Empty-Handed Heart

  The tightness in her chest had returned, scaring her, and she swiped the inhaler off her desk and took a pull from it even as she coughed more. “Please, whatever you’re wearing is triggering my asthma. Can you please just go? And like I told you before, I have a boyfriend.” The inhaler dug into her palm as she did her best not to bolt from her station and run for the security office.

  “So you won’t let me buy you lunch to make up for earlier?”

  “My boyfriend is coming to take me out in a little while. Please, can you not understand you need to go?” She held up her inhaler. “I don’t use this for shits and giggles.” She knew that wasn’t professional and was going to apologize—

  No, fuck that. She leaned in and punched in a code on her phone that rang a silent emergency alert in the security office.

  She couldn’t even get a full breath in because every breath sucked in more of the guy’s atrocious body spray.

  And the inhaler wasn’t helping like it usually did.

  Oh, boy. This is bad. Really bad.

  Now the guy looked uncertain. “Lady, are you all right?”

  She shook her head and stepped back, out from behind the far side of the counter, leaning against it. More coughing as the tightness returned to her chest and she could hear the wheezing in her breath. She was aware of the sound of running footsteps, and then Ken was yelling her name. She ripped off her headset and dropped it onto the desk.

  “Oh, dang. Etsu, honey, try to breathe. Paul, call 911.” Paul stepped over to her phone while Ken focused on the AC tech. “Look, asshole, what part of stay away from the front desk did I not make clear?”

  “I just wanted to apologize!”

  “Fantastic. Your apology is sending her to the ER with an asthma attack. Did you bathe in that crap this morning? Get the hell out of here!”

  “They’re on the way,” Paul said, still on the phone.

  Ken backed her into one of the chairs on the far side of the lobby, away from the noxious cloud of body spray lingering as the guy finally left.

  This wasn’t just bad, it was ambulance-trip, ER bad. She hadn’t had an attack this bad in several years, and yeah, she needed to go to the ER. Last time she’d felt like this, she’d ended up spending two days in the hospital. That time, it’d been triggered by one of those idiot perfume sprayers at a department store when she’d worked at the mall. Despite trying to get away from her, she’d inhaled enough of the cloud it’d almost immediately triggered an attack and the store had called 911 for her. She hadn’t needed the epi-pen, but she’d needed IV meds and nebulizer treatments and oxygen—

  And I still don’t have an epi-pen.

  “Do you need me to call Aden for you?” Ken asked.

  She couldn’t even focus on talking right now and just shook her head. All she wanted to think about was trying to breathe, not that it was getting harder and harder to suck in air.

  She heard the ambulance siren seconds later, not surprising since there was a station just two blocks away. Hell, some of the EMTs could have run there faster than it took them to drive, probably. Paul ran to the front door to flag them down, and as they were rolling a gurney and equipment through the front door, that’s when she heard him.

  “Bloody hell, Ets! Honey, what happened?”

  Niall practically shoved Ken out of the way as he dropped to his knees next to her.

  “Who are you?” Ken asked.

  “Close friend. Ets, sweetheart, look at me and breathe, love.”

  Oh, shit, she still hadn’t told Ken about Niall. And it was too late, the attack too far in progress and triggered by an allergy, not stress or panic, for Niall to be able to calm her. She grabbed Niall’s hand and squeezed hard, not letting go as the EMTs talked to Ken and got an oxygen mask on her.

  In just a couple of minutes, Niall had her purse and cell phone and she was loaded into the ambulance for the drive to the ER. When they unloaded her, Niall was already there in the ER department, talking for her, passing on what Ken had said.

  The fear had set in, dread deep in her soul that this was really, really bad. She focused on Niall’s blue eyes regardless of where he stood in the room, tuning out the nurses and doctors unless they asked her a question she could answer. Every ounce of energy she had right now was spent trying to draw air into her lungs.

  No matter when she looked, Niall remained there, watching her, focused on her and trying to stay out of the way while remaining where she could see him.

