Mended

  She doesn’t say anything for a few minutes, and I’m getting ready to repeat my question when she finally shifts in her seat and looks at me. “I’m pregnant, Luc. I never expected to hear that today.” Her hand falls to her stomach and she rubs it absently. “Everything feels just the same to me. I think she’s wrong.”

  Fear rolls off her in waves. I unclip her seatbelt, drop my seat back, and pull her carefully across the console and into my lap. It’s a bit awkward and cramped, but I eventually have her settled sideways. I wrap my arms around her and attempt to absorb some of her distress. “I know you’re scared. I am, as well. But there is nothing we have to do today. We don’t even have to discuss it if you don’t want to.” I’m trying to give her a reprieve, even if it’s a brief one.

  She sits quietly as if considering my words. She absently toys with the fingers on one of my hands before she says, “You know what I come from. What if having children flips some switch inside of me?”

  “What kind of switch?” I ask, although I suspect I already know her answer.

  “It could make me like her…my mom. For all I know, she wasn’t always the person she is now. Maybe I made her that way. I was probably a really bad baby and—”

  “Lia,” I interrupt, not willing to let her do this to herself. My beautiful, selfless girl wants to assume the blame for her mother’s atrocities and I won’t allow that. Anyone who would abuse a child had evil in them from the moment they were born. “Nothing that happened to you was your fault. There are a lot of mothers who live through difficult circumstances each day and do not raise a hand to their children. I don’t care if you were a difficult baby or a bratty child; there is no justification for how your mother treated you.”

  “I could be like her though, Luc, deep inside. I could have this baby and just snap.” I wonder if she’s aware that both of her hands are now cradling her stomach protectively. Even now, just a short time after finding out she’s pregnant, she’s guarding our unborn child against any threat.

  “Honey, I know you’re nervous, but I’m here and we can do this together.”

  She looks perplexed as she studies me. “Why are you so relaxed? I guess I assumed that if this happened, you would be the one freaking out the most. Instead, you don’t seem surprised at all.”

  “I have no idea why I’m handling this so well,” I admit. “Possibly it hasn’t hit me yet.”

  “It’s your do-over,” she says suddenly.

  “My what?” I have no idea what she’s talking about.

  “You’re not losing it because you have a chance to be a father again as you were meant to be eight years ago. This baby is your second chance, isn’t it?”

  I can only stare as I attempt to make sense of her words. Is she right? I am unnaturally composed considering the news we’ve just received. I’m not ready to dissect the reasons for that though. Right now, I need to be strong for Lia. Later on, I’ll allow myself time to process where my head is at. I’m afraid if I dig too hard, I’ll end up a drunk basket case again as I did when I first learned of the possibility that Lia might be pregnant. There’s danger in soul-searching and I need to avoid it—for now. “I think we should let ourselves get used to the idea before we analyze everything, okay?” I drop a kiss on the top of her head before helping her back into her seat.

  The ride back to the apartment is made in silence as we are each lost in our thoughts. “Can we go to Leo’s for an early dinner?” Lia surprises me by asking. I’m happy at her suggestion, thinking we both need to relax for a bit. My friend’s Italian restaurant has long been a favorite of mine and is now one of Lia’s as well. Fortunately, it’s only a short distance from the apartment and well within walking distance.

  “Of course,” I reply as I open her door and help her out. I drop my arm around her shoulders and we move from the parking garage and onto the already busy sidewalk. Asheville, North Carolina has always been my home and I love the eclectic blend of buildings and landscape here. I’ve traveled extensively in the years since starting Quinn Software, but I’ve never found anywhere that fits me as well. Now with Lia in my life, she is my home and Asheville is just the city I live in. Possibly, that’s just as it should be when you love someone unconditionally.

  One of her arms is around my waist and the other still cradles her stomach. Regardless of my encouragement to put aside our worries for today, she is still very much obsessing. Confirming my thoughts, she asks, “Are we going to tell anyone?”

