Softest Shadow

  He grabs the razor but before he can slice his wrist I take it from him. I make it vanish into the darkness and he sobs on the floor.

  “Please,” he chokes, “I just want it to stop.”

  I crouch down in front of him.

  “Daniel.”

  He doesn’t look at me.

  “Daniel,” I try again. This time he does. “Listen to me. You are worth so much. You are special. You don’t feel like it now. You feel broken and ruined but you aren’t. No matter what they have done to you, you are still worth more than you can possibly imagine. It is not your fault, you hear me? None of this is your fault. It is theirs. I know nothing will make what they did to you go away and you just want it to end but don’t let them win, Daniel. If you killed yourself, yes the pain would be gone but so would you. You’d miss out on everything this world has to offer; every beautiful and unique thing. And you might not feel it but you are extremely important, to people now and in the future. Do you know what you sister is doing right now?”

  He shakes his head no.

  “She’s holding the stuffed fox you won for her from the claw machine.”

  “So?”

  “Don’t you see? She only loves it because you won it for her. In her mind the love of the fox and you are connected. She loves you.

  “I love her too.”

  He’s getting it. He understands.

  “Who else are you important to? I know you know.”

  He sits up before answering.

  “There’s a girl, in my math class, her mom works late and I always stay after school to wait with her so she isn’t alone.”

  “That’s good. Who else?”

  “Sam, at the comic shop. Whenever I go in there, he’s always happy to see me and talk about comics.”

  “See? You are important. You’re strong Daniel. I know you can do this.”

  I stand up and get ready to leave.

  “I don’t think I can do this on my own.”

  “You don’t have to. Lean on those around you. You’re not a burden. They’ll help. You just have to ask.”

  I step into the shadows and start to leave. As I merge with the shadows and teleport out, I hear two words.

  “Thank you.”

  ______________

  I thrust my hand into his chest, seeking out the warmth from his soul. When I find it, I mark it, branding it with the kind of deal he made and with whom. There is no lying with a soul, it is pure truth. I remove my hand and he gasps, able to take full breaths again. I leave the addict’s rundown house and make my way home as the sun teases the sky pink.

  I didn’t need to make a deal every night. For normal demons, once every few weeks was good, for me, normal was once a day. It’s why I’m so good and why when I missed an entire week, Kest paid me a visit. It was unusual and I couldn’t afford to draw more attention to myself. I didn’t need them snooping around and finding out about Natalie.

  I hadn’t made the deal with the boy. I couldn’t do it. Maybe I really was going soft. Maybe it was just because he had triggered a thought of Natalie. I don’t know but if anyone found out that I had talked a Potential down from murder and suicide I’d be in a lot or trouble. They wouldn’t find out though. I sent them a deal tonight and in the end, every deal counts.

  Chapter 8

  Two days later I’m lounging on her couch while she puts a bookshelf together. Despite my constant offers of assistance she insisted she wanted to do it herself.

  “I like putting things together,” she says.

  “But we could put it together, together,” I say.

  “No offense but I have a feeling you might break it.” She looks at me out of the corner of her eye, a nervous smile on her face.

  She was probably right. Destruction was in my nature. I decide to leave it alone and watch her work. She organizes all the parts and studies the instructions, all while biting her lip. She sits on her legs so she’s able to easily pop up to grab a piece or crouch low over the instructions. Leo purrs on my lap and watches her too. After 15 minutes, she has the bookshelf complete, a triumphant smile on her face.

  “Looks good. Will you at least let me move it?”

  She concedes and I do the heavy lifting while she gives directions to where she wants it. It ends up in the hallway leading out to the backyard. She then gives me the task of bringing piles of books to her so she can organize them on the shelves. I obediently trek around the house, grabbing books and balancing them on my hands. As I bring a pile of 20 to her, she rolls her eyes.

  “Show off,” she says.

  After I round up all the books, I lean against the wall while she places them on the bookshelf. She’s giving off a weird vibe and I don’t know what it is. It seems like a mix of stress and embarrassment but I don’t know why she’d be feeling that way.

