It Ends With Us

  Lily,

  I'm having serious withdrawals.

  --Ryle

  I smile and put the card back in the envelope. I grab my phone and snap a picture of me holding the flowers with my tongue sticking out. I text it to Ryle.

  Me: I tried to warn you.

  He immediately starts texting me back. I watch anxiously as the dots on my phone move back and forth.

  Ryle: I need my next fix. I'll be finished here in about thirty minutes. Can I take you to dinner?

  Me: Can't. Mom wants me to try a new restaurant with her tonight. She's an obnoxious foodie. : (

  Ryle: I like food. I eat food. Where are you taking her?

  Me: A place called Bib's on Marketson.

  Ryle: Is there room for one more?

  I stare at his text for a moment. He wants to meet my mother? We aren't even officially dating. I mean . . . I don't care if he meets my mother. She would love him. But he went from not wanting anything to do with relationships, to possibly agreeing to test-drive one, to meeting the parents, all within five days? Good God. I really am a drug.

  Me: Sure. Meet us there in half an hour.

  I walk out of my office and straight up to Allysa. I hold my phone in front of her face. "He wants to meet my mother."

  "Who?"

  "Ryle."

  "My brother?" she says, looking as shocked as I feel.

  I nod. "Your brother. My mother."

  She grabs my phone and looks at the texts. "Huh. That's so weird."

  I take my phone from her hands. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

  She laughs and says, "You know what I mean. It's Ryle we're talking about here. He's never, in the history of being Ryle Kincaid, met a girl's parents."

  Of course hearing her say that makes me smile, but then I wonder if maybe he's doing this just to please me. If maybe he's doing things he doesn't really want to do just because he knows I want a relationship.

  And then I smile even bigger, because isn't that what it's all about? Sacrificing for the person you like so that you can see them happy?

  "Your brother must really like me," I say teasingly. I look back up at Allysa, expecting her to laugh, but there's a solemn look on her face.

  She nods and says, "Yeah. I'm afraid he does." She grabs her purse from beneath the counter and says, "I'm gonna head out now. Let me know how it goes, okay?" She moves past me and I watch her as she makes her way out the door, and then I just stare at the door for a long time.

  It bothers me that she doesn't seem excited about the prospect of me dating Ryle. It makes me wonder if that has more to do with her feelings toward me or her feelings toward him.

  *

  Twenty minutes later, I flip the sign to closed. Just a few more days. I lock the door and walk to my car, but stop short when I see someone leaning against it. It takes me a moment to recognize him. He's facing the other direction, talking on his cell phone.

  I thought he was meeting me at the restaurant, but okay.

  The horn beeps on my car when I hit the Unlock button, and Ryle spins around. He grins when he sees me. "Yes, I agree," he says into the phone. He wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me against him, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. "We'll talk about it tomorrow," he says. "Something really important just came up."

  He hangs up the phone and slides it into his pocket, then he kisses me. It's not a hello kiss. It's an I've-been-thinking-about-you-nonstop kiss. He wraps both arms around me and spins me until I'm backed up against my car, where he continues to kiss me until I start to feel dizzy again. When he pulls back, he's looking down at me appreciatively.

  "You know which part of you drives me the craziest?" He brings his fingers to my mouth and traces my smile. "These," he says. "Your lips. I love how they're as red as your hair and you don't even have to wear lipstick."

  I grin and kiss his fingers. "I better watch you around my mom, then, because everyone says we have the same mouth."

  He pauses his fingers against my lips and he stops smiling. "Lily. Just . . . no."

  I laugh and open my door. "Are we taking separate cars?"

  He pulls the door open for me the rest of the way and says, "I took an Uber here from work. We'll ride together."

  *

  My mother is already seated at a table when we arrive. Her back is to the door as I lead the way.

  I'm instantly impressed by the restaurant. My eyes are drawn to the warm, neutral colors painted on the walls and the almost full-sized tree in the middle of the restaurant. It looks like it's growing straight out of the floor, almost as if the entire restaurant was designed around the tree. Ryle follows closely behind me with his hand on my lower back. Once we reach the table, I begin to pull off my jacket. "Hey, Mom."

