Darkness

  “I’m ready to go.”

  He should just escort her to guest housing. They’d prepared it for her when he and the teams had left Homeland to pick her up. He stayed seated.

  “You said he.” She slightly tilted her head. “When you talked about a baby. He. Why did you say that?”

  She’d replayed their conversation in her head, he guessed. “All Species children are male.”

  “No girls?” Her skepticism was clear.

  “No. As I said, they get our genetics. Sons look eerily similar to their fathers. Almost miniature replicas. None are fully grown yet but it appears they might be that distinctly close. I haven’t seen any of their mother’s features in their faces.”

  Her expression softened. “He’d be the spitting image of you?”

  It affected his breathing when her words sank in. His son, if he had one, would. He’d never considered having a child. He experienced unfamiliar emotions. Kat stepped closer, alarm showing widened eyes.

  “Are you okay?”

  “It just really hit.”

  “You’re panting. Slow it down.” She stopped in front of him and bent, her hands on his shoulders. “You’re having a panic attack.”

  “I don’t suffer from them.”

  “Yeah, well, you’re doing a great impression. Just breathe in and out. Slow it down. Do you have a paper bag?”

  He forced his lungs to work properly. “I’m fine.”

  “Every time I want to hate you for acting like a robot, you do something I don’t expect.” She hesitated and then surprised him by straddling his lap. He gripped her hips to keep her from falling back. “There’s only a slim chance of me being pregnant, remember? Worst case, it won’t be the end of the world. I’m pushing thirty so it’s about the time that I would have been considering having a kid anyway. My mother will be thrilled. I’m not sure if that’s a plus or a minus. I can’t be around her for more than a day without wishing I’d been adopted. She’s a really negative person.” She stroked her hands down his arms. “I won’t expect anything from you.”

  He didn’t enjoy the emotions he felt then either. Anger. Hurt. But not relieved.

  “Well, you helping me get a job here would be great. Either way, I’ll probably need one and really soon. Do employees live at Homeland or elsewhere? I have to figure out living arrangements and see if I can afford to keep my best friend from disowning me. It’s kind of a long commute from my house if I’m not pregnant. I can do it though.”

  “Disowning you?”

  “I own half of that house you broke into. Missy can’t make the payments on her own. I can’t dump that on her. She’s a starving artist.” She smiled. “At least that’s what she calls herself. She has plenty of food. It’s just that she doesn’t make what I do and her earnings can be erratic, depending on how her novel sales are.”

  “Novels?”

  “She writes sexy romance stories.” He looked bemused. “I need to call her at home. I won’t mention anything about this mess. I just need to tell her I’m okay.”

  “You can’t.”

  “She knows where I am.” She hesitated. “She was there last night. I didn’t want her involved so I had her hide. She won’t tell anyone. She knows about us too. I trust Missy with my life, Darkness. We’ve been best friends since the ninth grade. We both had crappy home lives and bonded in a big way.”

  He licked his lips, debating. “You’ll be angry and I don’t want you to be.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Will you be calm?”

  “I am.”

  He still hesitated. She was in a good mood, on his lap. He didn’t want her to yell or hit him again. It didn’t hurt but that was beside the point.

  “A team performed a sweep of your house last night after we left. Only three teams returned with us to Homeland. One remained to make certain no one came after you. We stationed them there.”

  She paled. “Is Missy okay?”

  “She’s fine. Snow caught her but he didn’t harm her. I heard about it this morning when I left to run errands.”

  “You waited until now to tell me?” She looked angry. “Where is she?”

  “At your home. The team is there with her. I spoke directly to Snow. He’s a good male. She was only frightened for a few seconds when he sneaked up behind her. He realized she lived there because her scent was everywhere and she was barely dressed. He knew she wasn’t an intruder. He swore she was fine with having the team there and that she hadn’t demanded they leave.”

  “He’s New Species, right?”

  “Snow is but the other three members of the team are human.”

  She appeared to calm. “Well, that should excite her. She always wanted to meet one. She’s not handcuffed or anything, is she?”

  “No. They gave her free roam of the house. They will stay there in case anyone comes after you. She’ll be protected. I wanted them captured if anyone showed up.”

  She shoved, surprising him enough that he fell backward. Kat climbed up him, reaching for the phone on his nightstand. “I’m calling her just to make sure.”

  He snagged her waist and rolled, pinning her under him. “She’s fine. Your phone lines aren’t secure. I’ll set it up if you insist on speaking to her.”

  Kat didn’t struggle and her supple body made him aware of her as a female. His borrowed T-shirt outlined the shape of her breasts, holding his attention.

  “Don’t get that look.”

  He glanced up to discover her frowning. “What look?”

  “You know the one. Your eyes are changing color again. I have a one-mistake-a-day limit and we reached it already.”

  “I got condoms.”

  “That was nice of you. A little presumptuous too. What makes you think I want to have sex with you?”

  “You demanded to live with me.” He liked a challenge and Kat always provided that. “Did you assume I wouldn’t touch you?”

  “I told you I voided the terms. I’m going to guest housing.”

