Finders Keepers

  Once I’d leapt over the fence, I wandered until I had some space and could curse at the bloody moon without offending anyone too much. Life was shit, and that was what I had to look forward to for the rest of my life. Lonely nights, hard-worked days, and humiliating rides where I personally insulted the sport of bull riding.

  Fuck my life.

  “I don’t know who looked more pissed off out there. You or the bull,” a familiar voice said behind me as my hat landed at my feet. “Actually, I take that back. You were definitely the most pissed one. By a long shot.”

  I was already smirking when I twisted around. “Why if it isn’t the girl who isn’t afraid to let her freak flag fly.”

  “Nope. I’m not afraid to be who I am. Or love who I love.” She smirked right back, lifting an eyebrow.

  “Rowen Sterling.” I looked around. No sign of Jesse . . . or anyone else.

  “Garth Black. Minus the enthusiasm,” she threw back.

  “What? Really? No enthusiasm? I thought that, if nothing else, one misfit could drudge up some enthusiasm for another.” I grabbed my hat and beat it against my chaps to get the dirt off.

  “It’s hard to drudge up any enthusiasm when the best man’s been missing for two months and the wedding is in two days.”

  Along with the life I’d left behind, I’d lost track of time as well. Could it be June already? “Yeah . . . about that . . .”

  “Save it. I don’t care what you have to say about that right now. All I care about is you getting your ass in that truck of yours and getting to the wedding on Sunday. I’m tired from tracking you down, and I’m tired from putting centerpieces together, and I’m tired from being kept up all night, so shut your mouth already.”

  Taking a closer look, Rowen did look beat. Her clothes were rumpled, most of her hair had fallen from her braid, and her eyes were bloodshot. I sat on one the bottom of one of the empty bleacher sections. “Tell Jesse to stop keeping you up all night with his sex marathons so you can get some sleep then.” I waited for Rowen to fire something back. The only time she’d let me get the last word in was never, and I was expecting more of the same.

  “Unfortunately it isn’t Jesse who’s been keeping me up all night.”

  I arched an eyebrow as she plopped down on the bench beside me. “Not even married and already checking to see if that grass really is greener on the other side?”

  I scooted out of reach just before her elbow came at me. “The person who’s been keeping me up is the same person whose heart you broke before pulling your vanishing act.”

  “Josie?” It was painful thinking about her and twice as much so saying her name.

  Rowen nodded. “Josie.”

  “How’s she doing?” I asked, staring at the ground.

  “I’d tell you if I thought you had a right to know. Which you don’t. You giant. Ass. Hole.”

  “I’m not going to argue with you on that. Not even for fun.” I dropped my head into my hands and squeezed my eyes shut, trying to brace myself against the pain shredding through me like tiny pieces of glass.

  Rowen didn’t say anything for a while. Silence, when the two of us were together, was a rare thing. “Whoa. You really are miserable, aren’t you?” Rowen scooted closer and awkwardly wrapped her arm around my shoulders. “So you’re miserable. And Josie’s miserable. Why the hell did you up and disappear again?”

  God, for so many damn reasons that didn’t seem important anymore. “You, Rowen, of all people should understand why I had to leave.”

  “I might understand why you thought about doing it, but not why you actually did it.” She gave me a few pats on the back before removing her arm. Thankfully. Rowen might be able to express her affection for Jesse like a champ, but she was an awkward mess around everyone else still. Figuring out how to give affection took a while since she’d been denied it most of her life—I understood that well. “You know I worried about the same things you’re worried about: hurting the person you love, destroying their chance for a happy life. But I finally realized something,”—Rowen nudged me—“I’ve got some pretty great stuff to give, too. The Jesses and the Josies of the world aren’t the only ones with something to give. We—the misunderstood misfits of the world—do too.”

  I huffed and shook my head. I might have had something to give, but I couldn’t figure out how to give it without destroying the person I wanted to give it to.

