Mindspeak

  “I only confirmed you were like me, genetically manipulated in some way, the day I heard your first thought. But cloned? Not very long.”

  “But you didn’t tell me at first.” I couldn’t hide the hurt.

  “Again, how was I going to tell a girl searching for her own unique identity that she is the result of a genetic experiment? I hoped your father would tell you. And fill in some of the blanks.”

  I sucked in a breath.

  “And I believe he was coming to do exactly that.” Jack squeezed my hand.

  I pulled my hand away, stood and marched over to the window. Rain pummeled the glass. Lightning strobed. I wrapped my arms around my waist, and my body shook. Like the droplets of water streaming down the windowpanes, tears poured down my cheeks.

  I’d known what my father was capable of all of my life. He claimed that the technology for cloning humans was out there. I’d always assumed that “out there” meant scientists were capable, but would never resort to such monstrosities.

  I sensed Jack’s presence right behind me before I felt his hands on my arms.

  I whipped around and backed up from him.

  “Lexi…” He wrinkled his brows.

  “I feel betrayed,” I whispered.

  “I know. Please don’t hate me. I couldn’t stand it if you hated me.”

  You? I don’t hate you. You didn’t do this.

  He moved a strand of hair off my forehead and tucked it behind my ear. He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

  My knees buckled. Jack caught me in his arms and lowered me gently to the floor. He sat in front of me, pulled me into his lap, and rocked. I succumbed to numb shock.

  Chapter Nineteen

  A residual clap of thunder shook the house. It had been thunderstorm after thunderstorm all afternoon. The electricity flickered a few times before it went out completely. My nerves were shot.

  Tucked into the corner of the DeWeese’s living room sofa, I drew my knees in and hugged them. My body trembled—I wasn’t sure if it was from the slight chill in the air, the loud severe storms that caused the house to be dark and without a security system, or the worried look Jack wore.

  He stoked the fire. I eyed his every move. Studied his facial expressions. His command of the house. His maturity. His actions were not that of a high-school senior, yet the smooth skin around his eyes screamed youth.

  Finally, he sunk down onto the opposite side of the couch and faced me.

  “You thought I would run when I learned the truth of where I came from,” I said. Running would be the easy way. Right then, running did have its appeal. But someone had killed my father and tried to kill me. I had to know who.

  A shadow crossed his eyes. “I wish telling you that you were a clone was why I thought you would run.”

  I stared at him. My eyelids felt slightly swollen.

  “I don’t want to tell you any of it, though. Not now.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I planned to. When I discovered that the daughter of the famous Dr. Peter Roslin was at Wellington. I planned to tell you everything I knew. Mom forbade me from going to Wellington. But I was already eighteen. I told her I’d run if she tried to stop me.”

  “What stopped you from telling me?”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m so thankful I already know how to control the thoughts you can hear from me.” His lips lifted in an uneasy smile.

  I relaxed the hold I had on my knees and moved closer to him, stopping in the middle of the couch to keep from touching him. I was not going to touch him. It was bad enough he could hear most of my thoughts. “I thought you said ‘no more secrets’.”

  He sighed, the muscles around his eyes tight. “I did say that.” He placed both hands on his knees. His fingers spread wide. “Okay. Here it goes.”

  He stood and walked over to the fire, placing his palms against the mantle above it. Again, his nervousness struck me as odd. He was holding something back. Information that might send me running, according to him. He seemed… what? Afraid?

  “Who would have thought this would be the toughest part to tell you.”

  “Right now, Jack, I’m so freaked. Start with anything.” I stood and wrung my hands. The muscles in my shoulder ached; my entire body was sore from the previous night’s car crash. I rubbed my temples while I waited for him to speak.

  He faced me. “I wanted to heal your injuries completely last night. But I didn’t want to be too sick to protect you from whoever came at us if they struck again. And I didn’t want to be too sick to answer your questions about Seth. The thought of you leaving me and not looking back…” He took a few steps forward. “I can make the headache go away.” He ran his fingers lightly across my forehead and over my eyelids, where the pain was the strongest.