  “Are you alright?” I ask her.

  “Yeah, why?” she responds without looking at me.

  “You seem on edge. Did I do something?”

  “No, it’s not you. I just,” she sighs, “I want to ask you something.”

  That didn’t sound good.

  “What do you want to ask?”

  She places another book before turning to look at me. Her eyes are determined.

  “Do you want to go to Thanksgiving with me at my parents?”

  I’m momentarily stunned. I wasn’t expecting that question. I didn’t even know Thanksgiving was coming up. It didn’t fit in with my lifestyle. I try to remember what date it is and realize Thanksgiving is in a week.

  “Thanksgiving?” I ask. My brain feels slow. Why did she want me to meet her parents? I couldn’t meet her parents. I had only just met her cat.

  “Yeah, Thanksgiving.” She knows I’m hesitating, I can see it in her eyes.

  “You don’t have to go,” she adds. “I just thought I’d offer. I mean, I assumed you might want to since we’re dating.”

  Dating? Holy brimstone, we were. I hadn’t thought of it like that but we spent almost every day together. We went to the movies together, made dinner together, volunteered together, texted all the time; merciful souls how long had we actually been dating? A headache starts to form near my temples and I rub at it. I was dating a human. Me, a demon, was dating a human.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Natalie gently places her hand on my arm and looks up at me with large worried eyes.

  “I’m fine, just a headache.”

  She smiles and rubs my arm.

  “You don’t have to go, you know?”

  She was right. I had a choice. She wasn’t pressuring me either way. It was all up to me. I thought about meeting her family, her very loving family and my headache gets worse. But I also think about her going by herself and I find I don’t like that either. She would be going back to her hometown, back to a life without me, and I found that that thought laid like a snake in my stomach. I stop rubbing my temples and place my hand over hers, the one still on my arm.

  “I’ll go. I just need to find someone to watch Shadow.”

  “I’ll tell my mom to plan for one more then.”

  She smiles and my headache starts to go away.

  Chapter 9

  Seven days later we’re cruising on the highway towards Washington where her family lives in a small town outside of Seattle. I convinced her to let me drive us in my car. I figured showing up in an old car would win me points with her dad. I’m pretty sure Natalie knew it was part of my plan too.

  We started out early so we’d get there in the afternoon. The plan was to spend the night and head back tomorrow afternoon. I wasn’t keen on the whole spending the night but Natalie’s mom hadn’t wanted us driving late and I couldn’t very well say “Oh don’t worry about it. I’m a demon so I don’t need sleep. Also I can see in the dark so your daughter is totally safe.” Yeah, that definitely wasn’t in the safe conversations pile.

  It was hard leaving Shadow. Natalie had asked a co-worker to watch Leo and I’d enlisted my
neighbors to watch Shadow. They were nice people; a middle age couple that gushed over Shadow whenever I walked him out of the building. I thought about just popping back to take care of him but I didn’t want to risk my absence being noticed. I’d just have to trust that they’d take good care of him. If they didn’t, I’d tear out their intestines through their-

  “Are you nervous?” Natalie asks, breaking my train of thought. I shrug and continue staring at the road.

  “You should be,” she says. I turn and look at her. “The last guy I brought home left missing an appendage.”

  I notice the mischief in her eyes and turn my attention back to the road.

  “Ha ha, very funny, miss jokester. Don’t make me turn this car around.”

  She laughs and puts her hands up as if to say, “Hey I warned ya.”

  “Actually, Daddy is probably more likely to kill you for your car than for dating his daughter.”

  “How much have you told them about me?”

  “Eh, not a lot,” she says, looking out the window.

  I study the back of her head before returning to the road. That’s the first time she’s lied to me.

