Fire in the Hole

  The mirror version of Dove pushed to her knees and leaned forward, and now he could see her cleavage.

  “You told them you love Johnson? To keep him safe?” She crawled over to him.

  “Yes. Now be quiet so I can think about sad puppies to get this giant boner to go away.”

  “I was going to say—before you interrupted me—that I’m crazy about him, but with you, it feels like home.” She patted his back awkwardly.

  Duke turned to face her. “Crazy and homey are two very different feelings.”

  He didn’t want to feel the hope his balls were already on board with. He tried to mentally send his dick a text message to tell it no matter how well the conversation went, he would not get a chance to bury himself in her lovely lady folds and have two handfuls of her milky white breasts while pinching her nipples as she screamed his name in ecstasy over and over and told him how much better in bed he was than Johnson. The likelihood of that was in the negative percentages. But now he’d pictured all of it. Damn it.

  She patted his back again. “I know. I just feel like you should hear that from me. After finding out that you were interested, I was flattered. Surprisingly flattered, considering all the disgusting things you do every day. Johnson is like a studly lightning bolt. Like the hero in the after-school special or the captain of the football team. He’s amazing.”

  “Please, stop talking so bad about him. What if he overhears?” Duke shook his head but still looked at her because now her dress was so open he could almost see nipple. His dick was like a sausage that was about to burst out of its casing.

  Dove rearranged herself until she was lying on her beautiful tits and folded her arms like his. They were touching elbows.

  “But you’re you. We laugh so much. And you’re good-looking, Duke—like, damn, I can’t believe it after all the grease and dick piercing and chicken-themed tighty-whities. You have those dimples and that ridiculous body, that once shaved, is pretty pleasing.

  “I just don’t know. I feel like it’s not fair to you. I’ve never had a choice of guys. Like ever. And I feel like I have two fantastic choices. And you should never be a choice of two. You should be the only choice a girl has.” Dove gave him a sincere look.

  He nodded. His dick could care less about a word she said, he just wondered what her full lips would feel like wrapped around him. Either set.

  “Your choice is made. Congrats. I’ll tell Johnson he and I are getting a divorce tomorrow morning. Unless he comes in here to cuddle you.” Duke wished he could fart to take the tension off the moment. He felt like he was losing a dream and a friend at the same time.

  “This is ruining what we have. And now I’m mad. I didn’t ask for this. And just because you decided that you might point your dick in my direction, I don’t get you anymore.” Dove looked like she might cry.

  Duke moved quickly. He straddled her and flipped her over onto her back in one smooth motion. After he grabbed her hands up, he held them in one hand above her head. Her breasts dared the neckline of her dress to hang onto them. “I’m not a joke, and I’m not a teddy bear you keep propped up on your bed, Dove. I’m serious about you.”

  She looked surprised and then aroused. His dick forced him to put his lips close to hers. “You want to see what this is like? Then please don’t use your imagination. Use experience.”

  Duke had, like, the most prominent erection in the world lying on Dove’s stomach.

  It was the second engorged dick that had touched her in less than three hours. And there should be all sorts of shameful feelings that accompanied that, but damn it, now she was smiling.

  This was what it was like to be a chick in the movies. And now she got the appeal.

  Speaking of appeal—Duke was damn near delicious, his bare chest and strong, sure way of flipping her around made her doubt everything in her body, including her morals and common sense.

  This was Duke. Johnson wanted to be with her. She wanted Johnson. And, apparently, a little Duke, too, because she wasn’t shouting or retching. His blue eyes looked predatory. Like he wanted to win her.

  She nodded once to Duke, and that was all it took. He was all over her like Saran wrap on a microwave dish after three minutes on high. Everywhere. He had her dress unzipped from the side in a way that told Dove he’d thought this whole scenario through at least once before doing it.

  Her legs were spread and her breasts in his hands in no time. And, oh my God, he was dry humping her through her panties. And this was where she should’ve been telling him to back off, back up, and roll all his sexuality in a tissue and flush it.