  “That’s up to you, baby. If you would like to talk to Rose, I’m fine with it. Or we can wait until you’ve had your first official doctor’s appointment.”

  Lia goes stock-still. She grabs my arm, and I see the worry spread over her face. “Why? Do you think something’s wrong? Oh, my God!” We were beginning to attract attention as she begins to have what looks like some kind of panic attack.

  I pull her away from the gawking people passing by and into an alleyway. Backing her against a building, I put my hands on her shoulders, bracing her shaking body. “Lia, look at me.” When her eyes meet mine, I continue in the same soothing tone. “Slow your breathing.” When she continues to pant, I ask, “Can you count to ten with me?” My question is unusual enough that it gets her attention. She slowly nods in agreement and I begin counting, waiting until she repeats the number before I move to the next. We do this three more times before she’s finally calm enough to be rational.

  A tear rolls down her cheek as she whispers, “I’m sorry, Luc. I just—”

  “I know, baby. It’s fine. You’re okay. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier. I was simply trying to avoid putting more stress on you by telling our friends. I thought we could both use a few weeks to let it settle in before fielding questions from others. I promise you that’s all it was.”

  She drops her head to my chest and shudders against me. “I’m so embarrassed,” she groans. “You must think I’ve lost my mind.”

  I rub her back soothingly. “No, not at all. You’ll probably have to do the same thing for me tomorrow when it finally hits me.” I laugh, only half joking. A revelation of this magnitude would normally send me scurrying for my drug of choice. Even I’m amazed that I’m still level, without help, although I’m not naive enough to think it will remain that way. It’s been less than two weeks though and my aunt has warned me that the worst is still yet to come. Had I been a daily user, the withdrawal symptoms would have hit me sooner and with much more ferocity. I hope my struggle won’t be too severe, as I need to be her strength until she regroups. “Would you like to skip Leo’s and go home?”

  Lia’s stomach growls almost on cue, and she smiles ruefully. “I think I can pull it together enough to have dinner. Apparently, I’m rather hungry.” She rubs her hands over her eyes one last time and we rejoin the people on the sidewalk until we reach Leo’s. I’ve been a regular for years so we’re immediately seated at a private table in the corner. We discuss the menu before deciding on the lasagna for two. I order us both a glass of tea, not wanting to make the fact Lia can no longer have wine obvious.

  “So, are you ready for school to start next week?” I ask, trying to keep the conversation casual. I think it best we avoid talking about the baby again tonight until we’ve both had a bit of time to accept the news.

  She finishes chewing her bite of bread before saying, “I think so. I can’t believe I’m almost finished. It won’t be long until I have my degree.” With a grin, she rubs her hands together. “Then it will be time for the hard part…finding a job.” Her eyes widen and she looks down. “No one is going to hire someone fresh out of college who’s pregnant, are they?”

  I sigh in exasperation before taking her hand. “You’re not going to let yourself have one night for this to sink in, are you?”

  She gives me a sheepish look before shaking her head. “I’m going to school to be an analyst, Lucian; do you honestly think it’s in my nature not to think about this from every possible angle?”

  I can’t hold b
ack my grin. She’s so fucking hot right now that I want to give her something to occupy that mouth of hers. Whoever said smart was sexy was spot-on. I have a favorite fantasy of her wearing that beautiful hair in a bun, some glasses, and a business suit. The skirt would be short and she wouldn’t be wearing panties. I’d put my hands on—

  “Luc…hellooo. Are you listening to me?” She sounds slightly pissed as I refocus. I can only imagine how glazed my eyes must have been as I was carried away by the dream playing out in my head.

  Clearing my throat, I say, “Sorry, baby. I was just picturing how you’ll look when I fuck you on my desk.” I shift in my seat, thankful for long tablecloths.

  Her face flames red as she squeaks out, “What?”

  “I might even let you take charge,” I muse. “What would you do with that kind of control? How would you choose to take me?”

