Love and Decay, Vol. Four

At least as presentable as today would let me be.

  A man stepped forward wearing military fatigues and a gun strapped to his back. He started speaking in Spanish and I stood still while Adela took over.

  “I am Tomás,” he said with rough English after Adela explained who we were. His sweaty face broke into a grin. “Welcome to my home.”

  I followed his hands as they gestured animatedly and my mouth dropped open. The cathedral was like nothing I had ever seen before.

  High windows let in natural light and illuminated the incredible space that had somehow been preserved in this dark time. Everything seemed to be made from gold or plated in gold or painted in gold. Massive columns supported pale, domed ceilings and made the interior seem airy and open, despite the intricate and sometimes gaudy designs.

  People milled about everywhere. They sat in the many rows of pews or stood around the altar at the other end of the aisle. They walked between arched doorways or let their children run around on the scuffed marble floor.

  This had once been something sacred, where people came to pay their respect and behave with reverence.

  Tomás had turned it into a fortress that housed countless families and protected them from the evil outside these doors.

  And yet it didn’t feel sacrilegious. I imagined God pleased with these people, pleased with their efforts to protect each other and pleased with their creativity to use something designed to worship Him.

  “You know Diego?” Tomás asked, bringing my attention back to him.

  Adela launched into an explanation in Spanish. I didn’t know if she thought it would be easier for Tomás to understand or if she wanted to keep parts of her relationship with Diego a secret, but either way, Tomás nodded along.

  Hendrix’s chest pressed into my back and his warmth covered me. I finally let myself look around our group and take stock.

  Miguel had made it inside the doors, but his friends had not. Haley was rocking Lennon and trying to calm his frustrated cries. Nelson wrapped his arm around her shoulders and held them close to his body. Harrison and King looked like they could sleep for the next week. Miller stood over Page while she curled into Vaughan’s side. Vaughan sat propped against a far wall, holding his arm to his chest. Tyler sat next to him with a frown creasing her brow.

  Had Vaughan been injured?

  Had the Feeder managed to sink its teeth into him?

  “Is your brother okay?” I whispered to Hendrix.

  Hendrix glanced back at Vaughan and his entire body froze behind me. “Are you okay?” Hendrix asked in a steely rumble.

  Vaughan nodded weakly. “Just got my ass kicked is all.”

  Hendrix didn’t say anything. He turned around, but the tension didn’t leave his body.

  “It is lucky you did not die,” Tomás spoke in English to us. His words were carefully chosen and slowly pronounced. “I did not know the tunnels still worked. The place you came from is not a good place. Many dangers could come out of it.” He could say that again. His smile softened and he reminded me of Diego. He had the same nose as my favorite warlord and the mischief in his dark eyes reminded me of how Diego could be both playful and deadly. “You are welcome to stay,” Tomás continued. “Carlos will show you where you can clean up. When you are ready I will explain how things work here and what will be expected of you. But first you must…” He waved his hand at me.

  Yeah, first we had to not look like this. I got it.

  Harrison held out a hand to Vaughan and pulled him to his feet. Once there, Vaughan staggered to the side. Harrison caught him before he tipped over.

  “Vaughan,” Hendrix barked.

  “I’ve lost some blood,” Vaughan mumbled. “That’s it.”

  Tomás’s men eyed us curiously, clearly not trusting us nor our behavior. One of them stepped out from the crowd and jerked his head for us to follow.

  Hendrix put his hand on the small of my back and we walked with the rest of our group to an annex of the main cathedral. There were quarters here, probably for the clergy that had once occupied this place. He showed us male and female bathrooms and gave us a ration of bottled water.

  I had a feeling he gave us more than the normal amount. We were super dirty after all.

  I ducked into the bathroom with Haley, Lennon, Tyler, Adela and Page. We took turns standing over the shower drains and scrubbing as best as we could. Tyler helped me get my back and deal with my massive amounts of hair and then I did the same for her. We had both packed soap in our emergency bags and used almost all of it to scrub the sewage, Zombie guts and other filth from the day. I washed three times before I felt satisfied I didn’t smell like a Feeder anymore.