  She looks up from her phone and says, "Oh, hey, honey." She drops her phone in her purse and waves her hand around the restaurant. "I already love it. Look at the lighting," she says, pointing up. "The fixtures look like something you'd grow in one of your gardens." That's when she notices Ryle, who is standing patiently next to me as I slide into the booth. My mother smiles at him and says, "We'll take two waters for now, please."

  My eyes dart to Ryle and then back to my mother. "Mom. He's with me. He's not the waiter."

  She looks up at Ryle again with confusion. He just smiles and reaches out his hand. "Honest mistake, ma'am. I'm Ryle Kincaid."

  She returns the handshake, looking back and forth between us. He releases her hand and slides into the booth. She looks a little flustered when she finally says, "Jenny Bloom. Nice to meet you." She places her attention back on me and raises an eyebrow. "A friend of yours, Lily?"

  I can't believe I'm not better prepared for this moment. What in the heck do I introduce him as? My trial run? I can't say boyfriend, but I can't very well say friend. Prospect seems a little dated.

  Ryle notices my pause, so he puts his hand on my knee and squeezes reassuringly. "My sister works for Lily," he says. "Have you met her? Allysa?"

  My mother leans forward in her booth and says, "Oh! Yes! Of course. You two look so much alike now that you mention it," she says. "It's the eyes, I think. And the mouth."

  He nods. "We both favor our mother."

  My mother smiles at me. "People always say they think Lily favors me."

  "Yes," he says. "Identical mouths. Uncanny." Ryle squeezes my knee under the table again while I try and suppress my laughter. "Ladies, if you'll excuse me, I need to head to the gentlemen's room." He leans in and kisses me on the side of the head before standing. "If the waiter comes, I'll just take water."

  My mother's eyes follow Ryle as he walks away, and then she slowly turns back to me. She points at me and then to his empty seat. "How come I haven't heard about this guy?"

  I smile a little. "Things are kind of . . . it's not really . . ." I have no idea how to explain our situation to my mother. "He works a lot, so we haven't really spent that much time together. At all. This is actually the first time we've been to dinner together."

  My mother raises an eyebrow. "Really?" she says, leaning back in her seat. "He sure doesn't treat it like that. I mean--he seems comfortably affectionate with you. Not normal behavior with someone you've just met."

  "We didn't just meet," I say. "It's been almost a year since the first time I met him. And we've spent time together, just not on a date. He works a lot."

  "Where does he work?"

  "Massachusetts General Hospital."

  My mother leans forward and her eyes practically bulge from her head. "Lily!" she hisses. "He's a doctor?"

  I nod, suppressing my grin. "A neurosurgeon."

  "Can I get you ladies something to drink?" a waiter asks.

  "Yeah," I say. "We'll take three . . ."

  And then I clamp my mouth shut.

  I stare at the waiter and the waiter stares back at me. My heart is in my throat. I can't remember how to speak.

  "Lily?" my mother says. She flicks her hand toward the waiter. "He's waiting fo
r your drink order."

  I shake my head and begin to stutter. "I'll . . . um . . ."

  "Three waters," my mother says, interrupting my fumbled words. The waiter snaps out of his trance long enough to tap his pencil on his pad of paper.

  "Three waters," he says. "Got it." He turns and walks away, but I watch as he glances back at me before pushing through the doors to the kitchen.

  My mother leans forward and says, "What in the world is wrong with you?"

  I point over my shoulder. "The waiter," I say, shaking my head. "He looked exactly like . . ."

  I'm about to say, "Atlas Corrigan," when Ryle walks up and slides back into the seat.

  He glances back and forth between us. "What'd I miss?"

  I swallow hard, shaking my head. Surely that wasn't really Atlas. But those eyes--his mouth. I know it's been years since I saw him, but I'll never forget what he looked like. It had to be him. I know it was and I know he recognized me, too, because the second our eyes met . . . it looked like he'd seen a ghost.

  "Lily?" Ryle says, squeezing my hand. "You okay?"

  I nod and force a smile, then clear my throat. "Yep. We were just talking about you," I say, glancing back at my mother. "Ryle assisted in an eighteen-hour surgery this week."

