The Year I Became Isabella Anders

  The picture is of a woman holding a little girl, probably around two or three, and they're smiling at something in the distance. They have the same blue eyes and brown hair, looking similar enough that they could be mother and daughter.

  "Who is this? Wait. You think . . ." I blink at Indigo. "You think this is my mom and me?"

  "I'm not sure, but I wonder if it might be. I don't even think your dad knows the photo was in the box. It was rolled up and stuck inside the bottom of a lamp. I actually thought it was a joint at first, but then I pulled it out and . . ." She trails off, staring at the closed garage door. "It was so weird how it was put in there, almost like someone hid it in there."

  "Maybe my dad did it," I say quietly. "Maybe he wanted to keep something of my mother, but he didn't want Lynn to know about it."

  "Maybe. Or maybe your mom put it in there for you to find it."

  "That sounds like a huge stretch. And how would my mom even get a lamp into a box of my dad's old stuff? It doesn't make any sense."

  Her gaze glides to me. "I asked Grandma Stephy why the box was there and she said it your dad asked her to store it for her."

  "Which means he probably put it there." I look down at the photo and swallow hard. We look so happy together. Happy. God, I want to feel it again, how I felt in this photo. "Maybe he's still in love with her, and that's why he hid it."

  "But that doesn't explain why he won't tell you about her," she points out. "Or why you lived with her for three years before she gave you up."

  My lungs ache as I struggle to get air. "Maybe that's because she died. Maybe he took me in because she died, and he keeps this photo because he wants to hold onto her memory."

  "That's deep, Isa." She thrums her fingernails on top of the wheel, frowning. "Maybe a little too deep for your dad."

  "Who knows how deep my dad is?" Tears prickle in the corners of my eyes. "I don't know him."

  "No one really does when you think about it. He's practically secluded himself from the entire family."

  She's right. No one really knows my dad, except for maybe Lynn, who practically controls his every move. I wonder if at one time my mom knew him, though. Like really knew him. Were they happy? How did they end up together? Did she make him laugh? Did he make her smile? Was he the one who took the picture? Did the three of us ever spend time together?

  All questions I may never get the answers to.

  I smash my lips together as I stare at the photo.

  Who are you? Where did you go?

  How do I find you?

  I tuck the photo into my pocket, say goodbye to Indigo, and then climb out of the car. Kai doesn't get out right away, so I open the back door and give him a little shake. His eyelashes flutter open and he blinks at me, disoriented.

  "We're home," I tell him softly.

  He sticks out his hand and wiggles his fingers. "Help me up."

  I grab his hand and tug on his arm. He slides to the edge of the seat and ducks out, bumping his head on the way.

  "Ow." He rubs his head, frowning. "The sad thing is I didn't even feel it."

  "Then why'd you say ow for?" I tease him as I give Indigo another wave and close the door.

  She backs away, her headlights vanishing as she turns onto the road.

  "Because it seemed necessary," Kai replies, belatedly answering my question. He hikes down the driveway, weaving back and forth.

  Concerned he's not going to make it, I hurry after him as he heads for the sidewalk. But right at the last second, he skips to the side and bounds over the fence, clipping his boot on the top bar. His knees bang the fence and he lands on the other side on his back.

  "Shit." I rush over to him and swing my leg over the fence.

  I must be drunker than I thought, because climbing over is a lot more complicated than it should be. But I manage without falling then rush to Kai's side, kneeling in the grass beside him.

  His eyes are closed and he's lying still with his arm draped over his stomach.

  "Are you okay?" I ask, and panic when he doesn't respond. I lean over him and cup his scruffy cheek, trying to remember if he hit his head. "Kai, can you hear me?"

  "No, I think you need to lean a little bit closer," he whispers. Then his eyes pop open and a lazy half grin spreads across his face. "Hey."

  "Hey." I exhale, relaxing. "You scared me."

  "It was just a little fall."

  "Did you hit your head?"

  "I don't think so." His nose twitches as strands of my hair tickle his face. "Your hair smells good. Like cookies."

  "I'm surprised it doesn't smell like beer and sweat." I start to move back, but he combs his fingers through my hair and draws me closer.