  She said, “People like you and me, kids who grew up fighting for every single ounce of love that came our way . . . When we find that person we want to love, we give them a pure and boundless form of it because we know what it’s like to be denied it. We know the opposite of love so well, we go a full one-eighty when we find that special someone.”

  I gave Rowen a half-smile. “And how does your ‘special someone’ feel about that pure and boundless love of yours?”

  “Pretty fucking fantastic. Something your special someone never got the chance to feel because you acted like a giant. Ass. Hole.”

  “You know what the nice thing is about being at a zero in the self-esteem department?” I asked with some sarcasm. “Not being able to go any lower when you fire insults off at me.”

  “I’m not trying to insult you. I’m trying to knock, beat, shake, or bitch slap some sense into you.”

  “So yeah, you’ve got a point. I behaved like a giant asshole, but I had to. It was the only way she’d let me go. Now that she has, she can find someone else to experience that boundless love shit with. She’ll find it with someone else,” I said, ending in almost a whisper.

  “With someone else? Who the hell do you think Josie’s ever going to find that she’s going to be happy with if it’s not you?” Rowen looked like she was considering thumping me on the back of the head, so I scooted farther down the bench. “Colt Mason? Some other sweet country boy who bores her to tears?” I shrugged. “Puh-lease. The only boy Josie’s going to be happy with is you, and if she chooses to settle down with someone else, she’s just going to be pretending.”

  “According to you,” I replied. I wondered if they’d let me ride again. That would at least get me out of having that conversation with Rowen. I’d rather eat another dozen mouthfuls of dirt than talk about Josie and what her future would be like with some other man.

  “According to her, you giant—”

  “Ass. Hole,” I filled in. “Yeah, I caught that the first fifty times.” And then what she’d said set in. “Josie said that? She actually told you the only person she’d be happy with is me?”

  “Would it change your mind if I told you the truth?” She crossed her legs and swung her foot, waiting.

  “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not.” It was an honest answer, but not the one she’d been hoping for.

  “Listen, Black, I know you love her. I also know you’ve never told her that, and based on the coward’s way out you’ve taken, you likely never will. That’s just the saddest thing I’ve ever heard, especially since you’ve loved her for so long.” Rowen wagged her finger at me, narrowing her eyes in a way that gave away she had been spending lots of time with Josie.

  “It took me a little longer to figure out that Josie loves you too because she doesn’t act like the total idiot you do when she’s around. But I know she does, and I know she has for a while. I don’t know if that love started before or after Jesse and her split up, but I know it’s been there for a long time. Why the hell are you just throwing that all away without giving it a chance? If the love you two have has lasted this long while you’ve acted like you hate each, why wouldn’t it last if you tried actually showing that love to each other?” She stopped just long enough to suck in a breath. “Why don’t you give it a chance? A real one?” I exchanged a look with her. One that didn’t need words to explain. “Oh yeah, that’s right. Thinking about yourself again. What a surprise.”

  So I guess the look I’d given her did need to be explained. “I’m thinking about everyone but myself, for Christ’s sake.” I pulled off my
leather gloves and tossed them so far I didn’t see where they landed. “Haven’t you heard? I’m a virus. The kind who can’t help but infect everyone around me.”

  Rowen nodded, giving me almost a . . . sympathetic look. That was a first. “So that’s what her dad told you, eh? That you’re a virus? One who’s going to ruin his precious daughter? Blah, blah, blah . . .” Rowen rolled her eyes and sighed.

  “Yeah, that was about the gist of it. Along with lots of that blah, blah, blah stuff, too.” I looked over at her from the corner of my eyes, and when I found her doing the same thing, we laughed. That was the first damn laugh I’d had in two months, and even though it was over in two seconds, it felt good. It felt. Which meant my numb shell was cracking. I couldn’t decide if that was a good or a bad thing.

  “You know what, Garth?”

  “I don’t know much,” I mumbled.

  She shook her head. “Screw what her dad thinks. This is your life to live. And that’s her life to live. You only get one go around, so makes some mistakes, love who you want to love, and forget the rest.” Rowen jumped up from the bleacher about halfway through her speech.

