Fitting In (Is Hard to Do) Semester 1

IT WAS 3AM AND Josiah looks as if he was up to stay and ready to play. It was nights like this; I wished my mother didn’t have to work, especially nights. I lie Josiah on the bed and grabbed his bag of diapers to get ready to change him. It was only one diaper left. This was not going to last him until 8:00 in the morning.

  I searched the house and his diaper bag for more, but no luck. The one diaper would have to suffice and I would have to cross that bridge when I got to it.

  After changing Josiah’s diaper, I ran into the kitchen to fill up his bottle and of course there wasn’t any formula left either. I filled Josiah’s bottle with tap water hoping that it would satisfy him until I could get more Similac.

  I dreaded going into Papi’s room to wake him, but Josiah needed his essentials and there was no other way around it. I tried to feed him the water, but it only worked for a millisecond. Josiah began to cry and fidget.

  I stand at my parents’ bedroom door staring into the blackness and calling out to my father. “Papi.” I call him a few more times before turning on the lights to find the room empty.

  I look out the window but his car wasn’t in the driveway. I dial his cell phone a few times but it went straight to voicemail. I was panicking, not because my father wasn’t here because he did that from time to time. Bothering my mother at work, was not a choice for me. I didn’t want to stress her out any more than I already had.

  I text Quincy a few times to see if he’d text me back, but he didn’t. I don’t blame him; it was after three in the morning.

  Josiah didn’t want the water or his binky. I knew he wanted his milk and could tell he was getting hungry. I swallow hard and dial Roman’s cell, but he didn’t answer either.

  I sit on the edge of my bed holding onto Josiah. I rock back and forth until tears streamed down my face. I feel so alone right now as if nobody in this world gave a damn about me. The more I cry, the louder Josiah cried.

  My cell chimed, and I picked it up without checking the caller ID. “Hello?” I sniffle into the receiver.

  “Hey…” there was a pause in the caller’s voice. “What’s wrong? Everything okay?”

  “No!” My sniffling burst into crying again, when I hear Roman’s voice.

  “Calm down…” There was shuffling over the phone as if Roman was trying to reposition himself. “Tell me what’s wrong?” His caring tone soothed me and I try to explain my situation to him the best I could.

  “Okay, so you need some milk and diapers?” Roman sounded more awake.

  “Yeah.”

  “What kind?”

  “It doesn’t matter.” I knew beggars couldn’t be choosey.

  “Babe, I ain’t never bought no milk or diapers before, so you’re going to have to help me out here.” He laughs a little but I could tell that he was sleepy and tired.

  I explained to him what to get, and he was knocking on my door in less than twenty minutes. When I see him standing there, I just wanted to hug him for coming to my rescue.

  “Them other rugrats still sleep?” Roman asked referring to my little brothers. He followed me into the kitchen and sat the bag on the kitchen table.

  “Yes, thank God!” I was still rocking Josiah trying to keep him calm.

  Roman touched my face. “You look tired as hell.”

  “Thanks a lot.”

  “I don’t mean it like that.” Roman lifts up the container of Similac. “The lady at the store said you didn’t have to do anything to this one. Whatever that means. But I got you the can ones too.”

  I cried all over again and my eyes were so puffy they looked as if they were swollen.

  “No… no… no! Don’t do that. Shhhh.” Roman used his fingers to wipe away the already fallen tears from my face. “Hand me the baby and you do whatever you got to do with all that stuff there.” He points to the milk on the table.

  I used the already made Similac and pour it into a clean bottle for Josiah. When I had gotten to my room, Roman was spread out on my bed with Josiah fast asleep on his chest.

  “How’d you do that?”

  “I got the magic touch.” That made me smile and even giggle a little. I walk over to get Josiah and lay him in his crib. “No… don’t touch him.” Roman swat my hands away. “He cool right now. Lock the door and come lay down. I wouldn’t want your daddy running up on me with my eyes closed.

  I lock my bedroom door and lie down on the other side of Roman and Josiah. Even though Roman had his eyes closed, it was hard for me to close mine. I kept having vision of Josiah rolling off Roman and onto the floor. “Maybe I should just put him in his crib?”

