Sustain

  Aw, shit. I didn’t mean that. Dread quickly lined the bottom of my stomach. He was going to kick me out, once and for all. It was going to be the end, and I would never get him back. I was startled at the vehemence behind that thought.

  My eyebrows bunched together. It had just hit me. I hadn’t joined the band to be in the band. It wasn’t about staying away from Elijah. It wasn’t about making Braden happy. It wasn’t even about me playing the drums again, although now that I got back to it, I didn’t think I could quit again. No. This was all about Luke. Ever since he picked me up. It had taken root in me then, and the yearning for him had dug deep, burrowing so much inside me that I had forgotten he was even there.

  I wanted us back. It wasn’t just about sex.

  A dark storm was brewing in Luke’s eyes. His knuckles were white as he gripped the neck of the whiskey bottle. “Are you fucking with me?”

  “No.” With a deep breath, I raised my chin. “But I want to.”

  His eyes widened, and he jerked back from the bar. Then his chest went up and held. “What did you say?”

  Screw it. The decision fell into place. Everything lined up perfectly, and I wet my lips. This was the real reason I followed him. I wanted him, any way I could get him. “You heard me. Sex or nothing. I can’t do nothing.” Not anymore.

  His chest abruptly fell and rose back up again in a gaping breath. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were dark with the same hunger that was gnawing inside me, but he wasn’t moving. Why wasn’t he moving?

  He couldn’t move, a voice whispered in the back of my head to me.

  I had left him three years ago. It was my turn to go to him, so I said a small prayer in my mind and started forward. My foot moved out in an unsteady motion. He turned, watching me, as I made the slow progress to him. One step at a time. My knees shook, my palms were sweaty, and my vision blurred as I focused on his face. I took that last step around the bar and stood inches away from him.

  Now or never.

  Please, don’t reject me, I silently prayed. I wasn’t sure how many rejections a girl could take.

  “Luke.” I raised a hand.

  His chest was moving up and down at a rapid pace now, and his eyes never left mine. The hunger was there, but he was holding back. My arm began trembling. I forced my fingers to spread out so my palm touched his chest. I felt his strength pulsating underneath my hand. Moving my hand lower, I could feel his heart under my palm, and I closed my eyes.

  Please, Luke, I whispered in my head. Please, touch me back.

  My forehead rested against his chest. I stood there, feeling him. One touch. I ached for it, and then his hands went to my hips. It was a light touch at first. I felt him take a deep breath at the same time, and then in a nanosecond, everything switched. His hands grasped me hard, lifting me in the air as he crushed me to his chest. I was placed onto the counter, and he was between my legs. Strong. Commanding. Hot. All those sensations blasted me at the same time. His touch was demanding as he gripped me to him.

  “Bri.” His tone was hoarse.

  I opened my eyes, seeing his burning brightly down into mine. Then I gasped softly. There was something else there, more than just desire. Recognizing it, my pulse raced, but I couldn’t let myself admit what it was. If I did, and if I was wrong, he would shatter me.

  Slowly, so agonizingly slowly, his forehead came down to rest on top of mine as his eyes kept boring into me. One of his hands held a firm grip on my hip as the other touched my cheek tenderly. He traced his fingers over my cheek, down to my lips. His thumb held the underside of my jaw, and he tilted my head back. I felt like I was pleading for him to touch his lips to mine.

  He tucked some of my hair behind my ear. “Are you sure it’s over with him?”

  My throat had swollen, so I couldn’t talk. I nodded instead.

  His hand trailed down my arm, taking hold of both of my hips again, and he tugged me to the edge of the counter. My legs fell open, wrapping around his waist. Every inch of us was pressing into the other, but I wanted to get closer. I had to. Too damn long we’d been apart. His touch was like oxygen to me. I began to move against him, rubbing up and down. My lips opened, and his gaze darted down, lingering there now.

  He asked again, “You’re not going back to him?”