  “Are you?” A spark of humor surfaced and he grinned. “Only if I allow you to get up and leave.”

  He almost expected her to claw him when she reached up and cupped his face. She caressed him instead. “I don’t understand you. You know you’re confusing, right? One minute you’re cold, the next you’re hot.”

  Her assessment was dead on. “It’s your fault.”

  One eyebrow arched. “Really? Why is that?”

  “You drive me crazy. I don’t know if I should let you leave or not.” He wanted to be honest. “You also confuse me.”

  “At least we’re feeling the same things.” She stared at his lips. “Is kissing still off the table? You’ve got the best mouth.”

  “I’m not ready for that yet.” It was how he felt and he wanted to be honest.

  She slid her hands up and her fingers played with his hair. “At least you’re letting me touch you. That’s progress. You have the silkiest hair. I like how warm you are too, as if you’re always running a fever. I was cold last night but I didn’t know how you’d react if I curled up to you. Would you have let me do that or would you have gotten out of bed?”

  “I would have held you but I knew you were angry. It’s why I stayed as far away as possible.”

  “I’m surprised you didn’t hide the knives. You’re not the most trusting person. I was joking when I threatened to shoot you.”

  “I’m learning that.”

  Kat held his gaze. “I’m not her, you know.”

  He didn’t like being reminded of the past. The her she referred to was clear—Galina. “I’m aware.”

  “Can we make some new rules?”

  “Why?”

  “I’m tired of walking on eggshells and you being wary of everything I do or say.”

  “It’s difficult for me to trust.”

  “I get that. Really, I do. People lie to me all the time in my line of work. We’re not on duty though. This is just you and me, Darkness. I’m willing
to climb out on a limb for you. Can you at least try to do the same for me?”

  “I don’t know. What do you want?”

  “No more lies. Clothed or when we’re naked. I don’t want us to have to analyze everything we say to each other. Good, bad, whatever. We’ll just say it the way it is.”

  “No one can ever be that candid.”

  “I can be with you. I’ll tell you how I feel too. You might not be comfortable with that but one of us has to do it. It won’t be easy for me either, so remember that. You make me want to take risks. I’m hoping I inspire you to do the same one day.”

  Kat always amazed him. He wasn’t sure how to respond.

  “Here goes.” Her breasts pushed against his chest when she inhaled deeply. She blew the breath out before she spoke. “I was attracted to you and thought I could just be happy with sex. I didn’t expect the things you make me feel. They range from anger to frustration to just wanting you to hold me. I can’t seem to get close enough to you but I want to. I don’t want a series of one-night stands or whatever you want to call it. I want more.”

  He reacted the same way he had when he’d realized they might have created a child. His breathing increased rapidly and his heart pounded. He couldn’t speak, wasn’t even sure what to think.

  Kat gripped his cheeks. “Slow your breathing. Don’t have another panic attack. I just said what I want. I know you’re not ready for that. This is me expressing my feelings.” She sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. “Do what I do.”

  She kept breathing that way and he mimicked her. It helped a lot and the unpleasant physical difficulties passed. Kat smiled. She caressed his cheek.

  “That’s a compliment to me.”

  “That I’ll listen to you?”

  “That I make Mr. Control lose it.”

  “That’s why I can’t give you more.” He didn’t want to hurt her but she wanted honesty. “I don’t have panic attacks.”

  “Didn’t. Past tense. You’ve had two.”

  Anger stirred. “I can’t do this.” He tried to lift up and away from her but she refused to release his face. He paused.

  “It’s scary and messy when you start to fall for someone, Darkness. I heard that from someone who gave me a reality bitch-slap. This is yours. You can physically haul ass away from me but it’s not going to stop you from thinking about me or admitting that I’ve gotten to you. It’s a two-way street.” She opened her hands. “It’s your choice if I stay here or move to guest housing. Can you at least think about it for five minutes before you make a decision?”

  He rolled off the bed and strode into the living room. He paced, considering her words. She didn’t follow him. He kept glancing at the door but she allowed him space. He cursed. The urge to punch something surfaced but he refrained. Kat drove him insane. His first instinct was to ask her to leave but he admitted deep down that he didn’t want her to go. It was the most torn he’d felt in years.

  Chapter Eighteen

  He was still in the apartment but the silence in the other room unnerved Kat. What would Darkness decide? She stayed on the bed to give him time to think.

  She sat up after about five minutes, slid off the bed and tentatively crept to the doorway. Darkness paced between the kitchen and front door, his expression stormy. She leaned against the doorway, watching him. He was a handsome man but not her type. Missy had been right. She had no idea how to manage him. She didn’t even think it was possible. He was a wild card and she couldn’t even hope to predict what he’d do next. His nose flared and he stopped, turning his head her way.

  She smiled. “Still thinking?”

  “You can stay.”

  Her smile widened. “Good.”

  “I can’t promise you anything, Kat.”

  “This is a start.”

  “I’ve never lived with anyone before. I could be bad at it.”

  “I’m willing to chance it. I’m probably no picnic either. I’m pushy and you piss me off. That means I’m going to get in your face. Forget that whole docile thing I’ve heard you guys expect from women.”