  I grabbed both his hands with mine and lowered them, holding them between us. “You’re changing the subject. Just tell me.”

  Okay, here it goes. “You were created for me. To complement my abilities. And vice versa.”

  An involuntary gasp escaped through my lips. I dropped his hands. “Come again.”

  “Sandra was crazy obsessed with cloning humans and enhancing the brain’s genetic makeup. So, first, she created human embryos—one from my father’s DNA and then one from her own.”

  I swayed slightly.

  “Come. Sit down.” Jack grabbed my hand and led me back to the sofa.

  When I found the courage, I lifted my eyes and met his. The wind and the rain calmed outside. Any trace of sunlight was MIA and the house was dark. The light from the fire and the candles produced a soft glow on his face, but his eyes carried the storms of the day.

  “You said Sandra was a geneticist.”

  “And a neurologist. They say she was fascinated with the human mind and how doctors might battle injuries and diseases of the brain in the future.”

  I peered into Jack’s eyes. There was more. So much more. I could almost see the inner workings of his own brain twisting and turning each piece of this puzzle—our lives. Did he start with the straight edges, the easier stuff and the foundation for the rest of the hard-to-fit pieces? Or did he just jump into the middle and piece it all together for me from the inside out?

  Did he even have all the pieces?

  “Let me get this straight. Sandra cloned your father and then herself. Your father agreed to this?”

  “Yes and no.” Jack held my hand and absentmindedly drew circles on my palm. “Father agreed to test Sandra’s claim that she could clone an adult human and enhance the genetic makeup of the brain without compromising the embryo.”

  “And?”

  “According to my father, the embryos were never supposed to become more than that. They were supposed to be destroyed and never implanted. They were never supposed to become human babies.”

  “But they did. Become human babies. The embryos became you and me.” She created two freaks.

  Jack’s expression darkened. He reached his other hand and lifted my chin. “Stop it with the freak talk. I am no freak, and you, my dear, are most certainly no freak.”

  “Why are you telling me all this now? Why not tell me when you fixed my arm? Or when I asked you if we were designer babies.” That thought made want to laugh. As if my parents had wished for me to have green eyes and strong arms and legs for swimming. “Or when my dad was killed? Why didn’t you tell me then?”

  “I hoped your dad would tell you initially. And then…”

  “…he died,” I finished for him.

  “And I’m only now putting a lot of this together. I knew about myself, but I just started asking more questions about you and your abilities recently.”

  “Asking questions?” My eyes darted back and forth, searching his. Then, the realization hit me. “The Program.”

  “The Program is designed to reveal the research our fathers, Sandra and others have been involved in. Information is being filtered to me slowly. Too slowly. When your father was killed… the thought t
hat you were in danger… possibly because of what we are?” He sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “That’s what haunts me now.”

  “You could have told me some of this sooner.”

  “Aren’t my reasons obvious?”

  “Not to me.” I searched his eyes. Something besides fear and nervousness was there. I tried to remove my hand from his.

  He held tighter, looking deep into my core. “I’m in love with you, Lexi. And I will do anything to protect you from the absurd cards we’ve been dealt.”

  This time I pulled my hand away and stood. I walked toward the fireplace and stared straight into the burning flames. I guess I can’t possibly hide what I feel from you, can I?

  Jack’s arms circled me and drew my back against his chest. I know you love me. But, man, you’ve done a pretty amazing job of fighting it.

  I chuckled, a little from embarrassment. “I’m sorry. These feelings are new to me. And I’m so scared.”

  Say it now.

  “I love you, Jack,” I whispered, my voice hoarse.

  He turned me around. His eyes searched mine, then drifted to my lips. His hands held my face as he leaned in and kissed me.

  I threw my hands around his neck, and I kissed him back like my life depended on it. I ran my hands through his hair, and he mine. We continued like that until neither of us could breathe.