  "No, don't go," he whispers, his fingers finding my cheek.

  I realize a second too late what he wants to do, and the lag in my thought process gives his lips just enough time to reach mine.

  I gasp against his mouth as he urges my lips apart with his tongue. Warmth pulls through my veins, steals the air from my lungs, and sends explosions of heat through my body.

  Holy hell almighty. So that's what kissing is about?

  But right as I kiss him back, headlights shine across us as a car pulls into the driveway.

  I trip to my feet and scoot back from him as reality sets in. Oh. My. God. I just kissed Kai.

  Kai sighs, pushing onto his elbows. "Well, this is going to suck."

  At first, I think he's referring to the kiss, but as he gets to his feet, he mutters, "Isa, I'm so sorry you have to see this." Then he places himself in front of me, as if he's protecting me from something.

  Before I can ask, the headlights turn off. I peek over my shoulder as I hear the doors slam. The only light around is from a few street and porch lights, and the moon shining in the sky above us. I can barely make out his parents' silhouettes, but I can feel the tension in the air.

  "What the hell are you doing out here?" Kai's dad asks as he stares Kai down with his arms crossed.

  "I just got back from somewhere," Kai says, sounding so unsure of himself, so unlike the Kai I know.

  "Do you realize how late it is?" his mother asks. "No, I don't even want to hear you try to lie your way out of this. Of course you know how late it is. But just like always, you don't care if you worry us."

  "You were looking for me?" Kai asks, surprised.

  "No. We were at an event," his mother replies curtly. "But what if we had been looking for you? Imagine how worried we would've been."

  "Yeah, I don't think you would've been that concerned." Kai yawns and then shakes his head, getting sleepy again.

  "Are you drunk?" His mother huffs, tapping her foot against the concrete.

  Kai doesn't even try to lie his way out of it. "I'm sorry."

  "Dammit, Kai. How many times have I told you if you're going to act like a loser then don't come home," his dad snaps. "Why do you have to be such a fuck-up? Kyler never put us through this shit. Why can't you be more like him, instead of such a fucking loser all the time? Why don't you try making our lives simple, instead of so damn hard all the time? Fuck!" His dad kicks the tire.

  "Because then we wouldn't get to have these little chats of ours," Kai mumbles under his breath.

  "Get your damn ass in the house," his dad growls as he points to the door. "Right now, before I make you."

  Sighing, Kai gives me a little push back toward the fence before he walks toward the house with his shoulders hunched. I slink into the shadows, wondering what will happen if they see me. Luckily, they seem too distracted by Kai. His dad scolds him the entire way to the back steps then slaps him upside the back of his head as they disappear inside.

  Poor Kai. I feel so bad for him. He sounded so beaten down, like he'd heard the speech a million times. It reminds me so much of the way I react to situations, so I know how terrible he's probably feeling right now. I want to go knock on the door and give him a hug, but know it'll probably just upset his parents more.

  I make a promise t
o myself that even if things are awkward tomorrow, which I'm guessing after the kiss they will be, that I'll give him that hug or something.

  I DRANK MORE than I thought at the party, and end up spending almost the entire next day in bed. I keep having the same dream, where someone sneaks into my room while I'm sleeping and stares down at me in my bed, holding a paintbrush. Around six o'clock or so, I wake up and realize where the dream came from. The second I open my eyes and fully come out of dreamland, my nostrils are assaulted by paint fumes. I sit up, look around for where the smell is coming from, and then smile.

  A partially finished mural is painted on the wall opposite my bed. The colors are bright and form a city, yet the shadows and fine lines give it a darker, gothic vibe. Standing in front of the industrial scene is a girl who resembles one of my superheroes in my sketches. She's wearing a cape with has her hands on her hips and a look in her eyes that reads: I'm about to kick your ass.

  I roll out of bed, grab my leather jacket from the floor, and dig out my phone. I have one new message, and without even thinking, I open it.

  T: U better pay up soon or u r going to get fucked up. Don't make me remind u what we did to DG.

  I reread the message again then realize I have Kai's phone. I pick up my jacket again and fumble through my pockets until I find my phone. They look almost identical, but I have no clue how I ended up with both.

