave Nick was grave and there was a sudden wisdom in her lovely eyes. ‘Years ago, in the old nursery at Langley, you told me we all recover from our romantic tragedies. I did get over Vic. And I expect I will also get over Ryan.’

  ‘Yes, I’m sure you will, darling,’ Nick assented, thinking this time it would not take her quite so long to recover. His intuition told him Francesca had never loved Ryan O’Rourke as deeply and as passionately as she had loved Victor Mason.

  ***

  He took her to La Grenouille for lunch. Nick had chosen this restaurant because it had always been one of their favourite haunts, and they had enjoyed some happy times there in the past. It was elegant, the ambience was gay and the food perfection. But now, as they sat next to each other on the banquette, he felt as if he was attending a wake. Admittedly the restaurant was as festive as always, but Francesca was more pensive and quiet than ever and her dismal mood had intensified. His heart went out to her. Nick was not unsympathetic to her suffering, yet he did not know how to alleviate it. To tell her she was better off without Ryan would only be gratuitous and unkind. He wished he could cheer her up, help to dispel her sadness.

  As though she had read his thoughts, Francesca turned to him suddenly, touched his arm. ‘I’m sorry I’m so morose. I’m not much of a compa—’

  ‘Don’t apologize, darling,’ he exclaimed, cutting her off. His smile was loving, as he added, ‘You’re entitled. I know you must be feeling lousy.’

  She said, ‘I’ll be all right. I’m going to press on with my book about the Plantagenets. I have to write—to save myself, to keep my sanity. If I don’t, they’ll cart me away in a straitjacket. I’ve got all this stuff rumbling around in my head…’ She gave him a slight smile.

  Nick glanced at her quickly. ‘Yes, I understand. I feel the same way myself… and the pain of love is incomprehensible at times. Still, that pain does lessen, eventually pass. Oh hell, Frankie, I seem to be offering you nothing but cold comfort today.’

  The faint smile flickered fleetingly again. ‘I don’t have much luck with men, do I? I’m beginning to think there’s something wrong with me.’

  ‘But there isn’t, Francesca,’ he exclaimed emphatically, reaching out, squeezing her arm. ‘You’ve had a couple of bad experiences, that’s all. Everyone does. And you haven’t met the right man yet. But you will.’ Her look was so sceptical, he added, with the utmost sincerity, ‘You’re the loveliest, most gentle, warm-hearted woman I know. As well as being charming and intelligent. You’ve got everything going for you, and then some. Please, don’t put yourself down. There are always plenty of people willing to do that.’

  ‘Well, yes, that’s true I suppose.’ She was silent, playing with the fish on her plate. She put her fork down. ‘You and I do seem to have our trials and tribulations with the O’Rourkes, don’t we? I’m beginning to wish I’d never met Ryan.’ Her eyes swivelled, came up to meet his. ‘Don’t you feel that way occasionally? Wish that you’d never met Katharine?’

  Her question startled him and his eyes clouded over; then he smiled. ‘No. We’ve had our ups and downs, and Katharine can be difficult, but she’s worth it. I do love her, you know,’ he said, thinking he loved her far too much, if the truth be known. The worry and distress she had caused him, particularly in the last six months, had been unbearable. He was glad she was in the Far East. The respite had given him a chance to recoup; yet he missed her, longed for her, ached for her return.

  Misunderstanding Nick’s brooding silence, Francesca remarked hurriedly, ‘Oh God, Nick, that did sound awful, didn’t it?’ She leaned closer. ‘I didn’t mean it quite the way it came out. I know you love her. So do I. Of course, I’m annoyed with her just now, I’m not going to pretend I’m not. However, that doesn’t change the way I feel about her deep down.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Nick, nodding his head slowly. ‘And that’s the measure of the woman. She can be the most irritating and infuriating hellion, and yet conversely, so beguiling one instantly capitulates to her charm. Off-balance—that’s how I feel most of the time.’ He had been on the point of talking to Francesca about Katharine on several occasions in the last few months, but always changed his mind at the last minute.

  Now he found himself saying, ‘I’ve been concerned about Kath lately, her behaviour has been erratic. Haven’t you noticed her strangeness?’

  Francesca took hold of Nick’s hand resting on the table, and her voice was low and gentle as she said, ‘Yes, I have. So has Hilary. We… we talked about it only last week. Kath flew at Terry for no good reason, just before she went off to do the current film, and he was baffled and hurt. Hilary—I—well, to be honest, Nick, we both think Kath ought to see a doctor. Couldn’t you persuade her to go to one when she gets back to New York?’

  Nick swung his head, his eyes meeting Francesca’s, and he saw the candour and compassion in them. ‘So everyone’s noticed it,’ he muttered, and gripped her hand that much tighter. ‘And you’re right, of course. I think Kath does need medical help. I suggested it. Once. At the mention of the word psychiatrist she went into a kind of panic, then pulled herself up short, and overnight she was as normal and as sane as we are.’ Pushing his plate away, he reached for a cigarette. ‘She was marvellous after that, and for several weeks before she left in May.’