  After Tyler and I were as clean as we could get, we helped Page clean up. I held a freshly bathed, but fussy Lennon while Haley washed off. When we were dressed in the only other clothes we had managed to salvage from our supplies, I took a good long look in the mirror and bit back a wince.

  I tried to remember how long it had been since I had seen my reflection, but I couldn’t remember. All I knew was that it had been a long time and I barely recognized the girl staring back at me.

  My hair had grown out of control. It hung in wild waves down my back and around my shoulders. My skin was darkly tanned from all of our recent exposure to the sun. My lips were dry. Black circles puffed beneath my eyes. I was bruised and cut, battered and beaten. I was too skinny. I was too muscular.

  I was too… different.

  I stared through the survivor pictured in the glass and tried to find the version of me I still pictured, the girl I remembered. She lingered somewhere in those dark eyes, but it was hard to see through the girl I had become to find the girl I used to be.

  I wasn’t sure what to think about that. I couldn’t decide if these changes were good or bad.

  I looked down at Lennon, cradled in my arms and hoped he had the answer. He didn’t. But he was sweet to look at. So much sweeter than the scary, horror-version of myself I’d come face-to-face with.

  “Don’t be scared of me,” I whispered to him. “Just because I look like the Bride of Frankenstein doesn’t mean I am.”

  “You don’t look like that, Reags!” Haley laughed at me. She took Lennon back as soon as her hands were free and I felt her anxiety to hold her baby. Today had been scary. She had almost lost him more than once. I didn’t blame her for wanting to keep him close. I would have been the same way.

  Or at least I hoped I would.

  “Haley, it’s fright night. Only like every day is fright night. It’s amazing Hendrix puts up with this.”

  She smiled at me. “I’m pretty sure Hendrix would put up with the pre-shower version of you if he had to. You can’t scare him away by smelling bad. That boy is smitten.”

  Her words made my blood tingle. “I don’t want to scare him away,” I admitted. “Not anymore. Not ever again.”

  She threw an arm around my neck and squeezed me to her side. “I’m so glad you’re happy.”

  “I’m so glad we all survived. Again.”

  Tyler tsked from behind us. “We didn’t all survive. Two of those kids died today.”

  My heart pinched painfully. “I don’t even know how that happened. I thought we had this down… no man left behind.”

  Tyler shook her head. “They wouldn’t stop looking behind them. Vaughan tried to help them and encourage them to run faster, but they got caught up with what was chasing them. And they nearly got him killed in the process.” She trembled with fury at the idea of losing him. I didn’t blame her for that. I thought Vaughan had been a goner for sure.

  “He’s okay? He looked a little unstable,” Haley whispered.

  Page pushed into our small circle and said, “He’s fine. He beat the Feeder. It tried to get him, but he killed it. Now he’s fine.”

  We nodded to show Page we supported her.

  “Of course he’s fine,” Tyler encouraged. “He just has a little scratch. It’s nothing.”

  I wanted to belie
ve Tyler, but something about her wild eyes made me question Vaughan’s health. “Tyler…”

  “Reagan, he’s fine,” she promised. “He’ll be fine. Let’s go find him. I’ll show you.”

  We walked out into the hallway where the boys waited for us. Hendrix immediately enveloped me in his arms. As soon as I stepped out of the apartment, he wrapped me against his chest and buried his nose in my hair.

  “You smell good,” he murmured with his lips pressed against my ear.

  Warmth flooded my belly and burrowed deeper against him. “Better than earlier?”

  I felt his smile against my cheek. “Just a little bit, although it was growing on me. Literally. I literally think it had started to grow on me.”

  I laughed and it felt so good. My entire body lit up from the inside out.

