Guts & Glass

  SEVEN

  Emily

  Function

  I’m hyperaware of his palm pressed against the curve of my backside. It exudes ownership and control, sending pulses of irritation through me. I can feel Jai’s stare on my back, burning holes into my skin through this God-awful dress. The stiff bodice is tight, causing a dull ache in my ribs, and I can’t breathe. I think Laura chose this size as punishment for what happened earlier today and, annoyingly enough, it didn’t end there. Whatever Monique and I requested for our hair, makeup and jewelry, she gave us the opposite. I can’t hate her for it though. Monique did hit her over the head with a blow dryer and stash her in the bathroom. Then I stole her revenge out from underneath her by bribing her “lover” with promises I don’t intend to keep, so she’s allowed to be a little passive aggressive.

  A petite woman dressed in a crisp white shirt and a long, black skirt approaches us, holding a large tray of champagne flutes on the palm of her hand. Skull plucks a glass off the tray and hands it to Monique, then he grabs another for me, forgoing one for himself. I walk beside him, trying my damn hardest to keep a neutral expression on my face as people approach him and shake his hand. They ask about Monique and Joel, strangely pleased they’re both back in Skull’s possession, but their real interest is in Jai and me. I sip at my champagne, seemingly disinterested while Skull talks about me like I’m not standing right next to him. As he tells them about our adventures so far, I realize the people listening don’t bat a single eyelid in surprise—or fake a smile out of fear. Instead, they grin and nod, excited as if he were retelling an old camp story.

  Swallowing the last mouthful of my champagne, I glance over my shoulder and peer around the room. Flamboyant gowns swish, like colorful fish, in the turbulent sea of crisp, black suits. Though they all smile and laugh at each other, flashing their white teeth as they gossip over glasses of expensive champagne and smooth whiskey, I know they’re far from friendly. In fact, I’ve deduced that everyone in this room is a criminal, and not the shady kind you’d find prowling the alleys of New York City or dwelling in seedy biker bars. These criminals walk in plain sight, their expensive Armani suits and Givenchy dresses hugging their selfish bodies. They’re the kind you see smiling on TV and waving in newspapers, the kind that sit in expensive offices, drive expensive vehicles, and sleep in penthouses that could house several needy families.

  I’m certain I saw Senator David Ferraro, New York City’s lovable senator, dancing with a young woman not long ago, and Janice Frederick, a Justice for the State of New York Court of Appeals, was pestering a waitress for red wine instead of champagne.

  Being trapped in this house for so long, I’ve forgotten how dangerous Skull is. He has just about everyone on his payroll, like Jai said when I first met him.

  I sweep my gaze over the vast, sophisticated space until it settles on a beautiful glower directly across the room from where I stand. I suck in a breath and grip my flute stem tightly, so tightly I’m surprised it hasn’t splintered under the pressure. Jai and Joel stand side by side, their eyes cast in our direction, as men and women saunter past them. The occasional partygoer stops to assess them, women mostly. Some even muster the courage to reach out and touch, but the boys don’t pay them much attention.

  I’ve always found Jai good looking—a God among men—but tonight he takes my absolute breath away. The black well-fitted two-piece suit clings brilliantly to his muscular body, his large arms not going unnoticed. The white button up shirt contrasts nicely with the black tie knotted around his thick neck and draped down his chest.

  Skull plants a hand at the small of my back and Jai purses his full lips, making the surface of mine tingle.

  I want to pull him in by his notched lapels and make him kiss me again.

  His lips have a wonderful way of dispelling my sadness and my anxiety better than any medication, any vice. There’s a turmoil in my chest, spilling sadness through my body, like an oil spill in the ocean, and the only way to ease it is to touch him…

  …but I can’t.

  A lump forms in my throat because he’s so close to me yet so far away, and it’s fucking torture. I love him. A lot. More than I’ve ever loved anyone—or could ever love anyone. Jai Stone breathed life and fire into my sad life. To be in the same room and not be attached to his hip is…well, it’s devastating.

  “Why don’t you go and say hello?”