  Observing his grave face, the distress in his eyes, Francesca bit back the words on the tip of her tongue. She rearranged them in her head and after a small silence, volunteered, ‘About four years ago, just after I’d moved to New York, Doris told me that as far back as 1956 my father had detected certain things in Katharine.’ She stopped, wondering whether she dare continue.

  Nick said, ‘What things?’ His eyes were glued to hers. ‘Please tell me.’

  ‘Daddy apparently felt Kath was emotionally unstable and—’ Francesca cleared her throat nervously, finished in a low tone, ‘and mentally unbalanced. I’m sorry, Nick.’

  He shook his head. ‘That’s all right, don’t worry. And Doris? Did she agree? And what about you?’

  Swallowing hard, Francesca murmured, ‘Doris was ambivalent, didn’t know whether to concur with Daddy or not. Katharine has never been her favourite person, but Doris is very fair, and she was prepared to give Kath the benefit of the doubt. As for me, at the time I laughed, pooh-poohed it. And then lately, well, I have wondered, Nick. In fact, when I got back from England in January I thought Katharine was on the edge…’

  ‘Edge?’ He frowned.

  ‘The edge of a nervous breakdown.’

  He sucked in his breath. ‘Oh Frankie, don’t say that,’ he began, and clamped his mouth shut, acknowledging that Francesca spoke the truth. He had been blocking out the facts because he had not wanted to face them. He said reflectively, ‘Her mood swings are like the curve of a parabola. One minute she’s gay and happy, the dazzling Katharine we all adore, the next she is plunged into the deepest depression. I believe she’s schizophrenic. Occasionally I’ve even thought she was paranoid as well.’ He exhaled heavily. ‘Then the curve rises, hits the middle, and she is imperious, demanding, intolerant.’ His face changed imperceptibly. ‘In March she even became abusive with me, verbally and physically.’

  ‘Oh Nick, no!’

  ‘I’m afraid so, and it happened because I mentioned the skiing at Königssee. She exploded, accused m
e of wanting to go there to see Diana. Insisted that I didn’t love her, that I was hankering after Diana. I put it down to some kind of misplaced jealousy, and then, a week later, the abuse started again, for no real reason. I’ve no idea what triggered her off. After these two outbursts she was remorseful, begging my forgiveness.’

  ‘Irrational. Erratic,’ Francesca pointed out. ‘And we both know Kath has a rather obsessive personality.’

  Nick nodded, changed the subject as the waiter hovered, removed then plates. Nick ordered coffee, and once they were alone again, he confided, ‘I remember thinking, when I first met Kath in 1956, that she was a troubled young woman. Do you recall the screen test for Wuthering Heights? The day we went to see it?’

  ‘Yes, very well,’ she replied. ‘How could anyone forget it? She was spectacular.’

  ‘I thought so too. When we were leaving the screening room I had this terrible sense of foreboding, felt everything was going too fast for her, and that she wouldn’t be able to handle it well. I thought disaster loomed on the horizon. Years later I laughed at myself. I had been proved totally wrong. Katharine’s handled her success and fame with the most remarkable aplomb. Don’t you agree with me, darling?’

  ‘Absolutely, Nicky. In fact, she’s constantly amazed me. In certain ways she’s remained quite unchanged. She’s been a big star since the release of Wuthering Heights in 1957—almost ten years ago. That’s why it’s so perplexing. I mean this sudden change in her now, in recent months.’

  ‘It’s not so sudden, when I pause to think about it,’ Nick said. ‘I guess I started to notice certain peculiarities several years ago, in 1964 to be exact, when she and I went to Africa with Victor to make the film I’d written for them. It was in November. She was extremely edgy on that trip, curt and snappy with Vic, and dictatorial with both of us. She was also impossibly energetic, almost manic, filling every spare moment between filming with unrelenting activity, and she didn’t seem to need much sleep. The second unit went off to shoot background footage, and Vic and Kath had a week off. She insisted we go on safari, dragged us into the African bush with some weirdo big game hunter who was slightly crazed, in my opinion. And she also had to visit the kraals and talk to the natives, explore the jungle, do God knows what else. You name it, we did it. And the weather was so goddamn hot, Vic and I were dragging our feet, ready to expire, sweating like pigs, and Kath was as cool as a cucumber, revelling in every minute. That was the strange part… you know how she hates the heat, finds it enervating, has such a fetish about being pristine morning, noon and night. Believe me, her endless bathing took place in some very primitive surroundings.’ Nick shrugged. ‘I couldn’t get over it, she was so unlike herself. The change in her was doubly noticeable because earlier in the year, when we were in Mexico, she was just the opposite. Wonderfully calm and relaxed, the nearest I’ve ever seen her to being placid. I’d never known her to be so happy and content before, nor since, if you want the truth.’