  “I’d hate that.”

  “Good.”

  “You’d be terrified of me if you weren’t so brave.”

  “That’s a good term to use.”

  He arched an eyebrow in question.

  “Some people would call it something less flattering. Like stupid to not run when you’re angry.” She stepped away from the wall. “Are you still willing to make omelets? I’m hungry. Birds eat bread. I actually have an appetite.”

  “I’d never drug you with anything.”

  “That was a cheap shot. Sorry. I just know how much you’d hate it if I ended up pregnant.”

  “I’d make a bad parent and a worse mate.”

  “Let’s forget about it for now. Why worry about something that probably won’t happen? You picked up condoms. We’ll use them.”

  “I called one of our doctors. A blood test can answer that question in five days.”

  “That’s fast.”

  He entered the kitchen, yanked open the fridge. “So is a pregnancy.”

  “What does that mean?” She followed him in, wanting to help.

  “Let’s discuss that if you are pregnant. The less you know, the better.”

  “You mean it’s classified and you’re afraid I’ll tell someone.”

  He held the egg carton in his hand and nodded. “Don’t take offense. I have to inform the NSO that you’re aware of the children.”

  “Will it help if I sign a blood oath of silence?”

  “We aren’t that severe. A confidentially clause would do. That would alleviate some of their worries. Your laws in the out world don’t hold up here but ours do in yours.”

  “That sounds fair.” She chuckled. “Sarcasm.”

  “I got that.” He smiled. “We’ll take any advantage we can get.”

  “I don’t blame you. New Species got the shit end of the stick for most of their lives. It’s about time the tables were turned.”

  He laughed, the sound deep and wonderful. It lit up his expression too. She loved seeing it.

  “I’ve never heard it put that way before.”

  “Graphic, yet effective, to get the point across. What can I do?”

  “Stay back. The kitchen is small. We’d be bumping into each other otherwise.” He paused. “I have to warn you that I only know how to put together a few meals well. Cooking was new to us and I only took an interest in learning to make what I enjoy eating most.”

  “Is it a short list?”

  “Omelets, bacon, steaks and grilled ham and cheese sandwiches.”

  “I know how to open cans and reheat what’s inside them. I never learned how to cook. Missy kept me fed. She is a fantastic cook and loves to bake. I like everything you said. How do you feel about canned corned beef hash and soups? I’ve got that down pat.”

  He chuckled. “There’s always the bar. They serve excellent food. At Reservation they have a cafeteria with huge buffets every day. Most of the males there don’t cook or have kitchens in their homes so they feed everyone.”

  “We won’t starve. That’s a bonus.”

  “It is.”

  “Tell me about Snow. Any chance he’ll mate Missy and bring her here? She could feed us.”

  He gawked at her.

  “What? It’s a valid question. She’s single and always complains about how lonely she is. I’ve seen your guys. She wouldn’t stand a chance if he decided to bring her home. She’d probably drive the SUV for him.”

  “He’s single but I have no idea if he wants a mate.”

  “He might if she makes him cookies. I told you that girl can bake. Does he read?”

  “I assume so. Why?”

  “She writes hot sex in her books and is forever asking everyone she meets to read them. I hope he has a good sense of humor.”

  “He reminds me a little of myself.”

  “Shit. That’s not good.”

  He scowled
.

  “Missy isn’t like me. We’re polar opposites. She is passive. He wouldn’t walk all over her and break her heart, would he?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Would you kick his ass for me if he does?” She grinned, teasing him.

  A dark eyebrow rose and he shook his head. “You’re joking.”

  “Not if he really breaks her heart. I might try to kick his ass for real then. Would you back me up? Maybe hold his arms so he doesn’t pulverize me with a few punches?”

  Darkness sobered. “No one would dare hit you.”

  “Why is that?”

  “I’d kill them.”

  He wasn’t joking. She realized that. “You’re so hot when you talk that way.”

  He set a pan on the stove and looked away. “Do you want to eat or end up on my bed?”

  “That’s a tough decision.” She meant it.

  “We’ll eat first. You said you were hungry. Stop distracting me.”

  “But it’s so fun.”

  A smile curved his lips. “Do you want me to overcook your omelet?”

  “No.” She turned. “Do you have a washer and drier? We need to do something about your damp comforter and I could use some clean clothes that don’t smell like they just came out of a bag, which they did. Thanks for picking me up some things.”

  “I’ll handle it after we eat. They are downstairs on the first floor.”

  “Just tell me where to go and I can start the laundry.”

  “No.”

  At his sharp response, she swung around to look at him. “Is it breaking a law?”

  “This is the men’s dorm. The first floor will be flooded with males at this time of day.”

  “Women aren’t allowed?”

  “They are but you won’t be walking around without me.”

  “Right. I need an escort. I just assumed that it would be fine as long as I kept inside the building.”

  “That’s not why. Some of them will approach you for sex.” His tone deepened to a growl. “You want the truth? I’d hurt someone.”

  She smiled. “You are jealous.”