Melancholia

  “Excuse me?” came an annoyed male voice.

  “Please save all questions to the end or just don’t ask them at all because that would be fine with me too,” came Jasmine again. “Now … you have approached my front door asking to enter. I therefore, according to my SOPs, must ask you for your warrant.”

  “Young lady, are your parents home?”

  “Officer, I’d appreciate it if you’d answer my very simple question, which I’ll repeat since you didn’t appear to hear me … do you have a warrant to search my private residence?” She sounded remarkably calm considering the crazy shit that was coming out of her mouth.

  “No. We don’t have a warrant.” He sounded annoyed and tired.

  “Okay, then … I hereby refuse you entry into my home, and since you do not have a warrant to search it, must ask you to leave. Thank you, and have a nice life.” The sound of a squeaking-closed door stopped abruptly.

  “Wait one second. We have a missing person case actively being pursued in this neighborhood, and we’d like to know if you’re aware of the situation.”

  “I guess I am now,” she said sarcastically. “Thanks for waking me up in the middle of the night with shit that doesn’t concern me. Now if you’ll move your boot off my doorframe, I’ll be able to close my door and go back to bed where I was when you rang my doorbell at three a.m..”

  “We have reason to believe you have a teenager who doesn’t live here in your house. A runaway.”

  “The SOP says to inform you that your so called ‘reason to believe’ is not the same as probable cause, which is probably why you don’t have a warrant in the first place, so unless you have that warrant, I suggest you back the hell up and get off my property. Right now you’re violating my rights as a citizen, and the Butts family takes those rights pretty seriously if you haven’t already noticed.”

  “We’re not leaving,” said a man with a deeper voice.

  “I’ll tell you what,” said Jasmine in a very pleasant tone, “feel free to go get a moon tan out on my lawn while I sleep and dream about dragons.” Her tone downshifted into something almost sinister. “But don’t do anything stupid like creep around and look in my windows, or I might decide you’re here to attack me, and then I’ll use the force I’m entitled to in order to protect my home and myself.”

  “Young lady, I’ve got some advice for you,” said the first officer. He was definitely irritated now. “You’d better get down off the high horse you’re riding on before you fall off and get hurt. You hear what I’m saying?”

  “Please don’t fart on my doorstep, sir.”

  “Excuse me?” Apparently passing gas was on his top ten list of bad things to be accused of.

  “All that crap coming out of your mouth? Farts. The cries of a lonely turd. Let me break this way, way down for you, since you don’t seem to get me. I know my rights. Intruder equals deadly force, buddy. I have guns in here. Go away.”

  The door slammed shut.

  At some point in the exchange my heart stopped beating. Now it was pounding furiously. I looked back at Rae, barely able to make out her face in the dark room. Some light from the street lamps was sneaking in around the edges of the shade, and when she turned sideways, I saw the fear in her expression. I wasn’t sure if she’d heard that exchange, but I was about to crap my pants, personally. I had no idea how Jasmine was able to do all that stuff or how she knew the law like that, but I was just glad she was on our side.

  I walked over and sat at the end of Rae’s bed, hoping just being near would be enough to ease her mind a bit and make me feel like I was still in the real world. Right now it was like I’d fallen into an alternate universe where kids are in charge and adults walk around doing stupid shit all the time. I wanted to crawl under the bed and not come out, like I used to when I was little.

  Rae took a shaky breath. Seeing her sad or upset made me feel terrible, like it was my fault it wasn’t better or something. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her everything is going to be okay. It would be a lie, but I’d say it anyway, just to make her feel better. Then I’d try and find a way to make it true.

  Before I could make my move, the door opened and Jasmine came in. “Okay, folks, it’s showtime.”

  “What’s that mean?” asked Rae, her whisper now partially a shriek.

  “It means time to play hide and go seek. Only the seek will be a total fail. Follow me.”

  “What the hell was that at the door?” I asked as I waited for Rae to get off the bed and climb over the trundle. I held out my hand to steady her.

