Nightshade

  Preparing if he had.

  Because if he had, what followed this part of the plan was fucked. And it was on me. I wouldn’t know how to forgive myself for being the one who ruined it.

  Jessica would be wrecked if I couldn’t save her mom, but the man driving wasn’t leading me to her anyway if he’d seen me waiting for his return.

  I lifted one of my blades just enough to look over the seat, and found the man’s reflection in the rearview mirror. His eyes were on the road ahead. Now that I could see them in the light of day, they were exactly as Jessica had described.

  Cold. Dead.

  I lowered the blade before he could see it, and just over a minute from when we’d left Holloway, we slowed and turned onto uneven ground.

  He knew.

  I let that darkness spread until it was all I knew.

  Let the monster inside stretch and seethe and consume.

  Pray Nightshade doesn’t find you.

  He’ll slit your throat and bleed you dry.

  I felt my mouth curve into a grin, the action from something that wasn’t me.

  And I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop it.

  Trees covered the outside of the car as we continued at a crawling pace and finally rolled to a stop.

  Not a sound. Not a trace.

  Feed the blade. Watch the light fade.

  I opened the back door just enough to slip out when he did, shutting it at the same time. I didn’t notice where we were. I didn’t notice anything except the sounds of his feet on the grass, tracking where he was as he came closer to where I stood.

  Four feet.

  Three.

  Two.

  I let him round the back of the car before I slid in front of him. Gripping his hair and yanking his head back, I drew my blade across his throat before he even had time to react.

  I watched as the blood pooled out at a rapid rate.

  I kept my grip on his hair as he coughed, spitting blood on me.

  “You stalked my girl,” I said, watching his mouth open and shut as he choked. “You had a standing order to take out people I care about. To take me out.” I let him fall to the ground and felt the cruel smile cross my face as I stared down at him. “You should’ve known accepting a job from Mickey was my order.”

  When he stopped jerking and his pupils dilated, I looked down at his empty hands and the gun holstered to his hip.

  He hadn’t known. He hadn’t known, he hadn’t . . .

  Fuck.

  My chest was heaving with ragged breaths when I grabbed the gun and took the keys from his pocket. Straightening, my gaze finally darted around, taking in where we were.

  In the cover of the trees edging the cemetery.

  Not ten feet away was a large, military-style camouflaged tent.

  I kept my knife in my hand as I walked to it and unzipped the door flap, my blood running cold when I did.

  Taped to nearly every surface were pictures of Jessica, Conor, Beck, and me. One of Jessica’s brother with his wife tucked against his side was circled in red. There were maps with highlighted routes with each of our names attached to them. And a paper for each of us with times and places scrawled on them.

  No wonder I hadn’t been able to find anything in Mickey’s computers or phone.

  It had all been here.

  And as I looked around, I knew why I hadn’t been able to find the ghost.

  I grabbed my phone from my pocket and waited for it to turn on, then hissed a curse when it kept vibrating with voicemails and texts.

  Ignoring them for now, I called Beck.

  “Shit, man, you left during the worst time.”

  My body locked up. “What’s going on?”

  There was a weighted pause, and I knew if I’d been standing in front of him, he would have that look. The one that meant he didn’t want to tell me what he knew.

  “Beck,” I barked.

  “I think it’s better if I wait until you’re back.”

  My legs felt like they weren’t going to keep me up. I’d never felt so unsteady in my life. I was swaying and my breaths were shallow when I asked, “Jessica?”

  “She’s here.”

  Relief pounded through my veins. I hated feeling so out of control, but I’d only been that scared once in my life, and it was when I’d thought Lily had been kidnapped.

  Even then, anger had overwhelmed every other fear.

  But the thought of something happening to Jessica had me wanting to tear at my own chest. Had me wanting to go through whatever she’d endured so she wouldn’t be alone.

  Even death.

  “Kieran. Kieran,” Beck said loudly, snapping me out of whatever dark thoughts my mind had conjured.

  “What?”

  “Is it done?” he asked, his tone wary.

  “He’s gone,” I said firmly. “Don’t tell Jessica yet. I want to be there.”

  I want to be there when she finds out how I fucked everything up.

  My jaw ticked from the pressure I was putting on it as my stare dragged from one corner of the tent to the other. Because there were two sleeping bags in the tent, but there wasn’t a trace of drugs or Jessica’s mom.

  And I was sure the ghost had led me exactly where I’d wanted to go. I just had a sinking feeling we’d found him too late.

  “Beck,” I continued quickly without giving him a chance to respond. “The ghost’s been living in the trees on the side of the cemetery in a military tent. There’s a stack of license plates he must’ve been switching out on the SUV. There’re boxes of MREs and an electric water heater so he wouldn’t alert anyone to where he was cooking. There’s enough water to last months.” I turned and looked at the far side of the tent. “And there’re a couple rifles and very little ammo.”

  “Which means he didn’t plan on needing much,” Beck guessed.

  “Yeah.”

  “Jesus fuck, man.” He blew out a ragged breath. “Anything else?”

  I let my stare drift over the paper-lined walls of the tent, my jaw tightening. “Everything he would ever need to know about us, Conor, and Jessica. Schedules. Driving and walking routes. Everything.”

