Frostfire

“I can’t let you go,” I told him.

  “I can’t let you follow me,” he said softly.

  Page 48

  I looked back at him over my shoulder. The curtain had been pulled back a bit in our struggle, and the light landed on his face, so I could clearly see the hurt and regret in his stormy gray eyes.

  “I’m sorry, Bryn,” he said simply, and before I could ask him why, I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head as he hit me with the butt of the knife, and then everything went black.

  TWENTY-THREE

  commiserate

  When I closed my eyes, I still saw her body. On a riverbank, where ice and snow still clung to the earth, even as a cold spring rain fell around us. Her eyes were open, unblinking as the drops of water fell into them. She was fifteen, but with her full cheeks and tangles in her curly hair, she looked younger.

  Her face stared upward, but her body had been turned at an unnatural angle—her neck had been snapped. The pajamas—pink shorts and a long-sleeve top with hearts and flowers—had been torn, and her knees were scraped.

  Emma Costar had put up a fight, and despite Konstantin’s proclamations that he was sorry and he was making things right, this young girl had been killed and left on a cold riverbank.

  Ridley had come back to the hotel later in the afternoon and found me unconscious on the bed, where Konstantin had left me. I told him that Konstantin had implied that she was dead, and Ridley had redoubled his efforts to track her. He’d gotten a sweater from her bedroom—using his persuasion to get a detective to hand it off to him. Using something recently worn by her, he’d finally been able to get a stronger sense of her.

  She hadn’t been dead long, and that was the only reason he’d been able to get a read on her at all. We’d finally found her along the riverbank, and I’d wanted to carry her away or cover her up, but Ridley had made me leave her just as we’d found her. He called and left an anonymous tip to the police, and soon her host family would be able to bury her.

  Her real parents would get nothing. As soon as we got back to Doldastam, we went to make the notification. They seemed to know as soon as they saw us, Emma’s mother collapsing into sobs as her husband struggled to hold her up. We told them everything we knew, and promised that we would bring Konstantin Black and Bent Stum to justice. I wasn’t sure if they believed us, or even if they cared.

  They hadn’t raised her, but they still loved her. They still dreamed of the day when she would come home and their family would be united again. But now that day would never come, and they were left mourning something they had never had.

  “This has been one long, shitty week,” Ridley said, speaking for the first time since we’d left the Costars’ house.

  Our boots crunched heavily on the cobblestone road. The temperature had dropped sharply, leaving the town frigid and the streets empty and quiet. It was just as well. Neither Ridley nor I were in the mood to run into anyone.

  “The last few days have been some of the longest of my life,” I agreed wearily.

  “I don’t know about you, but I could really use a drink. ” Ridley stopped, and I realized that we’d reached his house. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed where we were.

  He didn’t actually live that far from the Costars, but his cottage was much smaller than the royals’ mansions that populated his neighborhood. It was a very short and squat little place made of stone, with a thatched roof. Small round windows in the front gave it the appearance of a face, with the windows for eyes and the door for a mouth.

  “I’d rather not drink tonight,” I told him.

  “Come in anyway. ” His hair cascaded across his forehead, and dark circles had formed under his eyes. He still hadn’t shaved, but that somehow made his face more appealing. Though he looked just as exhausted as I felt, there was a sincerity and yearning in his eyes that I didn’t have the strength to deny.

  Ridley saw my resistance fading, and he smiled before turning around and opening the door. His cottage was built half in the ground, almost like a rabbit burrow, and that’s why it had such a squat look. Only a few feet of it actually sat above the ground, and I had to go down several steps when I went in.

  Inside, it was cozy, with a living room attached to a nice little kitchen, and the door was open to his bedroom in the back. As soon as we came in, Ridley kicked off his shoes and peeled off his scarf, then went over to throw a few logs in the fireplace to get the place warmed up.

  “Sure I can’t interest you in a drink?” Ridley asked when he went into the kitchen.

  “I’ll pass. ” I took off my jacket and sat back on his couch before sliding off my own boots.

  I’d been inside his cottage a couple times before, but usually only for very brief visits to ask him a question about work. This was my first real social call, and I took the opportunity to really take his place in.