  At one point, Niall was on the phone before returning to her side. They’d started an IV and were pushing meds, plus had given her a shot of epinephrine and a nebulizer treatment. While the attack didn’t seem to be getting any worse, it wasn’t getting better, either. The glowing O2 sensor on her finger showed her blood oxygen levels were low and not immediately improving.

  “I left a voice mail for Aden to call me,” he told her when he could finally stand by her side. “I know he had meetings today, before his afternoon patients.”

  She reached out for his hand again and a little relief filled her when he grabbed it and squeezed. “I’m not leaving ye, pet. Please, try to remain calm. I need ye to relax so the treatments can work. I know ye’re scared, but I will not leave ye alone, I swear.”

  She nodded, wishing she wasn’t crying because that would only make things worse and add snot to the situation, but she couldn’t help it.

  Add to that she knew this fucking co-pay would likely wipe out her savings account.

  Shit.

  Niall stood next to her bed, staring down at her, one hand gripping hers and the other resting on top of her head. With his thumb, he rubbed light, gentle circles between her eyes, keeping her focused on him. Centered.

  Calming her.

  Her O2 levels had finally gone up by a couple of points when Niall’s cell phone rang. Niall didn’t let go of her hand when he pulled it from his pocket and answered.

  * * * *

  “What’s going on?” Aden said.

  “I need ye to remain calm, love.”

  “As someone once said, telling someone to stay calm doesn’t work. What the hell’s going on?”

  “I’m at the ER with Ets. When I arrived at her work, the EMTs were there. She had a bad asthma attack.”

  “What?”

  Niall gave him brief details, fully aware of Etsu watching and listening to every word. “She’s stable and we’re in the ER at Suncoast Medical downtown. I’m with her.”

  “Fuck. Let me clear my schedule and—”

  “I’m with her, love. If ye have patients, ye need to see them.”

  He hesitated. “I should be there with her.”

  “I don’t have any patients this afternoon. I was going to use it to work on reports. Come after work, if she’s even still here. She’s stable and starting to improve.” He brought her hand up to his lips and kissed it, flashing her a smile.

  Behind the oxygen mask, she smiled at him.

  “She should go to her doctor, if they’re still open when they discharge her.”

  “And I can take care of that, can’t I?”

  “Listen, Ni, I can—”

  “I wasn’t asking, boy. I was telling.”

  Aden went silent and Niall hoped he hadn’t pushed too far. He knew Aden was still trying to regain his footing in this new and fluid dynamic between the three of them. He had resisted pushing Aden for a return to their previous ways.

  But he wouldn’t deny he’d missed his boy.

  Aden didn’t reply at first. It sounded like he shut a door. When Aden next spoke, his voice sounded low. “You’re not my Master.”

  “Is that so? Lying now, are we, agra? Ye know what I do for that.”

  He didn’t imagine Aden gasped.

  Silence filled the line. Niall hadn’t used any of their old phrases with him, honoring Aden’s wishes for them to rebuild things from the ground up.

  But the Master had had just about enough of this shite.

  Niall barely heard A
den’s whispered reply over a minute later. “Fuck. Why are you always right inside my goddamned head?”

  He fought the urge to break down in relieved tears. One battle at a time. “That’s better, boy. Keep yer phone handy. I will text ye updates and call if there’s a setback. She’s on oxygen right now, but do ye wish to talk to her? I’ll put ye on speaker.”

  “Yeah.” Now he sounded choked up. “Please, Sir.”

  Niall sucked in a sharp, aching breath of his own. “Hold on.” He thumbed the setting for speaker mode and held the phone close to her. “Here she is, love.”

  “Hey, sweetheart. Niall’s going to stay with you, okay? I was going to cancel my patients, but he says you’re getting better. But if you need me, he’ll tell me to come. Okay?”

  “Yes, Sir,” she said, sounding mumbled behind the mask, although her coughing had stopped and she wasn’t wheezing nearly as badly as before. When he looked at the O2 reading on the monitor above her bed, he saw she’d gained another point, and Niall relayed that to him. “I’m okay,” she said.

