Empty-Handed Heart

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “Right.” He softly clapped three times, quickly, and her eyes popped open.

  Aden would kill for the smile she gave Niall. Aden knew it’d crush her if he let her go. Hell, it’d crush him.

  I’m sooo fucked.

  Chapter Nine

  Luckily, they’d ended up on the second floor, where most of the convention’s activities were taking place, and there was a set of interior stairs besides the emergency stairs that led from that level down to the lobby.

  Etsu appeared none the worse for the experience, and she adamantly refused to let Aden take her to the hospital. Aden warned her she’d have to wait downstairs after dinner for him to go up and get her inhaler and bring it down. She damn sure couldn’t risk climbing that many flights of stairs, especially right after a scare as bad as that one, and without her inhaler.

  Fuck. Or an EpiPen.

  He wanted her down here, in the fucking lobby, where EMS could reach her if she was hit by another full-on asthma attack.

  That’d been damned close. He fully realized he owed Niall for saving her life.

  He couldn’t take an elevator back up at that moment, because there was a huge logjam of people on the first and second floors awaiting their turns. No way was he walking up nine fucking floors worth of stairs right now.

  He was lucky he could even stand.

  Niall had melted away into the crowd once he’d seen Etsu was okay. Aden both loved and loathed him for it. He didn’t want him to leave and could barely stand the sight of him.

  Or maybe it was himself he could barely stand the sight of right now.

  “You sure you don’t want to go to the ER and get checked out?” Aden asked her again before heading into the restaurant.

  She smiled. “No, Sir. I’m good. Honest. Please, stop worrying. I’m sorry I didn’t have my inhaler.”

  “New rule—you always have an inhaler with you. Either I have it, or you have it, but if you don’t make sure one of us has it and you’re caught without one, that’s twenty, hard, with a paddle.”

  “Yes, Sir. I’m sorry.”

  “And you get the new goddamned EpiPen.”

  She blushed. “Sorry, Sir. I’ll pick up the prescription next week.”

  He pulled her close and kissed her forehead. All the times he’d fantasized about what it’d be like sharing her with Ni, and there they’d been in the same damn elevator.

  And Niall had saved her life.

  Aden resisted the urge to order a drink with dinner, but no way in fucking hell would he go up to Niall’s room. That’d be madness, insanity, crazy-talk.

  It’d also be the fastest way to end up on his back with the man’s cock balls-deep inside his damned ass and begging for more.

  And…he’d already been enough of a shit.

  He couldn’t betray her again. It didn’t matter she’d told him she’d gladly give him a hall-pass fuck with Ren—not knowing he was Niall—because she knew how much Aden loved him. Didn’t matter how many times she’d “joked” about watching them together…or talked about being between them.

  Hell, like he’d ever expected it to happen. That’d been more fantasies speaking than any realistic expectations.

  In fact, the more he thought about it, the more sick at heart he felt. He was still desperately in love with Niall. If the man was moving within a short driving distance of him, he was doubly fucked.

  Niall wanted what Niall wanted, and, unfortunately, this time it happened to dovetail perfectly with what Aden wanted—which was Niall.

  He’d always want Niall.

  But he also loved Etsu. After the shitshow with her parents, he’d been giving serious thoughts to discussing marriage with her in a few months if living together worked out well.

  In walks Niall and his fucking essential oils, and his poor, neglected boots, and that goddamned cocky, cock-hardening accent—

  “Are you all right, Sir?”

  His gaze swiveled to her. “Hmm?”

  And that. How she’d naturally called Niall “Sir” without needing to be prompted. How easy it was to imagine the two of them with her.

  How Niall had saved her life.

  That above all other thoughts flashed in his brain.

  Niall had saved her and he didn’t even know her. All he knew was she was Aden’s.

  Even if she hadn’t been Aden’s, he knew Niall still would have tried. The man was a psychologist, for chrissake. Helping people was like drinking water to him—it was something he needed to do.

