The Journey Home

  Cale and I had hardly spoken to each other. Other than helping each other give Lily a bath together, we pretty much just took turns with her. I lay in bed almost every night and fought to hold back my tears. I longed for something more with Cale and Lily. But I felt so guilty for the things that were running through my mind. I closed my eyes and pictured us walking along a path, each holding one of Lily’s hands as she begged us to swing her again.

  My phone vibrating on the table pulled me out of my daydream. I picked it up and saw it was a text from Andre.

  Andre: Ciao, Bella. Have you missed me? I’ve missed your touch, your smell…me buried deep inside of you. I’m leaving first thing tomorrow morning.

  I put my phone down and tried to push the panic down.

  “Are you okay?” Monica asked me. I smiled and nodded my head.

  “Yep, just my boss.”

  Oh God. Why did I just lie?

  Cale stood and began dancing with Lily as he sang to her. My insides melted instantly as I tried to ignore the pulsing sensation between my thighs. I wanted him. I wanted to share this life with him so bad.

  Andre. I cared about Andre. Thinking like this was wrong. It was just wrong.

  I cleared my throat as I pulled my eyes from Cale. “Andre’s flying in tomorrow.”

  Monica spun around. “Why is he coming here? What about Cale? What about Lily?”

  Her outburst caught me off-guard. “What about Cale and Lily?”

  Her eyes flicked between Cale and me. She almost seemed panicked. “You’re just going to leave them?”

  My mouth gaped open. “Um…considering the fact that I’m not Lily’s mother, or Cale’s wife, I don’t think it’s my place to stay here any longer.”

  My hands shook as I fought the battles taking place in my heart. I could easily text Andre and tell him to wait another week. I know he wouldn’t argue with me. Or I could walk away, leaving Lily and Cale on their own. I was so tired of walking away.

  Monica sat down next to me. “Listen, Maddie, I’m not trying to tell you how to live your life. But your being here is really helping Cale.”

  I laughed. “We don’t even talk to each other.”

  “You know what I mean. It’s like, with you here, he feels like he can do this. You were the only person who could snap him out of it after Zoey’s death. Can’t you just give it another week?”

  I looked back out at Cale and Lily. My heart exploded with something I had been trying to fight for months.

  I texted Andre back.

  Me: Ciao! Things are crazy here. I’m trying, along with Monica and Cale’s mom, to help him and Lily get settled. Zoey didn’t prepare at all for the baby. This week’s task is to get the nursery ready. I’d hate for you to come now when we wouldn’t get to spend any time together. Do you think you could hold off a week? P.S. I’ve missed you too.

  I set my phone down and waited. Since Andre had questioned my feelings for Cale in Italy, I was worried he would think there was more going on then there was.

  Andre: Wow. That has to be really hard for Cale that Zoey didn’t have any plans. I’m so sorry, babe. I don’t mind waiting another week if needed. I promise to completely relax you when I get there, though. I have plans for endless massages and orgasms.

  My stomach clenched at the thought of what Andre would do to relax me. I bit my lip and felt my cheeks flush.

  “Damn, girl. Is that boy sexting you?”

  I giggled as I rolled my eyes at Monica.

  Me: You have no idea how wonderful that sounds. I’ll text you later this evening or tomorrow. Maybe you can help me…relax.

  Andre: Son of a bitch, Maddison. I’m in a meeting fighting to keep my dick from growing.

  Me: Haha! Talk to ya soon!

  Andre: Arrivederci, Bella.

  I set my phone down and picked up the report I’d been working on earlier. The main perk of my job was I worked mostly from home, except for when I had to travel. I sighed as I tried to concentrate.

  I heard the door to the deck slide open. I looked up to see Cale walking in with Lily. He was grinning down at her, and I couldn’t help but smile at the love on his face.

  Monica laughed. “Jesus, Cale. You’re going to spoil her by carrying her around all the time.”

  He didn’t even look up at Monica. “I don’t care. She likes being in daddy’s arms.”

  My stomach dropped and I had felt a slight pinch of jealousy.