  “Love you, Ets,” Aden said. “You listen to Niall, all right? You do what he says and let him run interference for you with the doctors.”

  “Yes, Sir. Love you, too.”

  Niall thumbed it back to regular mode and lifted it to his ear, turning away from the bed but not releasing her hand. He spoke softly enough he didn’t think she could hear him clearly. “Are we all right, then, now, agra?”

  Aden made a noise that sounded like he sighed. “We really need to talk, Sir. Alone, the two of us, to hash that out.”

  “Agreed. That didn’t answer my question, however.”

  Another long, aching pause. “Tá me, Mháistir.”

  Niall squeezed his eyes closed, willing the tears back. “Gráim thú.”

  Aden definitely sighed that time. When he spoke, his voice sounded choked. “Love you, too, you fucking asshole. Never stopped, either. You’d better take care of her and send me updates.”

  He hung up on Niall, leaving Niall smiling at the small win.

  Niall would be the first to admit that Irish Gaelic wasn’t exactly the easiest language to learn if you didn’t grow up speaking it. He’d lost a lot himself, not that he’d been a fraction as good at it as his mum. She’d always tried to get him to work harder on it, but his da couldn’t speak a word of it.

  While growing up, Niall had always been fascinated by America and their accents. Still, he’d customized a couple of short phrases between him and Aden in Irish Gaelic, something special for them to use. Maybe the syntax wasn’t perfect, but it didn’t matter.

  He turned back to Etsu, pleased to see another point gain in her O2 levels. “Look at that, love. Slowly but surely, right?” He smiled down at her.

  She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed back.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Niall settled into a chair at Etsu’s bedside for the duration. By the time Aden left work and headed over, she’d definitely stabilized. The doctors weren’t ready to release her, however, because her O2 levels weren’t back up to normal, or even nominal, although she was making progress. They wanted her kept on oxygen for now, because every time she took it off, her O2 levels dropped again.

  They were continuing the IV drugs and had administered another nebulizer treatment to try to boost her levels.

  That meant she was looking at an overnight stay.

  When Aden rushed in, Niall stood and smoothly intercepted him before he could reach her bed. “Calmly, pet,” he whispered in his ear. “Right?”

  Aden nodded and slowed his approach after Niall released him. He leaned in to kiss her forehead. When she reached to pull the oxygen mask off to greet him, he stopped her. “Don’t you dare, sweetheart. Keep that on.”

  Niall updated him on her status and the current treatment protocols.

  “Have you called her parents?” Aden asked.

  Niall frowned and looked at Etsu. “No. She didn’t ask me to call them.”

  She actually glared at them and firmly shook her head.

  Niall watched Aden study her face, apparently sizing up the situation before speaking. “You know your parents will be upset if we don’t tell them you’re in the hospital,” Aden said. “Especially if you have to spend the night here.”

  “No,” she said, clearly audible through the mask. “Do not call them. Are you crazy? Sir,” she belatedly added.

  “What’s going on?” Niall asked. “I get the feeling I’m missing vital context.” While they’d done a lot of talking since the convention, most of it had been about the three of them, not about her parents. He knew the very basics of her situation, but those discussions hadn’t been a priority.

  Plus they’d been spending too much time in bed together to talk about her parents or brothers.

  Aden ran a hand through his hair. “Her parents are very protective of her.”

  “Ye told me that.”

  “I’m talking to an unhealthy, smothering level that makes helicopter parents look chill. She had to fight to move out of their house. They wanted her to keep living at home and basically dependent upon them. And…” He looked her way again. “They’ve scared off every boyfriend she’s had. They’re not exactly fond of me.”

  Niall scowled, more than a little protective outrage bubbling up that they wouldn’t think the sun rose and set in Aden. “Why not?”

  “For starters, because they’re never fond of anyone who dates her.”

  “Ah. Those kind.” He relaxed a little.

