The Paradise Trap

  ‘Jake—’ Holly began.

  ‘One,’ said Jake, but was interrupted by the security officer.

  ‘There’s a little girl out here who’s very upset about her missing dog!’ the disembodied voice warned, much to Newt’s disgust.

  ‘Oh, for – can you hold on, please? We’re getting dressed!’ she screeched, before muttering, ‘For God’s sake, what’s the matter with this guy?’

  ‘Two.’ Jake positioned himself beside the suitcase.

  ‘I’m not accusing anyone,’ the security officer went on, ‘but if your actions suggest to me that you’re disposing of illegal substances in there, I’m going to have to call the police!’

  ‘Three!’ Jake barked. As Holly lifted the lid of the suitcase, he lunged forward, ready to seize whatever might spring out of it.

  But nothing did. Instead, after several seconds, a tiny, claw-like hand slowly appeared. It was soon joined by another hand, which hooked itself over the side of the suitcase. Joints popped and crackled. Two beady little black eyes were suddenly blinking at everyone from behind a pair of coke-bottle glasses.

  ‘Help me up, I’m stiff and sore. I’m not a youngster anymore,’ the siren gurgled.

  Jake’s fingers immediately clamped around her brittle arm; he yanked her to her feet, which were shod in lambswool slippers. She had skinny legs, a beaky nose, and thick, feathery white hair. She was wearing a flowered apron over a powder-blue house dress.

  Marcus couldn’t believe how small she was.

  ‘Oh my God,’ Coco breathed. ‘She hasn’t changed a bit!’

  Outside, the security officer was fast losing patience. ‘If I have reasonable grounds to believe that you’ve failed to comply with park rules,’ he began, ‘I have a right of entry as representative of the property owner—’

  ‘All right, all right, you can come in now! Jeez!’ Without waiting for her mother’s permission, Newt opened the door. ‘See? I told you. No dogs in here.’

  As Jake froze – and Coco cast her eyes to the ceiling in despair – a short, stocky, uniformed man entered the room, just ahead of a little blonde girl with braces. Ignoring everyone else, the little girl headed straight for the kitchen cupboards, which she promptly started to search. The uniformed man put his hands on his hips.

  ‘You’re not all residents of this caravan, are you?’ he demanded. ‘Because there are rules about overcrowding.’

  ‘I’m a visitor. They kidnapped me. I’d rather leave, if they’d set me free,’ Miss Molpe sang.

  Marcus saw Holly cover her face. It was a stupid thing to do; it made her look horribly guilty. Sterling looked bewildered. Newt was trying to slip out, but couldn’t edge past the security officer. Jake gave Miss Molpe a little shake and snapped, ‘Don’t be stupid!’, while Coco tried to offer an explanation.

  ‘She’s senile,’ said Coco. ‘Don’t worry. She’s fine.’

  ‘I’m not, I’m not, I’m very ill. They’ve held me here against my will,’ the siren insisted feebly.

  ‘Okay, nobody move.’ The security officer was frowning. He nodded at Jake. ‘You – the big guy. Let her go.’

  Jake flushed. ‘I can’t,’ he said. ‘You don’t understand—’

  ‘Let her go! Now!’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Goddammit, what’s wrong with you? Can’t you see she’s sick? Let her go, or I’ll call the cops!’ When Jake reluctantly obeyed, the security officer approached Miss Molpe and took her elbow, helping her out of the suitcase. ‘Come on, love. You sit down and tell me what the problem is.’

  ‘I’ll tell you what the problem is!’ cried Jake. ‘She’s been holding me against my will!’

  The security officer snorted. ‘Yeah, right,’ he drawled, with a sidelong glance at Jake’s muscles. Marcus, meanwhile, was getting nervous.

  ‘Please, sir – not over there,’ he begged. ‘Can’t she sit down on the bed, or something?’

  ‘Oh my God!’ Coco suddenly realised that Miss Molpe was being guided straight towards the cellar stairs. ‘Wait! Stop! Don’t let her sit on that seat!’

  ‘It’s all right, I’ll put the lid down,’ was all that the security officer had time to say, before Jake suddenly darted towards him. There was a scuffle, a grunt, and a shove that sent the security officer reeling.

  He dropped Miss Molpe’s elbow.

  ‘Look out!’ Marcus yelled. But it was no good.

