Hidden Desires

  “You want to save her, just like all the others. You’ve been doing it since Jess died, and it’s time to stop this crusade you’re on. It only distracts you from your job.”

  “I’m always focused on my job.” Travis’s tone was sharp.

  “Then where the hell were you today when I was interrogating the Davis suspect?” The man interjected before Travis could reply. “Christ, how many more women do you need to save before you convince yourself you’ve avenged your wife’s death?”

  The churning of her stomach became unbearable. She could have waited for Travis’s answer but it didn’t even matter anymore. Turning on her heel, Rachel edged away from the door and tore down the hallway, tears stinging her eyes.

  She should have known. Should’ve figured it out. Oh, he’d wanted more than sex from her, all right. She’d been another pity project for him, a way to make himself feel better about the fact that he hadn’t saved the woman he’d loved.

  Well, she didn’t need his pity. She didn’t need to be saved—by Travis or anyone else.

  She could save herself, thank you very much. And, at the moment, saving herself meant gathering up the pieces of her shattered heart and getting as far away from Travis Gage as humanly possible.

  Chapter Ten

  “Rachel, you heard brief pieces of a conversation. You could have taken the whole thing out of context,” Suzanna said with a long, weary sigh.

  Rachel sifted through samples of fabric, trying to make the final decision on the pieces she would be revealing at the New York show next week. The knot in her throat hadn’t eased since she walked out of the police station an hour earlier. Her work had always had a way of calming tension and draining troubled thoughts, but this afternoon it wasn’t working.

  Nothing was going to take away the pain Travis left in her heart.

  “I know what I heard,” she said, tossing a violet satin teddy in her keeper pile.

  Suzanna placed a hand on her shoulder. “Rachel, you really care about this guy. Give him a chance to explain before you just toss him to the wind.”

  Rachel didn’t just care about him. She was crazy about him. She loved him. With every part of her soul, she loved him so deeply it ripped a hole in her heart and shattered her very core.

  “There’s nothing to explain,” she insisted, clutching a wad of satin in her fist. She held on to the soft fabric as if releasing it from her grasp would release the flood of tears that hovered just behind her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry over Travis Gage. She’d been here before, plenty of times. With her mother. Her sister. Paul. This time, she wouldn’t cry.

  Her mother had cried enough for all of them. Day and night, the woman had wallowed in tears, never moving her life beyond the point of pain. Rachel had vowed long ago she wasn’t going to wallow in self-pity. She was stronger than her mother, and this situation with Travis would prove that.

  “Rachel?” She heard the sharp click of the door and determined footsteps moving along her front office.

  Well, that didn’t take long. She took a deep breath, gathered her composure, and stepped into the main room.

  She forced a weak smile. “Hi.”

  Travis’s shoulders fell in relief. “Why did you leave the station?” he asked, moving to place his hands on her shoulders.

  Rachel took a slow step back. “I left a message with the front desk,” she lied. “They didn’t tell you?”

  He shook his head and studied her. He knew something was wrong, she could see it in his face. It was time to recite the speech she’d practiced on her way back to the office, but the trembling of her hands caused her to question whether she could truly go through with it.

  She lifted her chin and forced a casual air. “I’m really sorry. When I called Suzanna, she told me the fabric wasn’t going to be here in time for the show. I had to get over here and make new selections.” She took another breath. “I didn’t want to bother you. I’m sorry they didn’t relay the message.”

  His concern seemed to ease, but only slightly. She wondered if Travis was blessed with natural instinct, or if it was just her who he could see through so well.

  He lifted a hand to her arm and she tried not to jerk away. She didn’t want the sensation of his touch. She couldn’t handle the reminder of what she would be missing.

  “Well,” he said. “No harm done.” He gave her arm a squeeze and released his grasp. “Will you have to work late? Maybe we’ll go to dinner later, or I can bring it here.”

  Her smile sobered as the chokehold tightened on her throat. “Travis, we need to talk.”

  A plump yellow sofa sat a few feet away, and she stepped over the deep brown hardwood floor toward it. She sank down on the plush cushions, needing to relieve the weight from her shaky legs. His face washed with concern, Travis followed, but stopped short of taking a seat next to her.

  “What is it, babe? What’s wrong?”

  Tremors began to sweep through her nerves, but she stiffened her stance and lifted her chin. She lowered her gaze, not able to look into those soft brown eyes. His expression was concerned, and she had to replay everything she’d heard in order to muster her strength.

  Travis didn’t love her. She was just another project, apparently one among a series of many. She was the damsel in distress he apparently needed to rescue before he moved on to the next.

  Well, Rachel was officially saved, and now it was time for him to move on.

  Time for both of them to move on.

  “Travis,” she started. “I’ll never be able to repay you for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you.”

  “You don’t owe me anything.”

  She forced a smile and continued. “But now I really need to get back to focusing on my work, especially with this show coming up.”

  She clasped her hands together and swallowed the boulder in her throat. She’d never imagined this was going to be so hard, and Travis’s silence was deafening. Even his breath seemed to hold in his lungs, and though she fought against it, she couldn’t help but raise her eyes to meet his gaze.