  “What are you scared about?” Roman opens one eye and looked at me. “Here, would you feel better if I put your brother on this pillow between us?”

  It made me a little more comfortable but as soon as I closed my eyes, they popped back opened. “You’re not going to tell Symphony about this are you?”

  “Now why would I do that? You must think I’m crazy.” Roman closed his eyes again. “Now go to sleep ‘cause I got a feeling he’ll be waking up soon.”

  For a moment, looking at Roman and Josiah sleep, life seemed pretty peaceful. I close my eyes and finally slept.

  ♥♥♥

  “What time did you get home?!”

  I open my eyes to Mami yelling. I jerk when I didn’t see Josiah or Roman in the bed. For a split second I wondered if it were all a dream but it didn’t account for why I still didn’t see Josiah in his crib.

  I jump up and search his crib, even lifting up the thin layer of his blanket as if he would be under there. My mind was running a mile a minute. Did Roman steal my baby brother? I drop to the floor crushing my kneecaps against the hardwood floor. I look under the bed to see if Josiah had fallen and rolled under the bed. Nothing! I panicked. I had searched every inch of this room and still came up with nothing. I had become a raging mad woman.

  I didn’t bother to knock on my arguing parents’ door, I just barged in. I looked inside. Nothing. For a split second, my parents stopped arguing and looked at me as if I was crazy.

  I ran into the living room and without thinking, I snatch Josiah from Justin’s arms. “What do you think you’re doing!?” I was a mad mama bear protecting her cub.

  “I was feeding him!”

  “We’ll don’t!” I snap at my brother, which made Josiah scream.

  “He’s not just yours ya know! He’s my brother too!”

  I knew I was wrong for snatching Josiah away from Justin like that but at that moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was running on fumes of adrenaline.

  “What’s going on in here?” My mother ran into the living room. “Give the baby back to Justin so you can get some sleep. Your eyes are all puffy.”

  “Okay.” I calm myself down and gave Josiah back to Justin and went back into my room to lie down.

  I wondered what time Roman had left and if anyone had seen him. I wanted to call or text him because I don’t remember if I had thanked him or not. I dial his number and he picks up on the second ring.

  “Why are you calling my man’s phone?” Symphony didn’t say hello or anything, just straight to the third degree.

  “Well hello to you too!” I said with a playful tone trying to sound as innocent and naïve as I could. She didn’t respond. But I heard her breathing into the receiver. “I was looking for you.” I lied.

  “How is that when you haven’t even attempted to dial my number or even text me, Hunter?” I had no excuse or reason I could give her. “And I see you called around 3am this morning!”

  “Dang! You all in his phone ain’t you?”

  “You damn right!” She popped her gum in my ear. “So what the hell you want?”

  “What is you doin’?” I hear Roman ask her from the background. “She was looking for Q. Why else would she be calling me?

  “I don’t know. You tell me.”

  I left them to argue amongst themselves and hung up the phone because my mother walked into my room and sat on the edge
of my bed. “Hey, are you okay?”

  “I’m fine.” I turn and see Papi standing in the doorway.

  “You were probably up with Josiah all night again, huh?”

  I looked at my father and wondered if my parents were trying to catch me in some type of trap. “Y-yeah.” I hesitated.

  Papi continued to stand in the doorway not saying a word with his arms folded across his chest. The way he looked, I was sure he’d had a run in with Roman after seeing him in my bed.

  “I hate to ask you this, but…” My mother paused before she finished her question.

  “Mami, I can explain-?” I know I was about to hear it now. What was I supposed to do? I don’t have a car and I couldn’t get a hold of either of them. I know I was wrong on so many levels having Roman in my bed, but I couldn’t just throw him back on the street when he was already tired and the only living soul who helped me.

  “Let your mother finish!” Papi barked interrupting my mid-confession.

  “Explain what?” My mother looked at me quizzically and then at my father.

  “Just ask her!”

  “Was Papi home, last night?”

  ♥♥♥

  OCTOBER

  18 CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  GAME DAY

  Westbrook Tigers vs. Cedarville Cougars