Ten Big Ones

And Ranger was gone.

  I was totally flummoxed. I had no idea when Ranger was serious and when he was kidding. There was no doubt in my mind that I amused him. In the past, the amusement always felt affectionate, never malicious. Being a line item under entertainment was pushing it. And what the heck was I supposed to think about the I love you that was qualified by in my own way? I was supposed to think it was nice, I decided. I loved him in my own way, too.

  The front bell chimed, and I opened the door to Ella. She had the basket of clean clothes I'd left in the fourth-floor room.

  'Ranger asked me to bring these up to you,' Ella said. 'And your phone is in the basket, too. It was on the night table.' She collected the breakfast tray and turned to leave. 'When would be a good time for me to come in to clean?' she asked.

  'Whenever it's convenient for you.'

  'I can tidy up right now,' she said. 'I won't be long. There isn't much to do today.'

  Not counting my mother, no one had ever cleaned or cooked for me. I wasn't in the income bracket to have a housekeeper. I didn't know anyone, other than Ranger, who had help. It was a luxury I'd always wanted, but it was uncharted territory for me right now, and it felt weird. It was one thing for Ella to come in and make Ranger's life easier while he was out catching desperadoes. It was totally different to have her cleaning up my mess while I sat around watching television.

  Fifteen

  I solved the Ella problem by helping her make the bed and straighten the apartment. She wouldn't allow me to touch the laundry, not wanting to be held responsible should I mix

  Rangers blacks with his whites. Although, from what I could see, he didn't have any whites, other than sheets. We'd moved from the bedroom to the bathroom. Ella was setting out fresh towels, and I was smelling the soap.

  1 love this soap,' I said.

  'My sister works on the cosmetic floor of a department store, and she gave me a sample of the Bulgari. It is very expensive, but it suits Ranger. Not that Ranger would notice. All he thinks about is work. Such a nice handsome young man and no girlfriend. Until you.'

  `I'm not exactly a girlfriend.'

  Ella stood straight arid did a sharp inhale, focusing her snapping bird eyes on me. 'He isn't paying you, is he? Like the way Richard

  Gere was paying Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?*

  'No. Ranger and I work together. I'm a bounty hunter.'

  'Maybe you'll become a girlfriend,' she said hopefully.

  'Maybe.' But doubtful. In this case, I didn't think love and sex equated to boyfriend. 'Do you take care of all his properties?' I asked Ella.

  'Just this building. I take care of the apartments on the fourth floor and Ranger. My husband, Louis, takes care of everything else.'

  Rats. I was hoping to get a lead on the Bat Cave.

  Ella gathered the day's laundry and turned to go. 'Would you like me to bring lunch?' she asked. 'Ranger is never at home for lunch, but I'd be happy to make you a sandwich and a nice salad.'

  'Not necessary,' I said. 'I have some sandwich things here. But thank you for offering.'

  I let Ella out and my cell phone rang.

  'Everybody's been trying to get you,' Grandma said. 'You haven't been answering your phone.'

  'I misplaced it.'

  Tour sisters driving us nuts. Ever since that fitting she's been impossible. I swear, I never saw anybody with such wedding jitters.

  I don't want to think what's going to happen if Valerie backs out.

  Your mother's hitting the sauce, as is. Not that I blame her. I take a nip now and then, too, what with all the googie bear and oogiewoogie snuggy sweetie stuff. Anyway, I just called to see if you wanted to go to the shower with Sally and me. Your mother's bringing Valerie.'

  Thanks,' I said, 'but I'll get myself to the shower.' Silent groan.

  The shower was Friday, and I didn't have a present. If Junkman was going to kill me, let it be today, I thought. At least I'd get out of the shower.

  I disconnected and dialed Morelli.

  'What?' he answered. Not happy.

  'It's me,' I said. 'Have you been trying to call me?'

  'Yeah. I worked a double shift yesterday, running down leads on

  Junkman. It was after eleven before I got home and checked my phone. Next time leave a message, so I know you're okay. Seeing your number pop up on my caller ID and then not being able to reach you doesn't do a lot for my acid reflux.'

  'Sorry. I wasn't calling for anything special. And then I misplaced my phone.'

  'Junkman got his cop.'

  'I just heard.'

  'I'd feel better if I knew where you were.'

  'No you wouldn't,' I said. 'But you'd worry less.'

  'I can read between the lines on that one,' Morelli said. 'Be careful.'

  No ranting and raving. No jealous accusations. Just an affectionate be careful.

  'You trust me,' I said.

  'Yeah.'

  'That's really rotten.'

  'I know. Live with it.'

  I could sense the smile. I was entertainment for Morelli, too.

  I disconnected and called Valerie.

  "What's going on?' I asked her. 'Grandma says you're having a meltdown.'