  There was no way I could do it now, not after…I knew where this was going. His hand left the counter and slid underneath my legs. He tipped me backwards, slowly lowering me until I was on the counter. Under heavy eyelids, I watched him, feeling exposed as I waited for his continued touch. We had made out and slept in the same bed, but we had never been together. His hands held my hips, anchoring me, but he didn’t close the distance.

  I couldn’t taste him yet, and the need was escalating. I was beginning not to care what happened later. I needed this night.

  “Bri,” he murmured, his breath caressing me again. I couldn’t talk, so I sat back up. His fingers caught my shirt and pulled at the corner while his knuckles grazed my side. “What is this?” he asked, his voice gruff. “Just sex?”

  I didn’t care. I didn’t respond, but I would take anything at that moment. If that made me pathetic or weak, so be it. I just needed him. Sliding my hands under his shirt, I pushed it up until he took it off. It was tossed to the floor, his eyes glancing up once to catch mine before falling back to my lips. Then I leaned forward, just a tiny bit until my lips pressed harder against his. I waited, my heart pounding all the way in my eardrums. The hunger was so deep, and then Luke let out a breath, and I knew it was time. His lips opened over mine, claiming me, and I arched forward to meet him.

  Everything went up a notch. His hands lifted me from the counter, and I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist. Wherever he was going, it didn’t matter. As his tongue swept inside, a part of me sighed from contentment. This was it. This was enough. The taste of him was everything I had missed, and I couldn’t get enough. As he lowered me to a bed, I ran my hands over him, anchoring him to me this time.

  He gasped against my lips, but then reared back and ripped off my shirt. He tore the straps on my bra so it fell away. As my fingers went to his jeans, his went to mine, but it wasn’t enough. He held me in the air and pulled off my pants. My underwear was torn away like my bra, and then he stopped, his chest heaving for air, and I lay back, panting the same. My pulse was pounding all over. I hadn’t realized how strong until that one touch from him.

  It was blinding.

  With eyes that were almost black, he watched me. Holding his gaze, I pushed his jeans down. His boxers went next, and he sprang forward. As my hand went to him, he bent at the same time to lift me further up the bed, coming with me as he reached for a condom at the same time. Holding himself up with one hand, he gazed at me, never leaving me as I began to caress him. He was hard. His heartbeat matched mine. I could feel it from him, and I licked my lips. One taste wasn’t enough. As he bent down and touched his lips to mine, I knew it wasn’t ever going to be enough.

  As he pushed inside me and began thrusting, I clung to him. My head fell back against the pillow, but I moved with him. Our hips were joined. Every inch of us touched the other. We were fused together. This was what I had been missing for so long. This was our first time together, but it had been missing from my life.

  He rose above me, over and over through the night, and I knew without a doubt that I was addicted to him. There was no going back.

  Luke trailed kisses up my throat, poised over me, and I tilted my head up, enjoying the feel of his lips. Hearing my own groan, I laughed and peeked open one eye. He smirked down at me. He asked, “Enjoying yourself?”

  Running my hands up his back, I applied pressure under my nails, letting them lightly scratch his back. He always loved this, and when his eyes closed again, I knew he was enjoying it again. He was distracted, so I scooted down in the bed, wound my legs around his waist, above his hip bones, and pushed myself up as I used my legs to pull him down at the same time. Our positions were reversed wit
h me on top.

  Luke’s eyes opened, and he ran a hand underneath my shirt. “That was nice and smooth.”

  Straddling him, I sank down on him, rubbing myself over the front of his jeans. We had come home from school earlier. We were supposed to be writing songs for the band, but that turned into flirting, and eventually all pretenses were given up. We headed upstairs to Luke’s bedroom, and for the last hour we had been sharing kisses and much more. My hand fell down to his jeans. They’d been unbuttoned earlier, but that was the farthest we had gone.

  “Bri.” Luke sucked in his breath, stilling under my hand.