  “Screw her parents? Is that something I should shout in the middle of a family dinner? Screw you, Mr. and Mrs. Gibson. I love your daughter and she loves me and I want her to have my babies, but first I want to make wild love to her like a man on death row.”

  Rowen laughed with me again. “You might not want to say screw you at the dinner table because that’s just rude, but I think you’re good to go with the rest.”

  “Shit, Rowen,” I said as my laughter dimmed, “what are you really doing here?” I couldn’t tell if she was trying to get me to come back, or admit I was wrong, or if she wanted me to get on the phone and apologize to Josie. She could have been there for all of those reasons, plus a few dozen more.

  “For a whole lot of reasons.” Of course. Figures. She came toward me, stopping in front of me. “I’m here to remind you of a promise you made to your best friend to be his best man. The wedding’s at seven. Be there early. In something presentable preferably. No wedding gift required. And if you don’t make it, no big deal—don’t even sweat it. I’ll just rip your balls off later.” She said that with a straight face, and I knew better than to think she was bluffing. My hands automatically covered my dick. “I’m here to remind you that you left Neil and Rose with no notice and short-handed, and they’re already having to run that place without Jesse. You owe them an apology in the least, but returning for the summer and working your ass off would be better.” I felt like I was being lectured, but I understood why—I was being lectured. “And I’m here to remind you that your other best friend—you know, the one who admitted she loved you but you were too chicken-shit to admit you loved back . . . that person? You didn’t only break her heart, you crushed her.” Rowen lowered her face until she was at eye level with me. “Fix it.”

  I saw a pattern evolving with the couple of women I’d let past my walls. They had a way of fucking up my mind good. Josie first, and now Rowen. I needed time to digest everything she’d just said. I couldn’t just respond to all that after a moment’s thought. Finally, I cleared my throat and shook my head to clear it. “Anything else, Ms. Sterling-soon-to-be-Mrs. Walker?”

  “Mrs. Sterling-Walker,” she corrected.

  “Ah, hell. You’re actually doing the hyphenated name thing? Sterling-Walker?” I clapped and chuckled. “What did Jesse think of that decision?”

  “Why don’t you ask him?” she replied with a shrug. “It was his idea.”

  “Pussy-whipped, bleeding heart—”

  Rowen leaned back down again and patted my cheek. “You can deny it all you want, but we all know you’ve been a member of that club for a while.” I glowered as she headed for the parking lot. “Oh, you know, there was something else.” She snapped and glanced back. “I’m here to remind you that you’re an asshole and to order you to stop being such a giant one. Give it a rest, Black. It’s getting old.” Shooting me a smile, she continued on. “See you in two days.”

  I grumbled at the ground, then sighed. “Rowen?” I stood. She paused and turned to me with a smile, like she knew I’d have something else for her. Damn that women’s intuition thing. “Josie and me? You really think we’ve got a chance at making it?

  Her smile spread. “There’s only one way to find out.” With a wink, Rowen continued on her way and left me to work out the biggest mindfuck I’d dealt with to date.

  “SOMEONE ORDER A mail-order best man?” I shouted, charging into the barn office where Mrs. Walker had directed me.

  Jesse was draped over a metal chair, looking as cool and collected as any other day. The guy was about to swear a lifetime to one woman, and his forehead wasn’t even beaded with sweat. “You made it.” He grinned an ear-to-ear one and popped out of the chair.

  “Did you have your doubts?” I shook his hand and gave him a quick, awkward manly hug. Lots of hard back patting was involved.

  “Nah,” he replied. “No doubts.”

  “That much faith in me, eh?”

  “Not really, but I have plenty of faith in Rowen. Especially when she got that look on her face and headed out to hunt you down. I’ve learned to cease and desist whatever I’m doing if she ever turns that determined, take-no-prisoners expression on me.”

  I chuckled. “You always were the smart one.” Jesse sat again and checked his watch. “Someone a little antsy?” If he was, he sure as hell wasn’t showing it.