  My mother leans forward with interest. Ryle begins to tell her all about the surgery. Our water arrives, but it's a different waiter this time. He asks if we've had a chance to go over the menu and then tells us the chef's specials. The three of us order our food and I'm doing everything I can to focus, but my attention is all over the restaurant looking for Atlas. I need to regroup. After a few minutes, I lean over to Ryle. "I need to run to the restroom."

  He stands up to let me out and my eyes are scanning the face of every waiter as I make my way across the room. I push through the door to the hallway that leads to the restrooms. As soon as I'm alone, my back meets the wall of the hallway. I lean forward and release a huge breath. I decide to take a moment and regain my composure before heading back out there. I bring my hands up to my forehead and close my eyes.

  For nine years I've wondered what happened to him. Years.

  "Lily?"

  I glance up and suck in a breath. He's standing at the end of the hallway like a ghost straight out of the past. My eyes travel to his feet to make sure he's not suspended in the air.

  He isn't. He's real, and he's standing right in front of me.

  I stay pressed against the wall, not sure what to say to him. "Atlas?"

  As soon as I say his name, he blows out a quick breath of relief and then takes three huge steps forward. I catch myself doing the same. We meet in the middle and throw our arms around each other. "Holy shit," he says, holding me in a tight embrace.

  I nod. "Yeah. Holy shit."

  He puts his hands on my shoulders and takes a step back to look at me. "You haven't changed at all."

  I cover my mouth with my hand, still in shock, and give him the once-over. His face looks the same, but he's no longer the scrawny teenager I remember. "I can't say the same for you."

  He looks down at himself and laughs. "Yeah," he says. "Eight years in the military will do that to ya."

  We're both in shock, so nothing is said right after that. We just keep shaking our heads in disbelief. He laughs and then I laugh. Finally, he releases my shoulders and folds his arms over his chest. "What brings you to Boston?" he asks.

  He says it so casually, and I'm thankful for that. Maybe he doesn't remember our conversation all those years ago about Boston, which would save me a lot of embarrassment.

  "I live here," I say, forcing my answer to sound as casual as his question. "I own a flower shop over on Park Plaza."

  He smiles knowingly, like it doesn't at all surprise him. I glance toward the door, knowing I should get back out there. He notices and then takes another step back. He holds my gaze for a moment and it gets really quiet. Way too quiet. There's so much to say but neither of us even knows where to start. The smile leaves his eyes for a moment and then he motions toward the door. "You should probably get back to your company," he says. "I'll look you up sometime. You said Park Plaza, right?"

  I nod.

  He nods.

  The door swings open and a woman walks in holding a toddler. She moves between us, which puts even more distance between us. I take a step toward the door, but he remains in the same spot. Before I walk out, I turn back to him and smile. "It was really good to see you, Atlas."

  He smiles a little, but it doesn't touch his eyes. "Yeah. You too, Lily."

  *

  I'm mostly quiet for the rest of the meal. I'm not sure Ryle or my mother even notice, though, because she's having no issue firing question after question at him. He takes it like a champ. He's very charming with my mother in all the right ways.

  Unexpectedly running into Atlas tonight put such a wrinkle in my emotions, but by the end of dinner, Ryle has smoothed them back out again.

  My mother takes her napkin and wipes her mouth, then points at me. "New favorite restaurant," she says. "Incredible."

  Ryle nods. "I agree. I need to bring Allysa here. She loves trying new restaurants."

  The food really is good, but the last thing I need is for either of these two to want to come back here. "It was okay," I say.

  He pays for our meals, of course, and then insists we walk my mother to her car. I can already tell she'll be calling me about him tonight, simply by the prideful look on her face.

  Once she's gone, Ryle walks me to my car.

  "I requested an Uber so you wouldn't have to go out of your way to take me home. We have approximately . . ." He looks down at his phone. "One and a half minutes to make out."

  I laugh. He wraps his arms around me and kisses my neck first, and then my cheek. "I would invite myself over, but I have an early surgery tomorrow and I'm sure my patient would appreciate it if I didn't spend the majority of the night inside you."