  Beck was silent for a long time before he said, “So Mickey does know . . . he knows it was us.”

  I nodded to the empty tent. “And soon he’ll know his ghost is dead.”

  “Well, you need to get back here but be careful. Mickey left not long after you and the zombie did. I don’t know where he is or when he’s coming back.”

  “I need to get rid of everything in the tent so Mickey can’t use it again. I need to get rid of the body.”

  “Just bring the body here,” he said, his tone beaten down. “We have another one.”

  “Conor?” I asked, my jaw clenched.

  “No, man. Just get here. Jess . . .” He hissed a curse. “She needs you.”

  By the time I returned to the estate, the ghost’s tent had been completely emptied and loaded into the car, but the tent remained.

  Ghost was rolled in the sleeping bags, also in the back of the SUV.

  Which was hidden behind Soldier’s Row.

  I didn’t bother sticking to the shadows from the trees lining the property. I ran in the open with one goal in mind.

  Jessica. The guesthouse.

  I slipped into the bathroom without making a sound, but staggered back as soon as I made it into the room.

  That same crashing feeling from earlier returned, worse than before, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.

  There was no monster, but there was every bit of darkness.

  And I didn’t know how to push through it. I was struggling to find the strength to move.

  It didn’t matter what Beck had said.

  He would’ve said anything to keep me calm until he could force me to stay calm. He’d done it before with Lily.

  She’s here. She needs you.

  He never told me she was alive.

  And there was a sheet pulled over a body on Jessica’s bed. On
my bed.

  My back hit the doorframe leading to the bathroom. It was all I could do to keep standing when my world was being ripped out from under me.

  After everything I’d lost—after everyone I’d failed—I couldn’t lose her too.

  Not her.

  I finally managed a step away from the wall, my hands fisted in my hair as I took painful steps toward the bed. When my legs were pressed against the mattress, I dropped my head, my chest cracking open as I tried to force myself to pull the material away.

  Wet drops fell to the sheet, one after another.

  I didn’t know what they were or where they were coming from until a strangled sob climbed up my throat.

  I flinched, my body instantly locking up when someone touched my arm. But my movements were too slow to defend myself.

  Mickey could’ve walked up to kill me, and I wouldn’t have been able to stop him.

  At that moment, I wouldn’t have cared.

  I twisted my body to look, my eyes slow to drag away from the girl on the bed, and stilled.

  Because Jessica was standing in front of me, looking like her world had shattered.

  My hands fell from my head, my gaze snapping back to the body on the bed before I focused on the girl in front of me again.

  When a sob burst from her chest, I knew.

  “Shit,” I whispered as she fell into my arms. “I’m . . . Jessica, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

  “Find him,” she cried against my chest. “Find him, Kieran. Don’t stop until he’s dead.”

  With another look at the covered body, I pulled Jessica from the room and down the familiar hallway to the living room where Beck waited, pacing.

  “What the hell happened?” I demanded.

  Beck’s eyes had been locked on Jessica, his own pain mixing with hers. “She woke up and found her there beside her. Mickey and zombie man were still here, waiting for her to wake up. They dragged Jess from the bed.” Beck worked his jaw then nodded at Jessica. “Mickey said it was because she ran.”

  My arms tightened around the shivering girl in my arms. My head dropped so I could press my mouth to her head. “I’m so damn sorry.”

  “I promised her I would always take care of her,” she cried softly. “I promised.”

  I looked at Beck, his expression when his stare met mine telling me everything.

  That we knew everything Jessica was feeling.

  We’d been through it.

  No one knew the overwhelming failure better than Beck and me. But Jessica couldn’t have protected her mom from this no matter what she’d done.

  Her mom had been determined to destroy herself. She’d had a lifetime of demons she was running from. Jessica had only prolonged the inevitable because she loved her and felt responsible for her. And then she’d met the devil incarnate.

  “We need to get you out of here,” I whispered, then shifted her so she was curled under my arm.

  “Did it work?” she asked before I could lead her away. When I looked at her, her head drifted in the direction of her room. “The running, my mom . . . was it all worth it? Did you find him?”

  I glanced at Beck again. I wouldn’t have expected him to keep it all from her if he’d already known what I hadn’t—that her mom had been found and was no longer breathing.

  He shrugged and mouthed, “She was sleeping.”

  Jealousy sliced through me, knowing he was with her while she slept, but was quickly replaced with gratitude.

  Because once again, I hadn’t been here.

  And Beck had.

  I dipped my head in a silent thank you then looked at Jessica. “Nothing’s worth that pain. But we found him. He’s gone.”

  At her stuttered exhale, I turned to lead her away, but she held her ground. “The plan was to take Mickey out here. He’ll come back. And I’m not leaving my mom in that room.”

  “And if he finds out Kieran took out the ghost first?” Beck asked. “He might run and we’ll lose our chance . . . again.”

  “Or he’ll come at us with everything he has left,” I mumbled, holding Jessica slightly in front of me so I could study her dazed expression.

  Mickey needed to die. For so many reasons.

