Career in C Major: And Other Fiction
It is the plea of the defendant Summers that he shot in self-defense and that his act was accordingly justifiable. Such a plea is permissible under the law, and if supported by the evidence is ground for acquittal. In view of this plea, then, you must consider whether the life of the defendant Summers was actually threatened. To determine this, you must consider the actions of the deceased Brody and his companions antecedent to the acts described in the indictment. It is in evidence that the only act which they committed of which the defendant Summers became aware was their forgathering on his front stoop and singing a hymn known as “Nearer, My God, to Thee,” a point on which he satisfied himself by peeping through the curtains before reaching for his gun. Before his plea can be allowed, then, you must consider whether the singing of the hymn “Nearer, My God, to Thee” by Brody and his companions constituted a threatening act. If you find that it was a threatening act, then you should acquit him. If you find that it was not a threatening act, and if you find that his shooting of the deceased Brody was in no other way justifiable, then you should find him guilty of whichever of the three crimes are open to you under the law. Are there any questions, gentlemen?
You may retire and consider your verdict.
3. The Jury
The jury room, a few moments later. The jurors, who are MR. GAIL foreman, and MESSRS. HAGAR, BASSETT, ZIEGLER, FUNK, REDDICK, PETRY, LEE, DYER, PENNELL, MOON, and WEMPLE, file in and take to the chairs with which the place is provided, some sitting solemnly apart, some hooking their heels on the edge of the table which stands in the middle of the room, and still others camping within range of the cuspidor.
MR. GAIL
Well, men, le’s git at it. What I mean, le’s git a verdick quick, so’s we can git out in time for supper.
MR. DYER
You said it!
MR. LEE
That suits me!
MR. REDDICK
You’re dam tooting!
MR. BASSETT
’Cepting only that State’s attorney tooken away all my appetite for supper.
MR. REDDICK
Me too. I never seen such a looking sight in my life.
MR. BASSETT
“For the honor of our fair State, gentlemen, for the honor of your State and my State, I ask to return a verdict of murder in the first degre-e-e-e-e!” And then all that whooping and hollering wasn’t enough for him. Oh, no! He had to spit all over you.
MR. GAIL
The spit, it wasn’t so good, but what we got to talk about now is the verdict.
MR. WEMPLE
Yeah, the verdict.
MR. GAIL
What we going to do?
MR. PENNELL
I kind of feel like we ought to hear what Mr. Petry thinks about it.
MR. PETRY
This is a hard case. This is an exceptional hard case.
MR. WEMPLE
This is the balled uppest case I ever heard tell of in my life.
MR. MOON
How come that fellow to git killed?
MR. WEMPLE
What’s the matter? Was you deef you couldn’t hear what them people was saying out there?
MR. MOON
I heard what they said, but seems like I can’t quite git the hang of it.
MR. WEMPLE
Hunh!
MR. MOON
Yes, sir. Scuse me, sir.
MR. WEMPLE
Scuse you? Say, fellow, what ails you, anyhow?
MR. MOON
Yes, sir. I ain’t quite got it straight yet, like of that.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, for the love of Mike, quit looking like the police was after you every time I look at you….Which is the part you don’t understand?
MR. MOON
About the singing.
MR. WEMPLE
Why, there wasn’t nothing to that. That there was to fill him with the holy fire.
MR. MOON
Oh yeah. Thank you, sir, Mr. Wemple. Oh yeah. The holy fire.
MR. PETRY
I expect you better explain how it was, Mr. Wemple. Anyway, as good as you can. ’Cause this man don’t act like he was so bright nohow, and maybe it wouldn’t hurt the rest of us none if we was to kind of go over it once more, just to git it all straight.
MR. PENNELL
If Mr. Petry, he feels like he’s got to hear it oncet more, then I reckon we all better hear it.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, the way I git it, this here Summers, what they got on trial, he wouldn’t never go to church.