  When we came up for air, Jack hugged me tightly, burying his face into the crook of my neck. “I’ve been so scared to tell you everything.”

  “I still have so many questions.”

  “So do I. But we don’t have to solve the entire mystery tonight.”

  “What was my father’s part in all this?”

  “I don’t know,” Jack whispered. “I’ve told you most of what I know.”

  “But—”

  Jack placed a finger on my lips. “Shhh. We both have a lot to learn. And we will.”

  “But Jack, why is someone trying to kill us? Are we in danger here?”

  “We are safe here. This farm is wired with an electric fence, which is thankfully on a generator. Father placed security at every entrance after your father was killed. No one is going to get to you here.”

  My body tensed. “What about school? Who else knows that we are cloned humans? Are we going to be turned into governmental lab rats?” I suddenly felt so exposed. No wonder my dad hid me away at a boarding school and changed my name. Why didn’t he just tell me? Did he think I’d fall apart? Like I was obviously doing. My thoughts and questions raced too quickly for anyone to keep up. Even Jack.

  “Stop. Okay?” He kissed my forehead. “Let’s take a break.”

  “A break?”

  “You play pool?”

  “Pool?” The suggestion caught me off guard. “As in white ball, black ball, lots of colors, and a stick?”

  “Yeah. Pool.”

  How can he possibly be thinking about playing a game? “Really? You want to play pool. Now?”

  “I’ve been dealing with this a lot longer than you. I know. I get it. You’re wigged out. I’m pissed that someone caused me to wreck my car last night. I have found that I can’t stop trying to mix in a little bit of real. Games. Fun. You know? We have to continue living like the humans we are or we will start feeling like…”

  “Freaks?”

  Jack shook his head in disapproval. “Pool is a great way to learn control, too. I might be able to show you how to control the thoughts I hear.”

  I arched an eyebrow. “So, pool?”

  “Yeah. Do you play?”

  “A little, I guess.” I looked away and tried to think of anything but pool. Or how good at pool I was thanks to Kyle. Or about flipping cars, a hurt shoulder, or bloody noses.

  “Oh, my. We have a lot of work to do. I had you pegged as a control nut.” Jack tapped a finger to my temple. “But your mind is wide open. Even when you try your hardest… maybe especially then… I hear everything.”

  I blushed, thinking about the not so flattering things I thought about Jack when he first arrived at Wellington, and then at the more than flattering thoughts I had later. My face must have turned crimson.

  “I heard loud and clear that you think you play pool pretty well, but that your shoulder might be too hurt.”

  “Is that all you heard?”

  “I’m a gentleman, Lexi.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means exactly what I told you earlier. You don’t have to hide your thoughts with me.” He stepped closer, stared down on me. “Pool or not? Can you handle it?” He grazed his fingers over my shoulder.

  I stuck my lips out in a pout. “I can play. I’ll live with the pain.”