  He just stood there, the caring concern on his face quickly draining away with the realization of what she was attempting to say.

  “Travis, I’ve got this show next week, and when I get back, I need to focus on clearing out my mother’s house and selling it.”

  She took another breath. “I’m thinking seriously about moving to New York. It’s time I put the past behind me.”

  “And I’m part of that past,” he said, his voice low and defensively steady.

  “I’m sorry, Travis. I just think it’s best if we broke this off now, before we get involved.”

  His brow coiled. His lips formed a tight line across his mouth, and a flinch of muscles clenched in his jaw. “You don’t think we’re already involved?”

  She fisted her hands together on her lap and swallowed away the tears that threatened to flow from her eyes. “I need to start over. I need to get out of Chicago and begin a new life.”

  “And you don’t see me as part of that new life.”

  The air grew scarce. Every nerve in her body begged her to break down, to pull him into her arms and release the pain that ripped through her chest. She wanted Travis to be a part of her new life. She didn’t want to leave Chicago. She wanted to stay, to become his wife, to begin a life together now that her past could finally be put to rest.

  But despite the obvious hurt and anger that seeped from his gaze, she had to remember that she wasn’t part of his plans. She was just a temporary distraction, another victory in his quest to save the world.

  “I think, given my plans, it’s best we end this now.”

  His lips twitched. His hands clenched at his sides. “I see,” he said stiffly.

  “I’m sorry, Travis.”

  His legs rigid, his eyes dark and vacant, he stepped to the entry and pushed open the door. “Don’t be,” he said.

  And then he was gone.

&nb
sp; The tears she had suppressed came flooding to the surface like water through a broken levee.

  “I can’t believe you just did that.”

  She lifted her head to see Suzanna emerge through the doorway, her eyes flashing. Rachel wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand and took a breath. “It had to be done.”

  Suzanna stepped closer and stood over her, her hands on her hips. “He loves you.”

  “He loves the conquest.”

  “You’re an idiot. If you can’t see that that man loves you, you don’t deserve him.”

  Rachel didn’t respond.

  “You’re a fool. You just tore that man’s heart out for no reason at all.” Suzanna turned and moved back to doorway, not attempting to hide her huff of disgust. “You’re destined to spend the rest of your life alone, and after that display, I honestly think you deserve it.”

  Rachel couldn’t disagree.

  Travis held the picture of Jess in his hand, anger and bitterness churning around in his stomach. He’d wanted the men who took his wife to pay, to pay more than just their prison sentence. He’d wanted their lives destroyed, the way they had destroyed his. But he hadn’t gotten that satisfaction and instead had turned to saving the world. Helping those whose lives had also been destroyed. Like Rachel.

  That’s what had drawn him to her at first. Her beauty had captivated him, but it was the pain of her past that really got his blood going. He’d wanted to help her forget her degrading childhood, help her say goodbye to the sister she’d never wanted to let go. And hell, he’d succeeded. He’d gotten her the answers she’d needed, handed her a plate of closure on a silver platter.

  What he’d never expected was that Rachel’s closure might spark his own.

  He’d almost let it go. Thanks to Rachel, he was on the brink of letting it all go, moving past Jess’ death, releasing the torrid anger he felt for the men who took her. For a fleeting moment, he saw his future in the stunning blonde who had found a way into his heart. It wasn’t until they’d walked out of Virginia Forrester’s home with the answers they’d searched for that he’d realized something had changed inside him. Realized he was ready to put the past behind him and start a new life.

  Apparently, Rachel wanted a new life too, just not with him.

  He wondered how he could have been so wrong about her. He thought she’d cared for him as much as he cared for her. During that last night they’d spent together a week ago, he could have sworn he saw shades of love and affection in her eyes, and the sight had lifted his heart and made him want to sing to the world.

  Now he just wanted to hit something.

  “Put the past behind me,” she’d said. He’d thought they could have done that together. Hell, he would have moved to New York with her, if that’s what she’d wanted. He had plenty of money to take Rachel anywhere in the world she wanted to go. Plenty of money to buy her the fancy house she’d never had growing up and any luxuries she’d yearned for as a child. The two of them could have made a fresh start together, but evidently, he was just another painful reminder of the past she needed to extinguish.

  He guessed he couldn’t blame her. He had been her sister’s boyfriend, and a part of the high school years that had been her darkest time. He wished he hadn’t been a part of any of it, and at the moment, he wished he’d never met the Foster girls. Both of them, in their own way, had given him nothing but pain and heartache, and that was the one fact he would need to grasp onto in order to move on.

  If he could move on.

  “Let’s go to lunch.”

  Travis looked up to see Matt standing in the doorway.

  “I’m not hungry. You go ahead without me,” he said, tucking the photo back in the drawer.

  “That’s what you said yesterday, and the day before. Come on, man, let’s get out of here. It’s time for you to join the world. Or are you planning on spending the rest of your life sulking behind that desk?”

  Travis opened his mouth to answer when Sarah, the woman who worked the front desk, interrupted the two men.

  Lingering in the doorway, she turned to him and said, “Travis, there’s a woman here to see you. Her name is Suzanna. She says she’s a friend of Rachel Foster.”

