Since You've Been Gone

  “Nope.” His jaw tensed. “In fact, they’re dying for me to come home.”

  “Ah, so the reluctance is on your part. Why is that?”

  He just shrugged.

  “Oh, ’fess up,” she said in a teasing tone. “What do you have to lose? We’ll never see each other again after today, so you might as well unload on me.”

  Austin gave her a sideways glance, slightly startled by the earnest concern shining in her eyes. She seemed to genuinely want to hear about his problems, but reluctance lodged in his throat again.

  The last time he’d spoken to anyone about it had been with Bree Lockhart, his brother Jake’s girlfriend, and he couldn’t remember ever feeling so uncomfortable. For some reason, Austin’s mother had decided to spill her guts to Bree, who had immediately tried to initiate a heart-to-heart with him. He knew Bree had meant well, but the awkward exchange had ended up triggering that need to skip town again.

  He’d been so damn tired of the pressure. His mother begging him to move past it, Bree urging him to forgive, his brothers reprimanding him for acting so distant. Leaving Paradise had felt like the answer at the time, but even when he was miles and miles away, the pressure had remained.

  It was time to resolve this whole bullshit mess, he knew that, but talking about it still evoked that agonizing rush of discomfort and hesitation.

  “Come on, I’m a good listener…”

  Mari’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

  He opened his mouth, prepared to thank her for the offer but not take her up on it, but for the life of him, he couldn’t control the words that came rushing out.

  “Last year I found out that my uncle is actually my father.”

  Chapter Three

  Almost immediately, Austin felt like a huge weight was lifted off his chest. His shoulders were no longer heavy, his throat no longer tight with the bitterness that had been jammed inside it for an entire fricking year.

  “Wait, what?”

  Even as he reveled in that feeling of being…unburdened, he still had to laugh at the startled look in Mari’s eyes.

  “My uncle is my father,” he repeated. Then he shook his head. “Fuck, it feels so weird to say it. It’s all I’ve been thinking about this whole year, but this is the first time I’ve actually said it out loud.”

  Mari tucked a few errant strands of hair behind her ear, then shifted in the seat so she could see him better. “Okay, you’re going to need to start from the beginning. How exactly did you find this out?”

  The moment the memories resurfaced, his entire body tightened again. Great. So much for being unburdened.

  He set his jaw, suddenly regretting ever opening his mouth.

  “Oh no, you don’t,” Mari chided. “You can’t just drop a bomb like that and not see it through. And now you’ve piqued my curiosity, which means I’ll never quit bugging you until you tell me.”

  Austin blew out a breath. “Last year was my mother’s forty-ninth birthday…”

  “And?”

  “And I wanted to do something special for her. She was always saying how she wished our old family photos were better preserved—a lot of them are fading and crumpled and look like shit—so I figured I’d scan a bunch of them and print out new copies, maybe frame some of the good ones.”

  He quit talking, hesitant again, but Mari urged him on with a motion of her hand.

  Austin let out a breath. “When I was looking through the pictures, I found a few that confused me, a handful of shots of my dad and my older brother. This one summer, when Nate was eight, my dad decided to take him on an adventure. I don’t know what inspired it, since Dad was a selfish asshole who never spent much time with us, but that year he took off with Nate on a four-month cross-country drive, which for some insane reason my mother allowed.”

  Pausing again, Austin ran a hand through his hair, feeling as bewildered as he had a year ago. “My mom’s really good at dating the back of every photo, so all the photos from that trip were dated. I scanned them not thinking anything of it—though I do remember Nate mentioning that trip once and saying Dad was drunk the whole time. Anyway, I kept going through pictures, and came across one of my mother when she was pregnant with me. She was nine months pregnant according to the writing on the back, and suddenly something clicked.”

  Mari sighed. “The dates didn’t add up, huh?”