  Free at last, Miss Molpe didn’t waste a second. After nimbly dodging Edison – who had rushed to intercept her – she threw herself at the open seat and hopped inside like a sparrow. Marcus caught a glimpse of her venomous, triumphant glance as it flashed towards him. Then the lid fell. Bang!

  And she was gone.

  39

  NIGHTMARE HOLIDAY

  ALL AT ONCE, MARCUS NOTICED SOMETHING VERY, VERY ominous.

  ‘Hey,’ he said. ‘This place doesn’t smell like old gym clothes. It used to smell like old gym clothes.’

  No one paid any attention. Jake was wrestling with the security officer. Coco was trying to edge past them both. Holly was making a brave attempt to break up the fight as Sterling hovered helplessly on the sidelines, pleading, ‘Hey, hey, let’s cool it!’ The little blonde girl was on her hands and knees, tripping people up as she crawled under the table.

  Edison looked at Marcus with a frown. ‘But it’s never smelled like gym clothes in here,’ the younger boy objected. ‘It’s always smelled like my grandad.’

  ‘Not to me,’ Marcus rejoined. ‘What does your grandad smell like, anyway?’

  Edison wrinkled his nose in concentration. ‘My grandad smells a bit like moth balls, and a bit like bacon, and a bit like the boys’ toilets at school,’ he told Marcus, who snuffed the air. Sure enough, it was filled with an acrid mixture of aromas: moth balls, bacon, toilets.

  Meanwhile, Jake had floored the security officer with a giant shove, nearly knocking down Newt in the process. Coco had opened the seat, but before she could climb into it Jake pushed past her, swinging himself over the side and onto the top step.

  ‘I’ll get her!’ he promised, as he dived downstairs. ‘I’ll bring her back!’

  ‘Wait!’ Marcus warned. His mother took up the refrain, jostling Coco in an effort to follow Jake. ‘Wait! Be careful! Wait for us!’ Holly entreated.

  ‘This isn’t the real world!’ Marcus bawled. But it was too late. Holly had vanished. Coco would have done the same, if the security officer hadn’t reached out to grab her leg.

  ‘Leave that old lady alone!’ he ordered.

  Newt kicked him. ‘You leave us alone!’ she spat. Sterling began to remonstrate, but was distracted when Marcus cried, ‘Edison opened the downstairs door when we first came in! This is what Edison wanted! More than anything else, he wanted—’

  ‘—to go home! Right!’ Edison began to nod furiously. ‘It’s like my dream come true! Except that Miss Molpe has escaped. She must have set it up so she could do that.’

  ‘Sterling!’ By this time Coco was struggling to release Newt from the security officer’s grasp. ‘I need you, quick!’

  Upon seeing Sterling join the tussle, Marcus seized Edison’s hand and picked up the empty suitcase. ‘Come on. We have to get Miss Molpe,’ said Marcus. The two boys ducked past the rest of Edison’s family and scrambled into the open seat. When the little blonde girl tried to block their path, they trod on her. They couldn’t help it. Downstairs, Holly was calling to them desperately. Marcus could see her from his vantage point on the top step; she was leaning against a half-open door, struggling to stop it from slamming shut.

  Prot was also visible in the light spilling from this door. The robot seemed to be waiting patiently where it had been left, in a corner of the cellar. But Jake and Miss Molpe were nowhere in sight.

  ‘Come and hold this!’ Holly screamed at her son, over the roar of a cyclone. Her hair was whipping around her head. ‘I have to go get him!’

  ‘Jake, you mean?’ Marcus clattered downstairs, draggi
ng Jake’s suitcase. ‘Where is he? Where’s the siren?’

  ‘She closed this door behind her, just ahead of Jake!’ Holly had to answer Marcus at the top of her voice. ‘He followed her before I could stop him!’

  Marcus was horrif ied. ‘Oh, no,’ he groaned, throwing his shoulder against the door – which was being pushed from the other side by a howling gale. ‘You mean he opened this door himself?

  ’ Holly didn’t reply. As soon as Edison joined Marcus, she rushed straight into the shrieking wind and lashing rain. ‘I’ll fetch him back—’ she began, then screamed as her feet slid out from under her. Marcus saw her tumble across a steel deck, which was tipping steeply away from the threshold on which he stood.

  ‘Mum!’ he shouted, vaguely aware of gunwales and scuppers and hawsers and other maritime objects that were familiar to him after many hours spent racking up enormous scores on Cruising for a Bruising. Jake had plunged straight onto a passenger ship – but it was a foundering ship, being battered by a monstrous storm. Marcus couldn’t see Jake anywhere. He could barely see his mother through all the driving spray. She had fallen against a bulwark and was clinging to a rail. Around her everything was in violent motion: waves, clouds, cables, deck.