  “I asked are you all right, Sir?”

  “I’m okay. I’m just…” He forced a smile. “Thank god Niall was in there with us.”

  Not even lying.

  Her expression brightened. “I really like him. He smelled good, too.”

  “It’s called Stress Away,” he said without thinking. “It’s an essential oil blend.” A cold wave filled him as soon as he said it, realizing there was no way in hell she couldn’t ask.

  Of course, she did. “Can I ask you something, Sir?”

  He blanched, steeling himself, wondering if Niall’s suggestion to forget what happen had really taken or not. It wasn’t like the damn movies. People could opt out of the suggestions if they really wanted to. She had to have heard something in the elevator. “Sure.”

  “I get the feeling you two know each other.”

  Not a conversation he wanted to have right there, right now. “We go way back. It’s…complicated. We met in college.” He offered her a smile he hoped looked right, then hated himself a little more when he took her right hand in his and brushed his thumb over the back of it, settling on the pressure point between her thumb and forefinger and lightly squeezing with his thumb and forefinger.

  “We can talk about it later, pet.” It wasn’t exactly a lie, but he hated himself even more for it.

  Because he’d have to tell her the truth.

  Her smile brightened in direct proportion to how heartsick he felt. “Okay, Sir.”

  Yeah, she was easy to put into a trance. But he wasn’t going to fool himself into thinking he was skilled anywhere close to Niall’s level. He’d always been happy to be the one in the chair, the class guinea pig, trusting Niall would never do anything to him that would harm or shame him. Keeping him safe.

  Just like he’d turned her over to Niall, knowing she’d be safe with him.

  Safer than with himself, for sure.

  To save her life, dummy! If you’d been better at—

  He clipped that thought off at the balls. But he couldn’t go to Niall’s room. Not tonight. He’d have to call him and talk to him and try to figure out what the hell their next step was.

  Meet somewhere alone with him—in public, like at a restaurant, so they couldn’t fuck like bunnies—and…talk.

  They were mostly through dinner and he was going to check the time when he realized he didn’t have his phone.

  Oh, motherfucker.

  A mix of rage and amusement washed through him.

  That’s why the sonofabitch knew he’d have to go to Niall’s room.

  “What’s wrong, Sir?”

  “Niall still has my phone. His battery was almost dead and he needed the light when he worked with you, so you could see him.”

  “Mine’s up in my purse, sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I know what room he’s in.” As a group of friends from the Suncoast Society walked into the restaurant, Aden breathed a sigh of relief and waved them over to pull up more tables and chairs.

  Tony and Shayla sat closest to them. “That power outage was something, huh?” Shayla said. “I heard people got stuck in the elevators.”

  Etsu raised her hand, smiling. “We were stuck in one with Dr. Niall Renard. He saved my life.”

  “Oooh, lucky lady,” Shayla teased, but Aden felt his face heat as Tony’s gaze settled on him.

  “Saved her life?” Tony asked.

  “Panic attack. She didn’t have her inhaler with her and wa
s having trouble breathing. He put her into a trance and kept her calm and kept her from having a full-blown asthma attack. He’s better at it than I am.”

  He couldn’t look Tony in the eyes.

  How many times had he cried on the man’s shoulder after losing Niall? How many times had Tony played with him privately, one of the few Tops he trusted to keep his confidence and not be an asshole. But that was before Tony had met Shayla, and before he’d met Etsu.

  And he’d never blacked Tony’s boots.

  He hadn’t blacked for anyone since Niall.

  * * * *

  By the time they all finished eating, and Aden had delayed as long as possible, it was time for the evening round of seminars and classes to start. Fortunately, he and Etsu both wore their badges downstairs, meaning they could get back into the convention area.

  And as Etsu and the others discussed what they wanted to see, he knew it gave him an out.

  “Honey, you go on to the class. I’ll go get your inhaler and catch up with you later.”