  “Nope.” His mouth twisted bitterly. “Her picture was dated March, which means I would’ve had to have been conceived at the end of June of the previous year. But my dad and Nate left at the beginning of May and didn’t come back until August. Mom stayed home with Owen and Jake, so I know for a fact that she didn’t have any contact with my father that summer. So unless Baby Me was born two months late or three months early, there was no way I was conceived in June.”

  “Did you confront your mother?”

  He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah, I did. I figured the dates were a mistake, but I wanted to clear it up anyway. When I asked Mom about it, I knew from the look on her face that it was no mistake.”

  Mari made a sympathetic noise. “What did she say?”

  “She said she was sorry.” He clenched his teeth. “That she never wanted me to find out, but that maybe it was a good thing I finally knew. Apparently keeping the secret for twenty-four years had weighed on her conscience, and she answered every question I had, including my demand to know who my real dad was. That’s when she dropped the uncle bomb. She and Uncle Rice had had an affair that summer, but according to her, they ended it before my dad came home.”

  “Rice? Is that actually his name?”

  “Yep.” Austin’s chest tightened with both anger and sorrow. “My brothers and I adored him. My dad was never around, but Rice was. He came to all our football and baseball games, helped us with our homework, he was even the one who gave us the birds-and-the-bees talk.” The bitterness swiftly returned, stinging his throat. “I guess it makes sense that Mom turned to him. He was there for her, too. Gave her a shoulder to lean on whenever my dad cheated on her or stayed out all night drinking.”

  Mari gasped. “Your father cheated on her?”

  “All the time,” Austin said flatly. “And he didn’t exactly keep it a secret. Everyone in Paradise knew, and to this day a lot of folks still whisper about Henry Bishop and what an asshole he was. They shunned my mom for a while, you know, for being married to such a troublemaker, but these past few years the community has been nicer to her. For some fucked-up reason, she was determined to fit in and be involved in community stuff, even when half the people in Paradise were gossiping behind her back.”

  “She sounds like a strong woman.”

  His hackles immediately rose. “She lied to me, Mari. She made me believe Henry was my father, when it was Rice all along.”

  “Yes, but—” Mari’s tone went cautious, “—don’t you feel a teeny bit better knowing that your real father wasn’t the cheating drunk you grew up with?”

  “I’d rather have a cheating drunk for a father than a liar for a mother,” he mumbled.

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I trusted her, and she lied to me. For twenty-four years.”

  “So now you’ve decided to shun her?”

  There was no judgment in Mari’s voice, but it still caused his shoulders to stiffen. “I’m not shunning her. I’m just taking some time to process it.”

  “You’ve had a year to process,” she pointed out. “And you said so yourself, you’re avoiding going home.”

  “Do you blame me?”

  “No,” she said frankly. “Look, I know you’re hurt and upset, but that’s no reason to write your family off. They still love you. I mean, I don’t know them, but they seem to love you a lot, especially since they keep begging you to come home.”

  Austin fought a pang of guilt. “I have come home,” he muttered. “Numerous times, and each time I’m there, all I get is pressure. My mom wants everything to go back to normal, my brothers c
an’t understand why I’m being distant, my uncle acts like we’re still best buds—”

  “Wait, does he even know he’s your real father?” Mari interrupted. “Maybe he doesn’t and that’s why he’s acting all normal.”

  “He knows.” Resentment burned his insides, twisting his stomach into knots. “Mom said he’s always known. He stood on the sidelines for my entire life and pretended that he was nothing more than my fun-loving uncle. Who does that?”

  “That’s rough,” Mari said softly.

  “And now he knows that I know the truth, and he hasn’t said a goddamn word about it,” Austin continued through gritted teeth. “Mom brings it up every damn time I see her, but Rice? Not once has he called me up and said, ‘Hey, so I guess you know I’m your real dad.’” His hands curled over the steering wheel in a death grip. “So tell me, how am I supposed to forget that? How the hell am I supposed to forgive them?”

  “Okay. Well, let me ask you this. Why are you so angry? I mean, where is the anger really coming from?”