  Confusion drained the knot in his stomach. “Send her in,” he said, flashing Matt a glance that told him to leave them alone.

  The two disappeared, leaving Travis momentarily alone. He wondered what Rachel’s assistant would want with him, and as he waited, a dozen scenarios ran through his mind.

  “You probably don’t remember me,” Suzanna said, poking her head in the door.

  Travis rose and extended a hand. “Of course I do.” He waved a hand to the two oak chairs that sat empty in front of his desk. “Have a seat.”

  He resumed his seat as Suzanna made herself comfortable.

  “What can I do for you?” he asked, anxious to find out the reason for her visit.

  She took a long breath and started, “I’m probably being presumptuous by coming here, but I can’t let Rachel leave things the way she did.” The smile on her face sobered. “She doesn’t know I’m here. I was hoping we could keep this to ourselves.”

  “Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind,” he said with a frown, wanting her to get to the point.

  “She’s miserable, and she’s making the rest of us miserable too.” She met his eyes. “Look, I’m just going to say it. Rachel’s in love with you.”

  The frown drained from his face. “She’s what?”

  “Before she left your office last week, she heard you talking to someone. Heard something that gave her the notion you didn’t care about her.”

  His frown returned as he recalled the day. He knew exactly the conversation Suzanna was speaking of, and his confusion quickly turned to an overwhelming urge to flatten Matt.

  “She heard my partner,” he said dully.

  “I don’t know what she heard, but she walked away believing you didn’t care for her.” She took a deep breath. “Is it true? Is it true she was just a fling for you? A project? Because if so, I really need to just leave now before I make a complete idiot out of myself.”

  “No, it’s not true. I love Rachel.” The words escaped his mouth before he could stop them. Then he realized he didn’t want to stop them. Hell, why had it taken him so long to admit it to himself?

  Suzanna’s blue eyes softened in a bright smile. “She loves you too. She’s just so afraid, Travis. You know life has never gone her way. When she heard that conversation…she was just trying to protect herself. I’ve been telling her for days to call you, that she misunderstood what she heard, but she’s…”

  “She’s stubborn,” he supplied, fighting back a grin.

  “She’s afraid. And she’s hurt. I’ve never seen her this bad.”

  Travis tried to hide his sudden urge to jump up, wrap Suzanna in his arms, and hug the breath from her lungs. He hadn’t wanted to believe Rachel didn’t care for him, and he’d driven by her shop a dozen times, needing to hear her say it one more time. But he knew his heart couldn’t take looking into those beautiful green eyes and hearing those devastating words all over again.

  “I need to go see her,” he said, rising from his chair.

  “She’s on her way to New York. Our show is the day after tomorrow.” Suzanna rose to join him. “I can give you the information on where she’s staying, or if you prefer, we’ll both be back on Saturday.”

  He paused for a moment, letting the whole situation sink in. “Actually, I have an idea. Maybe you can help me.”

  “We’re all ready to go,” Suzanna said, pushing Rachel from the dressing room. “Go take your seat in the audience.”

  “Suz, I should stay here with the models. You’ve never done this on your own before.”

  “And we already discussed it. You’ve got a seat right next to Darin Mortensen. Don’t you want to see your designs in Nordstrom’s?”

  “I’ll find out if he likes them soon enough.”

&nb
sp; “You’ll find out as he’s watching the show. Go schmooze. I’ll take care of the models. Everything will be fine.” She pushed Rachel out the door as the music began playing on stage. “Go make friends with one of the biggest buyers in New York.”

  Rachel sighed and conceded, reluctantly making her way to the audience. She knew better than to argue, and really, Suzanna was right. She should be there next to Darin and take the opportunity to convince him to buy her line while she had the chance.

  She stepped down the side stage and nudged her way through the crowd, taking her seat just in time for the first model to come on stage. The show would open with Pauline Taylor’s line, followed by Ann DeMarcos’, then Rachel’s fashions were up.

  For the first time since she’d last seen Travis, the ache in her heart dissipated, replaced by sheer nerves that the buyers would shun her designs. Pauline’s fashions were good, but she was hoping they would be too over-the-top for Darin.

  Her apprehension, anxiety and nervousness was a welcome relief from the sickness that had settled in her stomach and stayed since the day she’d broken things off with Travis, and she hoped this show marked the turning point in finally getting over her love for Travis Gage.

  If that would ever be possible.

  She studied Darin’s reaction as he viewed the show. He seemed intrigued with Pauline and Ann’s designs, but not overly impressed. She silently prayed she would see that spark of interest when her models walked on stage, and the announcement of her name told her the time had come.

  She took a deep breath and exhaled. Darin turned to her and winked, patting a calming hand on her knee. She forced a faint smile and watched as Brenna stepped on stage.

  A shot of adrenaline pierced her chest and swept through to her toes. Brenna looked beautiful, she hadn’t a stitch out of place, but the woman was holding a square of white poster board in her hand.

  What the hell was she doing?

  She should have never let Suzanna alone in the back. As she mentally fired her assistant, her eyes fixed on the model, trying to comprehend what was going on.