  “And get your phone from Niall?”

  “Phone?” Tony asked, an eyebrow sliding up.

  “Yeah, in the confusion of getting out of the elevator, Niall ended up with my phone. We’d been using it as a flashlight.”

  He knew from the feel that his face was probably beet red now, but Etsu was too busy talking to Shayla and Loren to notice.

  Tony did.

  He leaned in and dropped his voice. “Want me to go get it for you?”

  Aden shook his head as he pulled his wallet out and fumbled for the credit card to pay their bill. “I’ll get it. His room’s a floor above us. No problem. I have to get her inhaler before I let her in one of those elevators again, anyway.”

  He couldn’t look Tony in the eyes. It didn’t matter that he considered the man one of his best friends—he knew this was crazy, and knew Tony could sense something had happened.

  The last thing he needed was one more complication in a weekend full of them.

  Fuck, it’s only Thursday!

  He couldn’t cut their weekend short without a damned good excuse. Etsu had been looking forward to this weekend.

  And…

  He shoved that other reason out of his brain.

  Once he’d paid their bill and turned Etsu loose with a kiss to head to the classes, he waited in the lobby outside the bank of elevators with everyone else trying to get upstairs.

  Fucking hell.

  He could go to their floor first, grab her inhaler, then walk up the stairs to ten to Niall’s room.

  1017.

  Even the sound of Niall whispering it in his ear still rang through his soul.

  Fuck.

  Me.

  He’d totally deserve it if Etsu left him after this. An eagerly theoretical hall-pass fuck wasn’t the same as doing it in the elevator with her right there. He loved her, yet he’d been a total asshole. He should have admitted up front that Niall was his ex, but how was he supposed to know he’d changed scene names? He hadn’t realized Niall was the one teaching the class until the guy walked in.

  And no way in hell would he have walked out of that class, or reacted in any way that would have reflected badly on Niall.

  He’s moving back.

  Was he crazy enough to think he was really going to welcome Niall back to Sarasota with open arms after several years?

  Yep.

  He was that crazy.

  Because there’d been a hole in his heart and no matter what he thought or tried, Niall was the only person who could fill it.

  He’d been lying to think any differently.

  Coincidentally, he now perfectly understood Tilly and why she’d reacted the way she had, married Landry, accepted Cris back into her life.

  He got it.

  Different circumstances, sure. Niall hadn’t left out of the blue with nothing more than a vague note. Niall had gently tried talking him into moving with him, but Aden had his job and had just bought the house not long before. First job he’d made decent money at, right out of college, and without student loans to pay off.

  Health insurance.

  Plus, when Niall had left, gay marriage wasn’t legal yet. It wasn’t like Aden could have married him and been on Niall’s insurance.

  He’d finally had a modicum of security, something he’d always longed for in his life.

  No way in hell was he giving that up when Niall wasn’t even sure if Aden would be able to get a comparable job there, much less what hoops Aden would have to jump through to get certified to work in California.

  And Niall hadn’t been willing to try to hold out for a better-paying job here in Florida and let Aden support him, if need be.

  Two stubborn men who thought they knew what was best.

  The epicenter of destruction.

  How Aden and Niall had cried in each other’s arms that last night, and Aden had almost given in.

  Almost.

  They’d told each other they loved each other.

  Then Niall had released him, lovingly, and not at all willingly but knowing he had to.

  Not that Aden wanted to be released.

  Which was why he’d never been able to bring himself to remove the ring from his ear. He was still and always Niall’s boy, in his heart.

  Dammit.

  Chapter Ten

  Aden had to wait over ten minutes before he could get into an elevator. Once on the ninth floor, before heading to their room, he tried the stairwell door to make sure it was unlocked from the inside. It’d suck to think he could just hop up to the next floor and have to walk all the way downstairs.

  It was unlocked. At least, the ninth floor door was unlocked.

