Angel

Page 73

 

  “Then do that,” he said. He gripped her hands hard. “Willow, please — you don’t have to do this —”

  She ducked her head, her mouth twisting against tears. The pendant that he’d given her had worked its way out from under her sweater. Letting go of his hand, she reached up and touched the crystal, stroking its facets. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.

  Without looking at him, she rose from the bed and moved stiffly to the table. She started to tuck the clothes that she’d left out for the day’s journey into her bag.

  “No!” Alex leaped up, grabbed them away from her. “No. Willow, no — you are not doing this, you’re not —”

  “I have to!” she burst out, spinning toward him. “Don’t you get it? I don’t have a choice!”

  She was actually going to do it — this thing that would kill her.

  The world pounded in Alex’s ears as he stared at her. All at once his chest felt tight; he could hardly breathe. Oh, God, no. Not again, not someone else he loved. Why had he allowed himself to believe that this time might be different? How could he have been so stupid?

  “OK, so I guess you’ve decided,” he said finally.

  “Alex, I — I could never live with myself otherwise,” she said in a tiny voice. “I’d see my mother’s face every day for the rest of my life, and — and what about Beth and your family —?” She broke off with a sob, covering her tear-streaked face with her hand.

  He wanted so badly to comfort her. Instead he found himself glaring, almost trembling with anger. “Don’t bring my family into this. If you’re going to kill yourself, do it for your own reasons. ” He shoved the clothes at her.

  Willow gulped; her hands were unsteady as she put the clothes away in her bag. “Alex, please understand. How could you and I ever have anything good together, if I walked away from this? I feel like it would — would poison things between us; we’d always know that —”

  He wouldn’t have thought it possible that he could hate her, but right then it felt close to it. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare say that you’re doing this for us,” he interrupted, his voice shaking. “There won’t be any us after you do this. ” Her bag wasn’t fastened; roughly, he reached over and tied it shut, then thrust it at her. “Just — go,” he said. “Go on. They’re waiting for you. ”

  Swallowing hard, she clutched the bag to her chest. “Will — will you come?” she asked faintly.

  Her eyes. Her face.

  The words felt like ground glass in his throat. “No, thanks. I’ve seen enough people I care about die. ”

  Her face crumpled. She looked away, her mouth trembling. “I — I guess I’d better go, then. ”

  “Yeah, I guess you’d better. ”

  Slowly, Willow started for the door, then stopped and flew back to him, hugging him tightly. “I love you,” she said as she started to sob. “Alex, please. Please don’t let it end like this. ”

  He ached to hold her. He couldn’t do it; he was frozen. “Just go,” he said through clenched teeth.

  Willow pulled away, gazing up into his face. Her green eyes were stricken. “I know you don’t mean this,” she whispered. “I love you, Alex. I’ll always love you. ” He stood unmoving as she kissed him; he could taste her tears. She turned and ran for the door.

  Then she was gone.

  As if from a great distance, Alex heard the sound of voices from outside, then footsteps moving away. Silence. He stood alone in the center of the room, his muscles quivering. Abruptly, he picked up one of the chairs and hurled it across the cabin, sending it crashing against the wall. Sinking down onto the edge of the table, he shoved his hands through his hair, breathing hard. Around him were the still-rumpled sleeping bags where they’d slept the night before, his black nylon bag, packed with both their clothes. Willow’s purple Converse sneakers still lay in the corner, one of them on its side. What had happened? What had just happened? For several minutes Alex sat clutching his head, emotions crashing through him so violently that it felt like they’d tear him apart.

  He heard the helicopter start up.

  His head jerked up as the sound roared through him, spiking his pulse with sudden clarity. Willow was in the helicopter. She was about to fly away from him — he’d probably never see her again. He was on his feet so fast that the table scraped against the floor. Lunging out of the cabin, he ran across the small clearing, skidded his way down the deer path.

  “Willow!” he shouted. “Willow!”

  The blades thudded in his ears as he burst out into the open. The helicopter had already taken off; it was swinging away over the valley. Alex sprinted after it, jogging to a stop as the wind stirred his hair. It was growing smaller; he couldn’t even see its occupants through the tinted windows. Knowing it was hopeless, he put his hands to his mouth anyway. “WILLOW!”

  The helicopter kept going. As he watched, it moved away over the mountains, until it became a dark flyspeck and then vanished from sight, taking his heart with it.

  Alex stared after it, shaking. Oh, God. Oh, God, what had he done? Willow had most likely gone off to her death, and he’d actually told her to leave? He hadn’t held her; he hadn’t even told her how much he loved her.

  He had let her go alone.

  “No,” he said out loud. No, this wasn’t going to happen. This seriously wasn’t going to happen; it wasn’t going to end like this. If she had to do this thing, fine, but she wasn’t going to do it alone, thinking that he hated her. He’d be there — to either help her or die with her, he didn’t care which, as long as he didn’t have to live the rest of his life without her.

  Denver by six o’clock tomorrow night. He could make it if he drove nonstop.

  Running back to the cabin, Alex hurriedly changed from sweatpants into jeans and threw on his jacket. He grabbed his wallet, the keys to the truck, his pistol and fresh cartridges. He was back in the rocky valley minutes later, flinging himself into the driver’s seat of the truck and starting up the engine. Spinning the wheel, he lurched out of the valley and started down the slope.

  This wasn’t going to be like with Jake. He wasn’t going to let down someone else he loved.

  FOR A LONG TIME in the helicopter, nobody said anything. Nate sat up front with the pilot, a man wearing sunglasses whose name I didn’t catch, and Sophie sat in the back with me. I was still clutching my bag, staring down at it, my throat so tight that I couldn’t have spoken if I tried. The look on Alex’s face as he told me to leave . . . my shoulders hunched as I held back a sob. When we’d first flown away, I could actually feel my heart breaking, splintering to pieces inside my chest. I couldn’t even be angry with him for not understanding — I knew what this was doing to him. I wanted so badly to tell Sophie and Nate to turn the helicopter around, so that I could go running back to Alex — throw my arms around him, tell him that I’d changed my mind; I wasn’t going to do this after all.

  But I couldn’t.

  Below us, the mountains were slowly flattening, turning to desert plains. “I’m sorry,” said Sophie, leaning toward me to be heard above the blades. “The two of you are . . . together, aren’t you?” I nodded, wondering if it was still true, and felt tears start to escape. Rummaging quickly in her bag, Sophie handed me a tissue. “You’re doing the right thing, Willow,” she said. “This is our only chance to stop the angels — we’re incredibly grateful to you. I know it must be awful. ”