  Monica stood and walked over to kiss Lily on the head. “I’m going to miss you my sweet, little peanut.”

  I snapped my head over. Both Cale and I blurted, “What do you mean?”

  Jack came into the room. “Oh, shit. Didn’t we tell you? Monica and I are going to Texas to visit my grandparents. You know, introduce my bitch to the rest of the family and all that shit.”

  I stood so fast that my chair flew backward and crashed onto the floor. Lily instantly started crying.

  Cale shot me a dirty look. “Good going, Maddie. You scared her.”

  I gave him a dirty look back. “I didn’t do it on purpose. Besides, she needs to get used to loud noises or she’ll react that way all the time. Just like at naptime—you have to stop tiptoeing around. She needs to learn to sleep through noise.”

  Cale laughed as he put Lily in her swing. “Like you’re an expert.”

  “Fuck you, Cale.”

  He winked at me and said, “You wish you could.”

  “Well, now that I know the two of you are going to play nice and not act like twelve year olds, Jack and I can leave with the confidence that Lily is in good hands.”

  I glanced back at Monica. “Wait. You two can’t leave us.”

  Jack looked at me like I’d grown two heads. “Maddie, you know more about taking care of Lily than any of us. You’ll be fine.”

  I shook my head. “I’m not worried about, Lily. You can’t leave me here with Cale.”

  I felt his hot breath up against my neck as he came up behind me. “Don’t worry, Bella…I promise to behave.”

  I spun around and punched him on the arm. “Stop calling me that, you asshole.”

  Cale laughed as he turned and walked into the kitchen. I looked back at Monica with pleading eyes. “Please,” I begged.

  She kissed me on the cheek. “Sorry, Maddie. We’ve had this trip planned for weeks. You’ll be fine. Stop trying so hard to hate each other. If you put as much effort into being his friend as you do trying push him away, you’d probably both be so much happier. You can’t push love away forever. Fate has a way of stepping in, one way or another.”

  I stood there, staring at my best friend. I wasn’t sure if I loved or hated her right now.

  I reached for my inner strength and pushed aside my true feelings. “Pssh, please. I don’t even know what you’re talking about. I have a boyfriend, and we’re very happy, thank you. I care about him, and he fulfills me in more than one way.”

  Monica’s eyes changed. The way she looked at me, I couldn’t tell if she was feeling sorry for me or if she was pissed off. She rolled her eyes and sighed.

  “Whatever, Maddie. I’m glad you’re enjoying your boyfriend.” Monica looked over my shoulder, and I was guessing Cale had come back into the living room. She shot me an evil smile. “Too bad you pushed Andre’s arrival back for a week. Hope you packed your handy, dandy vibrator. You need a serious orgasm, sweetheart. I know how bitchy you get when you need to…relax.”

  My mouth dropped open as Jack busted out laughing. Monica turned and headed for the door. She waved, saying, “Have fun guys. Take care of my peanut for me.”

  Jack slapped Cale on the back, then kissed me on the cheek. I stood there stunned. I was going to kill her. Kill. Her. She did that on purpose.

  I wasn’t sure how long Cale and I stared at the door before he finally spoke. “I can’t believe they left us,” he whispered.

  I closed my eyes and tried to push it all out. I turned to Cale and was about to say something when my whole world came
to a stop.

  Oh Fuck. I’m so screwed.

  He stood there, having the nerve to look amazing, with his toned body and messy, brown hair. His green eyes pierced mine, holding my stare longer than they should have. My eyes moved down his body. He had on a muscle tee that looked like it was two sizes too small, jeans that hung just barely on his hips, bare feet…and he was carrying a damn bottle full of milk and a bib.

  Sexiest. Thing. Ever.

  A soft moan escaped from my mouth. We were alone. For the first time we were truly alone. I licked my bottom lip back and forth and then bit down on it as I stared at him.

  Maddison Powers what the hell is wrong with you? Turn away. Look. Away.

  The smile that spread across his damn face told me he could see how turned on I was just by looking at him. The idea of him making love to me pushed itself into my mind. I placed my hand on my stomach and fought like hell to keep my fingers from slipping into my panties, relieving my ache.