  I set his phone on the nightstand and plug mine in, since the battery is dead. What I read in Kai's message haunts my thoughts as my phone boots up. Who's this T person? And why are they threatening Kai? And what the hell did they do to this DG guy? It has me really worried about him and what he's done to piss off people who are sketchy enough to threaten him.

  Once I get my phone on, I plant my ass down on my bed and send Indigo a message.

  Me: I can't believe u did all of that while I was sleeping. It's beautiful. Thanks so much!

  Indigo: U R welcome! After last night, I thought u could use some cheering up.

  Me: I totally could :) U r the best.

  Indigo: I know. And FYI, u sleep like a rock. Seriously, I thought the fumes would wake u up, but nope.

  Me: I was really hungover.

  Indigo: I figured as much. Speaking of hangovers, how's your cute friend doing?

  Me: I'm guessing u mean Kai.

  Indigo: He's such a sweetie, Isa. Screw this Kyler dude. U should totally b going out with him.

  Me: U haven't even met Kyler, so how can u say that?

  Indigo: I don't have to meet Kyler. The way u and Kai were together was enough.

  Me: I'm not going for either brother.

  Indigo: Liar. U still have your sights set on Kyler. I can tell.

  Me: He did ask me to go to his game yesterday.

  I get hyped up and excited just thinking about it.

  Indigo: Holy shit! Why didn't u text me?

  Me: I got sidetracked with Kai and the party, but I was gonna tell u.

  Indigo: Got distracted with Kai and the party. Interesting . . .

  Me: And on that note, I have to go.

  Indigo: Liar! U r just running from the truth about u and Kai!

  Me: There's no truth to me and Kai, because there's no me and Kai. We r just FRIENDS!

  Indigo: That's how all true loves start.

  Me: TTYL, matchmaker. I have to go take care of some stuff.

  I put down my phone, feeling flustered over all the stuff she said. Kai may be cute and charming--and yeah, we shared that drunken kiss last night that made my body tingle in ways I don't understand--but I've never thought of him in the way Indigo was implying until she implied it. Now my mind is all overloaded with thoughts of me and Kai doing more than just kissing. It makes me really confused about myself, what I want, and what the hell I'm doing.

  "Dammit, Indigo." I climb out of bed, grab a black shirt, a white skirt, and my gladiator sandals, and then head to the bathroom to take a shower and hopefully clear my mind.

  By the time I'm all showered and cleaned up, I feel much better. But as I make it downstairs, my good mood goes kerplunk.

  Hannah is in the kitchen, and she's not alone. With her are Val, one of her friends from high school, and a beefy guy I've never met before.

  "Oh look, it's Isabella Smellera," Hannah sneers as she slams the fridge door.

  Val giggles as she collects a plastic cup from off the countertop. "Nice one, Hannah."

  "You know that nickname doesn't bother me anymore," I say to her quietly as I cross the kitchen and head for the backdoor.

  "Keep telling yourself that." Hannah removes the plastic off a vegetable tray and opens a cup of ranch dip.

  I note all the alcohol bottles on the kitchen table and the shiny pink shoes and glittery black dress she's wearing. "Are you having a party?"

  "Yep. Sure am. And you're not invited." Hannah readjusts her boobs, and Beefy Dude grins as he watches. "So you better find someplace else to sleep."

  "You can't kick me out of my own house," I say, grabbing the doorknob.

  "I can't, huh? How about I just text Mom and Dad and find out how they feel?" She laughs snidely when I remain silent. "Yeah, that's what I thought. So get your shit and get out of here."

  I fight every damn urge in my body to go back and ninja kick the crap out of her.

  "Oh and Isa?" Hannah says, and I grind my teeth until my jaw hurts. "Did you find the present I left for you on your bed?"

  I want to ask her why she gave it to me, what her motive was, but that'd be asking for more taunting and ridicule, so I shut my eyes and suck in a huge breath of air. Don't let her get to you. Just walk away, Isa. I yank open the door and step outside, her laughter hitting my back.