  The coffee table was handmade from a tree trunk, made into an uneven rectangle with bark still on the edges. The bookshelf on the far wall was overflowing with books, and next to it he had a very cluttered desk. On the mantel, there was a picture of a grade-school-aged Ridley posing with his father, who was all decked out in his Högdragen uniform.

  “Have you ever had to make a notification before?” Ridley came back into the living room, carrying a large glass mug filled to the brim with dark red wine.

  “This was my first,” I said. “It’s the only time I ever came back without a changeling. ”

  He bent down in front of the fireplace, poking a few logs to help get it going. “I’ve done it once before. It’s never any fun. ”

  “This time must be worse. ”

  “Why do you say that?” Ridley sat on the arm of the couch at the far end from me and sipped his wine.

  “This time it’s kind of our fault. ”

  “It’s not our fault,” he said, but he stared down at his mug, swirling the liquid around. “We left as soon as we got our assignment, but she was dead by the time we even got to Calgary. There was nothing we could’ve done. ”

  “No, there’s nothing more you could’ve done,” I corrected myself. “But I should’ve taken care of Konstantin when I saw him in Chicago. ”

  I said that, but I wasn’t sure if I meant it anymore. Even after we’d found Emma dead, I felt more conflicted than ever. I didn’t know what Konstantin’s role had been in her death, and although I was certain he carried some culpability, I also thought things were far more complicated than either Ridley or I had realized.

  “What happened with him, exactly?” Ridley asked carefully, giving me a sidelong glance. “Back in the hotel. ”

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  I pulled my legs up underneath me, leaning away from him. “I already told you. ”

  “No, you didn’t. Not really. ” He slid down off the arm of the couch so he could face me. “You told me that he’d been in the room, you’d fought, and that he must’ve knocked you out. That was about it. ”

  “That’s about all there is to tell. ”

  “But what I don’t understand is, why was he there?” Ridley paused. “Was he waiting for you?”

  “I don’t know. ” I ran my hand through my hair.

  “Did he hurt you?” he asked with an edge to his voice.

  “We fought, and he knocked me out, so yes. ” I gave him a look. “But other than that, I’m okay, and I got in a few good punches. ”

  “Why didn’t he kill you?” Ridley asked. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he didn’t. But … he’s tried to kill your dad, he killed Emma. He obviously doesn’t care if he gets blood on his hands, so why did he leave you alive?”

  I lowered my eyes. “I think he does care if he gets blood on his hands. And I think Bent killed Emma, not Konstantin. ”

  “Are you…” Ridley’s expression hardened, and he narrowed his eyes. “Do you have feelings for him?”

  I groaned, but my cheeks flushed. “Don’t be
gross, Ridley. ”

  “There’s clearly something going on between the two of you—”

  “Why?” I snapped. “Why is there ‘clearly something’?”

  “Because he should’ve killed you, and he didn’t. And you should’ve killed him, and you didn’t. So something’s going on, and I want to know what it is. ”

  “It’s not like that. ” I shook my head.

  “Bryn. ” He set his mug down on the table and moved closer to me. “I’m just trying to understand. ” He put his hand on my thigh, and I chewed my lip.

  “Konstantin Black is a bad man who has done bad things, who will do bad things again,” I told him, willing myself to meet his gaze as I spoke. “I know that. But there’s something more going on, something much bigger at play. ”

  “I know that you think he’s working for someone else, and you’re probably right,” Ridley said. “But that doesn’t mean he deserves your sympathy. ”

  “I’m not sympathetic. ” I sighed. “At least I don’t want to be. But I’m not ready to completely distrust him. Not yet. ”

  “He’s done terrible things. He’s not to be trusted,” Ridley implored me to understand, his eyes dark with concern.

  “I know. I will take care of Konstantin. I promise. ” I put my hand on his, trying to convey that I meant it. “But please, for now, can you not tell anyone that I saw him in Calgary?”

  “You want me to lie to the King and Queen?” Ridley asked with exaggerated shock.

  “You’ve done it before,” I said with a hopeful smile.