  He chewed on the inside of his cheek. “I’m angry because…because my mother kept this secret from me, damn it.”

  “Really?” Mari pressed. “Is that truly what it’s about?”

  A helpless feeling squeezed his chest until he could barely draw a breath. “I’m angry because she yanked my identity, my whole world, right from under me,” he burst out. “And before you say it, I know biology doesn’t mean shit and that I’m still the same person no matter who my father is. I know my family loves me, okay? But ever since I found out the truth, I feel like…like I don’t…”

  “Belong,” Mari finished softly.

  His gaze flew to hers. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s it exactly. I mean, my brothers are suddenly my half-brothers, my father isn’t my father, my uncle isn’t my uncle…” He trailed off, unable to make sense of his jumbled thoughts.

  Mari sighed. “I know what it’s like to feel that way. When I was a kid, I used to wonder if I was adopted—I couldn’t fathom how my parents and I could actually be related. They love me, sure, and I have no doubt that they’d be there for me if I really needed them, but they never understood me. They didn’t get why I daydreamed in class when they’d been straight-A students, why I chose to teach art instead of academics, why I moved to Chicago instead of staying home. I’ve been the odd one out my whole life, so I get that feeling of not belonging, I really do.”

  “But?” He waited for her to continue.

  “But family is family. We might not always get along, we might lie and scream at each other and do shitty things sometimes, but you can’t just cut them out completely, especially when, essentially, they’re not bad people. I mean, it would be different if my parents were child abusers or something—then I could easily tell them to fuck off—but they’re not, and from the sound of it, your mother isn’t a bad person either. Neither are your uncle and brothers.” She paused. “Is your dad still around, by the way?”

  “He died ten years ago.” As usual, the thought of his father’s death didn’t evoke a single emotion—Henry Bishop had been dead to him long before he’d actually died.

  “Judging by the look on your face, I won’t bother offering condolences,” Mari said wryly. “But I will offer some advice—take as much time as you need, but don’t write your mother off completely. She might have done a shitty thing, but that doesn’t make her a shitty person.”

  He swallowed. “She used to be my best friend, you know. And now…now when I look at her, I see a stranger.”

  The sign for the next exit caught his eye, making him realize they’d nearly reached their destination.

  “We need to get off here,” Mari piped up, but he was already signaling and changing lanes.

  He couldn’t explain the disappointment swirling in his gut when the bus terminal came into view. He should be happy to put an end to this painful conversation, but he wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Mari.

  He hadn’t intended to tell her the whole sordid story, but now he was glad he had. She hadn’t been put off by his bitterness or anger, nor had she treated him like a sulking baby who needed a good spanking for being so mean to his mother. Instead, she’d seemed to completely understand his reluctance to see his family, and her sympathy and compassion had aided in easing the pressure in his chest.

  “I’m serious, Austin, you should talk to your mom again,” Mari said as he pulled up at the concrete roundabout that led to the entrance of the bus station. “If you two were as close as you say, it would be a shame to throw that away.”

  Austin took another breath, wishing it could be that easy. Just talk to his mom again. Just forgive her.

  Damn it. When had his life become so fucked up? Sometimes he wished he’d never gone through those fucking photographs. That old saying about ignorance being bliss was right on the money.

  Reluctantly, he put the SUV in park and turned to Mari. “I’m planning on talking to her when I get to Paradise. That’s why I’m going home, so we can finally try to resolve everything.”

  “Good.” Mari looked pleased, but then a shadow crossed her face as she glanced at the terminal. “Well. I guess this is goodbye.”

  Austin knew he should offer to get her bags from the back, or hop out to open her car door for her, but all he could do was sit there in the driver’s seat as a crazy idea took form in his brain.

  He stared at the woman beside him, for so long that she finally blew out a frustrated breath and said, “Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something stuck in my tee—”

  “Come to Paradise with me,” he interrupted.