  I kiss him back, both disappointed and relieved he's not coming over. "I have a grand opening in a few days. I should probably sleep, too."

  "When's your next day off?" he says.

  "Never. When's yours?"

  "Never."

  I shake my head. "We're doomed. There's just too much drive and success between the two of us."

  "That means the honeymoon phase will last until we're eighty," he says. "I'll come to your grand opening Friday and then the four of us will go out and celebrate." A car pulls up beside us and he wraps his hand in my hair and kisses me goodbye. "Your mother is wonderful, by the way. Thank you for letting me come to dinner."

  He backs away and climbs inside the car. I watch as it pulls out of the parking lot.

  I have a really good feeling about that man.

  I smile and turn toward my car, but throw a hand up to my chest and gasp when I see him.

  Atlas is standing at the rear of my car.

  "Sorry. Wasn't trying to scare you."

  I blow out a breath. "Well, you did." I lean against the car and Atlas stays where he is, three feet away from me. He looks out at the street. "So? Who's the lucky guy?"

  "He's . . ." My voice falters. This is all so weird. My chest is still constricted and my stomach is flipping, and I can't tell if it's leftover nerves from kissing Ryle or if it's the presence of Atlas. "His name is Ryle. We met about a year ago."

  I instantly regret saying we met that long ago. It makes it sound like Ryle and I have been dating that long and we aren't even officially dating. "What about you? Married? Have a girlfriend?"

  I'm not sure if I'm asking to extend the conversation he started, or if I'm genuinely curious.

  "I do, actually. Her name is Cassie. We've been together almost a year now."

  Heartburn. I think I have heartburn. A year? I place my hand on my chest and nod. "That's good. You seem happy."

  Does he seem happy? I have no idea.

  "Yeah. Well . . . I'm really glad I got to see you, Lily." He turns around to walk away, but then spins and f
aces me again, his hands shoved in his back pockets. "I will say . . . I kind of wish this could have happened a year ago."

  I wince at his words, trying not to let them penetrate. He turns and walks back toward the restaurant.

  I fumble with my keys and hit the button to unlock the car. I slide in and pull the door shut, gripping the steering wheel. For whatever reason, a huge tear falls down my cheek. A huge, pathetic, what-the-hell-is-this-wetness tear. I swipe at it and push the button to start my car.

  I didn't expect to feel this much hurt after seeing him.

  But it's good. This happened for a reason. My heart needed closure so I can give it to Ryle, but maybe I couldn't do that until this happened.

  This is good.

  Yes, I'm crying.

  But it'll feel better. This is just human nature, healing an old wound to prepare for a fresh new layer.

  That's all.

  Chapter Eleven

  I curl up in my bed and stare at it.

  I'm almost finished with it. There aren't very many more entries.

  I pick up the journal and place it on the pillow beside me.

  "I'm not going to read you," I whisper.

  Although, if I read what's left, I'll be finished. Having seen Atlas tonight and knowing he has a girlfriend and a job and more than likely a home is enough closure I need on that chapter. And if I just finish the damn journal, I can put it back in the shoebox and never have to open it again.

  I finally pick it up and roll onto my back. "Ellen DeGeneres, you are such a bitch."

  Dear Ellen,

  "Just keep swimming."

  Recognize that quote, Ellen? It's what Dory says to Marlin in Finding Nemo.

  "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming."

  I'm not a huge fan of cartoons, but I'll give you props for that one. I like cartoons that can make you laugh, but also make you feel something. After today, I think that's my favorite cartoon. Because I've been feeling like drowning lately, and sometimes people need a reminder that they just need to keep swimming.

  Atlas got sick. Like really sick.

  He's been crawling through my window and sleeping on the floor for a few nights in a row now, but last night, I knew something was wrong as soon as I looked at him. It was a Sunday, so I hadn't seen him since the night before, but he looked awful. His eyes were bloodshot, his skin was pale, and even though it was cold, his hair was sweaty. I didn't even ask if he was feeling okay, I already knew he wasn't. I put my hand on his forehead and he was so hot, I almost yelled for my mother.