  ______________

  As we pull up to her parents’ house, I feel an overwhelming sense of dread. It’s a cottage style house with a peaches and cream paint job. Pristine flowerbeds line the walkway leading to the front door. There’s an apple tree in the middle of the front yard. I can feel the warm loving waves coming from the house. There was no way this could go well. As I open Natalie’s door for her, I start a mental timer. In less than 24 hours, we’d be back on the road and I could relax. I shut the car door and the house door opens and out runs a man only a little taller than Natalie. He has salt and pepper hair that continues down his face into a full but well-trimmed beard.

  “I knew I recognized that engine. Oh she’s a beauty,” the man says. He completely ignores us as he circles the car. This must be Natalie’s dad.

  “Love you too, Dad. Missed you too, Dad,” Natalie says sarcastically. Her father’s head snaps up, finally looking at us.

  “Oh Nat, I’m sorry. Come here and give me a hug.”

  He opens his arms and Natalie gives him a big hug. When they are done she turns to me and introduces us.

  “Dad, I want you to meet Jack. Jack, this is my father, Ryan.”

  “Nice to meet you, sir.” I stick out my hand and her father returns my firm handshake.

  “I’ve heard a lot of about you from little Nat here. I was gonna tell you you better treat her right but by the looks of your car, you know how to treat a thing of beauty.”

  “In all due respect, sir, a lady is very different than a car. I hope I treat Natalie with 100x the love I treat my car.”

  Natalie stares at me dumbfounded while her father nods approval.

  “You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, son.”

  “Thank you, sir.”

  “Please, call me Ryan.”

  I nod and he takes one more look at the car before putting his arm around Natalie and ushering her towards the house.

  “Come on you two, the rest of the family can’t wait to see ya.”

  I follow them up the walkway and put a tally next to the mental timer. One down, who knows how many more to go.

  When I walk through the doorway, I instantly want to walk back out. The house is filled with adults and children. There has to be at least 15 people here. I’m in way over my head. Just as I’m planning my route of escape, Natalie grabs my hand and smiles encouragingly at me. I squeeze her hand and mentally shake myself. I can do this.

  Natalie leads me around the house and introduces me to people. All her family is intermixed and it’s hard to keep them all straight. I met her brother and his family first. Her brother was a tall man with brown hair like Natalie. His name was Andrew and he had a wife and three kids. He seemed nice enough. He tried to get me talking about sports but Natalie rescued me before it got too in-depth. The next people were her uncle’s family. His name was Steve and he was Ryan’s brother. He had a wife named Helen and they had two kids. Next was her aunt Sarah on her mom’s side. She had her boyfriend with her. He seemed rather standoffish and went looking for a beer as soon as I shook his hand. I hoped it was all over but then Natalie’s sister, Jenny, comes over and introduces me to her husband and daughter. Jenny stares at me for a long moment before looping her arm around Natalie.

  “Can I borrow my sister for a moment?” Jenny asks.

  No.

  “By all means,” I say, sounding more confident than I feel. I don’t know how I am going to mingle with all these people without her by my side.

  “I’ll be right back,” Natalie promises and is led away by her sister. I pinpoint my hearing and pick up her sister’s words.

  “Oh my god, Nat! Where did you find him? He is absolutely gorgeous!”

  “I know, right?” Natalie giggles. I smile and pull back my hearing. I look around and see if there is anyone I haven’t met yet. Most of the people seem crammed into the living room but I know I haven’t met Natalie’s mother yet. She must be in the kitchen cooking dinner. I wonder if I should wait for Natalie or go introduce myself now. I decide to get it over with and head towards the kitchen. Following the smell of food, I find it easily. A tall woman with auburn hair like Jenny stands at the sink, peeling potatoes.

  “Is there anything I can help with?” I ask her. She turns around and I see where Natalie gets her grey eyes from. Natalie’s mother smiles and it actuates the start of wrinkles around her mouth and eyes.

  “You must be Jack. I’m Natalie’s mother, Catherine,” she says, drying her hands and coming over to me. I start to stick out my hand but she pulls me into a hug instead. I awkwardly return the hug and she lets me go.

  “Nat has told me so much about you. We’re so happy you decided to come.”