  “Cops. Just two now, and pretty stupid, but there will be more. They bring the smart ones in during the second wave. Help me push this thing in.” She was on her knees, shoving the trundle back under the bigger bed.

  I helped her roll it over the carpet and then moved out of the way while she frantically made up the other bed so it would look as if Rae hadn’t been lying there.

  When she was satisfied it was good enough and had run her feet all over the rug to erase the marks left by the trundle’s wheels, she led us out of the room, tiptoeing and lifting a finger to her lips, signaling us to be silent.

  Rae followed first and I took up the rear. I thought Jasmine was going to take us to the living room, but instead she led us down the hall and into the room where she’d gone earlier. Once we were inside, she shut the door. The glow of several computer screens lit up the room with an eeriness usually reserved for scary movies.

  “What is that?” asked Rae, stepping in front of them.

  I stared at the various screens. Several feeds were coming in from cameras around the property. One of them showed two police officers at the front door; the guy on the right was talking into a speaker at his shoulder, and the other guy was looking around behind him, out into the yard.

  “Cameras. We have them at all points of entry. We monitor them twenty-four seven.”

  “I thought this was your bedroom,” said Rae.

  “Nah. This is command central. My room’s on the other side of the house. Come on.” She walked over to a closet.

  “You’re hiding us in a closet?” I asked. After all the standard operating whatever and the serious computer hook-up I’d kind of expected more.

  “Psshh. Yeah, right. Please. Don’t make me shoot you for being stupid, Malcolm.”

  “Uh oh,” said Rae.

  “What?” asked Jasmine, turning around.

  “Um, did you ask Kootch to come over?”

  I looked at the screens. Sure enough, now the monitor had three people showing on it instead of just two. Kootch’s crazy bed head was hard to miss.

  “Awesome. For once in his life he’s not being a total bonehead. I hope.” Jasmine opened the closet door and turned on a light by pulling on a string that hung from the ceiling. “Welcome to the inner sanctum. You can bow at my feet and worship me later.” She threw some shoes to the side and reached behind a jacket, throwing a switch of some sort. The wall that was at the back of the smallish space opened with a click.

  “What the hell?” I said, staring at the dark crack that appeared.

  “See, the thing is, panic rooms only work if you actually go in them,” said Jasmine, pushing on my back. She was too busy looking over her shoulder at the screens to show me what to do.

  “Go, Malcolm,” said Rae, sounding panicked. I looked over my shoulder at the screen again and saw one of the cops put his hand on Kootch’s chest, like he was holding him back.

  I put my palm on the closet wall and pushed. It swung in a lot easier than I expected it to and a light went on automatically. A set of steep stairs was illuminated at my feet. I just had to take one big step and I’d be going under the house.

  “Are you sure?” I asked either Jasmine or Rae, I wasn’t sure which.

  “As sure as I’m going to be,” said Rae, putting her hand on my shoulder.

  “You coming Jasmine?” I asked.

  “Nope. I’ll be up here throwing them off the sc
ent. The code word is popcorn. If you hear me say it, that means you can come up. Otherwise, stay the hell away from the stairs. I don’t want you accidentally opening the door. There’s food and water for several days, a compost toilet, and some bunk beds.”

  “Why do we need all that?” asked Rae, still panicked.

  “Just in case they take me to the klink, duh. Now go!”

  Rae bumped into me, forcing me to go down a step. My hand slid down the door as I descended, and five steps into the journey I had to depend on my balance to get me the rest of the way down. There were no railings, and Rae was holding onto my t-shirt for dear life.

  “Be right back,” said Jasmine. “I hope.”

  “Where’s she going?” squeaked Rae.

  “I have no idea.” I had kind of brushed off the awful stuff that was waiting for us at the front door in favor of checking out the righteous underground hideaway I found myself in. The space was huge, way bigger than I’d expected. The walls were lined with shelves, the entire structure done in concrete. The thing nearest the stairs was a desk with a computer setup much like the one that Jasmine had upstairs.