  “Right. I could be perfect and rich and they’d still try to find reasons to get her to move back home. She was the baby of the family and has three older brothers. She’s the only daughter.” He blew out a breath. “There also might have been a confrontation at their house the Friday before the convention, where one of her brothers’ fiancées actually broke up with him over how her family treated me that night.”

  “Bloody hell, Ade.” Niall chuckled. “Ye got yerself a problem then, hmm?”

  “I do?” He arched an eyebrow at Niall.

  “Right. I guess I’m included by default at this point.” Niall scratched his chin. “Actually, I suppose it’s my problem to deal with now, all things considered.”

  “Ya think?”

  “Was that sarcasm, pet?”

  “I don’t know. Will it get me spanked later?” Aden’s brown eyes sparked with amused defiance.

  Something Niall had desperately longed for and missed. “Of course it will.”

  “Then yes, it absolutely was sarcasm.”

  He glanced past Aden, to Etsu, and was pleased to see her smiling, at least.

  “What will happen if we don’t tell them?” Niall asked.

  “I’m sure they’ll go from hating me to despising both of us. Although I guess we could say you’re a friend and a roommate.”

  Her smile faded and she shook her head.

  Niall and Aden exchanged a glance. “What was that no for, sweetheart?” Niall asked.

  “I’m with both of you.” She crossed her arms over her chest, looking adorably defiant, even with the oxygen mask on. She’d asked if they could switch it out to a cannula, but they hadn’t done that yet, wanting her O2 levels up a little more first.

  Under other circumstances, he’d enjoy spanking her for her defiance and making sure she enjoyed every second of it.

  Except with her health and even her life at stake, no way would he jeopardize her like that.

  “I don’t wish to make things more difficult for ye with yer family.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Things will be difficult with them anyway. They always are.”

  Her phone rang in her purse, getting their attention. Aden pulled it out and looked at it, then sent the call to voice mail. “Speak of the devil,” he muttered.

  “Eh?” Niall grinned.

  “Not you, Sir.” Aden’s smirk hardened Niall’s cock. “Different devil. Her mother.”

  Is it wrong of me to want to bend him over h
er bed right now?

  Probably.

  Maybe.

  Besides, tonight he was supposed to be spending the evening with Etsu, focused on her, getting to know each other better.

  Aden dropped his voice. “You can’t fuck me over the end of her bed, Sir.”

  Niall didn’t stop to think about how damned much he’d missed that connection between them, even more than the physical aspects of their relationship.

  Having a partner who literally could read his mind, at times.

  “Ah, but I can, pet. I believe the word ye meant was shouldn’t.”

  Etsu perked right up at that, looking hopeful and eagerly nodding.

  Aden made a big show of rolling his eyes, likely more to get a smile out of Etsu, if Niall had to guess, because Aden knew damn well Niall would never do something like that where they would get caught and face real consequences.

  “You called him Sir,” Etsu pointed out to Aden. “You’ve been calling him that more lately.”

  Aden sighed. “Yeah, I did. And I have.” He set her purse and phone on the end of the bed. The sliding doors to the cubicle she was in were closed, the blinds drawn.

  Niall wasn’t sure what was running through Aden’s mind as he stared up at Niall, meeting his gaze.

  Then Aden dropped to his knees in front of Niall, arse on his heels, and looked up at him. “I need you, Mháistir. We need you. Please?”

  Niall closed his eyes and took a long, slow breath.

  It was that, or burst into relieved tears.

  Niall finally opened his eyes and stepped in, reaching out to stroke the ring in Aden’s right ear, gently tugging on it. When he could finally manage words, he knew his voice sounded ragged and choked, but he didn’t care.

  “Ye never stopped bein’ mine in my heart, agra. Doesn’t matter I said I released ye, those were just words. My heart could never let go. Can ye ever forgive me?”

  Aden blinked back tears. “Are you back for good?”

  Niall nodded. “I swear it. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”

  “Then yes. I’m yours, Mháistir.”

  “Ahem.”

  * * * *