  Trying to ignore the increasing buzz in his ears, he walked down to their room, found her purse, and located her inhaler.

  Except it felt…light.

  Frowning, he checked her bags and found a new inhaler in a box. He opened the box and added the new inhaler to her purse, too, just in case. Tossed her phone in there as well.

  He caught sight of himself in the mirror as he passed and had to stop.

  I can’t do this.

  He couldn’t not do it, either.

  Then again, Ets would probably already hate him. Wouldn’t she? Why not fuck things up all the way?

  It’d suck, but at least her family would be happy.

  She was done with them, though. If he betrayed her, too, on the heels of what she’d just been through with them…

  It didn’t matter to her that her family’s actions came from a place of love, it had pissed her off. Not that he blamed her, because they were also unhealthy relationship dynamics they were trying to impose on her.

  None of this navel gazing was getting his phone back from Niall, either.

  Resigned, knowing he wasn’t strong enough to say no to the man—simultaneously eager to think about the chance of a future with him after so many years of longing and pain—he headed for the stairwell with Etsu’s purse in his hand.

  1017.

  The tug of teeth on his earring. A sensation he hadn’t felt in…

  Five damn years.

  The buzz in his ears turned into a dull roar. Every step felt heavier and harder to take as he climbed the stairs to the tenth floor. Based on his floor, he knew Niall’s room would be midway down the hall. Standing in front of his door, it took him forever to finally raise his hand to knock—

  The door opened before he could, startling both him and Niall.

  Those fucking blue eyes.

  He’d ditched his vest and shirt. Before Aden could react, Niall grabbed him with both hands, hauled him into the room, and slammed him against the wall.

  The door swung shut behind them with a heavy clunk as they stared at each other.

  Aden could never be sure if he kissed Niall or if Niall kissed him, because there was suddenly no air, not a molecule of space between them. He dropped Etsu’s purse and jumped up, wrapping his arms and legs around Niall, the other man groan
ing with that deep, needy moan that hardened Aden’s cock every fucking damn time.

  Niall held on to Aden’s ass as they kissed, and he walked them over to one of the two beds. Falling onto it with Niall on top of him, Aden was already rocking his hips against the bulge he felt in Niall’s jeans while they kissed.

  And they kissed.

  More than a kiss—a right good snog, as Niall used to call it.

  He plunged his hand into Niall’s hair and held him in place, afraid if he let go of him that it might only be a dream, that he’d lose him again.

  He couldn’t.

  God help him, he couldn’t.

  There were no words, just desperate, keening need to have this man. To have him right now, to feel him inside him, owning him once more.

  Their clothes disappeared even as they kissed. Niall reached across to the other bed, rummaged around in his shower kit, and came up with a tube of lube, handing it to him.

  Niall paused. “I…I don’t have any condoms.”

  “You been with anyone lately?”

  He spotted the tears in Niall’s gorgeous blue eyes. “No one since you, love,” he whispered.

  Fuck.

  He shoved the lube back into Niall’s hand. “Then fuck me, now, because I think we both need that.”

  He rolled onto his back and held his knees, legs spread wide, opening himself.

  Niall’s lips parted as his gaze swept Aden’s body for a moment. Then he slicked himself and before he could squeeze more out onto his fingers, Aden said, “Forget that, just get your cock into me.”

  A strangled cry escaped Niall, and then he was there. That sweet, goddamned pain, perfect and exquisite, what he’d needed and craved for too fucking long, and Niall was inside him.

  Reclaiming him.

  Aden grabbed Niall’s head and held on, kissing him, sucking his lips, his tongue, slowly rocking in time with him. And he cried, every bit as hard as Niall was now. They swallowed each other’s pain and loneliness. The regret.

  The grief.

  The lost years.

  It was like they hadn’t spent a minute apart. Everything, every moan and touch, every shiver and sweet spot, all of it as hot and eager and perfect as it had been.