  Something soft hit me in the back of the head. “Get dressed,” said Jasmine, before closing the door above us and shutting out the sounds from her room.

  Chapter Three: Rae

  SOMEONE COULD HAVE KNOCKED ME over with a feather. I was standing at the bottom of the stairs in a real, live panic room. And I was freaking out like I never had before, so it was totally appropriate. That didn’t make it feel any less surreal, but at least I was in the right place at the right time for a change.

  I picked up the clothes that Jasmine had thrown at us just before she disappeared. The door had clicked shut behind her, and looking behind me at the blank walls next to the top of the stairs, I couldn’t see how to open it again. My mind had just started to wander into that land where I wonder if I’m ever going to get out alive when Malcolm’s voice broke in and stopped that train before it got going too fast.

  “Holy crap … do you see this stuff?” He was wandering next to a shelf, his hand trailing along and touching different things sitting there. “Food, enough Ding Dongs to feed Kootch for a year … water, bleach, dried milk? Gross. Who’d drink that?” He continued down the line, and as he got farther across the floor, lights flickered on above his head. “Motion detectors. Cool.”

  “Cool? You think this is cool?” I hated the way my voice trembled, but this was all just a lot too freaky for me to just act like it was no big deal.

  Malcolm turned, and after catching the look on my face, came back. “Well, cool in a way.” He reached down and took one of my hands in his. “And really not cool in every other way.” His voice dropped and became soft. “Don’t be scared.”

  I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, right. Like that’s even possible. There are cops upstairs, and Jasmine’s ready to go all commando on them or something.”

  He sighed. “You heard her at the door?”

  “Not all of it, but some. What was she doing?” I felt the hysteria creeping into my voice. I was barely holding on, wanting to scream just so I could get the stress out of my body.

  “She was just protecting us, like a good friend would. And I have a feeling Jasmine’s family has kind of trained her for this kind of thing.”

  “How is that even possible? This stuff doesn’t happen in real life. Not in any real life I’d been a part of, anyway.”

  “She said her parents are ex-military, and Kootch kept calling them conspiracy people, so I’m just adding it all up. Maybe they practice situations where cops come over, I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure this stuff out, but I’m as in the dark as you.”

  “Then why aren’t you scared like me?” I asked, pouting a little. I hated being such a wimp when everyone around me was so tough.

  He took my other hand, squatting down for a couple seconds so our eyes would meet. “Are you kidding? I’m scared to death. I almost crapped my pants back there.”

  I laughed. “Stop.”

  “I’m serious. Listening to Jasmine … she scares me. I hope she goes to law school someday because I’m pretty sure she could get people off death row.”

  “Do we want her getting people off death row?” It was so silly, talking about stupid stuff like this. But it was making me less afraid, so I went with it.

  “Only if they’re innocent.” Malcolm pulled me to him and hugged me. “I’m sure this will all work out soon. Just know that … I’ll be thinking about you when we’re not together anymore. I’ll never forget you.”

  My heart constricted painfully in my chest. His recognition that this was a temporary thing - being together - made me so sad. I clung to him without thinking. “What do you mean?”

  He spoke over my shoulder. Somehow it was easier to listen when I couldn’t see his face.

  “What Jasmine said … I wish it could be true. Be that easy. The yin and yang thing. But we both know it can’t be. That even if it’s true, we can’t be. You know? Like us be … together.”

  Tears sprang to my eyes. “Yeah. I know.” I wasn’t sure if I did know, not like he was saying. But there was no way I was going to beg him to be with me when he so obviously didn’t want to be.

  “For a few minutes upstairs I was dreaming about it, though,” he said.

  I pulled back away from him slowly, looking up at his expression. “You were?” I searched his face, wondering if he was just being friendly or putting up a smoke screen to cover his lack of interest. But he looked wistful. Like he actually had been dreaming.