  I’m startled by Skull’s low voice in my ear, his breath skittering across my cheek.

  I swallow down the emotion looking at Jai has stirred and peer sideways at Skull. Is this a test? If I kicked off these stilettos and sprinted for Jai right now, would Skull punish me for it? I’m not game enough to find out.

  “No,” I say, reaching up to touch his black tie. I swipe my thumb over the secure Windsor knot, feigning affection. It’s killing me to know Jai’s watching our exchange, but I need to keep up this friendly charade, at least until Jai and I are alone with Skull. Then, I’ll turn on him. “I don’t want to walk around this room without you.”

  It’s not a complete lie. The side glances people give me are making me uncomfortable. They look like they want to talk to me—and touch me. Skull’s presence at my side keeps them at bay and it’ll keep me from doing something stupid, like grabbing Jai and pulling him against me in front of everyone in this room.

  He pats me on the backside and I jolt forward as he takes my empty champagne glass from my grip. “Go on. Think of it as a reward for your compliance.”

  I hesitate. “Does he know about tonight?”

  My question earns a frown from Monique and a scowl from Laura.

  “Not yet, but you’re gonna tell him.”

  My heart stills and a chill spreads over the surface of my skin. I guess it’s a good idea that I tell him myself. I can let him know my plan and he won’t completely hate me for whatever I have to do to keep Skull happy and pliant tonight. “Oh. Okay.”

  I turn in Jai’s direction, so does Monique, but Skull catches her wrist and tugs her back. “Nope. You stay with me. You’re still in trouble.” He cuts his eyes at me. “And you, keep your hands to yourself.”

  Nodding, I stroll across the room, making my way through the fray of ogling eyes and drunken sways. I keep my attention on him—and only him—as I sidestep groups of giggling women and boisterous men. My heart races in my chest, pounding with enough vigor to decimate a drumline, and it becomes worse the closer I get…until I’m in his space. Then my heart stills. When I’m close to him like this, when I become engulfed by his aura, everyone else fades away and it’s just us, like it’s supposed to be.

  Jai’s glare softens, his lips tugging at the corners ever so slightly.

  “I wish we could dance,” he says, his voice low. “You look—”

  “Don’t touch me.” Joel snaps under his breath at a mature woman, drawing our attention and the attention of those surrounding us. The woman grasps her small pearls, choking on a gasp and a giggle. “Oh, my…”

  Joel clenches his jaw, his tattooed hands rubbing together in an effort to calm down. He clears his throat and peers sideways at Jai. “What?”

  Jai shrugs, cocking an eyebrow, before he turns his ocean blue stare back to me. “You look beautiful.”

  I fold my lips between my teeth to hide a smile as heat swims up my neck and pools in my cheeks. Am I blushing? Since when do I blush? I look away, the heat making me uncomfortable. “Thank you.”

  Jai steps closer and outstretches a finger, lifting his chains. My eyes flutter as he drags the warm tip against the back of my hand. The touch, so minute, whips up a frenzy inside of me, sending fire along my flesh, and deep into my soul.

  “He let you come and talk to me?”

  I nod, inching closer, drawn in by his arresting magnetism. Keep your hands to yourself. Skull’s warning rings in my ears, but I’m powerless against my body’s need to touch Jai. I’d touch him even if Skull threatened to cut off my fingers. I press my hand to his and gli
de my palm along the soft skin on his wrist, my fingers slipping under the fabric. My muscles clench, coiling tightly, at the feel of his smooth, warm flesh. I want to be with him again so desperately.

  “You’re not hurt? He didn’t hurt you?”

  A breath of hesitation slips from my lips and my face falls, my blood draining with it. How do I tell him what I did? How do I tell him what I allowed to happen between Skull and me? The other times Skull has touched me, or put his mouth on me, I met his advances with repulsion, but today I didn’t. I encouraged it, provoked him even, in order to protect Monique. In retrospect, I didn’t need to go so far with Skull…

  …but I did.