  'I saw myself in the gown, and I had a total panic attack. It wasn't just that I was fat, either. It was everything. All the fuss. I know it's my own fault. I wanted a wedding, but it's gotten really scary. And now I have to get through a shower! Seventy-eight women in the

  VFW hall. Good thing there isn't a gun in the house because I'd shoot myself.'

  'The shower is supposed to be a secret.'

  `I planned it! What was I thinking? And what if this marriage doesn't work out? I thought my first marriage was perfect. I was clueless!'

  'Albert's a nice guy. You're not going to find him in the coat closet with the baby-sitter. You'll have a nice comfortable life with Albert.'

  And that couldn't be said for the two men in my life, I thought.

  They were volatile domineering alpha males. Life wouldn't be dull with either of them, but it also wouldn't be easy.

  'Maybe you should elope,' I told Valerie. 'Just go off and quietly get married and get on with your life.'

  'I couldn't do that to Mom.'

  'She might be relieved.'

  Okay, I have to admit this was self-serving, because I really didn't want to wear the eggplant gown. Still, I thought it was decent advice.

  `I'll think about it,' Valerie said.

  'Just don't tell anyone I gave you the idea.'

  I hung up and went into the kitchen to say hello to Rex. I dropped a couple Frosted Flakes into his cage; he rushed out of his soup can, whiskers twitching, shoved the cereal into his cheek, and rushed back to the soup can.

  Okay, that was fun, but now what? What do people do all day when they have nothing to do?

  I flipped the television on and surfed through about forty channels, finding nothing. How could there be so little on so many channels?

  I called the office.

  'What's going on?' I asked Connie.

  'Ranger was in. He's looking for Junkman. He's got a lot of company. Every bounty hunter and every cop in the state is looking for Junkman. You heard about the latest killing?'

  'I heard.'

  'Did you also hear about Pancek? He was shot in the head last night, at the corner of Comstock and Seventh. Somehow he drove four more blocks before he lost consciousness and crashed his car.

  He's at St Francis. It looks like he's going to make it.'

  'My fault.' I said. 'I chased him into Slayerland.'

  'Wrong,' Connie said. 'You followed him to Slayerland. Since you're not here, I'm assuming you're hiding?'

  'That's the plan, but it's getting old.'

  'Yeah, you've been at it for what, three or four hours?'

  I got off the phone with Connie and shuffled into the bedroom to take a nap. I stood at the edge of the bed and couldn't bring myself to get in and wrinkle the perfectly ironed sheets. I lo
oked to the bathroom. I'd already taken a shower. I went back to the kitchen and shook Rex's aquarium.

  'Get up, you stupid hamster,' I said.`I'm bored.'

  There was a slight rustling in the soup can as Rex hunkered in deeper.

  I could explore the building, but that would involve interaction with Ranger's men. I wasn't sure I was ready for that. Especially since they might be stun-gun ready should I make a break for freedom.

  I called Ranger on his cell phone.

  Ranger answered with a soft, To.'

  To, yourself,' I said. `I'm going nuts here. What am I supposed to do? There's nothing good on television. There are no books or magazines. No cross-stitch, needlepoint, knitting. And don't suggest I go to the gym. It's not going to happen.'

  Ranger disconnected.

  I punched his number in again. 'What was that?' I said. 'You disconnected me!'

  'Babe,' Ranger said.

  I did a sigh and hung up.

  Ranger walked through the door a few minutes after six. He tossed his keys into the dish and did a cursory shuffle of the mail Ella had brought up earlier. He looked up from the mail and locked eyes with me. 'You're looking a little crazy, Babe.'

  I was coming off five hours of television and two hours of hall pacing. I'm leaving now,' I said. `I'm going to the mall, and I just waited around so I could say thank you. I appreciate the use of your apartment, and I'm going to miss the shower gel big-time, but I have to go. So it would be good if you made sure no one stun-gunned me.'

  Ranger returned the letters to the silver tray. 'No.'

  'No?

  'Junkman is still out there.'

  'Have you made any progress?'

  'We have a name,' Ranger said. 'Norman Carver.'

  'Norman's not going to be at the mall. And excuse me, you're blocking the door.'

  'Give it a rest,' Ranger said.

  'Give it a rest, yourself,' I said, giving him a shot to the shoulder.

  'Get out of my way.'

  All day long the car keys had been sitting in the dish. And truth is, I didn't actually believe Ranger told his guys to stun-gun me. I'd stayed in the apartment because I didn't want to die. And I still didn't want to die, but I was resenting the passive role I was forced to play. I was antsy, and I was unhappy. I wanted my life to be different. I wanted to be Ranger. He was good at being a tough guy.

  I was crappy at it. I was also finding it ironic that I'd walked out on

  Morelli only to find myself in the same position with Ranger.

  I gave Ranger another shove, and he shoved back, pinning me to the wall with his body.

  `I'we had a long, unsatisfying day,' Ranger said.`I'm low on patience. Don't push me.'

