WWIV - In The Beginning

Our group of seven sat solemnly in Ted’s garage. The sun had just set. In three corners propane lanterns burned brightly. Those were the only bright spots tonight. We all nibbled at whatever food we could easily find. Thankfully, Alice got her grill going so at least we could boil some water to cook noodles. Appetites were small, so it didn’t really matter.

  Charles ended our long silence from his chair in the corner. “Think those hooligans will be back tonight, Bill?” I looked up and shrugged.

  “Ted?” I asked. I’d missed the action after all.

  Ted glanced up from his seat next to Jim and Alexis. He shrugged. “No idea. I don’t know why they would, but I don’t know that for sure.” He stared from face to face. Jim looked calm, but he was the only one. Everyone else looked like they wanted to puke.

  Alexis stood and stared at the dark night outside of the open garage. “Bill, you’re back now. That gives us one more gun at least. That’s good, right?” My eyes bore a hole in the garage floor. Crap, not this.

  Slowly I brought my attention to the group. “I’m gone tomorrow morning. Back on the road to Milwaukee.” I noticed a few stares and looks of disbelief, betrayal. “I only came back because I forgot my gun. That’s all.” I felt my stomach tie another loop around itself. “Milwaukee’s my destination. I need to get there.”

  I expected an argument. Searching the faces of my friends I only found pity, maybe resentment, perhaps a little disappointment. But no one said a word. We sat quiet for the next hour. The silence was uncomfortable, at least for me. Ted finally came over and knelt next to me.

  “I understand. I don’t necessarily like it, but I understand, Bill. We all do.” He patted my knee and went inside of the house. Alice nodded from her corner, as did the Johnson’s. Alexis and Jim were caught in some sort of stare down. Finally, I saw Jim’s eyebrows flash and Alexis nodded. She stood and smiled my direction.

  “Bill, can you help me grab a couple things from my house? If we’re going to be in the garage all night, Jim and I need a sweatshirt and some jeans.” She extended her hand in my direction.

  I smiled and rose. “Sure. I’m more than happy to help.” As hard as leaving was on me, my neighbors and friends fully supported my decision. It made me feel good and decent again.

  Grabbing one of Ted’s lanterns, I illuminated the path for Alexis and me to her house. Once inside she went upstairs and turned towards me quickly. I stopped and stared.

  “Bill,” she started, “I need to talk to you about something.”

  “Sure. What is it, Alexis?” She seemed rational.

  She thought for a minute before continuing. “What would it take for you to change your mind and stay here with us, in Woodbury?” Protection; she wanted another set of hands to ensure their safety.

  “I need to go, Alexis. I need to find my family.” I watched as she looked down briefly and shook her head. “Come on, Alexis. I’ve been honest about this all along. This shouldn’t be a shock to you.” Her gaze came back to meet mine.

  “What do you need?” Her words sounded cold and precise.

  “I’m not staying.”

  Anger flashed across her face. “Come on. Get over it. If you go out on the road you’re dead within a week. A guy stopped by here earlier looking for Scott and Betty. He said all the roads south of here are covered with looters. You need to stay.” My hand covered my mouth as I pondered her news.

  “We don’t know that for sure. It’s just one guy with one opinion.” Actually this was at least the second time I’d heard this news recently.

  “Just stay. You’ll live that way. And we can be better protected here. Ted and Charles are worthless in a fight. You and Jim could handle almost anything that comes along.” She stepped closer. “You don’t need to prove anything to anyone. I know you’re a brave man. I know you’ll make the right choice. Jim says we need you and I agree. So stay and live. Please?” She rubbed my arm as she finished. My face hardened.

  “I’m going. That’s my family. I need them as much as they need me. No discussion, Alexis.” She ground her teeth and flailed her arms, flabbergasted.

  “Wake up you moron. You can have whatever you want, whatever you need. Instead of a pointless death march, you’ll be alive – with me by your side.” I’d heard this speech before. Except then it was the take me with you variety.

  “No, again, no. I need Sharon and Jim needs you. Get it?” She smiled at me. She actually smiled in the middle of the heated conversation.

  “You don’t get it. Jim told me I was to do whatever it takes to convince you to stay and fight with us. Anything. You want more children? They’re yours. I’ll give them to you. Is that what it’ll take?” Standing in our small circle of light, she stared intensely. “Jim wants to live and he wants me to live. It’s that simple, Bill. It’s not going to get better. What happened this morning is going to be our new way of life. So choose life.” She sounded completely rational, and mostly calm. I thought for a moment.

  “No. I told you before I’m not that guy. I can’t; I won’t. Period.” I nodded and looked past her. “Now let’s grab your stuff so we can get back over there.” As I passed her in the hall, she grabbed my arm, spinning me back at her.

  “Don’t be stupid,” she said slowly and sternly. “I will give you whatever you want, including life - yours and more – to stay. What more could you possibly ask for? That stupid wife of yours? Really? The one who walks all over you, every single day of your life? The one who’s always looking for something better?” I reached out to stop her diatribe, but she tore her arm away. “Or those kids of yours? The ones who never, ever listen to you? Those brats that take up all your time and give you nothing in return?” She stared viciously deep into my soul. She had more.

  “What? You don’t think I know?” Alexis let out an evil laugh. “Right, Bill. I know just how wonderful your life really is. I know all about it. Every fight, every sarcastic hurtful thing Sharon has ever said. Every time you’ve spoken to those two devils and they ignored you.” I stared at my neighbor, hurt. “Oh, I’m sorry. You didn’t think I heard every time one of those two screamed at you? Told you how much they hated you?” She smirked. “I watch, Bill. I pay attention. When they left last month, I saw how they said goodbye to you. They hardly hugged you; Sharon avoided your kiss. You waved goodbye, like the good father you are, and not one of them waved back. No words, no wave, no nothing.” Finishing, Alexis stepped closer.

  My head spun so fast I couldn’t put together a sentence. Not even a one-word retort. Everything she laid in front of me was true. Every last word. I tried to start again but couldn’t find my voice. Slowly, she took my hands and raised them to her face, kissing them lightly.

  “It’ll be okay, Bill. I’ll take care of you. And I promise I’ll never treat you like she did, like they did. Never.” With complete resoluteness, she gazed at me and nodded slowly. My heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. My life suddenly seemed worthless. Seemed, hell – it was worthless. I closed my eyes to collect my thoughts.

  “What you say is mostly true, Alexis. Maybe I don’t get back all that I give. Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I do need a new start.” I paused, words caught in my throat. “But I need to try and fix this. For my family. That’s all I have left in the world.” Tears streaked my cheeks. Alexis’s head slumped.

  “You’ve got to be the biggest idiot in the world then, Bill.” She looked up. “You could have anything here. Whatever you want, it’s yours for the taking. Food, water, shelter, safety … me. But instead, you choose to go out on the road and die. Real smart. And what do we get in return? A death sentence, personally delivered by Bill Carlson. That’s just great Bill. Just great.” She leaned over, picked up the lantern and went to her bedroom. I heard her rummaging through a dresser.

  I turned and somberly made my way out of Alexis’s house, Alexis’s life, and back to Ted’s.

  Chapter 15