  I could almost feel his hands on my body. I kept telling myself: You have a boyfriend.

  He tilted his head slightly, as if he was trying to read my mind.

  The thought of his lips moving gently across my body as he slowly showered me with his attention did crazy things to my body. You. Have. A. Boyfriend.

  I took a step closer to him. His smile faded for a brief second.

  I wanted him, and I was having a hard time fighting it. Damn him for being so sexy.

  I took another step, but stopped there.

  “Do you, um…do you want me to feed her while you go workout?” I asked.

  I somehow managed to push my feelings down, back into that part of my heart that was forbidden.

  Cale’s smile vanished, and his eyes filled with something I hadn’t seen in a while. Loneliness.

  He came closer to me and looked down at my lips. I sucked in my lip and looked up into his eyes. “Is that what you want?” he barely whispered.

  I knew what he wanted to hear. But my phone vibrated and I looked down to see Andre’s name flash across the screen.

  I looked back up at Cale with a fake smile across my lips. “Yep. I think it would do you good to get out of the house.”

  He looked down at my phone, shook his head, and then glanced back at me. He shoved the bottle and bib into my hands, turned, grabbed his keys, and left.

  I’D BEEN SITTING at the bar for almost four hours. My phone went off again with yet another text message from Maddie.

  Maddie: Okay, asshole. No one works out for four hours! Where the hell are you?

  I set the phone down, ignoring the text. The dark-haired brunette down the bar had been eye-fucking me for an hour. With each beer I drank, and each shot I downed, she moved closer. I smiled as I caught her looking, again. She winked and I turned to Louie.

  “Give me another shot, Lou, will ya?”

  He shook his head. “Cale, do you have a ride home?”

  I felt a hand slide down my back. “Yes, he does.”

  I turned to see the brunette sitting down next to me. “My name’s Jackie. What’s your name, good looking?”

  I smiled my crooked smile at her and replied, “Horny as fuck.”

  She let out a fake laugh, making sure her tits bounced in just the right way. My dick jumped a little.

  She ran her tongue along her teeth and hissed, “I bet I can take care of that for you, handsome.”

  I placed my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her closer. “I bet you could.”

  The memory of Maddie staring at me earlier popped into my head. I knew she’d been turned on. Her continuing to fight it did nothing but piss me off. I’d heard her in the guest room the other night, and I thought she was just getting herself off until I heard her whisper fucking Andre’s name. I heard his voice and realized that she had his ass on speakerphone—they were having phone sex. I’d stormed down the hallway and locked myself in Lily’s room. An hour later, I heard Maddie trying to get into the room. I knew she went to see Lily every night around two in the morning. There was no way I was going to let her into my daughter’s room.

  Jackie ran her fingers though my hair. “Your place or mine, baby?”

  I smiled. “Mine.”

  JACKIE LAUGHED AS she pushed the door to my house open and we both stumbled in. I was so shit-faced that I knocked over a lamp, resulting in a loud crash. Jackie and I had stayed at the bar another couple hours and, after a few more drinks, we’d taken a taxi to my place.

  I pushed her against the wall and kissed her hard as she moaned into my mouth. Then a light came on.

  I heard Maddie gasp before she said, “What the hell?”

  Jackie pushed me away. She looked at Maddie,—who happened to be holding Lily—then glared at me.

  “Oh my God,” Jackie said. “You’re married? And you have a baby?”

  Maddie was so pissed that I could almost see her whole body shaking. I threw my head back and laughed. “Hell, no. You see, Jackie, Maddie here thinks I’m not good enough for her. I’ve never been good enough for her. All she does is push me away.”

  I saw the hurt flash in Maddie’s eyes.

  Jackie stared. “Um, the baby?”

  I smiled. “Oh, yeah…she’s mine.”

  Jackie grabbed her purse. “She can’t be more than a week old, Cale.”

  “Um…she’s almost three weeks,” I said.

  Jackie pushed me and I fell over the back of the sofa, crashing onto the coffee table.