  I shove all thoughts of Hannah aside as I head over to the Meyers' to return Kai's phone to him. As I hike up the driveway, Indigo's texts ring through my head and nerves bubble in my stomach.

  "You don't like Kai like that," I mutter to myself as I march up the porch stairs to the backdoor. "You're just friends. You're just friends." I knock on the door, and when it swings open, Kyler stands in the doorway.

  He's wearing dark jeans and a red t-shirt that brings out the color in his eyes. His hair is all crazy, like he's been stressed out and pulling on the roots. He looks so sexy right now that I can't stop ogling him.

  "Hey, Isa." He places his hand on his head and flattens down the crazy hair.

  Hearing him say my name makes my heart thud deafeningly inside my chest, and blood roars in my eardrums at the sight of him.

  "Is Kai here?" I want to jump up and down that my voice came out steady.

  "You actually just missed him." He braces his palms on the doorframe and I try not to gawk at his flexed arm muscles. "What'd you need him for? Maybe I can help."

  My fingers tremble slightly as I stuff my hand into my jacket pocket and grab Kai's phone. "I'm not sure how it happened, but somehow during the mass confusion that was last night, I ended up with his phone."

  He takes the phone from me, his forehead creasing. "You guys hung out last night?"

  "Yeah, we went to a party one of his friends had." And then kissed in the driveway, but he doesn't need to know that.

  He glances up from the phone and at me, his confusion deepening. "You went to one of his friends' parties?" he asks and I nod, puzzled, because . . . well, he's puzzled. "Isa, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I don't think you should be hanging out with Kai's friends. They'll get you into trouble."

  I don't know whether I'm touched that he's looking out for me or annoyed that he thinks I'm too naive to take care of myself. "It was just one party. I don't really hang out with them."

  "Okay, it's just that . . ." He massages the back of his neck. "You've never really hung out with Kai up until recently, so I just wanted to warn you that he hasn't been making the best choices lately."

  "Thanks for the warning." I start back down the stairs, surprisingly relieved to be getting away from the uncomfortable conversation.
r />   "Hey, what are you doing for the next couple of hours?" he asks before I can make my escape.

  I stop on the bottom stair and turn around. "I was actually going to head home and blog for a little while. Then I probably have to find a way to get over to my grandma's so I can crash there for the night."

  "How come you need a place to crash?" he asks, glancing over at my house.

  "Hannah's having a party, and I'm not allowed there while she has one." I shrug, wondering if he's going to act all offish now because I brought up Hannah.

  He pats the doorframe a couple of times. "If you want to wait for me to get done baking, I can give you a ride."

  "Really?" Tap dances and fist pumps all around. "That'd actually be super great." Face-palm. Seriously? What the hell is with all the 'supers' every time I'm around him?

  He motions for me to come inside as he steps back into the washroom.

  I jog up the stairs, squeeze by him into the house, and take a whiff of the air. "What are you baking?"

  He shuts the door then moves past me and into the kitchen. "Chocolate chip cookies." When I start to grin, he adds, "Don't get too excited. I've never done this before, so I'm not sure how they're going to turn out." He stops in front of the island that's covered with bowls, spoons, eggshells, and layers of flour. "Maybe you could help me out. I know how much you like sweet stuff. Every time you came over here, you always ate all the cookies."

  I'm surprised he remembers that about me.

  "I don't think I'll be any help," I tell him apologetically. "I like to eat them, but I suck at baking."

  He picks up a spoon and looks over a page of a cookbook. "I'm sure the two of us can figure it out, if we put our heads together."

  "Okay, we can try that." I stand beside him anyway. I recollect all the times Lynn baked cookies and how she did it, but since she never let me help her when I asked, I lack great knowledge on cooking. "Where are you at in the recipe?"

  "I'm not sure." He licks batter off the spoon and then gags. "God, that's disgusting."

  "That's because you basically just ate eggs and flour." I peer into one of the mixing bowls then cover my mouth, trying not to laugh at the bubbling goo inside.

  "Is it that bad?" he asks, setting the spoon down.

  I shake my head, but laughter is choking me to death. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't be laughing."

  "No, you really should." He laughs with me. "This is such a disaster."