  It wasn’t as though we never laughed or like our circumstances were so grim that we felt nothing but bleak depression. But our good moments were interspersed with life-threatening situations and near-death experiences. I had learned to treasure every laugh, cherish every smile. I wanted to hold these moments in my heart forever and always remember that things were really bad, but they were really, really good too.

  “Vaughan okay?” I whispered so Page didn’t hear me.

  “Yeah,” Hendrix answered. “I think so.”

  “Tyler said it was a cut?”

  He shook his head and pulled back to meet my gaze. “Bite,” he mouthed discreetly. “On his arm.”

  All of my good feelings disappeared in a flash of concern. “Bad?”

  He held my eyes with his intensity. “Just a graze. But… but nothing has happened yet. We’re hoping…” He cleared his throat and I watched pain contort his mouth into an agonized frown. “We’re hoping it ends up like Page.”

  I felt sick with worry.

  “I don’t think-”

  He silenced me with a quick kiss. “We’re not going to worry about it right now, okay? He hasn’t turned or shown signs of turning. So we’re going to drop it for now and see what happens. Yeah?”

  “Okay,” I whispered. “Yeah, okay.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my heart against his. “How’s Miguel?”

  His face dropped to the curve of my neck. “Devastated. I think he’s still in shock, but it’s going to hit him hard when he comes out of it.”

  “Do you think he’ll stay here or go back?” I rocked up to my tiptoes and looked over Hendrix’s shoulder. Miguel stood against a plain white wall, looking nearly as pale. There was no expression on his face, no emotion whatsoever. Hendrix was right, he was in shock. But eventually the trauma of the day would catch up to him and he would have to face what happened.

  I had no idea how that would go, but I wasn’t looking forward to it. I felt terrible for him, but at the same time I was beyond thankful that everyone I loved had made it.

  I tried not to dwell on how selfish that made me.

  Hendrix pulled back and cleared his throat. When he spoke again, he was nervous and maybe a little flustered. “Reagan, there’s something I want to talk to you about. Will you walk with me?”

  “Uh, sure.” Did he seem paler all of a sudden? I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he grabbed my hand and tugged me forward. I hurried to catch up with him. “Hendrix, what’s wrong?”

  As soon as we were around the corner, he spun me so my back was to the wall. His hands settled low on my waist, splaying over my hips with a sense of ownership that made me shiver.

  It wasn’t as though he treated me like a piece of property or like I was a possession to him. But there was this urgency to his touch, a sense of belonging. He owned my heart and I owned his.

  He stared into my eyes and let me see all of him. I glimpsed the honesty in his words, the truth and vulnerability. I saw hope and conviction, promise and acceptance. He gave me everything that he was and asked nothing less of me. “I love you,” he swore.

  And I knew that he did. I felt it in my bones, in the core of my being. He had rearranged my insides until I was built on the foundation of this love, until it became my cornerstone, my very substance and completed the overall picture of me.

  “I love you too,” I promised with no less gravity.

  A relieved smile tugged at his beautiful mouth. “Then marry me,” he asked.

  My heart stuttered in my chest and my breath caught in my lungs. “What?”

  “Marry me.” His hand reached up to cup my face. I instinctively leaned into his touch, loving the roughness of his palm against my jaw. “Reagan, when I fell in love with you something happened to me. I became a different person. A better person. I had this idea of the world and my purpose in it, but then you came along and changed everything. I don’t just live for myself anymore, I live for you. When I think about the future, if you’re not in it, I lose interest. I lose hope. You haven’t just come into my life, you’ve become my life. And I want to spend the rest of our days together and be committed to you in every way.”

  Overwhelming emotion made it hard to form words. “Hendrix-”

  His second hand joined the first, taking my face and holding me delicately. “Listen, I know we’ve had our ups and downs. And I know that it hasn’t been that long since we’ve been back together. But I never stopped loving you. Not for one second. And I know that if we can survive that… what we went through, what we’ve been through, then we can survive anything. I’m tired of being afraid that I’m going to lose you. I’m tired of feeling like our relationship is unfinished. I’m so exhausted from days like today when I know I should make you mine because I don’t know if I’m going to get to keep you or this world is going to take you from me. I need you to be mine. Permanently. I need to complete what we have and give you every single thing I have to give. I don’t know if there is a priest here or if we even need one. I just want to say vows to you, lasting vows that we can live by, that we can promise to each other and carry with us for the rest of our time together.”