  Finn had been right in the minutes before I killed him . . . Mickey was finished. Only Mickey refused to accept it. He would take out the entire world if it meant there was no one left to threaten his position as Holloway’s Boss.

  Nothing made that clearer than when he had Tommy killed.

  He’d been Mickey’s best friend and advisor since my dad died. He’d been loyal to a fault—Mickey’s advisors always were.

  The only people he kept closer were his underbosses: Aric and me. The ones who’d built an entire rebellion within Holloway against Mickey while he’d been preparing us to take over.

  Maybe Mickey had somehow always known there was a possibility of what we’d become. Maybe he’d seen too much of himself in Aric and me. Maybe that’s why he’d kept us close, wanting that defiant spirit to continue leading Holloway after he was dead.

  It was true: keep your enemies closer.

  But I’d never wanted his position.

  I wanted to be done with the mob I’d been born into. With all of it.

  I couldn’t do that if Mickey still walked this earth.

  He was sick and demented. He could manipulate anyone to do his will. And he had his hand in everything, including the government.

  It was why Aric and I had first set out to destroy Holloway and Mickey’s empire. It was why I’d enlisted Dare to help. It was why we, along with Beck, had agreed Mickey needed to go down with both.

  “I know how to make sure he comes here,” Jessica whispered.

  I focused on her wrecked face, my jaw tightening at the possibilities of what she’d say next.

  Her vacant eyes slid to mine. “We need Conor.”

  “No,” Beck said immediately. “No. Fuck no.”

  Kieran didn’t say anything. He only continued to watch me with that same careful expression. Like he was worried about what I might do.

  A part of me was too.

  There was a part of me that was begging to push at Kieran until he snapped. Taunt him until he lost control.

  Make it go away.

  But even as those thoughts and needs crept through me, I knew Kieran wouldn’t . . . knew he’d find a way to keep me safe from my own mind while keeping me alive.

  Find Jentry.

  Find Jentry. Make it go away.

  A ragged breath ripped from my lungs when Kieran’s fingers trailed down my jaw, and my eyes locked with his.

  A part. That’s all it was.

  Because my rock was holding on to me, and he was keeping me from breaking. He was keeping the madness from consuming me.

  He was numbing the pain, at least for a little while.

  “Conor’s going to be here anyway, Beck,” I said, the words rasping up my sore throat from the screaming and crying I’d already done today. “Would you rather have him waiting outside when Mickey comes, or in here?”

  Beck glowered at me, hands fisted and mouth mashed together.

  “Think it’s time,” Kieran added. When Beck’s glare snapped to him, Kieran loosened a sigh. “You’ve kept him in the dark for eleven years, Beck. All this shit is about to go down right in front of him, so he should be prepared for what’s really happening. What’s been happening.”

  Beck’s head moved in rough nods before he let out a roar and turned toward the front door. He opened it with so much force it smacked off the wall with a loud crack. But the seconds that followed passed in eerie silence as Beck reached for the door, clenching it tight in his grip to shut it.

  For how angry he’d just been, the soft click of the door when it closed seemed so out of place.

  “He’s not fucking there,” he breathed, his phone already in his hand and thumb flying over the screen.

  Kieran tensed and shifted me behind him as he quickly started pulling knives from his
belt and pants.

  “Was he there when you came?” Kieran was silent for so long that Beck snapped, “Kieran.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “What the fuck do you mean you don’t . . . Where are you?” Beck growled, relief pouring through his fear and frustration. A couple seconds passed before his shoulders sagged and he waved off Kieran. “All right, look. When you get back here, I need you to come into the guesthouse.”

  “No,” I said quickly.

  “No?” Beck echoed.

  “I have to bring him in.” My eyes lifted to where Kieran was now staring at me curiously. “Mickey thinks he owns me. If he’s watching the camera, he needs to see me touch Conor and bring him in.”

  The guys stared at me in silence. Beck with eyebrows raised, Kieran with a murderous look in his cold eyes.

  “I was warned what would happen if I ever touched or seduced him. Mickey will come here,” I said confidently.

  “Uh . . .” Beck cleared his throat. “You need to play along and let Jess bring you into the house. We’ll explain everything once you’re inside . . . All right.” He tapped his phone against his palm a few times after ending the call, his eyes on me. “Do you have to touch my brother?”

  I rolled my eyes and moved past Kieran to sit down.

  “It’s a question,” he said defensively.

  I didn’t bother telling him I wouldn’t be touching Conor the way he thought.

  I didn’t bother saying anything as I sank heavily in the chair.

  There was a hole in my chest, growing wider and wider.

  And it felt like I might drown in it.

  Momma.

  A strong hand gently fell to my chest, resting there in comfort and strength.

  Silently trying to mend the chasm in my chest faster than it could spread.

  “Okay, fine. Whatever,” Beck said. “Conor went to pick up something for you and was already headed back here from the garage. So, if Mickey is watching, this will make it better.”

  “What did he pick up?”

  Beck lifted his hands then let them fall to let me know he was in the dark as much as I was.

  “I wasn’t looking for Conor or anyone else outside the house,” Kieran said, his voice hollow. “I didn’t even try to hide. I ran across the center of the property to get here.”