MR. FUNK
’Cepting only he’s a Disciples of Christ and there ain’t no Disciples church nowhere around here.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, one thing at a time. Whatever the hell he’s a disciples of, he wouldn’t never go to church. So the Ku Klux got it in their head to go out to his place and try to bring him around.
MR. FUNK
It wasn’t no such thing. They was sore at him ’cause he went to work and boughten hisself a disk harrow offen the mail-order house ’stead of down at the store.
MR. WEMPLE
Well then, dam it to hell, you know so much about it, suppose you tell it!
MR. REDDICK, MR. BASSETT, MR. ZIEGLER
Let the man talk!
MR. FUNK
All right. But why don’t he tell it right?
MR. WEMPLE
I’m trying to tell what them witnesses said. After we git that all straight, why then maybe we can figure the fine points on how much they was lying.
MR. PETRY
I think Mr. Wemple’s telling it the way most of us heard it.
MR. WEMPLE
So they went out to his place, this here Brody what got killt and five other of them, all dressed up in them nightgowns.
MR. ZIEGLER
And got it in the neck.
MR. WEMPLE
In the neck and the funny-bone and the seat of the pants and a couple of other places where maybe they’re picking the shot out yet. ’Cause this here Summers, he ain’t only boughten hisself a disk harrow offen the mail-order house, but a twelve-gauge, single-barrel, six-shot pump-gun too. And when they commence bearing down on the close harmony, what he done to them was a plenty.
MR. LEE
I swear I never heared the beat of that in all my life. Idea of going to a man’s house three o’clock in the morning and commence singing right on his front stoop!
MR. DYER
And “Nearer, My God, to Thee”!
MR. REDDICK
They was a hell of a sight nearer than they figured on.
MR. WEMPLE
And Brody, he got it in about all the places there was, and in the middle of the stummick too, and he bled to death. So he come about as near as he’s going to git. So that’s how come he got killt.
MR. PETRY (to MR. MOON)
Do you understand now?
MR. MOON
Oh yeah, oh yeah. Anyways, a whole lot better. Thank you, sir. Thank you, Mr. Wemple.
MR. GAIL
Well, men, what are we going to do?
MR. WEMPLE
That there is a question…. Mind, I ain’t afraid of the Ku Klux. If this here Brody was in it, and this here Summers what killed him had the right on his side, I’d turn Summers loose just as quick as I would anybody.
MR. GAIL, MR. HAGAR, MR. LEE, MR. DYER, MR. ZIEGLER, MR. REDDICK, MR. FUNK, MR. PENNELL
Me too! I ain’t afraid of no Ku Klux!
MR. PETRY
Mr. Wemple, I don’t believe there’s a man in this room that’s afraid to do his duty on account of the Ku Klux. Unless—
MR. MOON
I ain’t afraid of the Ku Klux. Not me.
MR. PETRY
Then I think that’s one thing we don’t have to worry about. All the same, I think it wouldn’t hurt none if all of us was to remember that what goes on in this room ain’t to be told outside.
MR. WEMPLE
That’s understood. Or dam sight better ha
d be. But what I started to say, we got to be sure this here Summers had the right on his side.
MR. HAGAR
Look to me like he did all right.
MR. FUNK
What I say, when them Ku Klux goes to take a fellow out, why don’t they take him out or else stay home?
MR. BASSETT
That’s me. I never seen such a mess-around-all-the-time-and-then-never-do-nothing bunch in all my life.
MR. ZIEGLER
And all this “Come to Jesus.”
MR. HAGAR
And “Sweet Adeline.”
MR. REDDICK
What’s the good of that? Everybody knows what they was there for. Then why the hell don’t they up and do it thouten all this fooling around?
MR. FUNK
All the time making out they don’t never do nothing ’cepting the preacher told them to do it.
MR. DYER
And then, come to find out, when they pick up Brody he had a strap on him looked like a trace off a six-horse harness.
MR. ZIEGLER
I reckon the preacher give them that for to beat time to the singing.
MR. MOON
That was to scare him.