  Violently, my stomach twists at the thought. The only thing I can take solace in is the fact Skull was only able to get a response out of me by using my attraction to Jai against me. All I had to do was conjure his face, his body, in my mind and I lost my senses. I wanted it. I wanted to pretend that it was Jai who had his forehead against mine, his fingers between my legs.

  I clear my throat. “No, he didn’t hurt me…”

  His eyebrows furrow with an unspoken question and it makes my heart pound.

  “You have to promise you won’t get mad.”

  “That’s a ridiculous promise. Just looking at you in that fucking dress is making me mad.”

  “I thought you liked it.”

  “I do.” He moistens his lower lip. “I like it too much, and I hate that I’m not the one who gets to peel it off you.”

  Tingles spread up my throat and dance along my palate. I think I’m going to be sick. If he listens past the first half of what I’m going to tell him, it might pan out okay. If he stops listening when I tell him about Skull because he’s too disgusted by me, by my actions…then I’m screwed.

  “You might be,” I tell him, and Joel averts his attention, pretending not to listen. Thick tendrils of dread burrow deep in my stomach, in my heart. “Jai, I did something.”

  His face darkens as I tell him what happened and what I did to get Monique out of trouble. Joel’s attention glues to me the second I mention Monique’s name, disturbed deep lines carving his handsome face when I bring up the threesome.

  “I thought if you could get him alone then we’d have a chance to…” My words dissolve on my tongue at the look on his face.

  Grimacing, Jai leans away from me. My heart splinters and tears well in my eyes. I hate the way he’s looking at me, his stare void of any compassion, only anger.

  “I had to do something to help Monique. Laura would’ve hurt her. If we can get him alone—”

  “Fuck, Kitten,” Jai snaps at me, bearing his teeth. “You let him touch you?”

  His jaw muscles flex as he seethes, curving his spine to level his face with mine. In his expression, I see his disgust, his hate. If this were any other day, it would have crushed me, but I’m at the end of my goddamn rope. I want to reach out and grab him. I want to tear his clothes from his body and lick it all over until he sees reason, until he understands why I did what I did and that it doesn’t mean I love him any less or that I’m sexually attracted to Skull.

  “He touches me anyway,” I bite back. “Whether I let him or not. I fight tooth and nail, and it still happens.”

  Hurt flashes over his face, his eyes relenting from their tight glare, softening with guilt.

  “I’m not big and strong like you,” I say, my voice trembling along with my lower lip. “It made me sick to my stomach to do what I did and to agree to the things I agreed to, but I wasn’t thinking about me. I’m trying to get us out of here. Don’t you want to get out of here?”

  Jai’s beautiful expression fills with pain and regret and I can see his emotions raging inside him. He wants to hate me for what happened, but he can’t. Jai inches closer, but it’s not close enough. He could be laying right on top of me, our bodies tangled in a fit of passion, and he’d still be too far away.

  “I wish I was enough to keep you safe.” He cranes his neck, brushing his lips against mine. “I’m so fucking sorry. I’m sorry this is happening to you, that you feel compelled to make the choices you’ve made. I’m sorry for all of it.”

  “Don’t be sorry. I chose to get off that train, I chose to follow you. This nightmare of mine is self-induced,” I murmur, breathing him in. “But those bad decisions led me to you…and you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

  He looks into my eyes and his dark blue orbs penetrate down to my soul. God, I love him. I love him so much it hurts

  “We’re getting out of here,” he tells me, his voice low enough only for me to hear over the clinking of champagne glasses and light rustles of conversation. “And when we do, we’re going to jump on the first plane to Italy.”

  The corners of my lips quirk. It’s hard to believe there’s still an entire world spinning outside of these walls. “You still think about Italy?”

  He nods, sliding his forehead against mine. “Our happily ever after is all I think about.”

  What does happily ever after even mean for us anymore? I don’t need a fairytale ending, I just want him. My heart swells in my chest. “I don’t need Italy to be happy. I need you.”

  He opens his hand, offering me his large palm, and I glance at it. The metal shackle on his wrist is too tight. I see it digging into his skin, threatening to cut it. Nevertheless, I place my hand in his, my fingers brushing the redness just below his palm.