  “No, don’t look at me like that. ” He shook his head, then sighed. “Fine. I’ll keep this between us. But Bryn, this is a very dangerous game you’re playing. ”

  “I know,” I admitted, and squeezed his hand. “Thank you for keeping my secret. ”

  “You can always trust me with your secrets,” he said with a crooked smile, and the look in his eyes made my heart ache. “You know, that’s the real reason I went on this mission. ”

  “What is?” I asked.

  “I was afraid you’d run into Konstantin, and I didn’t want you to go up against him alone. And then I wasn’t even there when you fought with him,” he said, and guilt flashed across his face.

  “I was fine. I took care of myself,” I insisted.

  “No, I know. ” He lowered his eyes for a second, taking a fortifying breath, as if he were building up to something. His hand was still in mine, and he ran his thumb across it. Finally, he lifted his head, meeting my eyes willfully. “On the train, you questioned my commitment to the mission. ”

  “Ridley, I didn’t mean it. I know you did everything you could in Calgary—”

  He held up his other hand, silencing me. “I know, and I’m sorry that things didn’t work out better for Emma and for you in Calgary, and I’m sorry that we didn’t arrive sooner. But I’m still glad I went. For you, I would lay down my life any day. ”

  If he’d leaned in to kiss me then, I would’ve let him. I would’ve gladly thrown my arms around his neck and pulled him tighter to me as his lips pressed against mine.

  But he didn’t. He just stared into my eyes for a moment, filling me with a heat that made me feel light-headed and nervous and wonderful all at once.

  Then there was a knock at the door, and he pulled his hand away from me, and the moment was shattered, and I could suddenly breathe again.

  As Ridley got up to answer the door, I looked up through the small windows near the roof and tried to peer through. I got a glimpse of a girl, and I was hit by the painful realization that I’d stayed here too long. That I shouldn’t have come to visit at all.

  “Oh, good, you’re home!” Juni said in relieved delight when Ridley opened the door, and I was already hurrying to pull on my boots. She threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly, and my cheeks flushed with guilt at the fantasy I’d just been having in which I would hold her boyfriend in much the same way.

  “I was so worried about you,” she said as she held him.

  “I’m okay, I’m fine,” he tried to comfort her.

  I cleared my throat as I put on my coat, since they were standing in the doorway, blocking my exit.

  “Oh, Bryn, I didn’t realize you were here. ” Juni let go of Ridley and gave me a wide smile. “I’m glad to see you made it back safely, too. ” Her smile gave way to sadness. “I heard about the poor girl in Calgary. ”

  “Thank you, but I should really be going,” I said, returning her smile with a lame one of my own.

  “You don’t need to go. ” Ridley pulled away from Juni so he could turn to me.

  “No, I do. You two need to catch up anyway. ”

  I couldn’t force a smile much longer, so I slid past them as politely and quickly as I could. With hurried steps, I walked back to my loft, feeling more conflicted and lost than I ever had before.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  oath

  “Do you wanna talk about it?” Ember stood over me looking down, so her bangs were falling into her eyes. Her arm had a brace on it, but otherwise the medic had almost completely healed her, and she spotted me as I did bench presses.

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  “Nope,” I said through gritted teeth and pushed the bar above my chest before slowly lowering it back down.

  “Well, I think you should,” Ember persisted. “You and Ridley got back from Calgary yesterday, and you’ve hardly said anything. ” She paused, waiting until I finished my rep and racked the bar. “I know you must feel terrible about what happened with that girl. ”

  I sat up, wiping sweat off my brow with the back of my arm. “I know you mean well, but I really don’t wanna talk about it. ”

  “Okay,” she relented. “But I’m here if you need me. ”

  “Thank you. ” I smiled up at her, but it fell away when I saw Ridley enter the gym behind her.

  I’d been avoiding him since yesterday, and I had planned on avoiding him for as long as I possibly could. But since he was walking toward where Ember and I were working out, it seemed like my time was up. He wore slacks and a suit vest, so he definitely wasn’t here for exercise.

  Ridley stopped when he was near enough that he wouldn’t have to shout, and then he motioned to us. “Bryn, Ember, you’re needed in classroom 103. ”

  “What do you mean, we’re needed in a classroom?” I asked.