MR. HAGAR
Yeah?
MR. MOON
Anyway, so I hear tell. That’s what them Ku Klux said.
MR. HAGAR
Them Ku Klux sure can tell it their own way.
MR. WEMPLE
Wait a minute, wait a minute…. Moon, how come you heared all this what the Ku Klux said?
MR. MOON
They was just talking around.
MR. WEMPLE
I ain’t asking you was they talking around. I ask you what the hell you was doing around them?
[MR. MOON makes no reply. There is a general stir.]
MR. FUNK
What the hell? …
MR. WEMPLE
Come on, Moon. Why don’t you say something?
MR. PETRY
Why, what’s the matter, Mr. Wemple?
MR. WEMPLE
Why, that simple-looking nut, he’s in the Ku Klux!
SEVERAL
What!
MR. WEMPLE
Look at him, the lying look he’s got on his face! Hell, no wonder he acted like the police was after him! No, he couldn’t git it straight about the singing, ’cause they done filled him up with so much talk, he don’t know is he going or coming! No, he ain’t afraid of no Ku Klux, ’cause he’s got a nightgown hisself already.
MR. ZIEGLER
But how about them questions?
MR. WEMPLE
I’m coming to that. Hey, you, why ain’t you said something about this when they ask you them questions? When they ask you was you in the Ku Klux, how come you said you wasn’t?
MR. MOON
Lemme alone! Lemme alone!
MR. WEMPLE
Quit that crying or I’ll bust you one in the jaw. Now answer me what I just now ask you.
MR. PETRY
Let me talk to him, Mr. Wemple. Now, Mr. Moon, when them lawyers ask you was you in the Ku Klux, what made you answer no?
MR. MOON
I tried to tell them how it was, but they wouldn’t let me say nothing…. That there man, he kept a-saying. “Answer yes or no.” … I tried to explain it to them, but they wouldn’t never give me no chance.
MR. WEMPLE
Chance? What the hell! Couldn’t you say yes?
MR. MOON
They ain’t tooken me in yet. I ain’t never had the money. They won’t take me in lessen I give them the ten dollars.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, I’ll be damned!
MR. PETRY
I never hear tell of nothing like this in all my life. Why, Mr. Moon, don’t you know that was perjury?
MR. MOON
I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t lemme say nothing.
MR. PETRY
Don’t you know that when you take oath before the judge to tell the truth, you got to tell the truth else it’s against the law? Ain’t nobody ever told you that before?
MR. MOON
Lemme alone! Lemme alone!
[There ensues an ominous silence, punctuated occasionally by MR. MOON’S sobbing.]
MR. BASSETT
So now every word what’s been said in here, the Ku Klux knows it five minutes after we got it.
MR. ZIEGLER
This sure is bad.
MR. HAGAR
Moon, effen a juryman tells what he heared in the jury room, they put him in jail for five year.
MR. LEE
Ten year.
MR. DYER
And the penitentiary, not the jail.
MR. HAGAR
In the penitentiary for ten year. And he don’t hardly ever come out. ’Cause before the time comes for him to git out, something generally always happens to him.
MR. MOON
Lemme alone! Lemme alone!
MR. FUNK
Aw hell, what’s the use of talking to him? ’Cause that dumb coot, even if you could scare him deef, dumb, and blind, why he’d blab it all around anyhow and never know he done it.
MR. BASSETT
That’s the hell of it. And never know he done it.
MR. WEMPLE
What do you think about this, Mr. Petry? Do you think we better report this fellow to the judge?
MR. PETRY
I’m just a-thinking. I’m just a-thinking.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, while we’re figuring on that, I reckon we better git up a verdict. This here look like second degree to me.
MR. FUNK
First degree, I say.
MR. REDDICK, MR. DYER, MR. ZIEGLER, MR. GAIL, MR. HAGAR, MR. BASSETT
First degree, I say. Me too. This here is murder.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, I was thinking about first degree myself. ’Cause a Klansman, it stands to reason, he’s as good as anybody else.