  Instead she stopped his mouth, which was busy biting her left nipple. She tilted his chin up a bit and kissed him.

  Duke stopped all his fast-forward sex and kissed her back like they had all the time in the world. The only other thing that moved was his penis, gently applying pressure in a rocking motion between her legs.

  Dove was able to compare the two men in the most basic way—with her hands and her mouth—before her memory had a chance to create a fallacy of what Johnson had offered.

  Duke was thicker. Johnson was longer. Both had yummy tasting lips. Johnson was more gentlemanly with his kisses, and Duke was more of a hungry bear. Both were appealing. She wished life was such that she could take Duke out for a full test-drive. But she knew she couldn’t. As much as she could pretend to be in this moment with Duke, she was still hoping that Johnson would split her muffin later that night.

  She patted his cheeks. One on his face and one on his butt. “Duke?”

  “It’s him.” Duke slid off her. “I can tell.”

  Dove pushed her way under his arm and laid her head on his shoulder.

  “It is. But I refuse to not have you as a friend, too. If that was a condition of being with Johnson, I would not date him.”

  “You would.” He almost smiled.

  And he was right, she would. He knew her well; he even knew when she was in love.

  “If you had been first, I would’ve never looked at him.” Dove traced a pattern on his chest.

  “You would have.” Duke snorted.

  “No. Seriously. No.” She lifted her head to look in his eyes. “You are super distracting. I mean, I can go downstairs and be with him right now. And instead, I’m here with you. Dry humping you a little. Does that tell you how good you are? I mean, the flip, the holding the hands… Dude. I bet you eat it like it’s a buffet that’s about to close.” She patted her vagina.

  “You know it, baby girl. Like the power was going to go out and I had to save the last of the sausage.” He licked the top of his teeth.

  Dove felt a flare of desire in her thong. “Damn you. I could have used that. Like back when I didn’t graduate the first time? That night? I was depressed. Or when I was tweeting as @Vamper_Sex? I’d get so horny I’d have been willing to hump a door knob. To get you? With all of this?” She gestured at the surprisingly tempting package he presented on the hotel bed.

  Duke stroked her hair. “Please put your tits away and never mention you being horny again if you want us to stay friends.”

  Dove laughed and did as he asked. After about ten minutes, she got up and readjusted her outfit. Duke spoke up from the bed. “Put your lipstick on again, and the back of your hair is wonky. You have like four minutes to get out of here before I lock the bedroom door and spank the crap out of my monkey.”

  She grabbed her lipstick and hairbrush and ran out his door.

  Duke had got her all riled up, and she hoped to hell Johnson would put out the fire she had in her hole.

  Duke caught up to Dove in the lobby. She must have spent time fixing her hair. It looked lovely again. He tapped her on the shoulder, and she whirled around.

  “Done already? You’re quick.” Then she winced, realizing what she had insinuated.

  “You’re that sexy.” He winked and pointed her toward the ballroom that had the duck picture outside. “I better walk in with you.”

  “Well
, I was thinking of maybe just going to the bar.” Dove pointed toward what she thought would be a safe refuge.

  Duke shook his head. “No go. My cousins would find you. You have to stay at least where I can see you. Come on. Let’s have a late dinner with the rest of them.”

  “What about Helena?” Dove asked.

  “I texted my anti-social cousin, and she came up to crash in our room.” Duke steered her toward the open door. “They’re just getting announced. Let’s get to our seats.”

  Images of her under him and the thought of how warm she’d been at the end of his dick made him want to cry with his entire body. But at least his balls weren’t blue.

  He found their seats quickly; the cousins in his age bracket were always lumped together. He held out Dove’s chair as she sat. As he grabbed his napkin and sat as well, cousin Ernie nodded at the folding chair set up just behind Duke’s chair.

  “For your husband. You know we’re supportive.” Ernie clapped Duke on the shoulder.

  “Thanks, hot stuff. He’s at another wedding now, but I’ll be sure to let him know you’re on board. I appreciate it.”

