The Putting In Place Of Spaceman Sam

it via the helicopters which were filming. And they saw the General reach out to grab Spaceman Sam, but he missed. And Spaceman knew this so he started to run. But he couldn’t run very fast because he was in full-dress.

  The General, he took off after him, and he was a pot-bellied man who under normal conditions wouldn’t have been able to catch Spaceman Sam. But again, with full gear on, Sam fell, and when he did he pulled off his helmet.

  The people watching, they thought he couldn’t breathe, but the camera’s panned in real close and they could see he was crying. He rose to his knees and placed his hands on the Generals legs and looked up at him.

  “Spaceman Sam seems to be begging,” said the news anchors. “But for what we can’t be sure!”

  The General pulled up Sam, and the cameras showed he was really mad. Then the General pushed Sam forward and back to the capsule.

  “It appears Spaceman Sam doesn’t want to go?” Said the news anchor. “Barbara,” who was the woman on the scene. “Do you have anything for us?”

  The cameras went to a pretty young woman who stood while holding a microphone to her mouth. Behind her was a large plasma screen which showed the scene around the Daisy Doughnut. “Frank,” she said, “It appears Spaceman Sam is having second thoughts. But I’ve been told that this is normal. That all those destined for space travel have butterflies before lift-off!”

  “So this is nothing to worry about?”

  “Correct! Once he’s in the air, those butterflies will calm.”

  “But—now it appears Spaceman is being forced inside the capsule. I mean, physically forced. Ooh, there’s a punch! There seems to be some kind of military man who has just hit Spaceman Sam!”

  “Correct,” said Barbara. “I'm told this too is normal … It’s like dragging the dog into the veterinarian—Frank. They don’t realize it’s for their own good.”

  “I hardly see the comparison! Ooh—ooh, he’s in now. Spaceman is in the capsule! It looks like it’s a go! I guess you were right Barbara—just a case of nerves!”

  Inside the capsule—the sound of fabric being pushed around was heard. Spaceman was settling in, and he was in although his knees were pressed up against his chest.

  “I told you there was room,” the General said.

  “I can’t breathe,” Sam gasped.

  The General, after realizing he was being filmed had calmed down. “Yeah,” he said, “there’s a lot of humidity in the air—Florida Hah? Finding it hard to breathe myself. Hell—I almost envy ya. The air beyond will be clean, refreshing.”

  “There is no air beyond!”

  The General ignored this and slammed the hatch. He turned to walk away when there was a jolt as the platform fell from under his feet. He could hear the crowd screaming in the distance. The rocket was leaning, falling off to the side and taking the platform with it. He grabbed hold of the rail, knowing he was well over five hundred feet in the air.

  For the first time ever—Spaceman Sam was safer than the General was. And then—behind him—as he held on expecting to fall to his death. The General could hear Spaceman Sam lock the hatch on the Daisy Doughnut.

  “Jerk!” he screamed out, and he was sure that would be the last of his words. But then the platform halted, and both the scaffold and rocket came to a stop. Both, on a slight angle, towards the Atlantic ocean.

  “What the hell’s going on?” The President screamed out. As he ran to the television and adjusted the rabbit-eared antenna.

  “Sir,” Lenny said. “It’s not the antenna. It looks like the launch pad is too small for the rocket.” Lenny was sitting on a large leather couch while knitting. Only looking up when necessary.

  “What…? Call whoever measured it! Tell them I want them up here—PRONTO!”

  “Spaceman Dan did, sir.”

  The President fell silent for a moment than mumbled: “Was someone holding his hair?”

  “I couldn’t say, sir.”

  Meanwhile, at the launch site—the General was on the ground now and driving away. Some would say he made considerable time distancing himself from danger. The kind of time that can only be achieved by accessing that strength that comes from fear. After all, it wasn’t as though the man was in shape. Far from it.

  So within ten minutes, the General was standing in the ground control office. And hadn’t a clue that everyone around him had seen what had happened … Or maybe he didn’t care because there were screens all around him. And they all showed the Daisy Doughnut real clear. And that hadn’t suddenly changed. And there was some laughter and low talk. But either way, the General ignored it and shouted out.

  “BEGIN COUNTDOWN!”