MR. LEE
He is that. When a man gits killt, something had ought to be done about it and that goes for a Klansman same as anybody else.
MR. HAGAR
Everybody alike, I say.
MR. BASSETT
And another thing, men, what we hadn’t ought to forget. Ku Klux is a fine order, when you come right down to it.
MR. FUNK
I know a fellow what he’s a kind of a travelling agent for the Red Men. He got something to do with the insurance, I think it is, and believe me he’s got it down pat about every kind of a order they is going. And he says to me one time, he says: “Funk,” he says, “you can put it right down, if they’d run it right, the Ku Klux is the best order what they is going. They ain’t none of them,” he says, “what’s got the charter and the constitution and all like of that what the Ku Klux has. Now you’ll hear a lot of talk,” he says to me, “and I ain’t saying the Ku Klux ain’t made mistakes and is going to make a whole hell of a lot more of them. But when you come right down to what you call citizenship and all like of that, don’t let nobody tell you the Ku Klux ain’t there.”
MR. DYER
Why, ain’t no better order in the world than the Ku Klux—if they run it right.
MR. REDDICK
That’s it. If they run it right.
MR. LEE
I swear, it makes me sick to see how they run a fine order in the ground the way they do around here.
MR. PENNELL
Well, men, I tell you. It’s easy enough for us to set here and belly-ache like we’re doing about how they run it. But just jump in and try to run it oncet. Just try to run it oncet.
MR. FUNK
And specially a order what’s trying to pull off something big, like the Ku Klux is. It’s just like this fellow says to me, the one I was just now telling you about. “Funk,” he says to me, “there’s one thing they can’t take away from the Ku Klux. It ain’t no steamboat-picnic order. No, sir. When the Ku Klux holds a picnic, they don’t sell no round-trip excursion tickets. That they
don’t.”
MR. BASSETT
And another thing: that there singing. You ask me, I say that was a pretty doggone nice way to invite a fellow to church. I hope to git invited that way oncet. I’m here to say I do.
MR. LEE
And this here dirty whelp ain’t got no more appreciation than to sock it to them with a pump-gun. Six shots, men. Think of that. Them poor guys didn’t have no more chance than a snowball in hell.
MR. HAGAR
Yep. Ku Klux is all right. It sure is.
MR. WEMPLE
You hear that, don’t you, Moon?
MR. MOON
Lemme alone. I ain’t heared nothing.
MR. WEMPLE
Listen at that! Listen at that! I swear, people that dumb, I don’t see how they git put on a jury.
MR. LEE
Why hell, Wemple, that’s why they git put on a jury. Them lawyers figures the less sense they got, the more lies they believe.
MR. WEMPLE
Now listen at me, Moon. ’Cause if you don’t git this straight, you’re libel to git Ku Kluxed before you ever git outen this room. Now first off, effen you git it straight, we ain’t going to tell the judge what you done. Then maybe you won’t have to go to jail.
MR. MOON
Oh thank you. Thank you, Mr. Wemple.
MR. WEMPLE
But that ain’t all of it. When you go out of here, if you got to do any talking about what you heared in here, we want you to tell what you heared and not no dam lies like some of them does.
MR. MOON
I won’t say ary word, Mr. Wemple. I hope my die I won’t.
MR. WEMPLE
Well, you might. Now you heared these gentlemen say, didn’t you, that the Ku Klux is a fine order, one of the finest orders in the United States?
MR. MOON
I sure did, Mr. Wemple. Ku Klux is a fine order. Yes, Mr. Wemple, I heared them say that. All of them.
MR. WEMPLE
Now—
MR. HAGAR
Wait a minute, Wemple…. You got that all straight, Moon?
MR. MOON
Yep. Ku Klux is a fine order.
MR. HAGAR
Then, Wemple, if he done learned that, why look like to me like he ain’t going to learn no more. Not today. Just better let him hang on to that and call it a day.