  Feeling brave, braver than normal, I bit down on my lip, and my hand slipped inside his jeans. His hands fell to my hips, and he gripped them hard. Feeling the power my touch had over him, I wanted to do more.

  The sides of his mouth were strained, but he jerked it up into a smile, remaining still under my hand. One of his hands left my hip and cupped the side of my face. His thumb traced over my cheek softly, as he asked, “What are you doing?”

  “I want to.” I looked down at where my hand was between us. I didn’t say anything more, and before Luke could question me again—he was always making sure I was okay—I shifted down on his lap. Feeling him through his boxers, my hand went inside. He was already hard, but at the touch of my finger, he sprang upward.

  “Bri,” he whispered.

  I looked up and saw his eyes were clouded. He was enjoying the touch of my hand, so I rubbed my finger up and down. His eyes closed. Slowly, he lay back down, and I wrapped my whole hand around him, just holding him for a while.

  I was enjoying this power over him.

  “Luke,” I started to say. I wanted to do even more.

  “Bri?”

  I shook my head. I was going to do this for him. Other girls had done this for their boyfriends. Luke wasn’t my boyfriend. We never gave ourselves a title, but he was mine. We were best friends. Everyone knew about our connection. I wanted to feel him in my mouth, but I was nervous. If I did this—and my mouth watered just thinking about it—maybe I could finally call him my boyfriend. He never asked me to be his. Neither did I. We just were, but I wanted to know. I wanted to call him my boyfriend and not just ‘my Luke,’ even though everyone already knew he was mine.

  I slowly lowered my head closer to him. “Hey, hey.” Luke sat up, pulling away from me.

  I looked up, confused. “What’s wrong?” The rejection hit me immediately. He didn’t want me to do that for him. He didn’t want me, repeated in my mind. Luke didn’t want me after all.

  “Stop,” he said, lifting my head so I was looking him directly in the eye. It hurt. There was pity in his. I tried to look away, swallowing back the bile burning in my throat. I didn’t want him to feel sorry for me when he turned me down.

  “Hey,” he said again. He caught my face and held me firmly.

  I couldn’t look away, but I wanted to. His rejection hurt.

  “This is not what you think.” He shook his head. His other hand went to my waist, and he lifted me off him. Holding me in the air for a moment, he scooted back and then placed me back on his lap. He was sitting upright, his back against the wall. When I tried to move away, he caught both sides of my face and turned me so we were nose to nose. He was looking into me now. I felt like he was stripping me bare, exposing how much I loved him, and deciding I wasn’t enough for him.

  “Stop.”

  I had yet to talk. The burning was too much. I shook my head instead.

  “I love you.”

  What? My eyes widened, and I stopped fighting. Had I heard that right?

  The lines around his mouth softened, and he traced his fingers through my hair, smoothing my tendrils back and tucking them behind my ears. His fingers continued to rub down my jaw, falling to linger on my lips. He rubbed his thumb over them, and a rakish smirk appeared on his face. He said again, “Did you hear that? I know what you were going to do, and I want that. Holy shit, do I want that, but I wanted to tell you those words first.”

  He loved me. Relief and joy pushed all the other emotions aside. I couldn’t talk again, though. The feelings were overwhelming.

  “Do you?”

  I laughed, my voice was raspy, and I nodded. Some tears fell from my eyes. Luke wiped them aside. “You do?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  He nodded, his gaze falling back to my lips. “My dad’s going to be home soon. I don’t want…” He trailed off as he indicated the bed.

  He didn’t want it to be here, not when we could be interrupted.

  I nodded in a jerking motion. “Okay.”

  We heard the door open at that moment, followed by loud footsteps. The wood protested and creaked from under his father’s weight. Then his deep voice boomed a second later, “Luke?! You here?”

  Luke shook his head. His hands fell to wrap around me, pulling me against his chest. His forehead lowered to rest on my shoulder, and I felt his lips brush against my neck as he said, “See? Perfect timing, huh?”