  “Yeah. I was thinking about how I’d always imagined running away alone and how it was really cool to think about doing it with someone else for a change.” He looked at the floor and took a step back, putting more distance between us.

  “I have plans to run away too.” I felt foolish saying it. If he asked me for details I’d have to admit I had none.

  “Where are you going to go?” He put his hands in his pockets and hunched his shoulders forward a little.

  “Somewhere far.”

  “Still in the United States? Or Mexico or Canada or someplace like that?”

  “I was thinking … Washington. Or Oregon.”

  “Do you know those areas? Is that why you picked them?”

  I shook my head, lost in the landscapes I’d built in my head. I never looked those places up online because I was always paranoid my parents would search my Internet browsing history and figure out my destination. I had no idea what those places looked like outside of snatches of things I might have seen in movies or heard in school, maybe seen in a textbook. But it really didn’t matter. I just needed to get lost in the wilderness somewhere. Which wilderness made no difference.

  “I always thought I’d go to Canada,” he said, sounding happy. “In a forest somewhere, in a cabin. Living off the land and stuff. Maybe Alaska, even.”

  “Sounds … cold.” I smiled. I could picture him in flannel with a beard-scruffy face, and decided he’d be even hotter in Alaska than he is here.

  “Yeah it’s cold, but I can build a mean fire.” He smiled at me.

  “Maybe I’ll visit you sometime,” I said. My heart pounded in my chest and I could hear the blood rushing past my eardrums. I steeled myself for his rejection. Stupid, stupid … why did you say that? He just said you can’t be together! Stop being a feeble dork!

  “Yeah, maybe. I’d like that. Maybe … maybe we can have a code word and an email address and exchange messages and meet up someday. Like when we’re old. Twenty-five or something.”

  The idea lit a fire in my chest. I could totally picture myself doing that. Getting my life together, getting a handle on all this Rainbow craziness and then finally being in a place where I could share my life with someone, the one guy who could love me for me.

  “So what would our email address be?” I asked.

  “It would have to be new. Something that doesn’t connect us to each other or to ourselves even.” He sounded
like he was seriously considering it.

  “And it should have the word popcorn in it,” I said, feeling goofy but not caring.

  “Or it could have Ding Dong in it. And since we can’t reserve the address online now, we have to make sure it’s not going to be already taken.”

  “So what will it be? And what will the password be? I promise, I’ll log onto it once a month and check for a message.” The idea of being forced back to my parents and moving to another town didn’t feel quite so awful now, knowing maybe I had a tiny back-up plan where I could see Malcolm again, when we were all grown up.

  “How about … kootch eats ding dongs all day at gmail?”

  “All one word?” I was smiling uncontrollably.

  “Yeah. All one word. And the password will be popcorn two-zero-one-three, the year we graduate.”

  “I thought we weren’t supposed to use a number associated with us.”

  “Fine. Use the year a man landed on the moon. Nineteen sixty-nine.”

  “I hope I can remember that.” I was only messing around. I’d never forget the email name or the password. They were burned into my brain forever.

  “Better?” Malcolm asked, stepping up to be close to me again.

  I nodded. “Yeah. Better.”

  “Good. Want a Ding Dong?”

  My face instantly flamed red and my voice came out sounding strangled. “Excuse me?”

  Malcolm used his chin to gesture towards the shelves. “Cupcake thingy? Kootch’s favorite Scooby snack?”

  I laughed in relief, so embarrassed about where my mind had gone for a moment there. “Yes. I think so. I’ve never had one.”

  “Oh, man. You’re in for a treat,” said Malcolm, leaving me to go to the shelf. “Just don’t lick the hell out of it like Kootch did. I’m not sure I’ll be able to control myself and keep my hands off you if you do.”

  He stood there at the shelves opening the box, not knowing that he’d just blown me away and lit a fire of hope in my heart that I was going to keep alive for as long as I could.