  Lily started crying as Jackie approached Maddie. “I’m so sorry. I’d have never …oh God, I’m so sorry.”

  She turned and made her way out the door. “Wait! Jackie, it’s not what you think!”

  The door slammed and I just stood there, staring. I was too afraid to turn and face the wrath of Maddie. But I could feel her— I was pretty sure her eyes were shooting daggers.

  “I’m going to go put Lily down in her crib once I get her back to sleep. Then you and I are going to talk.”

  She spun around and walked up the stairs. I let out a breath and stumbled into the kitchen. I somehow managed to get coffee going and had almost drank a whole cup when Maddie came in.

  “So, is that something Lily should expect often from her father? Bringing home a stray whore every now and then to fuck?”

  I closed my eyes. “Go to hell, Maddie.”

  “I’m already there, Cale.”

  I turned and looked at her. “If you hate it here so much—hate me so much—there’s the door, sweetheart. Don’t let it hit your ass on the way out.”

  She laughed as she came closer and poked me in the chest. “There is no way in hell you could do this without my help.”

  I knocked her hand away. “I could, and I will…until I have to go back to work.”

  “What? What do you mean?”

  I turned and poured another cup of coffee. “I have to go back to work, Maddie. How the hell do you think I pay for all of this?”

  I heard her sit down. “But…what about Lily? Who’s going to take care of her when you’re gone for weeks at a time?”

  I shrugged. “I’ll hire a nanny I guess.”

  “No,” she whispered. “Cale, why are you doing this?”

  I slammed my mug down so hard that it broke into pieces. I turned and looked at the only girl I’d ever loved. The one I’d never be able to have.

  “Because, Maddie,” I said. “I have a fucking job that takes me out of town for weeks at a time. I didn’t sign up for this shit. I didn’t ask for her! I didn’t ask for my life to be turned upside down.”

  She jumped up. “You have a child now. You’re going to have to make changes. You’re all she has, Cale. You’re going to have to take another job. Work for your father or something.”

  I took a step close to her. “I’m not working for my father. I have a fucking job! I want my old life back!” I yelled.

  Maddie was startled, but she held firm. “Oh, boohoo for you. Your old life is gone. The only thing that matters is Li
ly. She’s all you have.”

  I took a step back. Tears filled my eyes. “I know, Maddie. You don’t have to remind me. I know.”

  I was walking away when she grabbed my arm. “What do you want from me?” she asked “I can’t say anything without you turning it against me. So I walked away from you. It was the biggest mistake of my life, but I can’t change the past. What do you want me to do?”

  I grabbed her arms and shook her. “I want you to fucking admit you love me. I want you to admit that you want me as much as I want you.”

  She stared at me. Her eyes said that she loved me, but her body stiffened as she looked away from me. “I can’t tell you that. I…I have a boyfriend and—”

  I pulled her to me and slammed my lips against hers. I moved my tongue along her bottom lip, praying she’d open her mouth to me. She moaned and pushed her hands through my hair as her lips parted. Our tongues began to dance, gently at first, but soon becoming more heated. I pulled her body to mine and pushed my hard dick against her.

  “Cale,” she whispered as she pulled her lips from mine.

  I picked her up as she wrapped her legs around my body. I pushed her against the wall. I slipped my hand under her shirt and I moaned when I realized she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her hard nipples begged to be sucked.

  “Jesus, Maddie. I want you.”

  I pushed up her shirt and moved my lips down to her nipple and began sucking on it as she called out my name. I slipped my hand into her pants and then into her panties where my fingers teased her. She began pushing against my hand and I couldn’t wait another second. I pushed two fingers inside of her and was met with nothing but pure heat and wetness. She clamped down on my fingers and pulled them further in.

  “You’re so fucking wet, Maddie.”

  “Wait, Cale…we can’t…oh, God.”

  The doorbell rang. It seemed to pull Maddie to her senses. I set her down as she pushed me away, pulling her shirt down. Her chest was heaving as she attempted to slow her breathing. The doorbell rang again. I turned away and headed to the door as I adjusted my rock-hard dick.