  “Tuscany,” he says, closing his hand around mine.

  “Tuscany?”

  “Do you remember when I used to have that dream? The one where you’d wear the red dress?”

  I nod. How could I forget? With that story, he admitted he’d fallen in love with me and, just like that, his affection filled all the chips in my armor. All the affection I’ve been deprived of since I was a child, and even as an adult, were no longer a burden, as long as I had him.

  “I’ve been having a new dream and you look breathtaking in white, cradling a bouquet of oleanders.”

  My muscles tingle under my sensitive skin, vibrating me from head to toe. He looks at me, a confusing mix of unease and confidence on his handsome face. Is he saying what I think he’s saying? Jai flicks his thumb over the back of my hand. “Are you all right? You look like you’re going to be sick.”

  I shake my head, swallowing hard. “I’m fine. I’m just trying to wrap my head around what you’re saying.”

  “I’m going to marry you in Tuscany, Kitten. Overlooking the vineyards on a warm summer’s day.” He tugs me a little closer and his aura is arresting, seizing my lungs.

  Marry? He wants to get married?

  I’ve never desired marriage, not like other women do. I knew that in order for me to get married, I’d need to find someone who I could love unconditionally and, to me, the idea of finding someone to love that much who loves me with equal measure in return felt impossible, like locating the corner in a room with round walls. I knew what I was before I met Jai. I was brash, narcissistic, and a little beaten down. As a result, I constructed the perfect armor to protect myself against people who blew in and out of my life as quick as a summer storm. During that period of my life, I was content with what I had, and I didn’t crave something more. It wasn’t until I fell into the whirlwind Jai created between us that I realized how desperately I needed someone to love and for that person to love me back. I want to love, and be loved by, him more than anything. I want a happy, lifelong marriage. I want to jump through the hoops I never felt the urge to jump through in order to fix my body so that I can bear his children.

  Ten of them. Three boys and the rest girls.

  I take my hand from Jai’s and press it against my stomach as saliva floods my mouth, a precursor to me puking. The thought of having Jai as my husband, of having tiny little humans that look like us and call us Mom and Dad, is opening up a can of emotions I thought I sealed shut a long time ago and told myself I never needed.

  Who needs marriage? Not me.

  Wh
o needs children? Not me.

  I believed my own lies for so long.

  “You want to marry me?”

  “I do.”

  Oh, God. I clench my stomach harder. I never thought I’d be having this conversation. Not in my lifetime. An uncomfortable heat spreads up the back of my neck and I don’t know if it’s because he’s caught me off guard or if it’s because I realize the chances of one of us dying here before we can officially tie the knot is incredibly high.

  “We haven’t spent much time together,” I point out, blowing a gentle exhale between my lips.

  He shrugs. “I don’t care. I’ve spent enough time with you to know I only want to be with you.”

  “I’ve done things…” I tell him, and I don’t know why I’m trying to convince him I’m not the one he should waste his life on. I want to marry him. More than anything.

  “You could come out of this nine months pregnant with a baby that isn’t mine and I’d still love you. I’d still want to see you in a white dress, walking toward me.” He licks his lower lip, a quick moment of thought. “Whatever happens within these walls, walls you’re trapped behind because of me, I’ll never judge you for.”

  My heart swells as tears well in my eyes. Despite what I told him transpired between Skull and I, he still loves me. He wants to marry me, to be my husband. Is this what unconditional love is?

  “You mean it?”

  He nods, his forehead sliding against mine as he kisses the corner of my mouth. “I mean it. You’re mine and I’m yours. I want us to have each other until we’re wrinkly and old, until I have to shout your name in your ear because you’re too deaf to hear me.”

  I laugh, swiping away a rogue tear that spills over the rim of my eye. “I want that too.”

  “So, you’ll do it? You’ll marry me?”

  I tilt my head on an angle, regarding him curiously. How can I turn him down after all we’ve been through? I nod eagerly, my lips pulling into a genuine smile. I try to fight it, but I can’t. “I will.”