  “Not antsy, but excited.”

  “Excited? For a wedding?” I wrinkled my nose. “Jess, we’re cowboys. We don’t get excited over weddings. Not even when they’re our own.”

  Jesse’s boot kicked mine. “Well, I’m excited about a wedding and I’m a cowboy. So consider your world officially rocked.”

  “Okay, I get why you’d be excited for the wedding night . . . but the actual wedding itself? Flowers? Long-ass ceremony? Old women in big hats? What the hell’s so exciting about that?” I could see the excitement written on every plane of his face. I guess I was looking for an explanation as to why.

  Jesse shrugged, checking his watch again. “In one hour, Rowen’s going to be my wife. I wouldn’t care if the ceremony leading up to that included electric shock therapy and bamboo shoots up my finger nails. I’d still be excited knowing that when all that was said and done, I’d get to call her my wife.”

  “Mrs. Sterling-Walker . . .” I gave him a sly smile, which earned me another kick.

  “Yeah, yeah. I know you don’t get it, but it works for us. And that’s all that matters.” Jesse hadn’t stopped smiling since I walked in the room. Knowing him, he’d probably been smiling in his sleep since she agreed to marry him.

  And then I stopped to think about what he’d just said—It worked for them. Jesse and Rowen were far from a cookie-cutter couple, but damn if they weren’t the happiest, most in love one I’d ever had the nauseating pleasure of being around. They’d managed to figure out a way to make things work for them. The odds were stacked against them—the rebel city girl with a checkered past and the golden country boy—but they’d figured out a way to make it work. And that was all that mattered . . . I almost had to slap my cheeks to snap out of it. “So? Best man duties? Give me the basic rundown.”

  Jesse leaned back in the chair, and I had to suppress the urge to kick it out from under him. It was his wedding day and all—if ever a guy deserved a break, it would be that day. “I don’t know. Just back me up if any of Rowen’s exes show up and try to sweep her away. Oh, and try not to cuss or pull out your flask and take a swig in the middle of the ceremony.” Jesse’s eyes narrowed as he searched for other suggestions. “Don’t piss Rowen off. Or Josie. Or anyone for that matter.”

  “Slow down, Sterling-Walker. Slow. Down.” Jesse smirked at me. “If any of Rowen’s exes show up, I’ve got your back—no problem. Kicking ass is one of the few things I do best.” Jesse nodded. “I promise to try not to cuss, and you don’t ha
ve to worry about any swigging in the middle of the ceremony because I’m”—I unbuttoned my jacket and held it open, patting each pocket—“flaskless.” Jesse’s eyes widened in surprise. “And I won’t piss off your bride or hopefully anyone else, and I will certainly try not to piss Josie off.”

  “You know what? Just to be safe, why don’t you not even make eye contact with Josie during the ceremony? Rowen promised to pat her down to make sure she wouldn’t try to hide a shotgun under her dress, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. So no eye contact, just in case. At that range, there’d be nothing left of you above the neck.” Grabbing a piece of straw off the floor, he flicked it at me. “But with that ugly mug gone, you’d be a lot more attractive, so no worries either way I guess.”

  I flipped him my middle finger. “It’s not like she’s going to be a few feet in front of me.” Jesse’s eyebrows came together as I had a light bulb moment. “She is going to be a few feet in front of me.”

  “I thought Rowen told you. Josie’s her maid of honor, so you two will be standing right across from each other, and you have to escort her down the aisle at the end of the ceremony.”

  That was why I should have been around for the rehearsal last night. I would have known Josie would be directly across from me and I could have worn a bullet-proof vest under my jacket. I had planned to talk to Josie at some point that night, but it wouldn’t happen before the ceremony since it was minutes away from starting. I was practically squirming as I pictured the glare she’d have aimed at me the entire time. “Well, fuck me. And here I thought the most uncomfortable part of this thing would be the tie.” I grabbed at it again, pulling it back so I could take a full breath.

  “Sorry, pal.”