  “Good. Because we need to start working on getting you to control your thoughts and mind altering abilities as soon as possible.”

  ~~~~

  “Concentrate, Lexi.”

  “Stop yelling at me.” I’ll show you concentration when I concentrate on aiming my knee right where it will—

  Try it. I dare you.

  Jack’s eyes were hot on mine, daring me to knee him. Something told me I might be the one that ended up on the ground with a new injury if I tried.

  You’d be right. Besides, that’s another lesson altogether. Now, concentrate.

  I stuck out my lower lip and blew a strand of hair out of my eyes. “Fine.”

  I gathered the pool balls and racked them for a new game, then walked over and twisted the square of chalk on the end of my pool stick, giving it a quick blow after.

  Candles lit the room. Large, small, some in glass hurricanes.

  Jack sat on the edge of a barstool and leaned into his stick. A candle flickered on the table behind him, casting a soft glow upon his face. His eyes followed my every move.

  He was in love with me. Even though I couldn’t suppress what I was feeling for him, I had to find a way to keep him from knowing my every thought. A girl’s gotta have her secrets.

  I lined up the white ball and prepared to break while simultaneously concentrating on building a barrier around the inner workings of my brain—coating each thought, each worry, every question I still had with a protective shield.

  As I focused on those thoughts and questions, something strange began to happen. Instead of closing my mind off, it opened up. I sensed Jack’s presence. I didn’t hear his thoughts, but I smelled the scent of his shower gel. Felt the caress of his breath against the back of my neck. His mind knocked against that imaginary coat of armor I constructed.

  I shot the cue ball and missed the triangle of colorful balls completely. I whipped around. Jack still sat on the same barstool ten feet away.

  His lips curled into a smile. “Very good. You felt me tapping into your thoughts.” He stood and approached the table, proceeding to replace the white ball and break. He stepped close to me. This time, his breath was on my cheek as he said, “I’ll take the solids.”

  Slowly, a crack formed. Then just like that, all of my thoughts and worries spilled out.

  Jack frowned. “That’s enough for tonight. Let go, Lexi. It will come. At least now you know what it feels like when I enter your mind. Right?”

  I nodded. It was an invasion. Like someone broke into my locked chamber of secrets and stole my… everything, really.

  Jack sunk three more solids before he missed. He walked over to me, and grabbing my hand, he lifted it and kissed each knuckle. “Your turn.”

  I placed my hand on his chest and pushed him aside. How was I supposed to keep him out of my head when he flaunted those well-sculpted pectoral muscles around and kissed me at every turn?

  He backed up, chuckling under his breath.

  “Something amusing you?”

  Most definitely.

  I missed again. I was starting to see this game for what it was—an exercise in concentrating amidst heavy distractions. If I were truly going to keep Jack out of my head, I had to learn to control my mind subconsciously.

  “Who exactly is Seth?” I aske
d while I waited for my turn.

  Jack shot, sinking the red solid. “Seth is Sandra’s twin brother.”

  Twin? And I’m a clone of Sandra, so therefore... I gave my head a little shake. “He warned me away from you.”

  “Oh yeah? When?”

  “At the nursing home after Dad died. He told me you weren’t who you claimed to be.”

  “He was testing you.”

  “Testing me? How?”

  “He wanted to know if you would run. He was testing your strength.”

  “Did he have something to do with the cloning?”

  “No.” Jack leaned against the pool table. His eyes focused on some spot behind me for a moment before finding my eyes again. I attempted to erect the barrier around my mind again, and believed it was working. Jack continued, “Seth found me when we arrived in Kentucky. He convinced my mother and father that he could take my medical training further. For some reason, they trusted him. Of course, my father knew him, but I didn’t know that at the time.”

  “Since they trusted him, and because of your thirst for knowledge, you what? Let him take your home schooling further?”

  A line formed between Jack’s eyes. “Something like that.”

  Something about Jack’s body language told me I needed to tread lightly where Seth was concerned.

  I tried, but failed to suppress a yawn.

  “You’re tired.” He took my stick from me and placed it on the rack against the wall. He returned and boxed me in against the pool table, placing a hand on either side of my hips. “Bedtime.” He reached a hand and trailed a finger down my cheek, across my lower lip, and down my throat. He leaned in and pressed his lips to mine. The touch was firm; his lips were warm. He slid his fingers through the belt loops of my jeans. His hips pressed into mine.

  My head went all woozy, and I couldn’t process a single thought. Even if only temporary, I forgot everything related to the cloning, genetic manipulation, and murder. My hand snaked around his neck and I threaded my fingers into his hair.

  The connection between us deepened, and I found myself wanting more. So much more.

  But the timing was all wrong.

  He pulled back. His forehead leaned against mine. We were both short of breath, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to stop.

  “I’ll walk you to your room. I want to try something.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  “Stop it. Nothing like that. I’m shocked at how your mind works, Miss Matthews.” He fake-gasped. “I had no idea the places you would allow your thoughts to roam.” He shook his head.