  “Yes,” I sobbed as soon as he took a breath. “Yes!”

  “Yes?” he asked as though he really hadn’t expected it… as though he really thought I would have even considered a different answer.

  “Yes,” I hiccupped. “Of course. I want nothing more than to be your wife.” Tears flowed freely down my cheeks and I couldn’t remember a moment in my life where I had been happier. At the end of one of my darkest days, at the end of one of the darkest periods of my life, I couldn’t believe this incredible man and the light he brought to my life waited for me.

  “Really?” he asked dubiously.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. It was the lightest sound I had ever made. “Did you really think I would give you a different answer?”

  He frowned, so I leaned on my tiptoes and kissed the corners of his mouth. “I had my doubts,” he admitted.

  “Never,” I whispered against his jaw before I continued my kissing. “Never would I be stupid enough to walk away twice. This is everything to me, Hendrix. You are everything. I need you like I need water… like I need air. You’re not the only one that’s been changed by this love. Only I have been changed for the better. You make me better. You make me whole and complete. You fill in my emptiness and unfinished places. You’ve given me life when I thought I was dead and hope when I felt nothing but despair. I love you, Hendrix Parker. And I want to spend the rest of my days, no matter how many there are, with you.”

  His answering smile was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. It lit up his entire face and I was confident I had never seen this expression before. I had never seen him so at peace or so joyful. He vibrated with love and hope. He let go of all of the darkness that crept in on us and let himself be truly happy.

  And in that moment I knew I was ruined. Ruined for him. I knew I would spend the rest of my life making sure that expression was always on his face, that he always felt this way.

  He sobered suddenly and it looked like it physically pained him to say, “It’s not going to be easy. We’re
not going to always get along. We’re going to fight. Probably more than we should. There are times we might not even like each other. But, I just want you to know that after we do this, I am committed to you in every way. I am your husband and you are my wife. Forever.”

  More tears spilled over my lashes. I sniffled and nodded and basically made a blubbering fool of myself. “That’s what I want too. That’s what I mean. In every way, Hendrix. Forever.”

  He leaned down and took my mouth in a slow, leisurely kiss. His mouth moved against mine for several minutes as we shared our joy and let the anticipation build between us.

  When he pulled back I was dizzy and tingling with excitement. I was weightless, but filled to the very brim with happiness.

  “We have some planning to do, yeah?”

  I nodded, barely able to collect my thoughts. “Yeah.”

  “Are you comfortable writing your own vows?”

  I smiled at him. “Yes,” I laughed. “I think I can manage.”

  “Then go work on them and I’ll find you soon. I’ll handle everything else.”

  “I love you,” I told him one last time.

  “I love you too. More than anything.” With another slow kiss that burned through my blood and set me on fire in every way, he released me to my friends.

  I found Tyler and Adela in the hallway. I told them what happened and they squealed appropriately. We laughed and then cried when Haley came around the corner. She had just finished a similar conversation with Nelson.

  She threw her empty arms in the air and grinned. “Well, he wants to make an honest woman out of me!”

  I raced over to her and hugged her tightly. “It’s about time!” We spun around and laughed.

  “Me too, Hales! Hendrix and Nelson must have had a talk. Although to be fair to Hendrix, he did warn me earlier.”

  She pulled back and grinned at me. “He’s got marriage on the mind.”

  “More like the wedding night,” Tyler put in.

  I shook my head, but didn’t argue. It was fine with me if Hendrix had been thinking about both. I was more than ready to settle down officially and even more to give up the v-card and the fear that I would die a virgin.