  “But sir,” a mousy voice said from somewhere. “The capsule isn’t in position.”

  “How the hell do you know? You have been to this new world?”

  “No sir.”

  “Then shut up and start counting down!”

  “We can either shut up or count down, sir. Can’t do both,” Someone else said.

  “Jesus! You guys are idiots!”

  “We aren’t the one who thinks a person can shut up and start the countdown sir.”

  “Besides,” said another, “we’re just the janitors. The real eggheads were laid off years ago. Ya know—budget cuts.”

  “Yeah—and it ain’t like we’re getting nothing for this extra work either!”

  The General paused and tried to relax.“Please—can we just start the countdown.”

  Inside the capsule, Spaceman Sam, pulled a map from a fish net holder, one of many located on the walls of the capsule, he unrolled it. There was a picture of the night sky and arrows drawn by a black-magic-marker, and these arrows were hopefully pointing to the star he was supposed to fly to.

  Ten- nine- eight- seven—he could hear through the radio. He closed his eyes, then there was a jolt followed by a loud explosion …. He was leaving the ground and found his nerves wouldn’t allow him to blink his eyes. He couldn’t see much through the small, scratched up glass, but he could feel he was picking up speed. The vibration was mind numbing, and the lights in the capsule were flashing on and off.

  He could hear ground control talking. And they seemed to be asking a lot of questions about what they should do? Spaceman Sam didn’t like that.

  “He’s flying just over the top of the ocean!” he heard someone say. “He’s heading out to sea!”

  He looked out the window but everything was a vibrating blur. Then and just about the time he was sure it was all over, the Daisy Doughnut corrected herself and he could feel he was sailing straight up, into the sky.

  He heard someone say they were shocked at the fact that he had never been inside the capsule before. How he was a natural—that he was born with it, he had a gift!

  Spaceman knew this was a good sign.

  On the ground—the crowd could see a flag streaming from the tail of the ship. Massive in size, and waving violently in the warp speed wind. And although this distorted the flag, every now and then, it would straighten just enough to see. And it was a beautiful sight. Hand stitched, black silk and showed a white-stick-man and he was holding the hand of a white-stick-woman. Along the bottom were the words: ‘One (wo) (man) and one (wo) (man)!’ And this covered all the bases, and the people were pleased.

  The band that was playing Bob Dylan songs now played the song: ‘God Bless America’ but they changed the words to something which sounded a little dirty but was thought to be more appropriate and came out something like:

  “Here’s to America,

  we’re coming to take your home!”

  And the people held their hands in the air cried out and some stood saluting—a soldiers salute. And hats covered hearts. And tears flowed down cheeks. And all watched as the Daisy Doughnut flew on.

  “Fly Spaceman Sam,” they chanted. “Fly like the man of steel!” And that’s exactly what he did. And as he burned through the clouds, the people stood in awe. And the clerk from Kentuc
ky—the one who hated the thought of Gay Marriage—well she was there, and her hands showed no ink from signing marriage certificates. And she held them high so all could see. Then she wiped the tears from her eyes because she knew—oh yes—she knew that she and Spaceman Sam had a lot in common.

  She knew that like her, the Daisy Doughnut was on a mission, one handed down by God himself. And she knew it was Spaceman’s job to find this new world. And it was hers to go there and preach about the sanctity of marriage. Because although it’s all right for the same sex to have sex, it’s not all right let them get married!

  I mean—the Bible’s pretty clear on that. And being she’s been married multiple times, she ought to know!

  So miles above where she stands, Spaceman’s world has now turned black, with light dots that shine as stars. He sat in his seat and thought how nice it would be to see them. But with the scratched up glass, there was little chance.

  The rocket—well she went on. He looked out, trying to find what dot he was supposed to head to, but there were no black arrows to be seen in the sky—they were only on the map. Now—they all looked the same. The intended target could be any of the million that were up there.

  He then looked at the dash as he heard ground control speaking: “Spaceman Sam—Earth to Spaceman Sam—are you all right! Please, Major—this is ground control! Do you copy!”

  He looked around, there was a mic. “This is Spaceman Sam, all is well … I repeat—all is well!” He waited, no answer. He tried again, no answer. He looked down at the