  Pissboy and Cross-eyed Knockers were introduced like opposing football teams and ran full tilt at each other before colliding in a kissing hug, their little dog licking them both furiously. The bridal party was introduced in a similar manner, and there was some impromptu dancing before they all finally sat down on the dais.

  The meals started coming out, and Duke looked Dove up and down, trying to figure how much of her meal he would want to eat.

  Johnson entered the ballroom with Beth on his arm. Again. He walked her to the dance floor and stood waiting for the wedding couple to have their first dance. They’d obviously practiced the tango they were committed to. It took far too long. Everything took far too long. He wanted to find Dove. She wasn’t married, she was happy to grab his genitals and she looked amazing.

  He’d be willing to drive to another hotel entirely to get away from sleeping in the same room as Beth. Whenever there was a moment for the wedding guests to clap, Beth argued her case that she was the best for him. Which was ironic since he hadn’t been enough for her recently. It was probably wedding fever that had had her sporting a fake ring and trying to claim him.

  Another bout of clapping flared up. “And another thing—she has no drive. I’ve asked around, and no one knows what she does for a living. I bet she lives with her parents. She’s just looking for a meal ticket, Johnson.”

  Johnson rolled his eyes and eventually let his gaze land on her. “Stop.”

  “Stop what? Trying to protect you? You’re a nice guy. You don’t see her for the scam artist she is.”

  Beth stopped talking again as the speeches kicked in. Formal words, which had the women dabbing at the corners of their eyes with handkerchiefs, bellowed over the microphone. It almost seemed like the volume was set a bit too loud.

  And then it was time to dance with her. Beth draped herself over Johnson like a winter jacket. He pulled her away by her waist so they weren’t pressed chest to chest.

  Peals of laughter were seeping through the dividing wall between the two weddings. The gentle classical music that he and Beth were dancing to was being overpowered by a loud hip-hop song that a few of the wedding party started dancing to, confused as to which sound system they should be paying attention to.

  Johnson looked around. The bride was obviously distressed. He stepped away from Beth in time to see an employee being waved over.

  The words fortune, rednecks, and manager were clearly heard despite the dueling songs.

  The bride was waving her hands under her eyes, and Beth commented, “Oh no, her crying is going to ruin her makeup. This is a disaster. Stupid Dove and that heathen she hangs around with. It’s their people that are making this hard for Wendy.”

  How it was decided, Johnson wasn’t sure, but the next thing he knew he was being pushed in the direction of the door and given strict instructions on exactly what to tell the group next door.

  Johnson traversed the lobby, fully intending to get a drink, come back, and tell everyone he tried but he wasn’t successful, when he peeked over his shoulder and saw the wedding guests’ heads watching him like a totem pole of expectation. He had nowhere else to go but into the duck wedding.

  He entered, trying to stick close to the wall. The fancy wedding could make him come in here, but no one could make him talk to anyone. However, his appearance seemed like an expected event.

  He was hailed left and right, congratulations given and hands being offered for a shake. He was puzzled until a woman who looked like Duke wearing a wig clued him in while simultaneously pushing him toward Dove. “I haven’t heard of the three-person marriage yet, but West Carolina is on the right track. We welcome you to the family with your new bride and husband.”

  He was pushed in front of Dove and Duke, the latter of whom patted a folding chair next to them while inviting him to take a seat. “Hey darling, plant that pretty ass down.”

  Johnson sat down and looked from Duke to Dove and back again. Dove leaned forward, tucking one of her long curls behind her ear.

  “Turns out, if anyone here thinks either of us is screwing over Duke, we’ll be taken out back and handled mob style.” Dove patted Johnson’s knee reassuringly. “What brings you over from the elegant side?”

  Johnson shook his head and ignored the question. “I’m sure if we explain about the miscommunication between us, everyone will understand.”

  Duke snorted. “Sure. Sure they will—tomorrow. But tonight, with a free bar that’s been flowing all day? You better marry the shit out of me, princess.”