  I didn’t care. His dad was an ass, but I didn’t give a damn right then. My hand cradled the back of his head, and my fingers tangled in his hair. “We can go to my place.”

  “Yeah,” he continued to whisper.

  “Luke?” His dad’s voice was louder and clearer. He was at the bottom of the stairs. “You up there? Answer me.”

  “He’s going to come up here.”

  We had to go. I nodded and slipped off his lap, going to his window.

  I awoke to those same kisses being trailed up my throat, and it took only a slight second for everything to register. This was present day. That had been the past, before everything went wrong, and Luke was back. Luke was with me. I felt him push inside me, and my body reacted, instantly curving to move with him, my hips adjusting so he could go deeper.

  Raising my hand, he pressed it to the headboard above me. He smirked down at me. “Morning,” he said as he moved out, then back in. Harder. Deeper.

  My throat choked on a gasp. My lips opened, and I managed to get out, “Morning to you, too.”

  He slid out, and then paused at my opening.

  My eyes widened. “Wha—”

  He shoved inside again, and the corner of his mouth lifted. His other hand held my hip prisoner as he slid out and slammed back inside. He kept going, in and out, in and out, all the while holding my gaze. Wave after wave of pleasure filled me. I stretched out, savoring the feel of him. He was all over me, claiming me. As he kept going, my hips moved with him. Rolling my head to the side, still holding his gaze, I gave him a side-grin, and he chuckled. He caught my chin, making me look him square in the eye again.

  I didn’t know what was going on, if he wanted to dominate me, but I loved it. Feeling his thumb enter my mouth, my tongue flicked up to meet him, and he pulled it back out. He trailed his thumb down my neck, between my breasts, and all the way over my stomach. His hand lingered at the tip of me, rubbing slightly there.

  I gasped, the sensations mingled with the pleasure of him inside me. They wound together, and I couldn’t think or talk. My hand held onto his shoulders, just grasping there, as he kept moving inside me at the same time as his finger was rubbing over me.

  The tremors were building in me. I felt them coming. I didn’t want it to end. I wanted to be woken up like this every morning, but as he began thrusting faster and harder, going so damned deep, my climax was rising. Building. It was going to crash through and then—I surged up, pressing against him—it filled all of me.

  I went over the edge. As the aftershocks were still clambering in me, making my body physically shake, Luke caught me against him. He held me in place, pausing in his thrusts. He hadn’t come, so I knew he would start again so he could finish, but he was waiting until I was done. As soon as my trembling slowed and a deep satiation filled my bones, he began moving in me again.

  This was for him.

  I lay back down and held onto his shoulders. His hands rested on either side of me, an
d he began to thrust harder again. As he did, his head bent. He was riding me hard. One of his hands went back to gripping my thigh and then, without warning, he pulled out and flipped me over. I had a second to grab hold of the bed before he slammed back in from behind me. Taking hold of my hair, the other hand resting on my back, he was pumping harder and harder, his hips going strong against mine with each thrust. Then, with a guttural groan, I felt him come, and he collapsed on top of me.

  One of his arms wound underneath us, and he hugged me to him.

  I felt his heart start to slow, felt his body began to cool off, as mine did as well. We lay there like that for another moment. Then it started to trickle back to me.

  I had come to him.

  I had begged him.

  I had stripped myself open to him.

  I bit down on my lip. What next? Would he leave? I wanted to grab the blanket and cover myself, but then Luke did that. He covered both of us after tossing the condom into the trash, and he moved beside me. “You want coffee?”

  Coffee.

  He asked about coffee.

  I blinked rapidly. “That’d be nice.”

  “Okay.” Slipping out from the covers, he tucked them back in place behind me, and I could hear him pulling on his jeans. I was lying on my side, so I didn’t turn over to watch what else he was doing, but he crossed to my side of the room where the thermostat was.