  Glancing over his shoulder, Marcus couldn’t believe the contrast. The cellar behind him was solid and still; only the Huckstepps were moving. They were galloping down the stairs, yelling instructions.

  ‘Hold that door, Prot! Hold that door!’ Sterling roared at the robot, which immediately headed towards Marcus.

  Marcus put down Jake’s suitcase. Then, clasping the doorjamb and leaning into the wind and water, he stretched out his hand to Holly, who was trying to crawl back in his direction. Little by little, as the deck slowly righted itself, they closed the gap between them until his fingertips were almost brushing hers. But at that instant the Huckstepps all threw themselves at the door, knocking it open with such force that it banged off the bulkhead to which it was attached.

  At the same time, Newt bumped into Marcus, loosening his grip. He had to grab her when he lost his footing.

  They didn’t slide as far as Holly had, because the slope of the deck wasn’t as steep anymore. But they still rolled towards the bulwark. Coco was shrieking. So was Newt. Marcus managed to hook his arm around a cable.

  Holly was pointing at a nearby lifeboat.

  ‘There’s Jake!’ she cried. ‘Jake, we’re over here!’

  Jake was clasping the lifeboat’s canvas cover. He looked terrified. Something about the expression on his face made Marcus think, This is his worst fear come true. This is his nightmare holiday.

  The Huckstepps, meanwhile, had formed a chain, with Prot at one end and Coco at the other. Lurching and staggering, Edison’s parents inched their way towards Newt; Coco was hanging on to Sterling, who was hanging on to Edison, who was hanging on to Prot. The robot was parked on the basement threshold, having attached itself firmly to the doorjamb with one set of steel fingers.

  ‘Take my hand, Newt!’ Coco exclaimed, just as a towering wave crashed across the deck.

  Coco went spinning. Sterling was knocked off his feet. Edison’s pith helmet was washed out to sea through a scupper – and he might have ended up doing the same thing, if Holly hadn’t caught him. Suddenly they were all wallowing in foamy water, on a deck that was almost level.

  The ship, however, was already starting to roll the other way.

  ‘Prot! Stay right there!’ Sterling screeched. Marcus realised that the robot was still at its post – minus a hand. The missing hand had been ripped off. It was twined around Edison’s.

  Jake’s suitcase was now bobbing against Marcus’s leg, having been sucked on board by the freak wave.

  ‘Please clarify Prot’s day ride there,’ the robot said tonelessly.

  ‘Just hold that door!’ begged Sterling, who was already sliding back in Prot’s direction. He couldn’t stop himself. As the deck tipped, everyone except Jake went slithering straight towards the open door – and towards the reassuring glimpse of brown brick directly behind Prot’s head.

  Torrents of water swirled along with them, piling up against the bulkhead. Marcus found himself gasping for breath.

  ‘Jake! Let go!’ Holly wailed. ‘If you let go, you can come back with us!’

  After a moment’s hesitation, Jake let go. He immediately slipped down the slanting deck, landing on the bulkhead just a few metres away from Prot. Gasping and choking, he began to half-crawl, half-swim towards the robot.

  Then a sudden gust of wind slammed the door shut in Prot’s blank face.

  40

  THE LAST PLACE YOU’D EVER

  WANT TO BE

  ‘OH, NO, NO!’ CRIED HOLLY.

  Marcus ploughed into her from behind; they both hit the bulkhead just ahead of Newt. But it was Sterling who collided with the actual door.

  ‘Wait!’ Marcus pleaded, when he saw Sterling grope for the handle. ‘Don’t!’

  By that time, however, Sterling had already yanked open the door, to reveal a vast room full of plush carpet and swaying chandeliers. Prot had vanished. The cellar had vanished.

  ‘This way!’ Sterling seized a handful of his daughter’s T-shirt. ‘Eddie! Cokes! In here!’

  The deck was at such a steep angle that Marcus found it hard to avoid the open door. He practically fell into the room on the other side of it, flailing about until he fetched up against the well-padded flank of an overstuffed armchair. Holly skidded into him, closely followed by Edison. Coco managed to halt her headlong fall by throwing her arms around a granite-topped bar, while Sterling stayed on his feet by keeping a firm hold on the doorhandle.