  Dove looked around first before paling. “Um…”

  Duke looked confused as the loud ringing of forks tapping glasses filled the ballroom. The DJ cut off the pumping hip-hop and added the chant, “Kiss, kiss,” to the noise. The entire crowd, including the bride and groom were pointing at them.

  Dove filled them in. “They want us to kiss.”

  Johnson shook his head, “What?”

  “They would like us to celebrate our nuptials with a kiss.” Dove forced a smile at the crowd. She leaned over to Johnson and gave him a brief kiss on the mouth, which he enjoyed. Then she leaned over to Duke, as the crowd demanded it, and gave him a kiss on the mouth, too. And then he realized why Dove had gone pale.

  Duke stood and opened his arms. “Come here, sweet cheeks. You know how much we love the tongue wrasslin’. Plant a big one on papa.”

  Johnson was pretty sure he was as close to fainting as he might ever get in his life. He had no choice; to keep the farce alive, he would have to kiss this man. And of all the men, it would have to be the one he strongly disliked. Dove shaded her eyes from the whole situation as if the sun was out.

  Johnson stood and went in for a hug, hoping he would be able to get away with just the light version of affection, but Duke was clearly enjoying his squirming. He locked his arms tight around Johnson and kissed him full on the mouth, as best he could while laughing.

  It didn’t last long, but it felt like forever before Dove was there, pulling Duke off him. “Let go. Crap, Duke.”

  And then the DJ launched into a very sweet, romantic song, calling for all the couples in the room to come out and dance. The other wedding guests pushed the three of them out to the dance floor where they joined the two-person couples for a display of love set to music.

  Duke put Dove between himself and Johnson, and they danced around in a group hug to many coos and congratulations. Johnson felt himself getting angrier. Dove pushed against Duke so that she was facing Johnson, apologizing the whole time.

  “Can we just leave now?” Dove was trying to get them out of the situation. “You had your dinner already and most of mine.”

  Duke nodded and broke up their dance, putting them both in front of him. Johnson flinched as his butt was slapped enthusiastically by Duke. This was followed quickly by Dove’s flinch as she reacted to the same indignati
on.

  “I’m going to get mine tonight!” Duke hollered to the clapping crowd.

  When they finally made it out of the ballroom, Johnson spun and caught Duke’s hand. “Stop.”

  “Sorry, princess. I was just saving your ass, so I figured I was allowed to take my aggression out on it.”

  Johnson shook his head and refrained from rubbing his throbbing bottom the way he wanted to. “I was supposed to ask your party to turn down the music. That’s why I was forced in there in the first place. God, I hate weddings.” Dove looked at her feet. He added quickly, “I’m not opposed to marriage, just this giant show.” She looked up at him and smiled again.

  “So your fancy-pants wedding thinks this less expensive wedding is getting a little too loud? A little too wild?” Duke’s eyes widened as if he was even more disgruntled than usual.

  “Yes?” Johnson wouldn’t have put it that way, but the gentle classical music was being overpowered by the hip-hop that was bleeding from the smaller ballroom. Not that he even cared really. How long could one weekend take? This place was a torture chamber complete with the girl he considered his lover cavorting with another man.

  “That’s awesome. No worries. I will get right fucking on that.” Duke held up a fist and Dove bumped it with hers.

  “Don’t Duke. Don’t start something.”

  Dove could apparently read an ulterior motive in Duke’s words.

  “Just giving the man what he asked for, baby.” Duke winked at her as angrily as someone could possibly wink.

  Dove sighed as he walked away. “This isn’t going to end well. Maybe we should warn your fancy-pants wedding?”

  “What could they possibly do?” Johnson shrugged.

  As if his pondering had lit a fuse for Dove, she grabbed his hand and pulled him back to Beth’s friend’s ballroom like she was Lassie saving Timmy from the well.

  Dove was a little bit scared. Okay, a lot of bit scared. If Duke was pissed, which he clearly was, anything could happen. She thought of the time he’d saved her from Beth and the other Beths with his pee.