  “I…you…Lucian!” She’s stuttering now, which is adorable. I love throwing her off balance. If I have to suffer through dinner for an hour with a hard cock to take her mind off her pregnancy, then I will. Hell, I’ll work us both into an underwear-ripping frenzy by the time we pay the check.

  “Yes?” I say idly as I drop a hand onto her leg before trailing it closer and closer to the apex of her thighs. “Do you remember our first date?”

  “You mean the night I was drunk on Nyquil while Monique groped you all through dinner?” she chokes out as she attempts to clamp her legs closed.

  I chuckle softly recalling how she had taken my breath away from the moment I’d laid eyes on her. She had been working as an escort for Date Night to help pay for her schooling and I’d been desperate for someone to accompany me to a business dinner. When I’d stepped from my car, there had been this beautiful woman staring at me and then to my utter shock, taking pictures of me with her cell phone. I had been thrilled to find out that she was my date for the evening.

  Of course, considering nothing in life is ever simple, we’d had the misfortune to sit next to Monique Chandler. I’d made the monumental mistake of fucking her in the past and I’d spent months trying to convince her that I did not intend to take it any further than that. I had believed that taking a date with me to dinner would dissuade her from pawing me. In the end, she had still managed to do her fair share of touching while throwing barbs at Lia. But I couldn’t regret the evening. It had brought the woman I love into my life and for that, I would forever be grateful to Aidan for suggesting it.

  “I was actually referring to our first dinner here at Leo’s.”

  She rolls her eyes and drops her hand to stop mine from delving further between her legs. “As I recall, that wasn’t really a date. You booked it through Date Night so I kind of had to come.”

  I say a prayer of thanks that she’s worn a short dress today as I push past her restraining hand and reach the damp fabric of her panties. “You didn’t have to ‘come,' baby. You wanted to…badly, if I remember correctly.” A small groan pushes past her lips as I nudge her panties to the side and run my finger down her slit. I lean closer to her until my mouth is just inches from her neck. “Quiet, baby, unless you want everyone to know what we’re doing. I personally don’t give a damn.”

  She drops her face into the curve of my neck and I give an involuntary shiver as her warm breath hits my exposed skin. My finger finds her clit and begins to swirl around the tiny bud. Moisture is flooding from her core and I quickly lose myself in the feel of her pussy and the smell of her arousal. “Luc,” she pants, “I need to…please!”

  I thrust a finger up to my knuckle inside her and bite off a moan as her walls close around my digit. I’m seriously entertaining the idea of dropping to the floor and going under the tablecloth so I can lap at her cunt when I hear a clatter that sounds as loud as a bomb dropping. “I have your lasagna for two. Would you like some fresh bread?” My hand jerks and Lia gives a gasp of horror.

  Our server is a twenty-something-year-old male and from the lavish grin on his face, he has a pretty good idea of where my hand is. Lia’s face, which is hidden in the side of my neck, and the lack of composure on my part, are as good as holding up signs of guilt. “Yeah, that’s right, you horny little bastard. I’m finger-fucking my girlfriend. Now get lost so I can finish.” Instead of saying what I’m thinking though, I give a wave of dismissal and notice that the little shit actually looks disappointed. Did he think I was going to invite him to watch or something?

  “Oh my God,” Lia hisses. “He knew what we were doing, didn’t he?” I ignore her question and push my finger back inside her pussy as if nothing had happened. “What’re you doing?” Panic fills her voice, but there is something else as well—that fine edge of need impossible to disguise. She wants to come like the lady she is, but her body is urging her in the opposite direction, where desire rules and inhibitions are tossed aside.

  “Giving you what you’re too shy to ask for. Just sit back and enjoy the ride, my love.” I do take a quick look around me, just to make sure we don’t have a voyeuristic waiter watching us. I don’t mind people questioning that we might be up to something, but I could do without a pervert getting off on it—well, unless that’s me. I use my thumb to strum her clit while plunging another finger into her. Before I know it, I feel her contracting around me, and the little devil actually bites my neck. “Fuck. Ouch, baby, release the teeth,” I growl. The spurt of pain, along with her little whimpers, are almost enough to have me blowing my load in my pants. I’d really rather not walk out of my friend’s restaurant with a wet spot on my crotch.