  Mari’s mouth snapped shut midsentence, then fell open as Austin’s words registered. Despite the shock coursing through her, her heart actually skipped a beat at the preposterous request. And there was no mistaking the twinge of excitement that rippled through her.

  You just met this guy!

  Jeez, what was wrong with her? She had no business getting excited about the idea of going to Colorado with a total stranger.

  “You’re kidding, right?” She met his eyes, but there was no trace of humor in those dark-green depths.

  If anything, he looked vaguely embarrassed. “I mean it. I want you to come home with me.”

  She shook her head in dismay. “Wow. You’re actually serious.”

  “Yeah.” He offered the most adorable shrug she’d ever seen. “I mean, I could use the company, and I know you’re in no hurry to go home, so why not come along for the ride? I saw today how much you loved Haven—think of all the other small towns you’d get to visit. You can keep me sane while I take hundreds of photographs of Main Streets.”

  Mari shot him a pointed look. “You do realize we’ve only known each other five hours, right?”

  “I know.” A strangled laugh came out of his mouth. “This is pretty fucking crazy and I’m totally aware of that, but honestly? I had a great time with you today, and…well, like I said, I wouldn’t mind the company.” He hesitated. “And I could use a friend by my side when I go home to see my mom.”

  Her jaw dropped again. “You want me to be there when you talk to your mother?”

  “Yes. Well, no. I mean, I don’t expect you to hold my hand during the actual conversation, but I could use the moral support beforehand.” He paused, searched her face, then let out a soft curse, as if suddenly realizing something. “Oh for fuck’s sake, what am I saying? We just met and I’m asking you to take a road trip with me?” He sighed. “Feel free to hit me now.”

  Laughter tickled her throat. “I’m not going to hit you. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted.”

  The reply seemed to catch him off-guard. Same way it caught her off-guard. Because really, what was she saying now? How was she even considering this?

  Austin Bishop was a stranger. Granted, he was a sexy, intelligent stranger whose company she was seriously enjoying, but that didn’t mean she should agree to be his traveling buddy.

  So why aren’t you saying no?
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  “Why aren’t you saying no?”

  Mari jerked in surprise when Austin voiced her thoughts. His expression conveyed both surprise and interest.

  “I don’t know.” She began to feel frazzled. “We’ve known each other for five hours. Why aren’t I saying no?”

  He tipped his head to the side, looking thoughtful. “Maybe you need the company too…” He flashed a crooked grin. “You have to admit, we had a blast today.”

  Mari chewed on her bottom lip, trying to will away that spark of excitement, but it just got bigger. The last thing she wanted to do was go home. Her job interviews weren’t until the end of July, so really, she had no reason to hurry back. And what would she do in Des Moines? Sit around in her folks’ backyard and help her mother in the garden? Play golf with her dad?

  Spending a couple of weeks with Austin exploring small towns sounded unbelievably fun, and if she were being honest, she wouldn’t mind meeting his family. He’d definitely triggered her curiosity with the whole baby-daddy drama, which kind of made her want to put faces to all the names in the tawdry tale.

  “I don’t know,” she said slowly.

  “If you’re worried I’m going to hit on you, I promise I’ll be a perfect gentleman,” he told her in an earnest tone. “I’ll even spring for two motel rooms when we stop for the night.”

  The sleeping arrangements hadn’t even occurred to her, but now that he’d brought it up, an image of sharing a bed with this sexy man flashed into her head and damned if her pulse didn’t speed up. The two-room offer brought a strange pang of disappointment, but she realized that if she were to agree to this, separate rooms was probably a good thing.

  Truth was, her free-spirit nature didn’t extend to her love life. She didn’t do casual flings. Never had, never wanted to. As a result, she’d had only two serious boyfriends in her life—a three-year relationship in high school, and a two-year one with an artist in Chicago, which had ended more than a year ago.

  “I’m serious, Mari, I don’t want anything from you but friendship.”