  Jake was the last one inside. When the door swung shut behind him, the noise level finally dropped – though the floor remained unsteady. Coco whimpered, ‘Oh my God! We’re stranded! What are we going to do?’

  ‘Shh.’ Her husband tried to calm her. ‘It’s all right. We can use the lift.’

  ‘Not if we don’t know where it is,’ Holly pointed out. And Marcus said, ‘We don’t have Prot to push the buttons.’

  There was a gasp of horror. Then Edison, who had the sodden, wrung-out appearance of someone put through a spin cycle, held up Prot’s hand. ‘We’ve got this,’ he croaked.

  Marcus doubted very much that a disembodied piece of metal would work half as well as a whole robot. But he remained silent, because everyone else seemed both comforted and relieved by the sight of Prot’s hand – unless their sudden change of mood had something to do with the ship, which was slowly righting itself again. As it did so, all the empty glasses and billiard balls that were rolling around on the carpet changed direction. There was a crashing noise from inside the big steel refrigerator behind the bar.

  Marcus realised suddenly that he was in some kind of onboard cocktail lounge. It had its own stage and pool table; there were even a couple of poker machines. The whole place smelled of brine and spilled alcohol.

  I shouldn’t be in here, he thought. I’m underage. Then he reached for Jake’s suitcase, which had beached itself on the parquet dance floor.

  ‘You know what?’ said Newt, pushing the wet hair out of her eyes. ‘I bet I know where that lift is.’ Seeing all the raised eyebrows and creased foreheads that greeted this announcement, she continued in a more strident, waspish tone. ‘At Diamond Beach, it was in the toilets. At Ed’s fairground, it was in the dingiest part of the ghost train. At my club, it was in the quietest corner, where you couldn’t hear the music properly—’

  ‘And at the Crystal Hibiscus, it was in the caretaker’s hut!’ Marcus instantly grasped what she was trying to say. ‘You’re right! It’s always in the last place you’d ever want to be!’

  ‘Which is where?’ asked Holly. ‘I’ve never been on a cruise ship before.’

  Sterling and Coco looked at each other. At last Coco said, ‘The engine room. Those engine room cabins are always dirt cheap. It’s the noise, I expect. And the vibration.’

  ‘Then let?
??s go straight to the engine room,’ Sterling declared, almost cheerfully. His wife, however, wasn’t so confident.

  ‘Do you know where the engine room actually is?’ she quavered. ‘Because I don’t.’

  ‘I do,’ said Marcus. When the others stared at him, he added, ‘I mean, I can guess. Most of these cruise ships are pretty much the same.’

  ‘How do you know?’ Holly’s voice was hoarse; she was still coughing and spluttering from all the water she’d inhaled. ‘You’ve never been on a cruise ship either.’

  ‘Not a real one,’ Marcus conceded. ‘I’ve been on a lot of virtual ones, though.’ Then something occurred to him. Turning to Jake, he said, ‘Unless you know where everything is? Because I reckon this whole thing probably came out of your imagination, somehow.’

  Jake had anchored himself to a fake-marble pillar. He looked dazed and waterlogged. ‘I-I dunno,’ he mumbled. ‘Maybe . . .’

  ‘Is this your worst nightmare, Jake?’ Holly pressed. ‘If someone asked you what kind of holiday you’d hate the most, would it be a cruise ship in a storm?’

  ‘Or would it be a sinking cruise ship?’ Newt interrupted. As the deck started to tip again, everyone waited anxiously for Jake’s response. But he shook his head.

  ‘I try not to think about stuff like this,’ he rasped. ‘I just – I can’t.’

  Marcus swallowed. Holly closed her eyes. Sterling licked his lips and Newt growled, ‘In other words, you don’t know where the engine room is.’

  ‘It’ll be down below the waterline,’ Marcus insisted. ‘We just have to go downstairs and follow the noise.’

  ‘Then we’d better hurry,’ warned Edison. ‘Because we might not have much time left.’

  41

  BELOW DECK

  SO THEY WENT IN SEARCH OF THE ENGINE ROOM, BOUNCING off bulkheads as the vessel heaved from side to side. Though Marcus was too busy keeping upright to worry much about the ship’s amenities, he did notice that they weren’t a patch on the ones he’d seen in Cruising for a Bruising. Where was the icerink? The driving range? The ten-storeyed atrium? As he and his companions descended from deck to deck, they spent most of their time in dingy, narrow passages lined with cabin doors, picking their way past creeping tides of vomit.