  “Thank you for inviting me. I’d be glad to earn my keep. It’s a little hectic out there.” I motion towards the living room and she smiles knowingly.

  “Come,” she says, “you can finish peeling the potatoes while I make the pie.”

  I quickly make work of the potatoes and Catherine puts me in charge of making the green bean casserole. As I’m finishing that, Ryan comes in, pushing an elderly woman in a wheelchair.

  “Look who decided to join the party,” Ryan says, parking the wheelchair in the kitchen.

  “Hey Mom,” Catherine goes and kisses the woman on the cheek. “Mom, this is Jack, he came with Natalie. Jack, this is Grandma Pam.”

  I wipe my hands and walk over to meet Natalie’s grandmother. I shake her hand and smile.

  “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

  “Oh aren’t you sweet. Why don’t you give this old granny a hug?”

  I give her a gentle hug, not wanting to break the old woman. That’d certainly be a party foul. As I’m about to let go, she whispers in my ear.

  “Stay away from my granddaughter, demon.”

  I recoil like I’ve been burned. The old woman is staring daggers at me. I quickly look around but it seems no one noticed the interaction. My mind is racing a million miles. Does she know what I am? Did she use demon literally or does she just think I’m bad news and had used that word? Either way I couldn’t let her near Natalie. Just then I hear familiar footsteps and Natalie walks into the kitchen. Great.

  “Grandma,” she greets, coming and giving her a hug. “How are you feeling?”

  “Oh just fine, dear. I was just meeting your fella here.” The old bat didn’t give a hint of the vehemence she showed me.

  “Oh were you now,” Natalie smiles up at me and takes my hand. Pam’s eyes briefly flick to our joined hands before settling on Catherine. She is directing Ryan as he maneuvers the turkey out of the oven. As he safely sets it on the counter, Catherine speaks towards the three of us.

  “Nat, why don’t you round everybody up for dinner. Jack, can you take mom into the dining room?”

  No.

&
nbsp; “It’d be my pleasure.”

  Natalie leaves to gather the rest of the family as I wheel Pam into the dining room. We’re alone and if she’s going to say anything else, now would be the time.

  “Here will be fine,” she says, indicating the spot at the table missing a chair. I carefully wheel her up to the table as a wave of kids rush in. The children crowd in around Pam; all hugs and kisses before finding their chairs. Natalie walks in leading the adults and guides me to our spots at the table. Thankfully they are far away from Pam.

  Dinner goes well. Natalie’s family jokes and tells all kinds of stories. The food is good. Everyone compliments my green bean casserole and I say it’s only good because Catherine made sure I didn’t screw up. They laughed and Catherine was flattered by my high praise of her food.

  “Natalie made me your spaghetti, Catherine. It was truly delicious.”

  “Thank you, Jack. Nat was always the one who helped me in the kitchen and she’s stolen a lot of my recipes.”

  “It’s not stealing, Mom.” Natalie laughs but there is a slight blush to her cheeks. As the conversation moves to another topic, I lean over and whisper in Natalie’s ear.

  “Nat, huh?”

  She blushes deeper and I smile at her.

  I catch Pam staring at us and quickly lose the smile. The rest of the dinner is spent avoiding eye contact. It could have been my imagination but it was like she was trying to stare holes into my head. I breathe a sigh of relief when dinner was over and everyone splits up around the house. The guys wanted to see my car so we all trek outside so I can show it to them. They ask the usual questions. How much had I paid? How long had I had it? What was the upkeep like? Could I hook them up?

  Yeah, I thought, for a price.

  After they were thoroughly sated, we all went back into the house.

  The family had a tradition of watching Christmas movies after Thanksgiving dinner and we all piled into the living room to watch them. As it got later people started to leave and around 11 o’ clock I decided I should too.

  “Where you heading off to?” Ryan asks as I get my coat and Natalie starts walking me to the door.

  “I have a hotel room just up the road. I thought I’d get out of your guys’ hair,” I answer. Natalie had told me she would be staying at the house and even though she said there’d be room for me, I’d figured a hotel was easier.