  He was effortlessly leaning into me, holding me there with his weight, and I was immobilized. Not only was I immobilized, I was starting to get turned on.

  'This really pisses me off,' I said.

  He'd been out all day, and he still smelled wonderful. His warmth was oozing into me, his cheek was resting against the side of my head, his hands were flat against the wall, framing my shoulders. Without thinking, I snuggled into him and brushed my lips across his neck in a light kiss.

  'No fair,' he said.

  I shifted under him and felt him stir against me.

  'I've got the weight and the muscle,' he said. 'But I'm starting to think you've got the power.'

  'Do I have enough power to persuade you to take me shopping?'

  'God doesn't have that much power. Did Ella bring dinner up?'

  'About ten minutes ago. It's in the kitchen.'

  He pushed away from me, ruffled my hair, and went to the kitchen in search of food. The door was left unattended. The car keys were in the dish.

  'Arrogant bastard,' I yelled after him.

  He turned and flashed me the full-on smile.

  I was still at the breakfast table when Ranger came out of the bedroom wearing a fully loaded utility belt and an unzipped flak jacket. 'Try not to get too crazy today,' he said, heading for the door.

  'Yeah,' I said. 'And you should try not to get shot.'

  It was a disturbing goodbye because we both meant what we said.

  At five o'clock Lula called on my cell phone. 'They got him,' she said. 'Connie and me have been listening to the police channel, and we just heard that they got Junkman.'

  'Any details?'

  'Not much. It sounded to us like he got stopped for running a red, and when they checked him out they got lucky.'

  'No one was hurt?'

  'No call went out.'

  I felt weak with relief. It was over. Thanks,' I said. `I'll see you tomorrow.'

  'Have fun,' Lula said.

  If I hurried, I could pick something up for Valerie and make the shower. I left a note to Ranger, grabbed the keys to the Turbo, and took the elevator to the garage.

  The elevator doors opened at garage level, and Hal burst out of the stairwell door. 'Excuse me,' he said, 'Ranger would prefer that you stay in the building.'

  'It's okay,' I told him. 'Code red is over, and I'm going shopping.'

  `I'M afraid I can't let you do that.'

  So, Ranger hadn't been yanking my chain. He'd actually given orders to keep me here.

  `Men.' I said. 'You're all a bunch of chauvinist morons.'

  Hal didn't have anything to say to that.

  'Get out of my way,' I said to him.

  1 can't let you leave the building,' he said.

  'And how are you going to stop me?'

  He shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. He had a stun gun in his hand.

  'Well?' I asked.

  `I'M supposed to stun you, if I have to.'

  'Okay, let me get this straight. You're going to stun-gun the woman who's been living with Ranger?'

  Hal's face was red, leaning toward purple. 'Don't give me a hard time,' he said. 'I like this job, and I'll lose it if I screw up with you.'

  'You touch me with that stun gun and I'll have you arrested for assault. You won't have to worry about this job.'

  'Jeez,' Hal said.

  'Wait a minute,' I said. 'Let me see the gun for just a second.'

  Hal held the stun gun out to me. I took it, pressed it to his arm, and he went down like a ton of bricks. Hal wasn't a bad guy, but he was dumb as a box of rocks.

  I leaned over him to make sure he was breathing, gave him his gun back, got into the Turbo, and motored out of the garage. I knew the control room would see me on the screen, and someone would check on Hal. I hated to stun him, but I was a woman on a mission. I needed a shower gift.

  Ordinarily I'd go to the mall off Route I, but I didn't have a lot of time, and I was worried about traffic. So I stopped at an electronics store on the way across town and bought Valerie a picture cell phone and a year's service. It wasn't a real bridey present, but I knew she needed a phone and couldn't afford to buy one for herself. I swung into a pharmacy and got a card and a gift bag, and I was in business. I could have been a little more dressed.

  Sneakers and jeans, a white stretchy T-shirt, and denim jacket wasn't standard fare for a Burg shower, but it was the best I could do without making another stop.

  The lot was filled when I got to the hall. The big yellow school bus was parked at the edge. My mother had hired Sally and his band to entertain. JoAnne Waleski was catering. When we did a shower in the Burg, we really did a shower.

  I was in the lot when my cell phone rang.

  'Babe,' Ranger said. 'What are you doing at the VFW?'

  'Valerie's shower. Is Hal okay?'

  'Yeah. You were caught on camera again. The men in the control room were laughing so hard when you stunned Hal they couldn't get down the stairs fast enough to stop you from leaving the garage.'

  'I heard they caught Junkman, so I thought it was okay to leave.'

  'I heard that, too, but I haven't been able to confirm the capture.

  I've got a man on you. Try not to destroy him.'

  Disconnect.

&n
bsp; I went into the hall and looked for Grandma. Sally was on stage, doing rap in a red cocktail dress and red sequined heels. The rest of the band was in gargantuan T-shirts and baggy-ass pants.