  “Yeah, and by who?” Ember added.

  “It’s an impromptu meeting,” he said without elaborating, then turned to walk away.

  “A meeting? With who?” Ember asked.

  “Just come on!” he called without looking back to see if we followed.

  Ember exchanged a look with me, and I just shrugged and took a swig from my water bottle. My tank top was sweaty in a couple places, and my yoga pants were frayed and old. I hoped whoever we were having our meeting with wasn’t super-important, because Ridley didn’t imply that I had time to change.

  We walked down the hall out of the gym, past the classrooms where trackers-in-training were studying proper techniques, social etiquette, and human history. Room 103 was one of the larger classrooms and was located right next to the Rektor’s office.

  When we reached it, Tilda and Simon Bohlin were already seated at desks, along with half a dozen other top trackers who had already returned with their changelings. Ridley stood near the front of the room, and leaning against the teacher’s desk with his arms crossed was King Evert.

  He was dressed somewhat casually, in a suit with a black shirt and no tie. He hadn’t worn his crown, but he rarely did, except for special occasions. Still, I regretted not hurrying to the locker room to change.

  “Are these the last two?” Evert asked as Ember and I slowly took our seats at two empty desks near the front.

  “Yes. ” Ridley went over to shut the door behind us, and then he took his spot next to the King. “This is every tracker that’s back. ”

 
Evert stared out at the room. The light glinted off his slicked-back raven hair, and one ankle was crossed over the other. I’d rarely seen him without his usual smirk, but the expression he wore now was decidedly grim.

  “My wife doesn’t want us to go to war,” he said finally, his words carrying a weight they usually lacked. He looked as if he felt much more resigned to being a leader than he ever had before. “She wants us to solve things peacefully and quietly, sneaking changelings in during the night. And that’s why she doesn’t know about this meeting.

  “An accused traitor killed one of our children, and if he has his way, I’m sure he’ll kill more,” King Evert went on.

  I lowered my eyes, but I could feel Ridley’s gaze on me, almost willing Evert’s words to take hold in me.

  “I agree with my wife on many things. She tries to be kind and fair. ” Evert uncrossed his arms and put his hands on the desk behind him. “But when someone is shedding the blood of our people, that’s where I draw the line. That’s when I say fuck it. Let’s go to war. ”

  “We’re going to war?” Tilda asked, too surprised to be afraid to speak out to the King. “Against who?”

  “Konstantin Black and Bent Stum and anyone they might be working with,” Evert explained. “There’s no point in going after the changelings, because he’s one step ahead of us every time. He’s anticipating our moves. So now we’re going after him. ”

  “How will we find them?” Ember asked.

  “We’re coming up with a plan now. ” Evert motioned between himself and Ridley. “But since Konstantin seems to somehow be intercepting our highest-ranked changelings, we’re going to set a trap. We’ll send all of you to one place, where one changeling is supposed to be, and when you see Konstantin and Bent, you’ll swarm them. ”

  “When we catch them,” I began, choosing my words carefully and hoping that I didn’t look as sick as I felt, “we’re supposed to bring them in to stand trial, right?”

  “I’ve thought about it, and I don’t see the point. Why waste resources and time?” Evert asked. “He’s enemy number one. You find him, you kill him. He hasn’t shown us any mercy, and we won’t show him any. ”

  Ridley met my gaze, and the fear flickering in his eyes made me bite my tongue even harder. I couldn’t tell the King about my fight with Konstantin, especially not now, not if I didn’t want to end up in jail for aiding the enemy. But I could tell Ridley was afraid that I would risk my own neck to defend Konstantin.

  While the idea of killing Konstantin made my heart twist, I couldn’t argue with the King. Konstantin was still the enemy, and he was complicit in the attempted kidnappings and murder of our people. Something had to be done. I may disagree on what that “something” might be, but arguing with the King would get me nowhere.

  “We’re coming up with the specifics now, but the plan is to send you out early next week,” King Evert went on.

  “Excuse me, sire?” Tilda raised her hand timidly. “Is there a way that we can opt out of this mission?”