  Lia removes her teeth and soothes the sting with a swipe of her tongue. Yeah—so not helping my problem. “Sorry, but you kind of deserved it.” She giggles softly. Embarrassing myself is probably worth it if I can make her laugh after her earlier panic attack.

  Suddenly a booming voice says, “Luc and his beautiful girlfriend. Welcome, my friends!” Lia and I both jerk upright and stare at the owner of the restaurant and my friend, Leo. He steps closer to the table and clamps one hand on my shoulder, before extending his other for me to shake. I hear Lia gasp next to me when I extend the hand that had just moments ago been inside her. “It’s so good to see you,” Leo says enthusiastically. “My hostess told me that she’d seated you earlier. I apologize it’s taken some time for me to get over here to greet you.” With a twinkle in his eyes, he adds, “I trust your visit is going well so far?”

  I know the polite thing to do would be to get to my feet and return his greeting properly, but something tells me that he understands why I choose to stay seated. “Leo, it’s been too long. How have you been?” I point to a seat at our table, silently inviting him to join us.

  He remains standing as he says, “I’ve been well, Luc. I’m sorry to say that I’m short-staffed tonight and don’t have time to sit and talk. I just wanted to say hello quickly.” We talk for another moment before he rushes back toward the kitchen.

  “Could that have been any more embarrassing?” Lia hisses when we’re alone again. “He knew exactly what we were doing, didn’t he?”

  “Of course.” I laugh as I take a sip of my tea. “Leo’s Italian, baby, so it’s not exactly something new for him. I’ve no doubt he could overlook just about anything we do in his restaurant in the name of love…and lust.”

  “You’re horrible,” she mock-scolds before turning her attention back to her food. We are both completely relaxed by the time the meal is over.

  Even though it’s just after six, Lia’s eyes are heavy as we walk back to the apartment. “Tired, baby?”

  “No,” she answers before yawning loudly. “Okay, maybe a little bit. I guess this is going to be happening a lot now.”

  “Why’s that?” I ask, not catching on until she points at her stomach.

  “Oh…yeah, that’s probably true,” I answer warily. I don’t want to encourage this conversation if she’s going to be as upset as she was earlier.

  “How do you really feel about this, Luc? I mean, as much as I’ve been freaking out, thi
s must be so much harder for you. Oh crap, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said that. You don’t have to answer that. That was really insensitive of me.”

  I stiffen involuntarily at her question and she must have felt my response. I’m not used to discussing the baby I lost so freely so this is unfamiliar ground to me. I guess I thought that after I’d revealed my past to Lia, I would once again bury it—this time for good. Now I was unsure as to how to handle it. I don’t want there to be areas of either of our lives that are off-limits to each other. We need to be able to communicate, even if sometimes the subject is painful. I have to try—now more than ever for her. Taking a breath, I pull her closer, giving and receiving comfort. “It’s fine. You know you can ask me anything. To answer your question, like you, I’m still processing all that this means to us. I was so young the last time and woefully unprepared for the ramifications of being a father. So much of my time then was spent trying to keep Cassie stable that I had little time to think of anything else. I wanted the baby and even though I was nervous, I was excited. In a lot of ways, this is a new experience for me as well.”

  We don’t talk again until we reach the apartment. I’ve just dropped my keys on the table in the entryway when Lia takes my hands in hers. “I know I’ve been all over the place since we found out today…about the baby, but you know I’m going to be okay, don’t you? I mean, the last thing I want is for you to be worrying about me doing something crazy. I promise you that won’t happen, Luc.”

  Puzzled, I ask, “What’re you talking about, babe?”

  She shifts uncomfortably. “I know I got really upset earlier and probably sounded as if I was losing it. I’m not though,” she rushes to add before I can speak. “I was shocked, I still am, but I’d never do anything to put the baby at risk.”